#review notes

Alright, are we gonna start taking bets now on how badly Ben manages to stress me out with this book? Because I have a feeling that the answer here is going to be a lot.

I too would be like "nah, fuck you, I'mma get me a dragon". Forever Team Max here.

I love that Simion seems to have Max's back when it comes to his aunt. Max definitely needs the backup. But also, oof the handfastng mark still being a thing because I have MONEY on Cam not being truly dead. And by money I mean like 2 pennies.

Ben, I'm gonna need you to be nicer to your characters or I swear to fucking hell I'm stealing your fuckin' shins.

Yup, still not a fan of Leska. I still think she's a bitch.

Okay, if she keeps Max from getting killed, I might like her a little. 

Simion, look at you being the cutest little stalker ever. Also. Dayn seems like a very sweet kid and if anything happens to him, I will riot.

Now what issue do the fucking elders have with Max? He literally has not done ANYTHING to warrant the way he has been treated since all of this began!

STEPH!!!! MY QUEEEEEEN!!!! BEN, YOU BETTER NOT HURT HER!!!!

GODDAMMIT, BEN! WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??? WHY MUST YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS??? 

I AM GONG TO STEAL YOUR FUCKING SHINS, BEN. MY BELOVED QUEEN AND HER PEOPLE DID NOT DESERVE THAT!!!

I fucking hate Leia. Can a dragon eat her? Please? I am BEGGING at this point.

Ooooh, Max is finally getting a new amplifier? Is he gonna go with another wand? Or something harder to take from him?

Okay, but if Max is the former Queen's biological son and she was connected to the Heart Oak, shouldn't Max be able to heal it before it dies out? Isn't that sort of his destiny or whatever? To take the Queen's place and bond to the tree?

Max, baby, just tell the sweet boy yes because you both want that to be the answer.

I mean, at least a ring is easier to wield than a wand.

Max's outfit sounds fire and I'm kind of jealous I don't have that outfit...

I love that Simion gets along with Max's mom and I think Max really needed that too.

This slow burn is going to be the DEATH of me, I swear.

I love the moments where Max and Simion just get to indulge in silly banter. Like, damn, let them just have a smidge of normalcy. Here for it.

I cannot stand Leia.

Okay, Dayn, I see you! Itty bitty having both kinds of magic!

The fuck did Leska just come in and tell Leia? What's with the berries and shit? What the fuck is going on? Ben, am I about to yell at you some more? I feel like I'm about to yell at you some more.

Ugh, I fucking love Simion.

Why do the council members suddenly smell like Camron to Max? To quote Taking Back Sunday "I've got a bad feeling about this".

Ben, I swear to fucking every god to ever exist, I am going to steal your fucking SHINS. WHY ARE YOU TAKING AWAY EVERYONE MAX LOVES????? HIS MOM DOESN'T DESERVE THIS. HE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS.

Okay, I am actually beginning to like Leska. I like a bitch with a motive that doesn't include killing characters I love. Love a Bitch With Purpose.

Okay, Leska's dad seems pretty chill but I'm also pretty sure dude is hiding some shit.

I do like that Cyder is actively trying to help Max and his mom. I hope whatever this is works. Max has lost enough dammit.

DID LEIA DO THIS TO MAX'S MOM??? IS THAT WHAT CYDER IS HINTING AT????

Uhhhh, what the fuck is Max's mom talking about? Please tell me this is some delerium induced panic and not some new big bad...

Is something bad going to happen any time these two kiss? Who the fuck is phoenix fire bombing the fucking LIBRARY???

Okay, 1. I think Leska is beginning to actually like Max as a person. Girl, we see that worry. 2. Please tell me she's not hinting at the heart oak being completely destroyed now...

Ya know, I would not be shocked if Leia was a traitor. Simion, on the other hand, I have full faith in.

Well, that's one way to tell Max you're in love with him, Simion.

Simion living at a tavern weirdly tracks.

Spoiler Alert: Max is fucking awful at flirting. I say this like my notes aren't just spoilers fest already.

What the actual fuck just happened???? DID WE JUST HAVE MAX DIE OR SOME SHIT??? 

Okay, not dead, that's good but Ben, my dude, what the fuck? Why did you have to let us settle into a false sense of fucking security?

But also, no shit Camron's still alive. It's a lot harder than that to actually fully kill a phoenix. 

Now what the fuck is Leia trying to blame Max for? Leska does not seem pleased by it though and Simion def wants to throw hands.

Why are we jump starting the Claim? There are pieces of this story missing and I do not trust Leia at fucking all.

Max, I'm pretty sure Cyder would have found a way to make sure your mom was okay without you telling Simion and Leska what the fuck is going on.

Also, why the FUCK does Leia have Camron's journal? Also HOW does she have it?

Why do we have to drug the people participating in the Claim? What was the point of that? I mean, I do trust Simion to look after Max's mom but woof, yikes. I hope Leska doesn't betray Max over this. I want to love her dammit.

Seems pretty risky to drug someone and then dump them in snowy mountains with dragons with zero shelter to protect them from the elements. Does frostbite not exist in this universe? Because half a day in the cold like that? Frostbite. I will have to ask Ben about this on the server... Also. Hypothermia. Does that not exist either??? 

Max, please do not hurt yourself to get out of this shit. How can you help your mother if you're severely injured? Also, where are the other people supposed to be doing this? Team work makes the dream work or whatever, right?

I keep coming back to the hypothermia and frostbite issue. I am too hyper-focused on that of all things. 

Dayn better not be dead I swear to fucking god. BEN, DAYN BETTER NOT BE FUCKING DEAD.

Okay, good, Dayn is alive, Max is alive, they passed the trial. But fucking YIKES on Dayn having to witness the death of Sophia like that. That was fucking rude as shit.

I would not be shocked if Leia DID have something to do with the missing novices. My money is on her infecting them with Camron's ashes to make the phoenix possessed people she might be able to control, kind of a fight fire with fire sort of thing. Which is shitty and gross as fuck.

Just realized that Camron might personally be dead but the phoenix that was possessing him is most likely NOT dead dead and anyone infected with those ashes is carrying part of that phoenix. Max's handfasting wasn't JUST to Camron but to the phoenix as well so it would make sense that it would take a moment for the pain to hit when he tried to go against that bond with Simion. If I'm right about this, I am going to fucking scream.

Oh. Damn. Good to know Max was dropped on his own because the other novices (outside of Dayn, clearly), had planned on making him a sacrifice to try to pass their trials. Fucking YIKES. Can we just stop trying to murder Max? Please?

What the fuck is Dayn doing to Max? Is he saying he owes him his life because Max saved him from that creature? Because that's really just kind of who Max is as a person. Not sure knocking him out is the best salvation tactic to be used here.

Yeah, no, I fucking hate bridges. I would be terrified to cross that fucking thing.

Damn. The sanity test was rough.

KILLING DAYN WAS NOT FUCKING NECCESSARY. BEN, I SWEAR TO FUCKING HELL I AM STEALING YOUR GODDAMN SHINS OVER THIS.

