after a stressful finals week—the most grueling one yet, according to your entire friend group, everyone decided to blow off steam at this one famous small bar near the university.

however, you don't feel like going as you need to get some sleep. you haven't slept since yesterday, and having powered through a marathon of a final exam and a capstone presentation. you wanted sleep more than anything else.

but everyone was going, and you're already standing in the middle of a sea of dancing bodies in a cramped, box-like bar with flickering red lights.

your friends had already polished off two fishbowls, and despite your exhaustion, you found yourself leaning into the chaos. still, your legs were heavy from standing, and you kept giggling along with the group while occasionally bumping into unfamiliar bodies. you envy the reserved tables at the far corner of this tiny bar.

when a girl was pulled away from a stool next to you by some guy, you didn't hesitate to claim it. "hey, shotaro is inviting us to hop on a different bar." your friend whispered, suggesting also it was the bar nearby. cons: there are more locals than students.

you shook your head, "the set's better here." pouting towards where the dj was. your friend nooded in agreement.

then, you were pulled you out from the stool as the dj started to hype the crowd. she even rushingly told the bartender for a fishbowl again before moving towards where the fun was.

trying to navigate back to the rest of the group, you collided with a solid figure. he moved with a swift, fluid motion to face you. the guy just slightly bowed his head, as seen from your blurry peripheral vision. you squinted your eyes, already tipsy and polite that you also mirrored his apologetic gesture.

after fifteen minutes of solid dancing to the set, your friends rushed back to the counter to reclaim the fishbowl that's almost forgotten.

they cheered as the third bowl of the night was slid across the wood. you claimed the green straw—the one with the little curl at the top. everyone leaned in at once, all your heads were panning down and sipping on the bowl, making you almost choke on the shared drink.

the guy to your left, sitting calmly on a stool and eating a full rice meal. seriously? still, he got the cue. he handed you a stack of tissues from the dispenser near his plate.

your tipsy state looked down on his plate as you accepted the tissues. you knitted your brows, not in judgment, but in pure, unadulterated confusion.

"oh. i'm drinking. i just need to eat first." he said defensively, noticing your stare. he was clearly in the middle of a mouthful, but still sounded composed.

then, you looked up to where the voice came from. is it the alcohol or he looks actually majestic?

his hair was messy, fluffy to be exact, under that quirky cap that says 'LONELY BOY' he was wearing. his shoulders were incredibly broad, filling out his dark long sleeve in a way that made you lose your train of thought. he looked grounded, calm, and—honestly—way too handsome to be tucked away in a corner of a bar.

at least, he looked friendlier than the guys who shared glances with you tonight. you gave him a friendly, slightly dazed smile and turned back to your friends, who were still preoccupied with the maroon liquid in the bowl.

you knew right then you're going to think of him the rest of night.

"what was that?" your friend asked you, eyeing him.

"he's hot," your other friend added bluntly. you just scoffed.

you grabbed your straw again. "ask for his insta then."

"oh. i will. for you." she smirked, nudging you. "i saw how he looked at you until you walked back here."

you rolled your eyes as you take a long sip. "a guy with a face like that is definitely not single."

"did you even see a girl next to him, though?" your friend countered, giving a playful shrug of her shoulder.

you didn't respond anymore, but deep down, you were hoping. he just looked so out of league for a place like this.

anton definitely didn't want to be here.

it was a busy bar on the least places he'd want to be stuck in. he was naturally more of a chill drinker. he'd prefer to sit down in a quieter setting with a cold glass of beer in hand partnered with deep conversations about anything.

but tonight, he was dragged by his teammates and not his close friends. he had no choice and after protesting multiple times, he’d eventually given in.

