he has now been a trc trainee for a little over a month and its still all very surreal for him. to think a month ago he was just getting use to it all, just getting over the shock of winning a competition. when he hadn’t even really thought he would get anything. it’s so weird to think about sometimes. but he can’t say he isn’t happy. that he hasn’t enjoyed it.

the last month was hard. between getting use to his new schedule of a trainee and trying to balance that with school and homework as well as trying to keep a social life of some kind. eventually just realizing that his social life was now trainee life too. 

he’s just glad hyojeong got signed too. that the two of them can keep in contact and hang out easily still. especially with nova’s building being closer to home. it’s nice. 

over all, getting use to training wasn’t too difficult. dancing was similar to orion practices which he had been doing for over a year. as well as just dancing with hyojeong in general, the two of them spending at least one day in the week locked away in a studio for hours on end. and being in sopa meant he had been getting use to practicing over performance skills. so the only difference was how intense trc training can be.

there’s a reason the company is the hardest to get into. 

for his evaluation he had chosen a popular song by a popular group. a girl group, as is his specialty. even as a busker he was known for being able to cover girl group songs better than he does boy group ones generally. 

the idea to do fancilicious had come to mind because it had also been the next dance he wanted to learn to busk. so he figured he could get it done now. 

거기 너 I fancy you 아무나 원하지 않아 Hey, I love you (Love ya) 그래 너 I fancy you 꿈처럼 행복해도 돼 'Cause I need you (What?) Fancy you 누가 먼저 좋아하면 어때 Fancy you 지금 너에게로 갈래 Fancy

his muse for this evaluation--this being the first meaning he really has no idea how its going to go or what they wanted from him--had been a very adorable boy who lately has been on hyunjoons mind more often than not. 

ever since they had that sleepover together where hyunjoon had ended up giving dongju his spare ds and animal crossing game, the teen has been unable to get dongju out of his mind. though he supposes it’s not bad to be thinking on him so much. but it does make hyunjoon a little frustrated because he just doesn’t know what to do about the feelings he so obviously has.

how he fancies dongju. 

매일매일 난 정말 아무것도 못하네 oh my Mayday 이러다 큰일 낼 것 같은데 Bang bang 머리가 홀린 듯 reset이 돼 어쩌면 좋아 이게 맞는건지 몰라 S.O.S Swim swim 너란 바다에 잠수함이 돼 매일이 birthday 달콤해 너와 나의 fantasy Dream dream 마치 꿈같아 볼 꼬집어봐 요즘 나의 상태 메세진 랄랄라 baby

he’s glad he had gone with fancilicious of all the tooice songs he knows or wants to know. it’s still cute as is the theme of most of their songs. but this one isn’t as cutesy as like what is love or even likely. which he had also considered. and while hyunjoon has done cute songs before ( his fans always lose it when he does them, which normally gets them good tips ) he didn’t want to give an overly cute impression to the instructors in trc. 

heo hyunjoon is not cute. and he really doesn’t want anyone to think that way.

he’s the triple threat of the hardest company to get in, they need to see that he has skills--and ever expanding on those skills--and the right image. the right style. to fit into this company. he can’t be known as the one who is cute. but he doesn’t mind them knowing he can do cute dances. and cute performances.

though he did do a rather cool performance for the competition stage so maybe this would help show more sides of him. regardless.

he chose this song, and he went full out in expression and cute moves. 

the vocals and the choreography and and of themselves are not exactly the most difficult in the world. there aren't any vocal gymnastics to worry about, and a lot of the dance moves are contained to one spot, repeating often. but the hard part comes in being able to carry herself with the same confidence and charisma that katie lee herself did when the song came out. she was absolutely spell-binding, commanding attention at all times, never once losing the interest of whoever might be watching.

that's the kind of stage presence she aspires to achieve, and that's what she has to pull off in order for this evaluation to go over well.

in order to do that, she'd pulled inspiration right out of beyonce's book. she recalled reading an interview in which the diva explains her alter ego, how it's another form of herself, allowing her to take on an entirely different persona than who she actually is off stage. and while momo can always hope to be this seductive, confident, charismatic person everyone wants to be or be with, she knows deep down who she really is.