Also, please tell me that Max just takes the golden dragon who just had all her eggs stolen from her instead of taking an egg himself. Let him and momma Fury be a team. They both need it.

I'm glad Max's dragon is an adult and not a stolen baby. Grief bonds are so fucking real and I hate that they both had to lose so much to get to this point.

I'm still so upset over Dayn but also relieved that Max is making sure his body is returned to his family.

Shit. WHO FUCKING TOLD BITCH TITS ABOUT MAX'S MOM????

I fucking swear to HELL, Max's mother better not be fucking dead

Oh shit. I was expecting Simion to be on the side of the rebels, I was not, however, expecting Leska. MY GIRL!!!!

Ahh yes, another LEROOOOOOOOY JENKINS!! Moment from Max. I mean, I get it, I would have done the same but that's not exactly a great idea either.

WE GOT BEA!!!!! BEA HAS BEEN FREED!!! MY BABY!!!! BEN, IF YOU KILL HER, I WILL NEVER FUCKING FORGIVE YOU!

Again, do hypothermia and frostbite just not exist in this universe??? I know this is a dumb thing to keep getting hung up on but I have Concerns.

I may or may not have just posed that question to Ben in the server...

Simion, baby, stop making promises you can't actually keep...

Wait a second, is Cyder leading the rebellion??? What the actual fuck is going on here?

Okay, so what was Cyder's doing and what was Leia's?

How are these people going to react when they all find out that Max is, biologically, the former Queen's son and that his mom was a surrogate who took the baby and ran?

Ooooh, so momma is alive and being tended to by water nymphs. I am so fucking here for this. Yes, good, let Max's mom LIVE.

Ok, but like, didn't Camron become phoenix possessed when he was on the unknown isles in the first place? Is this really the best place to be setting up base? Like, yeah, sure, you have the nymphs here but like...I have concerns.

"Your compliance is truly appreciated" rings way too much like "Compliance is key" and I am not a fucking fan of that. Cyder somewhat echoing King Gathrax makes me real uneasy.

HELL YEAH, FIGHT FO YO MAN, MAX!!!!

Again, Max is Bad At Flirting xD

Oh, I did ask Ben about the hypothermia/frostbite issue and he doesn't have an answer because of how long ago he wrote these books xD I found this to be oddly comforting because at least he doesn't know either and he created the damn universe lmfao.

No, but seriously, how the fuck did Camron get off that fucking island?

Oooh, Inyris is a pretty name for a dragon. I'm here for it.

Max and Bea def needed this conversation, to actually talk.

Ya know, I think Leska and Beatrice would be cute together...

I don't trust Cyder. I trust Leia even less. This is going to be a fucking shit show, I can feel it in my bones.

Seriously, what the fuck is the nightmare Max has been having and why is the chant from it written in Camron's journal in someone else's handwriting? I've got a bad feeling about this.

Ah, so Simion is, uh, thick. Got it. Sorry, the mental image made me giggle cuz ow no thanks xD

We love a good praise kink.

EVEN IN A FANTASY REALM, LUBE EXISTS!!! HELLS YES! Please take note, literally everyone writing m/m sex scenes; yes, lube is THAT important. 

Why do I get the feeling that wasn't the wind Max was hearing?

Yeah, no, I wouldn't trust the sudden guard outside either.

Max, baby, what do you mean you can't sense Inyris's presence? That sounds like A Very Bad Thing.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING TO MY GIRL LESKA???? BEEEEEEEN!!! DO NOT!!!!!

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. THIS SHIT BETTER BE TEMPORARY

I KNEW I DIDN'T FUCKING TRUST CYDER

I swear to fucking everything, Inyris better not fucking die.

YOU DID NOT JUST FUCKING KILL BEA AND GLAMORA!!!!! 

Cyder knowing who Max truly is does not feel like a good fucking thing to me. Also, where is Inyris? Is she okay? What about Simion and Leska??? WHERE ARE MY BABIES, BEN?!

What, CYDER is creating the phoenix possessed???? DID HE DO THIS TO MAX'S MOM?!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! HE FUCKING INFECTED SIMION TOO???? I AM GOING TO COMMIT FELONIES. 

Holy. Fucking. Shit. Camron IS alive. Fucking YIKES. Even he didn't deserve to be tortured like this.

Seeing Camron like this actually does kind of fucking hurt. 

Max, you're not alone. You have Leska. Leska, who has had several chances to turn on you or kill you but has stood with you even when she hated you. You're not alone. In Leska we trust.

IN LESKA WE FUCKING TRUST, LET'S FUCKIN' GO, BABYYYYYYY!!!!!

I swear to fucking everything, removing that goddamn feather better have cured Simion. I will fucking RIOT otherwise.

Okay, so, solid plan to get the kids out of there, Simion is awake, but what of Inyris? Are you just going to leave her to fend for herself?

Oh shit, Cam's dead for real this time??? I mean, cool for Max to finally be free but goddamn, another death for Max to blame himself over.

Hold the FUCK UP. WHAT DO YOU MEAN CYDER IS MAX'S BIOLOGICAL FATHER???? MAX AND LESKA ARE SIBLINGS??????

GLAMORA SURVIVED?!?!?! DOES THIS MEAN BEATRICE IS ALIVE???? Also, how does Simion still have phoenix powers if the feather was removed???

I have a feeling Max's mom isn't going to survive Cyder stabbing her in the fucking stomach though and I am going to ugly sob.

The fact that Max's grief is so powerful he could create a third heart oak is so shattering that I am going to throw up.

Well, that explains how Oribon and the other dragons were locked in a mountain.

BEA'S ALIVE?!?! MY BABY!!!!!! THANK FUCKING FUCK!!!

Okay, well, glad Leia's finally seeing reason and is willing to follow Max's lead now.

Having a phrase about how easily the main character's child could be dead in the opening of the book is fucking diabolical. CG, what have you gotten me into now? This is page goddamn one. What the fuck?

OK, but the comment from the Doctor about how prettier kids are easier to get assistance for is fucking gross, and unfortunately, not that inaccurate. Thanks, I hate it. Good on Elodie for also knowing that comment was gross and ripping up that referral, though.

You know, when a child tells you that the house is bad and that it doesn't like you guys and that the house thinks you guys are bad, maybe consider not living in the creepy fucking house. Just a thought.

The way Elodie seems to feel about Jude, about wanting to break his fingers and shit...I almost feel like she's hoping this baby will be different and she can get rid of her son.

Nah bitch, you won't ever catch me be wholly dependent on some man. Fuck that.

I just really do not like her thoughts about her kid... I'm terrified she's gonna hurt Jude.

Bren seems really self righteous and out of touch on parenting things.

That is a creepy level of codependency from a fully grown adult.

Ummmm. Why is there blood in the wall?

Okay. Ew on the way Ava is tiptoeing around shit and insinuating that Elodie isn't meeting Jude's needs and that being why he acts out. I hate all of the adults in this book.

