Oh god youāre evil! Alright but this one is on you not me :P (Also I know the post said 5 sentences but I have no self control lol)
CW for terminal illness and death
Jason is dying. Bruce knows it deep in his gut the second he lays eyes on him. The young man is sickly pale, his normally sharp eyes are wet and foggy, and his frame, which has been rivaling Bruceās own for some time, is now frail and thin. It reminds him of the boy Jason had been on the streets, small and thin and vulnerable, that boy Bruce had made his son.
He isnāt sure if the man in front of him is still his son. He wishes he was but there is so much between them. So much hurt, betrayal, mistrust on both sides. Still, the pain Jason has put him through doesnāt change Bruceās desire to take the man in front of him into his arms and hold him like a child.
The thought turns sour in his mind, however, immediately conjuring the mental image of Robin in Ethiopia. Bloody and small and limp in his arms.
āI didnāt want you to see me like this,ā Jason says, through struggling breath. The Wilson girl, who let Bruce in, helps Jason readjust his hospice bed so heās sitting up. It helps a little, just a little, but his struggle for breath is still obvious.
āJayā¦ā Bruce starts saying, but he isnāt sure what to say. Heās sorry? He loves him. What happened? How the hell did it get this bad? He misses his son. Who is to blame for this? What can he do to make things better? Everything he ever should have said to Jason floods his mind, and none of it seems like the right thing to say now.
The fact that it is now too late to say anything meaningful hits Bruce like a bullet to the head.
āItās cancer,ā Jason answers just one of his unsaid questions, and that surprises Bruce more than it should. Dying people are part of being a vigilante, but Bruce doesnāt see many people die like this. Disease was his fatherās fight, never his.
Heās never lost someone like this, not really, and itās a strange pill to swollen. For all the traumas and the sorrows and the loss in his life, heās never lost anyone important like this. Something normal and terrible and slow. His chest feels tight, painfully tight, and Bruce canāt help but wonder if heās about to drop dead as well.
Something in him wishes he would. This is too much.
āCan you guys give us a minute,ā Jason asks his friends, his voice horse and breathy. The struggle to talk is apparent.
Jasonās friends hesitate. Rose looks to Artemis, who looks to Roy, who sits in the corner of the room glaring daggers into the side of Bruceās head with his jaw clenched hard enough to break teeth. Still, after a moment of silence Roy gets up to leave the room, and the girls follow him out.
Thereās no less tension in the room once they leave. Bruce is still just as stiff and uncomfortable now that itās only him and Jason, in fact it might be worse.
āTake a seat B,ā Jason says, gesturing slightly to the chair next to his bed that Rose had occupied before.
Mechanically, Bruce does take a seat. The conversation that follows is short and depressing. Jason went to a doctor about three months ago for back pain, heād felt mostly fine otherwise.He was misdiagnosed four times before they found the cancer. It had started in the lungs, climbed up his spine, and even slightly in his brain. Long story short, it was way too late for chemotherapy to help him.
Bruce wants to say thatās ridiculous, that of course Jason could fight it. That he was already an abnormally strong person, that he had overcome so much already, and had literally come back from the dead. He should be able to beat this too, god damn it. Yet Bruce knows thatās not the way these things work. Sometimes it is too late, he knows that well. Jason is terminally ill, no amount of medication or procedures will change that, and he has the right to chose to shorten his suffering.
And Jason is suffering. Bruce can see it in his eyes, on his face, in the way his entire being radiates exhaustion. He doesnāt need to suffer anymore. Bruce tries to hold onto that thought, that soon Jason will never have to suffer again.
There are irrational parts of him, parts that want to be angry, and lash out. They want to scold him for not going to Leslie. They want to curse the doctors that didnāt find the disease right away. He wants to be upset with Jason forā¦ for things that are not his fault. Bruce considers himself lucky to at least know those thoughts are irrational.
The talk isnāt long. Just a quick brief of whatās going on. Jason confesses he wouldnāt mind seeing the rest of the family, to say goodbye, but he doesnāt really want this to be their last memory of him.
