To the friends I’ve recently deleted from my life (but really, this is for the people who are still holding on to toxic friendships):

I’m gonna be honest this time. I’m not too busy to see you. I’ve been avoiding you intentionally for quite some time now.

Maybe you like getting drunk too much, and getting blackout drunk on a weeknight when I have work all day tomorrow and a body to take care of is not on any of my to-do lists (it never was in the first place, but you made sure it was the featured activity most nights). Maybe you have a racist, disrespectful significant other that I can’t stand to be around (by the way, no one else can either). Maybe you keep “friends” who encourage grotesque and irresponsible behaviors, who stifle your growth as an individual.

Maybe you drive recklessly without abandon when there are innocent people on the road. Maybe you spend money on frivolous things like booze instead of updating, say, your car’s registration, and maybe you’ve borrowed money from me a few too many times and haven’t paid me back yet (maybe that’s on me). Maybe you still cry like a toddler and blame the people who love you most when you don’t get your way. Maybe you don’t accept the consequences for your own deliberate actions. Maybe your driver’s license says you’re in your 20s, but your behavior says you’re still 14.

Maybe you’re a bad influence on me. And maybe I’m tired of it, and want to grow. Maybe I tried to get you to grow with me, but you squelched the progress too many times, all the while justifying it by saying I’m “not fun anymore.” Maybe.

Maybe the fact of the matter is that you are not a good friend, and I don’t have time to spare for that now. Your time is not more valuable than mine, and I don’t purely exist to absorb all your mistakes so that you don’t have to.

You’re right that you should always make time for those you love. It’s just that this time I’m choosing to love myself. Maybe you’re just going to have to deal with that alone this time.