#right on queue

So funny idea that I don't know if I'll do anything with to amuse people while I catch up.

Humans AU. Logan gets turned into a vampire.

The massive problem being Logan still does not believe in vampires. And it's up to his friends/housemates to keep him alive.

Whether that means Virgil yanking him from going out into the sunlight without protection, Janus coming up with reasons for Logan to do or not do things he'll listen to, and Patton researching all kinds of historical and foreign recipes than involve blood.

And when that's not enough, Remus get the bright idea, when noticing Logan's eyes being repeatedly drawn to his neck, that Logan might have a biting kink and he'd be happy to let Logan indulge.

Logan is hesitant, but has to admit to himself he does want to bite Remus's neck and kinks rarely make any kind of sense, so that tracks. He finds doing so is not only wonderfully calming, but also tastes surprisingly good, given Remus's hygiene.

Logan: While having a kink is embarrassing, I cannot deny indulging in it is soothing

Remus: (swaying) And hot!

Roman: How much of your blood are you letting him drink

Remus: As much as he wants!

This leads to Roman to nobly sacrifice his neck for Logan's 'biting kink' in the goals of Logan not accidentally draining his brother dry.

The Eridians are going over the knowledge of humans on the laptop, hoping to help Grace live a more comfortable life on Erid (He wasn't wrong when he said the odds of him surviving a trip back to Earth were not great) and they learn about touch starvation. That humans basically need physical contact with other humans to maintain their health.

Rejected Option the First: Direct physical contact Eridians causes damage to humans and human atmosphere causes damage to Eridians. They cannot be a source of physical contact for Grace.

Rejected Option the Second: They cannot ask for another human to be sent. Even if they could get a message to Earth, any human sent would be as likely as Grace to die en route and that would do no one any good.

Rejected Option the Third: Make a clone of Grace wouldn't work because they would not be able to provide the wider variety of care and nutrition and baby would need.

Solution: Find another way to get to humans. There was some very interesting research being done on the concept of 'wormholes'. Combining that with the Eridian's own science might be able to get them closer to Earth and either safely bring Grace home or at least request companionship (and maybe more food they can clone)

Their first attempt seems a success and they send Rocky in, as he has the most experience with humans. Rocky enters the wormhole with a little translator and a xenonite exosuit and...um...

Something is very wrong here.

He's an a rent metal box filled with plant and gore and blood. There's a human there, but he's very injured, missing an arms, and his dentation is wildly different from what the medical records of humans implied. Rocky take him anyways. He's not going to leave someone to die ever, not if he has the chance to fix it.

Simon never expected to wake up again. He definitely didn't wake up surrounded by living rocks chanting "Excite! Excite!". Not the new arm made of the strange translucent metal. Less pleased about the changes to his eye and teeth.

He manages to piece together that these rock-aliens broke through space-time somehow (and seem a little embarrassed by it) and brought him through to a world where the Quiet Rapture was averted through the efforts of Rocky and a human who was now stranded on this planet. The whole point of the expedition was to find a companion for the 'Grace' person so they wouldn't have to live their life alone.

Given he was about to die, Simon thinks he can handle a gig as a friend.

Simon realizes after meeting Grace he has no idea how socialization works. It's okay. Grace is willing to teach him.

Grace did not think he was touch-straved until he met a weird mutant human and just hugged him for ten minutes straight. Simon was a good sport about it.

Hearing about the timeline where the astrophage hadn't been uncovered, even after it was too late, Grace is all to eager to introduce Simon to creature comforts, like movies, video games, and bean bags. And baked apples, once they make the wonderful discovery of what kind of tree seed was in Simon's pendant.

Man, the moment Kaito gets those memories back he's going to just...put them in a box and want to never think of them again

Doesthedogdie is always a good safe bet, because while a dog does not die, there are certain unpleasantnesses in some of the characters backstories or in the wrongs they try to write, and I don't know your triggers or squicks.

I belive the intended watch order by the creators for season 1 is

The Nigerian Job

The Homecoming Job

The Wedding Job

The Snow Job

The Mile High Job

The Miracle Job

The Two Horse Job

The Bank Shot Job

The Stork Job

The Juror #6 Job

The 12 Step Job

The First David Job

The Second David Job