#rex's thoughts

I'm turning 22 tomorrow and I don't know how to feel about that.

Things are better for me since last year. I'm not locked up in this house anymore. I don't feel like I'm withering away into nothingness. I have a solid job where I'm happy and I can socialize and where I've gained new friends. I'm becoming a little bit more responsible, but not really. I feel like I'm slowly getting there. 

This whole year has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I lost my first love. Anyone who has ever experienced this knows what I'm talking about and knows how I feel. It sucked...actually it still kind of sucks. I can't help but feel jealous and angry every time I see pictures on Instagram or Facebook. But you know what? I guess this is all normal to feel this way. I'm probably never going to stop loving her, but Ill move on. 

My parents absolutely lost trust in me, but all of it is my fault and I understand. I lied to them so many times, I really don't know what the truth is anymore. I've been coming home later than they want me to, and after they get mad at me, I just keep doing it. I have no idea why I'm being so defiant. I think Im trying to get back my childhood. A little too late.

On to small list of good things that have been happening. Sure I lost my job at Yogurtini due to a lack of sales. However, I seem to have picked up another job at M&H Cafe so quickly. I am so lucky and fortunate to have gotten this job. I've also gained new friends since I've worked here. Its just a great environment to be around. 

I've also been talking to this amazing girl. I'm sure the people who are actually going to read this are going to roll their eyes once they get to this paragraph because they don't exactly approve. BUT I DON'T CARE. She makes me smile and any worries or bad feelings just flow out of my body when I'm with her.

Yet we get to tomorrow and I can't help but feel...........depressed. I don't know what it is yet. I feel like I'm stuck in this loop that I don't know how to get out of. People will wish me a happy birthday and Ill smile and say "thank you". But deep down Ill be feeling lost in my thoughts, and it wont really be a "happy" birthday.