so she creates an alter ego of her own. scarlett is fierce and strong and confident and sensual, and unapologetic about all of it, but most important of all, she's fearless. she has no reservations, no anxiety, yearns for no one's approval but her own, an idealized version of katie lee.

and she's absolutely freeing.

it's easier to act a part than she realized, and seeing life through another person's eyes, performing as a different person is an exhilarating experience. in this persona, she doesn't have to worry about perfection, doesn't have to worry about hitting each move with exact precision, doesn't have to worry about hitting each note exactly right. she's there to have fun, to show personality, to take command of a stage. and, if she may say so herself, she's doing a damn good job of doing it.

the ending of her performance comes far too soon, yet she also can't help but feel relief once it is. she walks out of the room with scarlett still on tow. initially, she'd only planned on keeping her around for this one evaluation, but after having experienced what it's like firsthand, she thinks she's going to keep her around.

as time progressed, rose saw herself becoming more and more idol appropriate material. she often looks back, wondering if seo jisub saw that potential in her on the day she won the kt and royal contest, guitar in her clutch. she showed no true star potential, other than the fact that she could obviously sing and play guitar. in two years, she’s been given ample opportunity to polish the skills she knows and does well, all while learning to do things she hadn’t been able to do before or do well. dancing is one of those things. the only dancing rose ever did was in the club and well, those days are very much beyond her. it’s strange for rose to see the change in herself; she never perceived herself becoming this person. she never saw herself wanting to change and grow in this light. it’s strange to her that she’s happier like this. that this feels right.

her month is divided up equally, firstly she learns each and every word of the song, perfecting it before then moving on to the routine. it’s not an overly hard routine, she admits that. rose knows she could of probably gone for something a bit more challenging but she couldn’t resist not doing this song for this challenge. it’s a bit more forward of a routine for a song like such, but it’s feminine and emotive and that’s what rose feels is right. the last two weeks of the month, leading up to the evaluation are spent in the dance studio; rose singing aloud whilst moving to the beat of the song, synching her movements up to the sound of her voice. albeit, it’s messy at first but come the final few days; it’s as though this song was somehow made for her.

rose turns up to royal entertainment on the day of the actual evaluation in all white, blonde hair pulled back into a low ponytail. she looks shiny and new, no scuffs on her sneakers, no marks on her crop top or her white denim jeans. rose looks like a mistake waiting to happen but she thankfully remembered some other clothes she could change into afterward; they wouldn’t stay white for the entire day. she knew that much from experience. after being given the green light to enter the dance studio, she bows and speaks with the trainers briefly, answering their queries before she is asked if she’s ready to perform. she throws them a thumbs up, getting into starting position, standing upright; looking directly at them. her glare though is delicate.

her movements are sharp, yet soft. rose had to adjust the choreography to accommodate her dancing alone, as the original was meant for a quartet. she knows that without others around her, the depth element of the routine is lost. but with sacrifice, comes good. rose gracefully slides down into the splits, the choreography calling for ground work. initially, she believed it to be difficult to get the words out and keep herself sounding clear, but rose succeeds, sounding loud, keeping her cool and remaining professional. amidst the routine, she almost wishes she had given herself a challenge, but she knows there will be a time and a place for that.

the lead up to the chorus has the beat of the song picks up, a perfect opportunity for a crowd to clap along. the movements continue to be sharp, although departing from soft and flowy. the chorus is jarring to first time listeners, although rose continues to dance, her voice is powerful, emotive. i don’t know what to do without you. rose thinks back to a time when she would of heavily related to this song; when there were certain people she couldn’t be without. and to think that many have come and gone, things have happened and she’s overcome change, to think that she would still be here by the end of it all; standing, strong and happier than ever.

it was not her dramatic attributes speaking, for it was a fact written on stones and stars. it is her singing that continues to keep her afloat because heaven knows she is not exactly thriving in her dancing abilities. she is grateful that mostly every performance they are tasked with every month requires adequate singing skills of some sort, as each one gives her something to be proud to show. this month is definitely one of them.