āThis wonāt be how they remember you, Jay,ā Bruce promises, but it feels a little empty. He swore that he would uphold Jason as a hero the first time he died too, but he hadnāt done that. In fact, for whatever reason, all he seemed able to say about Jason after his death was negative. Airing out all the shortcomings and flaws of a dead fifteen year old, because for some reason he thought it would make Tim better. It was never worth the sacrifice to Jasonās memory.
Bruce can claim he wonāt repeat that sin, but in all honesty he cannot promise. He is nothing but a creature of habit.
Jasonās shrug is weak and unconvincing, but itās also the most familiar heās been this entire time. Although he probably only attempted to shrug so he could stop talking, his breathing is beyond labored at this point.
Knowing that the young man needed rest, Bruce asks the dreaded question, āHow much time do you have?ā
Jasonās head is leaning to the side, bobbing a little like heās struggling to keep it up. Bruce adjusts the bed so he can lean back a little more, and as he pulls away heās even as bold to take Jasonās hand into his own and hold it.
Heās cold, reminding Bruce of a corpse, but he doesnāt let go. Jason must not mind either because he softly grips the hand with all the strength he has. It makes Bruceās chest tighten painfully again, to such a severe degree he suspects he may be having a heart attack. If he is, however, itās going to have to wait until after heās done with Jay. He isnāt losing this time with his son.
āDoctors say a couple weeks, but honestly I donāt think it will be that long. A couple more days anyways though, if you want to come back.ā
Thatās too soon. Way too soon.
āI will,ā Bruce promises, and this time he means it, āIāll bring the others too, I know theyāll want to see you.ā
Jay makes a noise that might have been a hum or a grunt, but itās indistinguishable in his current state. Bruce knows Dick has already been by, probably everyday in fact judging by the amount of Bludhaven House of Pizza takeout boxes are out in the living room of the house. He had been the one who told Bruce he needed to come here and talk to Jason.
Bruce almost came as Batman. He expected a fight, maybe a olive branch, but notā¦ not this. The chest feeling gets worse again, bringing him real pain now.
āIām tired,ā Jason says, and Bruce takes it to mean this is the end of their conversation. But it canāt be the end, he needs to say so much.
No. Actually he only needs to say one thing, and itās about time he did so.
āI love you so much, Jason,ā he says, cupping his sonās cold hand in both of his.
If Jay is surprised or put off by the statement he doesnāt show it. His body doesnāt react at all. Itās not right. Jasonās always been emotional, heās never been good at hiding his feelings. But Bruce canāt read the dead, and Jason is as close as someone can get to death while still breathing.
He lowers the bed a little more so Jason can sleep comfortably, and with his eyes still closed the dying boy answers, āYeahā¦ love you too, dad.ā
The fatherās lips twitch into a small sad smile, at the same time his chest tightens again. He sweeps the hair out of his sonās face, kisses his forehead for the first time in their entire lives, and he leaves.
Outside Roy Harper is sitting next to a young asian girl who can only be his daughter. Selena told him about the young girl, she had been living on the streets before Roy sought out and found her. Despite the fact sheās older, meaner, and sheās done bad things he still treats her like his little girl. Theyāre wrapped around each other tightly. Heās got her head tucked under his chin and is telling her something too low to hear. She looks upset, but giggles at whatever it is he said.
It makes Bruce wish he was half the father Roy is.
They go inside when they notice him. Leaving Bruce to climb into his car alone. He doesnāt start it, just leans back and takes a deep sigh. The pain in his chest finally cracks, and his vision gets foggy. For a second he thinks he needs a hospital, but then he feels wetness on his face.
Heās crying. Bruce Wayne is sobbing his his car, and he canāt stop. Itās loud and open and embarrassing, anyone outside the car would be able to see him. He canāt stop the hiccups, or the tears, or the runny nose. Defeated entirely, he leans his head against the steering wheel and letās himself break.