No, no, I think the kid has a point. I'm def team Jude. Props to the daycare lady for trying to make sure Jude is getting the right accommodation in daycare/school.

Stop. Just stop. Not only did she break the house that baby worked so hard on, SHE THREW IT AWAY IN FRONT OF HIM. Can't stand this bitch. JUSTICE FOR JUDE!

Yeah, no, I'd've locked her ass out too.

Absolutely the fuck not. Don't you snap your grown ass man fingers in that little kid's face. I'm going to punch this man through my phone on my life.

Yeah, that was a terrifying fucking thing to hear from a child. Burn the whole ass house down.

Okay, the way Bren said that make it sound like someone in Elodie's family hurt her or Jude, like, actually hurt them. And now I'm curious. Also, how much longer does Elodie think she can keep her very obvious rage issues under control? How long before she actually snaps at Bren?

Why is Elodie's family in some true crime podcast? What the actual fuck is going on here?

...Did she kill her parents?

Weird that the people who owned the house of the estate sale Bren wanted to go to died in what seems the same way as Elodie's parents. Which now has me wondering if Bren's a serial killer. If he is, at least that would be interesting.

Damn, not how the estate sale home owner died. I wanted secret serial killer Bren.

Elodie being that angry and jealous about her son showing anyone else affection is gross as fuck. What is her weird obsession with wanting to be the only thing that matters to her kid?

Uhhhh what was the liquid that came out of the ceiling? Why was there glass in Jude's spaghettio's???? What the fuck??????

Man that baby ain't even born yet and she's already being creepy obsessive over that one too.

Are the walls really alive and infected or does Elodie just need medicated? I'm betting on option 2.

Fucking christ on that bit of back story. Girl needs THERAPY, not kids...

Okay but the teacher's right??? Jude absolutely needs an assessment and an IEP.

This woman is one breakdown away from psychiatric icu.

Oh this fight is nasty. These two are so fucking toxic holy shit.

Fucking YIKES on her drugging Jude to sleep when he was like 2. Also getting the vibe she drowned her baby brother.

Like, the pretty solid examples of neglect explain a lot about her weird, creepy levels of codependency, but it does not excuse any of this shit.

Is this just a shared delusion between Elodie and Jude?

Okay, her viewing the baby as a do over, a better version of Jude, is so fucking gross. Someone please take these kids away from her.

While I like Bren using breathing exercises to calm Jude, I don't like the implied threat and I'm hoping his words just came across off because of Elodie's bias.

Uhhhh Bren better NOT have fucking hit Jude.

What truth is Bren talking about with Ava? Did he kill Elodie's parents? Did Elodie kill her parents? Something ain't adding up here.

Wait a minute. Hold the fuck up. I can't tell if she is keeping her kid malnourished or if not at this point. Her thoughts are gross.

Uhhhh what do you mean her hands were around Jude's throat????

Did he just drug his pregnant wife????

Someone please get Jude out of that house away from these fucking people jesus fucking christ.

Okay, so, we know Bren has no problem drugging Elodie so what's to stop him from making it seem like the house is bleeding or whatever? What's to stop him from breaking her mind to make sure she never leaves? I don't trust either one of them. They're both horrible people.

YIKES on Bren locking Elodie in the bedroom with him. He really means to keep her locked down and unable to go anywhere.

Does the door to the house not have a way to unlock it from the inside? Elodie, babes, you have a brain, use it.

Yeah, no, I too would have taken a circular saw to all of the walls if I was locked in there like that. But also, why did he lie about the house not having a basement? What the fuck does he have hidden down here? Dead bodies or some shit?

Why does he have a photo of her and Jude from three years ago when they have not known eachother that long??? Is he Jude's bio father? Because that would weirdly explain a lot.

Fucking lead poisoning and black mold. Seriously? Seriously?? I'm so annoyed.

Welp. Shit. Called that one. No wonder he didn't want her to see the photos of him as a teenager. He IS Jude's father.

Okay, but if neither one of them have been hitting the kid, where did the marks come from???

Oh. So. She did murder her parents. Did she turn on the saw this dumbass stalker of a man is practically hugging? Did she kill him too? This is a trainwreck. These people are a trainwreck. What the actual fuck.

Nope. I would have murdered my parents too if they had locked my child in a garage for two days without taking care of him. I would have killed them a lot more painfully and slowly than I'm sure she did if the police think it was a joint fucking suicide.

Yup. She turned the saw on. Jesus fucking hell.

Her telling Jude she's gonna give him a bath and make him some soup is making my stomach fucking hurt.

Ahhh, so they were rashes on Jude. That makes more sense.

HOW THE FUCK IS BREN ALIVE?????

Okay, so the saw was shitty, that makes a lot of sense. Also, yikes on her being the reason her little brother died, but who the fuck leaves an 8 year old to watch a 2 year old in the bath??? That wasn't her fault, the rest of her shitty ass choices are her fault though.

Damn, that was fucked all the way up. Her mom SUCKED. But also yikes on her naming her son after he dead baby brother.

Oh cool, they lost Jude in the fucking mold and lead infested walls. Love that.

This poor kid is going to be so fucking traumatized jesus fucking christ.

Aaaaand now she's hacking his body to pieces to stuff the pieces in the walls. Fucking hell. CG is getting my therapy bills mailed directly to them.

Is Elodie giving Jude to Ava? Because that would be the first smart choice this woman has made this entire fucking book.

How does one get an invisible familiar? But also, giggling at the fox being named Nick and the fact that Nick likes to bite xD

I love Seb's level of petty lmfao.

Okay, but we love a high maintenance, chaotic moron.

I like Crescentia. She got spunk and attitude.

So, Seb has rage issues and is going to set things on fire. As someone once called the Patron Saint of Arson, I approve of this use of freewill.

Man, Seb is NOT having a good morning.

Seb, you're an asshole and Orok IS going to get you back for that one xD

Oh for fuck's sake, Seb, punch the smug bastard and call it a day.

Pffffft, I cannot imagine this starting off great with Seb being forced to work with his biggest rival in school.

I love that Seb and Orok's moms just popped up like y'all are coming home for the holidays this year.

Oof, poor Seb in all of this. I'm glad Orok tried to stand up for him but woof, ouch on Seb having to deal with his mom being all excited about him working with the person he hates the most.

The arm gouging to self regulate is something I relate to a little too closely. I'mma need these characters to be a little less relateable, damn.

I get the feeling the phrase "Fuck Elethior" is going to come to fruition, just not the way Orok meant...

Okay, but I sincerely love Orok and Seb's friendship with him. Babies. Sweet, precious babies.

Politeness out of petty spite is A Vibe and I am here for it.

Woof these two are nasty to each other.

Awww, good job not murdering each other.

I love when we're all on Team Shitty Fathers/Father Figures.

Oh. Okay. Elethior's cousin is a fucking cunt. Got it.

I do love that Seb is such a snarky pain in the ass that he actually managed to make Elethior laugh. Knowing they both come from shitty ass families makes a lot of damn sense.

Okay, but you cannot tell me that Seb and Orok are not platonic soulmates.