"inconvenience is the cost of community," one of his teammates joked before shoving anton to the crowd near the dj.

it was during that push into the fray that he felt someone thud against his back. he turned quickly, and found you who looked like floating in a dream state while clinging to your friend.

you were small compared to him, squinting up at him with a dazed expression. he bowed his head instinctively as a silent apology. your tipsy yet polite state mirrored his gesture. as you disappeared back into the crowd, anton found his eyes trailing after you. thanks to his tall figure, he can easily spot you headbobbing with your friends through the red haze.

anton found himself watching you longer than he intended.

he hasn't drunk anything yet, nor did a pre-game in his dorm. still, at places like this, anton was disciplined. when he saw a stool open up at the counter, he moved for it immediately. ordering a rice meal was definitely normal, and he needed it before fueling any kind of alcohol in his system.

anton was halfway through his meal when he felt a presence to his left. it was you again. you were leaning in with a group, all huddled over the bar's infamous fishbowl like it was a drinking fountain. when you started coughing, he automatically just grabbed the tissue dispenser near his plate because you were definitely looking around for it as you fight for your life.

when you grabbed the tissues from his offering hand, he noticed that you were looking at his plate with a comical confusion that he felt the need to explain himself. "oh. i'm drinking. i just need to eat first," he mumbled through a bite of food.

when you finally looked up at him, anton felt a weird skip in his heart. you gave him this small, friendly smile, enough to cause his world to slightly stop from spinning.

he can only watch your back face to your friends once again, his fork hovering mid-air unnoticed.

the night had just started. one of your friends had finally received her grades for a major subject during that exact moment, and in her excitement, she decided to treat the entire group to two rounds of tequila shots.

after throwing those shots back raw, the bar started to feel suffocatingly hot. the tequila hit you like a freight train.

you planted a drunk kiss on your friend’s cheek, murmuring that you were heading outside to breathe. your head was also starting to throb to the consequence of mindlessly taking those shots.

stumbling slightly you head toward the small exit for a breath of air. the outside dining area a contrast to the happenings inside. it was filled with people calmly drinking to avoid the party, some were smoking, and a few waiting at the sidewalk.

that’s when you saw him again. you find the same guy from earlier leaning against the brick wall, cap pulled low. he seems like he's acting so mysterious but also looks like he's finally enjoying the quiet.

you sank down onto the low stairs, dropping your head into your hands. good lord, tomorrow’s hangover is going to be biblical.

as you massage your forehead, you felt a gaze burning into your side, so you looked up. you lock eyes with the same guy.

you weren't sure if you were drunk to the very brim of your existence or if he was actually walking towards you.

he actually sat down next to you. "too much?" he asks, gesturing to the muffled bass thumping through the walls.

you peeked at him through your fingers. "you're too much close to me right now."

he instinctively recoiled himself. "sorry, i- i didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. i noticed you were-"

his stammering was cut off by your sudden chuckle. "it's fine," then you introduced yourself.

"oh. right. okay. hello, i'm anton. from the swimming team." he slowly scratched his nape. you found it adorable that he has a shy, meeping smile.

"you're not enjoying the night, anton?" you started.

"i actually am. just not a fan of this kind of fun today."

you let out a tiny laugh to what he just said. "well, your cap says lonely boy."

"i mean, it is fun," anton countered softly. "but i get overstimulated easily. i just ran out of social battery." you noticed his voice was just naturally soft-spoken, as your 7th sense trying to drown out the noise from the walls to hear him better.

still, you smiled at him, not giving a damn about your headache.

"i don't want to overstep, but you look a little pale. i mean...not that you don't look good! you do but... yeah." anton stammered until he saw you playfully rolling your eyes.

you end up talking for thirty minutes in the cool air, anton would occasionally wave his palms around to clear the air whenever smoke drifted near you. you both reached the conclusion that you actually hated the party scene and only showed up for your friends.

you were almost sober from all the topics and giggles you have shared with anton. then, you excused yourself signaling that you needed to go back inside. anton looked up at you, but then he stood up even quicker than you did, moving instinctively to assist you.

"do you want me to walk you in? it's pretty rowdy by the door," he asked, voiced laced with consent. your friends are definitely going to kill you. or maybe his situationship (if he has one) will kill you.

"only if you're okay with that." you didn't give him any other signs of responses other than letting him, and went inside.

still, anton wanted to check on you and make sure you made it safely to the restroom on the far side of the bar.

when you were finally done, anton was waiting outside the archway to where the restroom leads. "hey. come with me." and gently guided you through the crowd toward the counter, helping you onto the stool like the gentleman you'd figured he was.

anton handed you a glass of water. you drank it while looking at him softly. he was also watching you, but the longer the silence stretched, the more he had to look away, a faint blush creeping up.

he stood beside you, his long arms resting at the counter, as he leaned down a few inches to be closer to your level.

