#ripert

"The great Eric Ripert is here tonight. Eric sure knows how to cook meat, but the only thing he knows how to butcher is the English language. Eric, you’ve been here for 25 years, buy a fucking Rosetta Stone."  — Willie Geist

"Look at all these wonderful chefs... and Rachael Ray. Rachael doesn’t measure any of her ingredients in the kitchen. She just 'guesstimates,' although, to be fair, that orange powder in the Kraft macaroni and cheese box is already measured, so it’s really not that impressive. Rachael Ray is the only person on this stage who can make homemade bread using nothing but store-bought bread. It’s a gift".  — Ted Allen

"Guy, I remember the first time I met you, you taught me how to pronounce your name correctly. Just fit the word 'fee' and 'Eddie,' because no one is more concerned about Italian authenticity than the motherfucker who created Johnny Garlic’s."  — Ted Allen

"Speaking of dicks, let’s get right to the biggest one. Anthony Bourdain, the original culinary gangster, spitting truth to power, taking down the hacks and phonies, all in a $4000-Hermes suit. Tall, silver-haired, handsome and rich. He’s just like Eric Ripert, except you can understand what the fuck he’s saying." — Ted Allen

[To Ted Allen] "What can I say or do to you that’s worse than what your producers do to you on Chopped every fucking episode? You’re fine, you’re fine. But have these motherfuckers ever thought about something called 'production values'? It’s like a porn film. It’s like porn without the porn. You were so much better on Top Chef. You should never have stolen Padma’s stash of weed." — Anthony Bourdain

[To Guy Fieri] "The man, the legend, the guy who just dropped a 500-seat deuce into Times Square ... Look at this thing, look, look! It’s like TGI Friday’s and Nickelback fucked Giant’s Stadium, and out came this. Who put up the money for this?" — Anthony Bourdain