Okay, but like, Seb has a fair point there.

Lmfao at both of them being attracted to each other.

Elethior buying snacks for Nick the fox is so fucking cute omg.

I would have done the same thing. Medical emergencies shouldn't be done alone.

Well. That's ONE way to express gratitude. BUT RUNNING AWAY DOESN'T ERASE THE KISSING, SEB!!!

Orok is the best bestie and I love him so many.

Oh yeah, Seb is so utterly and completely fucked and not entirely in a fun way.

Ooooh they gone fuuuuck xD

Ya know, I feel like Seb would get along fantastically with Coal.

The fact that Elethior heard all of that and his reaction was to boot Seb's dad's magic out and reassure him has me melting. I'm going to guess that the possessive also translates to protective based on that.

Also. Seb's dad is a fucking dick and I stand by my statement that Seb and Coal would get along if they were in the same universe.

WE STAN A CONSENT AND AFTERCARE KING!

I AM WHEEZING OH MY FUCKING GODS, THAT IS THE BEST PRANK I HAVE EVER READ. I fucking lost it at the rock singing Hot To Go because that is some shit I would do to my best friend if I didn't know she would absolutely murder me for it.

Ugh, this friendship is EVERYTHING TO ME.

Fucking hell, Thio, I would have died on the fucking spot in Seb's shoes.

Aaaand we've unlocked Thio's Tragic Backstory and my heart is BROKEN for him. He was just a fucking kid.

This is the worst played game of emotional Jenga ever and I can't even call them both idiots because it's very clear that they need similar kinds of support and don't understand how to verbalize it. STOP MAKING ME SAD!!!

I love Thio protecting Seb from his shitty ass family.

These two got it so bad for each other.

Awww, this routine? Boys, that's called being in a relationship. Especially when Seb is visiting Thio's mom with him weekly.

Good lord these two need to just admit feelings already.

The no fucking in the lab rule lasted a lot longer than I had thought it would.

Oh my gods, just admit that y'all wanna be together and stop burying your heads in the damn sand!

Yeah, no, I totally understand the PTSD and just oof, poor Seb.

Seb, this is a really weird time to ask Thio out on a date but I'm proud of you?

Seriously, Seb and Orok have the best friendship and I love that for both of them.

Orok being the protective best friend and Thio managing to get approval. Ugh, my heart.

Yeah, Seb is so utterly in love but I am not looking forward to unlocking his Tragic Backstory.

Thio being confused by that question hurts my fucking heart, holy hell.

Yeah, I am 100% not ready to know what Seb and Orok went through at that camp. I am at WORK. I cannot being crying at the service desk.

Fucking hell. 14. Seb was 14 when the abuse started. Fucking hell.

Thio's reaction has me all weepy. Seb and Orok did not deserve to go through any of that and I understand why Thio is beyond pissed. This is def that moment where they both realize there are way bigger feelings at hand but probably NOT the time to say I love you. Super glad Seb finally has someone who believes him and Orok though.

Babies. Sweet, sleepy babies.

Seb, Collector of Extroverts.

Thio's mom acknowledging Seb in her own quiet way is gonna make me SOB.

I love that 1. The experiment worked and 2. That Thio was allowed to set up extra safety measures for his own PTSD and anxiety. 

I do not like that Seb's parents have just shown the fuck up. This is going to be Bad.

Oh. Oh this hurts a lot. Someone hug Orok too please? Because this trauma is both Seb's and his. They both need love and support right now. I'm so pissed that Seb's dad only believes him now because he got that fucking job and access to the records that PROVE Seb was telling the fucking truth the whole time. Aplogizing now and feeling bad doesn't erase the YEARS OF ABUSE YOU HEAPED ON YOUR FUCKING SON!!!

Thio is breaking apart in ways I kind of expected tbh but it still fucking hurts.

Fucking hell that entire fight fucking HURT and I am going to SOB. SARA, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO THEM????? THIS HURTS MORE THAN COAL AND HEX'S SORT OF BREAK UP. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

WHY ARE SEB AND OROK MAKING ME CRY FUCKING HARDER???? Orok really does deserve this chance and I am so fucking happy for him and PROUD of him. BUT ALSO I NEED BOOKS TO STOP MAKING ME CRY.

I love that Seb is refusing to let Thio drop out at the last minute. YES SEBBY, FIGHT FO YO MANS!!!!!

Hordon out here being a real hero and we STAN.

Seb telling Thio's mom how the presentation went, oh my fucking HEART.

I do love that Thio is telling Seb to move forward with the lawsuit while Seb is assuring him that they will make sure his mom is taken care of. Babies. Sweet babies. I love them.

OH MY GODS, SEB AND OROK WON THE FUCKING LAWSUIT!!!! AND SEB AND THIO ARE GONNA GET ENGAGED!!! AND THIO WENT INTO NURSING!!! AND GUESS WHO'S FUCKING SOBBING AGAIN!!!!

Oh I LOVE that they had a similar plan but that Seb thought ahead enough to include Nick the invisible fox to make sure he was the one on one knee first xD

4 YEARS?! THIO WAITED FOUR YEARS TO PROPOSE?! MY FUCKING HEART.

Oh, cool, was not expecting the book to start with a suicide. So, heads up to anyone who has not read it yet, the content warnings page is in full action from the jump.

Okay, so who is the important one in this prologue? Callum, his dad, the dead guy hanging, or the guy killed in the war?

Reading this and all I can think of is that line in M*A*S*H "War is war and hell is hell and, of the two, war is worse".

Yeah, no, I'm with Callum on this one, I would NOT be sleeping in a dead guy's bed.

Okay, so either Callum is the only one who could see/hear the ghost or it was all in his head. I'm banking on option 1 based on what his grandmother had told him about not touching the dead.

Okay, so we went from 1939 to 2024. That's...a jump.

Yeah, no, William is a fucking mood.

Curious as to how William DID inherit this manor since the dead dude in 1939 was said to be an only child.

Guessing Archie was William's partner and also guessing that Archie died? Which, ow? Ben, my dude, a little early to slamming me in the face with the feels brick. Can we chill? Please?

Maaaaan, it's going to really fucking hurt when we find out what happened to Archie...

Oh. Damn. As someone who has witnessed someone dying from car impact, I can confirm it is a fucking awful thing to witness. Was not expecting that mental flashback tonight. Now I'm gonna cry for two reasons.

William, I feel like you're about to be coming face to face with your first ghost. This is probably why you shouldn't be reading random books you pulled out of a firepit.

Yes, because the fire poker is going to save you from ghosts. Baby, this ain't an episode of supernatural, put the fire poker back.

Also, maybe the ghost knows where the electrical panel is and can help you fix it. Be nice to the dead.

Yeah, William, you would be a shit Final Girl with all the noise you're making lmfao.

The Final Gay XD Going to be using that phrase from now on because what the fuck, that's fucking hilarious. Got me cackling at work xD

Oooh, I actually like when books bounce between the past and present when the timelines are marked. Thank you Ben!

Who the fuck is this new guy and why does he think he owns the house Archie left to William when he died???