"feeling better?" anton whispered, the quirk of his lips suggesting he was enjoying your company.

anton noticed you mirrored his smile as you nod in response. "the swimming team might be missing their homeboy though."

he shrugged, not knowing what to say. "i think i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be."

you looked at him, his eyes already crinkling. despite the dark red lights smothering the room, you could see how round and brown his eyes were. there was so much warmth in the shared silence, even in the state of being enveloped by all kinds of noise.

for the first time since anton had been dragged out of his dorm, he wasn't looking at his watch to calculate how many hours of sleep he’d get before the 5 am training.

"you're staring too much," you teased, a playful, sleepy tilt to your head. you're not even sure if you were really lucky to be in this state with a man looking like this.

his small, lopsided smile showed up. "i am actually just staring back." and raised his eyebrows.

"done." you rested the empty glass on the counter, prompting anton to finally relax his posture.

anton felt a sudden heat rush to his ears, and he was thankful for the dim lighting. he was already overthinking the end of the night. his teammates were likely looking for him, and your friends were probably wondering where you’d disappeared to as well.

he wasn't usually the type to initiate anything, but something about the way you'd laughed and observed your surroundings made his chest tighten. he wasn't going to let this encounter become just another distant memory.

you began looking around for any sign of your friends, your fingers gripping the edge of the stool for support. his arm brushed yours on the counter, and you suddenly felt a wave of awkwardness, unsure of how to proceed. you knew you'd regret it the moment you walked out that door if you just left things like this.

you felt him shift beside you. "hey," he said, his voice dropping an octave to cut through a sudden surge in the music. "i’m probably going to have to find my team soon."

you swore your heart froze for a second as he paused. "but i'd really like to get to know you more," he continued. "maybe i could hear more about why you hate that one professor? mostly because i have him next semester. a conversation over coffee sounds nice. would that be okay?"

you stared at him for a few seconds before blurting out a chuckle. "you didn't have to say all of that, anton. you could've just asked for my socials. i wouldn't have hesitated."

anton looked visibly relieved. after you both exchanged handles, you finally spotted your friends waving from a distance.

"it was nice meeting you," anton said, helping you steady yourself as you stood up.

"likewise," you responded, looking up at him with a sweet, tired smile. anton could've sworn his knees weakened at the sight of you.

"tell me when you get home later. if you’re still capable of messaging, that is," he added. he clearly didn't want the night to end, but anton really did need to track down his teammates before they left without him.

"oh, i will. i need to send this gentleman a goodnight text before he has a chance to forget about me," you teased.

anton let out a laugh, his eyes crinkling once again. in the hazy red light, he looked perfect. sooooo perfect.

just as you were about to turn away, anton reached up and pulled the quirky cap from his head. before you could protest, he tucked your messy hair behind your ear and placed the cap firmly on your head, tilting the brim down.

"keep it," he said, his voice low and playful. "now you have a reason to see me again."

you adjusted the cap, the scent of his perfume hitting you instantly. "is this your way of marking your territory, lonely boy?"

"maybe," he grinned, stepping back into the crowd.

you couldn't imagine what would have happened if you had actually refused to come tonight. or if you decided to leave the confines of these four walls just to bar-hop. because then, you never would have had the chance of meeting anton.

all i know is we said hello, and your eyes look like coming home

it almost felt like years since you spent a full winter day at your boyfriend's house. 

waking up and immediately cuddling up to search for any semblance of warmth in one another, making breakfast while your tired boyfriend is pressed against your back with his forehead on your shoulder, wrapping blankets around each other while you eat and watch tv-- you loved every bit of winter with sohee. 

you both decided to take advantage of the beautiful winter day and get a warm drink from the local coffee shop around campus. you being you of course, forgot all of your winter necessities except for your thermals and your puffer jacket that you initially arrived with. before sohee went to take a hot shower, he urged you to look through his closet to get everything you need.