having been a theatre aficionado since her youth means she’s a professional when it comes to performing live for an audience. at twenty-three, it already comes without pressure. the only difference this time around is that she has to sing live with difficult choreography - something she has never quite achieved yet in all her glory days of musical theatre. she supposes that this is where her one year and almost a half of being an idol trainee comes in, though, for she does not feel the nerve-wrecking performance day anxieties as she would once have.

although truth be told, her confidence in herself makes it hard for her to remember when she has ever been frozen with the jitters.

her time comes and she enters the room with an air of certainty. the hard days were over and her absolute exhaustion had come and gone. while she feels somewhat a little out of step still with her normal energy levels having not yet returned, she knew she could do well with was given to her this day. dressed in lace and girly frills, she bows at the coaches before moving to position. they wasted no time and as soon as she music starts, her body moves as if on autopilot.

save me, save you is fast paced song and one that kicks off with a dance portion at the very beginning. her arms are flying about in a graceful manner, hair moving as quickly as she shifts from one position to another. it was hard having to match her arm movements with that of her foot but by the very least she manages and with that, she starts singing. 

jisoo sings with the confidence of a vocalist - her voice melodically loud and clear. it is never quite an easy task performing something that is meant to be shared with nine other people but she knows she’s capable of doing a fantastic job handling all the singing parts. it is something that she makes sure her coaches know, her voice steady with each verse and despite following intricate choreography.

the chorus is undoubtedly her favorite part. the corners of her mouth lifts up in a small smile once it starts and it is evident that she is enjoying what she’s performing. it seems as though she can forget the tiring process it took her in exchange for nearly four minutes of performance bliss.

it comforts her greatly knowing that she seems to be doing a stellar job. while her dancing is not perfectly on point, she knew it could pass expectations for a non-dancer like herself. jisoo also stopped singing during the rapping parts because she could never quite bring herself to do them. in her defense, she’s just playing it safe. beyond those little drawbacks, her singing is what she’s most proud of; how it managed to be wonderfully stable despite all the dancing makes her heart swell. it makes her think about how far she’s come and how well she has improved. it makes her thing about the future possibilities - whether it be on this type of stage or for the one that her heart calls out for. it is safe to say that she’s looking out for both.

in a few seconds, she reaches the climax of the song. she sings the high note with ease, a sense of satisfaction weaving its way into her system and manifesting itself in the manner that she dances. a confident flair merges with her movements and she wraps up the performance with a glint behind her eyes.

so, singing and dancing at the same time. perfect! both things that he wasn't actually used to. still, a realistic thing to ask from trainees. this was what he should have expected, so seungjoon didn't give himself the right to complain. this is it, bitch. he thought to himself. it's do or die in this terrible world and sometimes doing is dancing and dying is actually dying. he couldn't afford to leave another job behind. he had a family to raise which entailed seungjoon himself and his deflated ego.

those who met him at any point that was sometime after the middle of the previews year had probably met a very confidence version of seungjoon who wasn't afraid to compliment himself at any given time. after that point, he was about the same, except his words weren't as true as they used to be. it was tougher now that he had to prove himself in a place he had never been to and to practice something he had never done before. whining was for the weak, and he could do it when he was alone at home instead of in front of all those people.

he had less time to prepare something than the other trainees. he was signed after the start of the month, so apparently, he was lucky to miss the most intense week of work they ever had, but also an entire week of what could ( probably ) have been the time he wasted suffering and debating each of his life choices. the first few days he has nothing to show, no songs picks or even the start of an idea. during vocal practice, he's made to make simple exercises to pick up the pace and try to learn something. for dancing, he's thought the basic moves anyone should know, and then he wonders if maybe choosing a song with those exact movements would be to his advantage or not. after the class is done he thinks maybe no such thing actually exists.

eventually, he starts to ask other people what they had already picked to find the essence of what was behind a good song choice. seungjoon often ignored any new releases from idol groups, so trying to find something that fit his style was hard to do. ends up only listening to female soloists wasn't that great of a thing when things came to that.

the man eventually hears a recommendation of an older group that he may like, and seungjoon starts his research to some good results. some of their first few songs are too hard for him to sing, and he realizes that from the get-go. it only takes him a little longer to find something that feels about perfect.