Oooh, how does the new guy know Archie's family? Is he a relative?

Hmmm, okay Edward, I'll bite. What do you mean your family has been taking care of the gardens for years?

Is this going to be some sort of reincarnation type thing? Or a possession sort of thing? Because a bitch as Thoughts.

Closing the door in a dude's face just as it starts to rain is going to be a weird karma to bite William in the ass later.

William being terrified of spiders has me laughing. I, personally, love spiders and would be calling him a big old baby.

Glad that the power issue was a simple fix but woof at jumping at shadows. Wait til this boy comes across an actual fucking ghost lmfao.

I think William is being way too nice to Edward considering I'd be fucking pissed if the strange man in my house danced around any questions I asked. But, I'm also the kind of person who would (and has) busted a poolstick over someone's back.

Oooh, why did William kick Archie out in a storm? Also, William, my dude, Archie's death isn't your fault. It's not like you hit him with the car.

Sleep walking or possession? My money is on possession.

Ah. No, I too would have kicked my fiance out if I caught him cheating on me. Still does not make Archie's death your fault, William.

...Is Edward who Archie was cheating on William with? Because that would be so fucked up.

Oh shit, Edward's related to Teddy???

Okay, so Archie's great-great grandfather passed the house down after dying in WWI, so that would have made him a distant cousin of Robert? Who killed himself after Teddy was killed in WWII? Do I have the timeline correct here? And Edward is Teddy's distant nephew? I'mma need a family tree, Ben.

<insert that Always Sunny conspiracy gif here, you know the one>

Okay, okay, okay, so no wonder Robert's parents took his death so horribly. His older brother, Archibald, was killed in WWI, that's how Archie is related (also yikes on both of them dying in tragic fucking circumstances. Note to self: Archibald Thomas is a cursed fucking name).

The way Edward is reacting to that journal makes me wonder if he's the reincarnated version of Teddy...

Or is Edward Teddy? Teddy is sometimes a nickname for Edward. Ben, I just wanna chat.

Ooooh, Robert and Teddy were being sneaky

Robert's journal is breaking my heart.

DAMMIT BEN, I CANNOT BE CRYING AT WORK LIKE THIS!

Yeah, no, I'd be out of that house so fucking fast.

Edward definitely knows a lot more than he's saying. Is he even going to still be there when dawn breaks???

The most awkward slumber party in the history of ever...

Why am I not shocked that Edward was gone by the time William woke up? I swear to fucking hell, if this man is a ghost, I'm comin' for your shins Ben.

Man, why everyone in this little town got a stank ass attitude towards William? He ain't done nothin' wrong, tf?

Would not have guessed that William writes children's books. Also, not a fan of Mike so far.

I really don't like the people in this little ass town. Bunch of fucking assholes.

Ben. I swear to fucking hell. If Edward actually is Teddy, I'm going to smack you with a stick. Twice.

Okay, I am pretty sure ghosts can't bleed but I still do not trust Ben.

So, if the telegram about Teddy's death was forged, what are the odds that Robert's father found out about Robert and Teddy, killed Teddy, and forged the telegram not realizing it would drive his own son to suicide? Unless, of course, his dad killed him too and made it look like a suicide? I could believe that too. Ben, I swear to fucking hell, I better not be right.

The fact that Teddy and Robert were all set to run away together, with Teddy's sister willing to help them, only for both of them to die? Ben, I'm comin' for your fuckin' shins and I'm selling them on facebook marketplace.

Yeah, no, I'm with Edward here, I also don't think Teddy ever left Hanbury.

Oh yeah, my money is 100% on Robert's dad having murdered him and Teddy for being in love with each other. 

In which Edward did the dumb thing white people like me would do and brought a fucking ouija board to the very haunted house for answers. That's not going to end well for anyone involved.

Aright, are we going to start taking bets on which one of these two idiots is going to make the first move?

Yeah, the fact that Robert's dad was catching onto something going on between Robert and Teddy is A Big Red Flag.

Okay, what ghost is possessing William and making him dig up fucking graves in another storm??? And where is Edward???

Glad Edward found William but woof, these poor dumbasses.

Ahh, yes, because post possession is the best time to get out the fucking ouija board. Man, even I know this is a bad idea and I used to fuck with those damned things in my teens. 

Why is this ghost so fucking attached to William?

William, sweetheart, maybe we don't contemplate suicide in the severely haunted house?

I know breaking down the attic door is necessary, but I do not want anyone going in that fucking room xD I am going to freak.

Oooof, okay, yikes. Did Robert's father lock him in the attic before killing him? Because that's the vibe I'm getting here and I'm going to fucking cry.

Knowing that this chapter is going to fucking hurt me and going into it anyway...

Please tell me Robert's dad didn't just beat Teddy to death... Please tell me Teddy at least gets to read that journal entry, to know that Robert really did love him in return. I'm going to fucking sob.

Okay, so we found Teddy's journal and now we're getting another ghost show?

Why would Archie's spirit only reveal itself at the manor and NOT anywhere else? William has had that coat with him the whole damn time. Why here? Why NOW?

Was this all a fucking dream???

Okay, so definitely a nightmare but also exactly where Teddy's journal was hidden. Fucking hell.

WAS IT A NIGHTMARE OR NOT?! BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK WAS THE BASEMENT DOOR OPEN?!

Are we going to get more detail on William's time in what I'm assuming was a psychiatric hospital or ward? Did he actually try to kill himself? Is that why he's so affected by the ghosts?

Okay, good to know that Robert's father had NOT beaten Teddy to death the night he found them together and that that incident was the turning point for both of them. We know that they never made it to the meet up with Teddy's sister and that Robert was imprisoned in the attic until his death (which I still do not believe was a suicide), but what did Robert's father do to Teddy in that time frame?

Ah. Soooo, they were planning to poison Robert's parents just enough to make them sick without killing them. Because that plan always goes over well...

Aaaand we're going back to the ouija board. Awesome. A+ plan, guys, totally stellar.

Why is Archie there? Why is he only responding to Edward? Why is Edward having a fucking panic attack? I swear to fucking hell, if I was right about Edward being the person Archie was cheating on William with, I'm going to throw up. I will also be throwing up if Edward was the one who accidentally hit Archie but that not as badly. Either way, Ben, what the fuck?

No, seriously, what the fuck is Edward's connection to Archie?

...Is it Edward's turn to be possessed now?

Okay, not possessed but Archie's ghost is trying to reveal some deep, dark secret of Edward's and Edward is trying real fucking hard to keep it fucking buried, and I am cursing both Ben and myself. Ben for writing this fuck ass book and me for deciding to read it knowing it was going to stress me out and make me cry.

Please do not tell me that Robert's father murdered Teddy and dumped his body in the fucking well...

I feel like we're about to find out what Edward's connection to Archie is and it's going to fucking hurt. A lot. Fuck me sideways with a rusty fucking chainsaw.

This fuck ass book is making my chest feel tight. I don't know if I'm going to cry or have a goddamn panic attack at this point. Either way, it's all Ben's fucking fault.