“what’s mine is yours baby,” he said with a big smile on his face (he was honestly just excited to see you in his clothes). with a small kiss, he left for his shower while you dug through his closet for something cute to wear under your jacket. 

you opted for his grey sweater, the thick red scarf that his mother got him, and the black gloves you remember him showing you on facetime one night. right when you put your hand through the right glove to see if it fit well, you felt something small poke you. looking into the glove, you notice a small note sitting comfortably inside, almost like it was waiting for you to open it. and from the ground of his closet you read: 

“ dear my y/n,

i wouldn't usually write letters when i’m upset, but my mom told me it helps knowing that the recipient would never see it, so that’s why i’m actually trying this out. maybe it’s just my pride, but i can’t bring myself to say sorry out loud. not yet. it hurt so much hearing you say that i didn’t care about you anymore. as if i don’t revolve my entire life around you, you know? this morning i decided to get the coffee you like for myself because i missed you. and i sat in your usual spot at the library because you always said it had the best view. and i stopped by the market to get you some of those energy chocolates you were talking about to reward you for getting through midterm season. so when you told me that i don’t care about you as much anymore… it really hurt me y/n. 

but after we yelled at each other and you stormed out of my apartment, I realized, you don’t know that i did all those things today because I never told you. yeah, i say i love you from time to time, but i don’t tell you how far i would go for that love i have for you. and i realize now that all you really want is to be loved loudly. and i’m so sorry for not giving you that in the first place. 

for some reason, i just assume you already know how much i talk about you to my friends. and i assume you know how often i think about you. but the more i remove myself from my own head and look into the relationship from your perspective… all i see is you putting in more effort than i am. and i’m really, really sorry. 

you never failed to tell me when you saw a hat that i would like when you passed by that one store that has the blind boxes you like, or when you saw a little duck on the street that reminded you of me. i never want to make you feel like that again, my love. 

you want space and i understand why, so im not going to bother you anymore than i have already tonight. but you better believe im waking you up tomorrow in your apartment bright and early with an apology bouquet and everything i should've done for you today. 

i love you more than life, y/n, and i will do everything in my power to never let you forget it. 

sincerely, your sohee ”

you remember this day– the night after your last midterm. you both were looking forward to seeing each other again after taking time apart to study for your exams, but when sohee was acting more passive than usual, you brought up how you had been feeling a bit like he lost some of his love for you. 

that led to a huge argument between you two-- possibly your biggest-- and caused you to gather your things and leave earlier than intended. you remember crying yourself to sleep so hard you had the world's worst headache and puffiest eyes when you woke up.

and much like the letter read, it was sohee that woke you up, apology bouquet and all. he too looked like he had been crying all night, but he didn’t talk about it. you remember his hand was resting close to yours, but not touching. and then he said it:

“i’m sorry I made you feel like that.” but he didn’t rush the next part. the whole incident was about half a year ago.

reading the letter that was clearly meant for you made you realize that he really stayed true to his word. nowadays, he sends you pictures of things that remind him of you. he updates you on every little thing that he does because, according to him, it’s like you’re with him. 

“did you get what you neede- hey baby what’s wrong? why’re you crying? did something happen?” you look at your boyfriend with a small smile on your face as he kneeled down to the floor and ducked his head to look at yours with a worried expression. you only held the tiny letter up to him and felt more tears roll down your face. you laughed at yourself as you tried to conceal your tears; you didn’t even realize you were crying in the first place. 

his eyes fell to the letter in your hands, reading the first line and quickly realized what you had found. 

“ah… i forgot i wrote that…” he said while gently wiping the tears off your cheeks. 

there was a comfortable silence between you two, the only sound being your sniffles as you both sat on the floor looking at the note in your hand. 

“you do love me loudly, sohee.” he looks back up at you with the most sincerest eyes you have ever seen. “and you’re really good at coming back from your mistakes.” 

he smiled and pushed your head to his lips, kissing your temple. 

“i think that was the closest i had ever gotten to losing you, you know. it was the worst thing i’ve ever felt, as selfish as it is.” you hummed, and from there you two went back into your comfortable silence. 

“i really do love you more than life, y/n," he said lowly.

“i know, my sohee.”