NO, STOP KISSING!!! THIS IS ONLY GOING TO MAKE THE TRUTH FUCKING HARDER TO DEAL WITH!!! STOP IT!!! BAD!!!!

So Archie was in talks with Edward to sell the property to him before he died and it went to William. Which brings me back to the thought that Edward was who Archie had been cheating on William with.

...I wonder if Archie was actually cheating at all or if the meet up had literally just been to sell the manor. I'm going to be so heartbroken for William if Archie hadn't been cheating and it had all just been a bad misunderstanding.

I think I would have preferred the affair. Why did it have to be my second guess of Edward being the one who killed Archie? I'm going to cry and puke. Ben, I'm comin' for your fuckin' shin.

The real question is did he kill him on accident or on purpose?

Okay, not directly. Edward's ex boyfriend. These two are going to make me scream in frustration.

IT WOULD HAVE FUCKING HURT LESS IF ARCHIE WAS A CHEATER, IF HE HADN'T LOVED WILLIAM SO FUCKING COMPLETELY. I'M SOBBING. FUCK THIS FUCK ASS BOOK. FUCK BEN FOR THIS FUCK ASS FUCKING BOOK.

HOW THE FUCK DO I STILL HAVE LIKE 80 PAGES TO GO?! FUCKING HELL.

...Where did the flies come from? Who was really driving away from the manor if Edward left last night? Why do I get the feeling someone else in this story is fucking dead?

I swear to fucking hell, Edward better not be dead.

The busted window on the car, the blood, the discarded bandages, the ghosts, the fucking well. I don't like where this is going.

OH FUCK, EDWARD'S ALIVE BUT FOR HOW FUCKING LONG?! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO HIM????

Who the fuck attacked Edward???

Why do I get the feeling William is dead?

There are so many fucking ghosts in this place, holy fucking hell. But, good to know the ghost of Robert Thomas is trying to help?

Holy shit, is Mike a fucking serial killer???

What the actual fuck was Robert's dad and Mike's grandfather? Great grandfather? I don't fucking know, doing???

But also, I fucking KNEW I didn't like bitch's ass.

Wait, if Robert's bones are in a box in a desk in a hidden fucking room, who the fuck is buried in his grave on the property???

I was afraid that was going to be the answer...

Wait, what did Edward do? What the fuck is Mike talking about? Also, good to know Mike and his family have been killing people for years to keep the secret of the forged documents from WWII fucking buried. What the actual fuck?

AND I SWEAR TO FUCKING HELL, IF EDWARD IS DEAD, I'M GOING TO FUCKING RIOT.

Edward can't die, please for the love of everything, don't let Edward die.

How long has Will be dead?

Oh. Oh no. It wasn't a nightmare. The fall, the basement...How did Edward not realize?

Okay, but I kind of love Dame already with her want to rattle her old bones with dancing.

Why do I feel like Maximus's hatred of magic is going to come back to bite him in the ass in the most ironic fucking way possible?

I would also skip a party to hang out in a library so releatable.

Well now, we haven't even met Julian on paper and I am already uneasy over the thought of him.

Why do I get the feeling that I do NOT want to know what Julian wants from Max…

Ope. Probably should NOT have done that, Max… I was right about not wanting to know what Julian wanted though. Like, YIKES.

Are we sure running into the woods in the middle of the night is the best option? Seems a good way to get lost or to make sure no one ever finds your bones when you get murdered by the prince you just bitch slapped.

Oh for fuck's sake, Max, you are not making this any better for yourself.

Here I am, once again, yelling at Ben's characters for stressing me tf out.

Oooh, Max has magic??? Or did he just find an accidentally magical stick?

I mean, Julian definitely kind of deserved this but oh damn for Max. That's gotta be fucking traumatic as fuck.

Ah, so the answer appears to be both. Magic and a magic stick.

I feel like trying to burn your wand might be a bad idea. Max, please stop making bad choices. I can only take so much stress before I have a panic.

This book is going to fucking hurt me, I can feel it in my bones. I'd normally be screaming for Max to tell his bestie but I don't think that'd be smart given the whole murdering the heir to the throne thing.

Do NOT throw that wand into the fucking fire, Max. I swear to fucking god.

Welp. That's one way to loudly announce what you are to fucking everyone all because your dad had to be a fucking prick.

Ummm…I'm gonna need Max's mom to get to the fucking point here.

Max, please, I am BEGGING you, STOP FUCKING TALKING.

Okay, so, guessing Max's mom is from the northern countries and that's how he's a mage since all of the southern ones are deadified?

Wow my dude, tell us how you really feel about your dead son…

Ew. So much ew. Max is NOT your fucking child, you fucking creep.

Ewww don't call Max by your awful dead ass son's name.

-Squints at Simion- Are you the love interest? I'm getting A Vibe.

See, now, I WANT to like Simion right off the bat but I am a little too familiar with Ben and his tricks and I am more than willing to bet this man is hiding some deep, dark secret that is going to end up causing both Max and me pain.

NOT GILL!!! OH WHAT THE FUCK?! BEN, BEN I AM GOING TO CRY AND IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

This whole book is fucked. IDK what the fuck I expected.

Max is already breaking my heart. Poor boy just wants his mom and dad back and I do not blame him at all.

Okay, I expected Simion to be the person from the north, NOT Beatrice. What the fuck? Ben, I swear to GOD, Elmo's fonna fucking sue if you make me hate Bea.

Was not expecting Simion to be Bea's brother. What the actual, ever loving fuck did I get myself into? We're not even 25% in and I've been blindsided twice already. IN THE SPAN OF A FEW PAGES.

Well, glad you have hope, Max, because all I have is anxiety.

Max, focus. Please, for the love of fuck, FOCUS. And not on Simion.

Why do I get the feeling that Max's parents are already dead? I feel like his dad's been dead since the fire and his mom's been dead since King Jackass had her dragged out of the room. Also, Silas is fucking creepy and gross and I hope his death is painful.

God fucking dammit, Ben! I had a nasty feeling in my gut that there was going to be something horrifically fucking off about this hunt and I'm honestly terrified to know who the fuck they're going to try to make Max hunt and kill.

BEN, ELMO'S GONNA FUCKING SUE! DAME DOES NOT DESERVE THIS. THIS IS NOW HOW HER OLD BONES SHOULD BE RATTLED. FUCKING FUCK! STOP MAKING ME FUCKING CRY.

Oh thank fuck his parents are still alive. I would have been fucking ugly sobbing if they were dead.

Not me feeling all weepy over Max and his dad.

Every interaction Max has with anyone has me stressed and worried that it's going to get his parents murdered. I need to stop trying to read before going back to sleep because I am never going to sleep under this kind of stress.

Uhhh, the fuck do you mean y'all lost Max's fucking parents, Simion???

I fucking hate Silas's creepy ass and I cannot wait for him to be DEAD.

What the fuck is going on with Camron? This is all suspicious as fuck. Am I getting a fucking love triangle out of this book? And what happens when Camron learns that Max is not Julian?

Okay, so there is definitely a history between Camron and Julian. How is this man going to respond to finding out Julian is dead?

Oh shit. Wasn't expecting Camron to know Max's name.

I'm not sure if I trust Camron. I still don't even trust Simion. This book is going to be the death of me.

Uhhhh...why are we handing over Max's parents to Camron and his mom? Are we trying to marry Max off to Camron? Is that what's happening here? If so, why? Why does Gathrax get out of this?

Oooh, please tell me that Max is planning on killing the King and his creepy lackey???? Because I need that.

I don't like the way Silas stares at Max or the gross ass comments he makes. Keep your nasty hands to yourself, you creepy ass fucking antique.

Well played, Max. Here's to hoping it doesn't bite you in the fucking ass later.

Ahh, there it is. The surprise wedding bomb.

The offense Camron's mom feels over Stephanie using the word fuck brings me so much joy. I love Stephanie. Which means she is probably going to fucking die because that's my luck.

Okay, so, now everyone knows Max is Max, but what fucking game is Camron playing here? I still do not trust this man, even if he did give Max his wand back.

Don't get me wrong, super happy that Gathrax is dead. I don't think Max ever wanted to be a king tho and, seriously, what the fuck is Camron's game here???

On one hand, I wish Camron had slit Silas's throat. On the other, I do agree with Max letting the people Silas has hurt pass down judgment.

Why is Max so important to the North? Why is he potentially such a huge fucking threat? I don't like that Beatrice won't just answer his fucking questions.

Yeah, no, I still do not trust Camron.

Yeah, Max walked right the fuck into that joke.

Wait, back the fuck up. Dame's alive????? DO NOT LET ME GET MY HOPES UP ONLY TO CRUSH THEM, I SWEAR TO FUCKING HELL.

Dame being alive is everything to me. I fucking swear, if she dies for real, I will fucking riot.

BEN FUCKING ALDERSON, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW???? NO, JAIL FOR YOU. JAIL FOR BEN FOR ONE THOUSAND YEARS. ELMO'S GOING TO FUCKING SUE.

Max is terrifying in his rage and magic, holy damn. If he kills the rider, does he get the dragon? Because that would be kind of dope.

Okay, so we have lightning and earth, what else can Max manipulate with his magic?

Okay, 1. Bea just HELPED, please stop arresting her and 2. Camron, what do you mean you NEED Max? Sounds fucking fishy to me. Also, 3. What the fuck did Simion tell the north??? And 4. Why did this soldier in particular really want Max and his mom dead?

So, I was absolutely expecting Max's rage to be because Camron had Bea killed or something. Was not expecting MORE parental kidnap. For fuck's sake, Ben, how many times are these two going to change hands???

Awww, I do appreciate that Camron is refusing to take advantage of a very drunk Max (even if Max is begging him to). The kiss is sweet though.

I do love that Bea is standing beside Max, that she's choosing him overall.

Firefly has ruined my brain because that line just made me go "I am a leaf on the wind" and now I'm SAD and this isn't even a sad scene in the book.

Getting cockblocked by a guard who doesn't even bother to knock would piss me the tf off too.

Was not expecting Simion to just show up on the back of a really pretty dragon with telepathy.

Here we go, headed north with our husband left in the south. Max, if you die, I will be so pissed. If Bea dies, I will be so pissed.

I wanna ride a dragon!!!

Also, that story was depressing as fuck. But also kind of tracks that the four ruling families of the south had been using stolen magic that they had killed for. I would not be surprised if the story Simion told was true in some aspect.

Yeah, that was kind of a dick thing to say, Simion. I'm impressed Max didn't swing on you because I damn sure would have.

Ya know, I've been doing these notes for a while now and I just realized that I type these out like I'm talking to the characters in the book or the author. And, while I do yell at this particular author on threads often, he's one of the few I do that to (mostly Ben and Ryan La Sala, sometimes CG Drews because they're all very responsive lmfao).

No, but seriously, why DID Max's mom take him and run? Why is she being called a traitor? Clearly, Bea and Simion's mother agreed with her choice since she helped, knowing the risk doing so posed. All the questions.

Ope, I was wondering how long it would take for either Max to realize his father wasn't biologically his father or for someone to let it slip. Not a single person had mentioned his father having anything to do with him being "stolen" and no one has called his father a traitor like his mother.

This whole book is fucking hurting me.

Was not expecting the sight of the tree being burned to still be burnt black after a century. Forests tend to heal better than that. The fuck kind of fire did the north use???

Aaaaand now we have phoenixes.

Maximus, baby, you are a married man. I know you didn't have any say in the wedding, but you also seem to like your hubby. Please don't put yourself in this position. Love triangles rarely end well and I don't see either one of these men being all that willing to share.

What's got the fucking dragon in a goddamn panic??? Also, if this dragon dies, I will be fucking gutted because she's a pretty baby.

...Wolf porcupine hybrid creatures? Ben, what the actual fuck?

I swear to fucking hell, if Simion dies, I will be pissed.

Was not expecting Max to immediately get fucking arrested. What the actual fuck?

Why is the scary elder lady confused about Max's question about his parents? Who actually has Max's parents? I swear to fucking hell, Camron better not have been fucking lying to Max to try to start a goddamn war.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! MAX'S PARENTS BETTER NOT BE FUCKING DEAD, I SWEAR TO FUCK.

Not sure if it's better or worse that Camron lied.

Oooh, I wanna hear what Bea thinks Camron wants from Max. Also, can we let Max have a dragon? Because that would be dope. Also, Simion said the dryads let Max's mom leave with him and he's not sure why. I would also like to know why.

Oh damn, I ws not expecting Max kissing anyone other than his husband to cause him this much physical pain. Fucking hell.

...Is Camron a phoenix or blessed by one? I'm making that my guess now.

How tf did Bea get hurt? I swear to fuck, if her and Camron are working together, I'm going to be pissed.

No, but seriously, how did she get burned???

Great. Bea lied. I got a bad feeling about this.

Oh. Oh this hurts. Poor Max. His world just keeps getting shattered.

Well. Fuck.

Oh! OH, OH, OH! I CALLED IT! I FUCKING CALLED IT!! BETTING BEA LET HIS ASS IN TOO.

I don't like being right.

Also. Is Max's dad about to sacrifice himself? Because I feel like that's about to be A Thing and I'm gonna cry.

Well. That was...intense. Also, fuck Camron for all of this because wtf. Max didn't deserve any of this.

Ah, yes, let us have someone who hates Max with a burning passion be his teacher. Nothing bad can possibly come from that...

Also, talk about a fucking divorce xD

Max literally saved the entire fucking city and is still being called a traitor. A traitor to a country he had not seen since he was a baby. A traitor despite having done nothing to actually betray anyone there. That is really pissing me off.

"There's no coming back from ashes" is a WILD thing to say about a phoenix. I get that he was merely possessed by a phoenix, but how much of Camron's mind was his own at that point?

YEAH, NOT FUCKING SHOCKED THAT THE HANDFASTING MARKS ARE STILL THERE. PHOENIXES ARE REBORN FROM THEIR ASHES.

Wait, hold up. Eric Bennett? As in Scott's friend Eric???? Back the fuck up and pause. Seriously? Okay, color me excited because I like Eric. (I should really stop going into these books completely blind because I be staying shocked)

SCOTT AND KIP ARE ENGAGED?!?!?! AHHHHH!!!! MY BABIES!!!!!!

Kyle as in bartender Kyle??? I could see that. They could be cute together.

Vaughny!!!!! Have I mentioned how much I love Carter Vaughn? Because I love him so much.

Oh, Eric's got a crush going. I'm here for it. I like Kyle, I like Eric, they could both use some lovin's.

I wasn't expecting Maria to be Kyle's roommate. I am so here for this. I fucking love Maria. I love that this book has so many characters that I'm already familiar with.

I love that Eric is thinking about practice flirting because that idea is hilarious to me.

Cackling at Ilya and Eric bantering during the game. Ilya, stop being a little shit to everyone you happen to be near (please don't ever stop, I love it).

Kyle, honey, please do not try to flirt with Ilya. He is very much taken by Shane. You have a way better chance of getting Eric into your bed.

Not Ilya immediately clocking that Eric keeps staring at Kyle and calling him on it xD I fucking love Ilya. But also, why is Ilya the only fuck person in the whole NHL with working gaydar?

Ilya just clocking Eric on fucking everything lmfao. Poor Eric.

Awww, poor Eric trying to be flirty and Kyle shutting that shit down because of the wedding ring. Eric, please just tell the boy that you're divorced.

I am begging for someone, anyone to tell Kyle that Eric is fucking divorced. Please for the love everything, someone tell him.

No, but like, I'm with Kyle on this one. Triple G is absolutely a good show to toss on when you're feeling down.

Everyone ragging on Eric about his age has me cackling. Especially the "BYO chocolate milk?" line because that would be bomb af.

Finally someone tells Kyle that Eric is divorced.

Uhhhh, do I want to know what happened to Kyle with his shitty ex when he was 18? I have a feeling I do not want those answers.

Okay, not as bad as I was thinking but still yikes. Poor Kyle did not deserve that.

Ayyyy! Rose mention!!! I love her so much. I love that Rose and Carter's girlfriend are friends.

I love the teasing jokes about Carter at least knowing his shapes xD Don't do my boy dirty like that.

Lmfao poor Eric being all flustered and Kyle accidentally make it so much worse.

Stupid sexy Eric was 100% read in the same tone as Homer Simpson saying stupid sexy Flanders. Just for reference.

Okay, can one of you please be a little bolder here? For fucks sake, just smooch already.

This was such a terrible idea for the both of you, please stop pretending y'all ain't interested in one another.

Awww yay!!! They kissed!!! Kyle, baby, you are not subtle with thaht offer either.

Eric is gonna fall so fucking hard so fucking fast, I am calling that now.

Scott being excited that Eric is crushing on Kyle is so fucking cute. I'm glad Eric told him.

Please let Scott beat Kent's face in. I am BEGGING y'all.

Poor boy has got it BAD for Kyle.

I am so proud of Eric for at least considering Kyle's offer enough to ask him to dinner.

The name guessing feels like it's turning into a running joke between Kyle and Eric and I am so here for it.

This is absolutely a date and a very cute one at that

Stoooop, Eric absolutely was viewing this as a real date. 

Eric might be a little OCD based on his inability to let a mess sit even for a little while. Kind of reminds me of my sister not gonna lie.

We love a big, tough, subby boy.

Awww, poor Eric really wanted Kyle to stay the night.

Kyle playing angry birds on his phone to build Eric's anticipation has me fucking cackling because what the actual fuck xD

Oh my gods, could you just two just admit you don't want no strings attached because y'all actually like each other? Y'all are making me SAD.

This whole fucking series is going to be the goddamn death of me.

Can we stop pretending these aren't actual dates? Like, these are literally dates.

Friends. Right. Sure.

Well. That's a mental image of Scott Hunter that is now going to HAUNT ME and I should probably stop reading and go to sleep.

Go get Matti, Maria!!! Rootin' for you, girlie pop!

Omfg, I can't tell if Kyle's trying to make Eric jealous or not. I am gonna knock their heads together like fucking coconuts at this point.

Well, we finally got a sleepover. I feel like there's still plenty of time for these two to fucking HURT ME.

I'm glad Eric finally told someone he's retiring from hockey and I love that Kyle seems to be his go to person to tell things to at this point. Now he just needs to tell Kyle he wants to date him.

So close to admitting feelings. SO CLOSE. C'mon, admit it!

I am so here for the fuzzy handcuffs lmfao

Ah, yes, Shane and Ilya. Good friends. Cackling.

Ooh, why does Troy wanna talk to Scott in particular? Do we have another one for team make hockey queer?

Jesus fucking hell, Ilya xD

Ilya and Shane being not at all subtle. Again. How is everyone so oblivious to what these two are doing???

Aww, good on Eric for telling Scott he plans on retiring.

Please, Kyle, for the love of everything, take Kip's advice.

Yeah, calling this a date as well. It's a date, you cannot convince me otherwise.

I knew there was still time for this fucking book to fucking hurt me and here I am, about to fucking cry. Again. WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF????

Oh thank fuck the pain was super short lived and Eric finally pulled his head out of ass here.

Okay, but this is starting so fucking tragic. What do you mean this little 6 year old has to witness his parents dying???

Welp. The prologue fucking hurt. Elmo's gonna fucking sue.

Hector, all grown up and killing people. Good for him. Fuck hunters.

Oh, cool, eye gore. Hey, so, fun fact! Eyes are like...the one thing I'm super squeamish about lmfao. Go Caym tho?

Well, shit.

Okay, but Hector is a mouthy little shit and I love him already. This is 100% how I'd play my cards too.

Oh shit, what do you mean familiars are illegal and they'd rip Caym away from Hector? Wouldn't that...I dunno, utterly shatter Hector's mind since they're linked???

What the fuck trials are they forcing Hector into? Where the fuck is Caym and why is he suddenly so quiet? This is going to give me a panic attack.

Oh, cool, they're basically keeping him prisoner. Where the fuck is Caym???

Oh thank fuck, Caym's okay. I was getting worried there for a second.

Okay, but I am finding it really hard to dislike Romy so far. She seems like a little sweetie pie. Dangerous, yes, but a sweetie pie nonetheless.

Hold up, asshole Jonathan is Romy's adoptive father??? And here she is, being a little sneaky sneak to help Hector. Girlie pop, we gonna get along great.

Shiiiiit, Romy knowing about Caym and keeping her mouth shut is a huge deal. I'm definitely agreeing with Caym about liking her. Please tell me Romy and Hector meet up again down the line? I need them to have a found family kind of friendship.

Excuse the ever loving fuck out of me? The fuck do you MEAN Jonathan is working with Tomin??? As in the asshole hunter who murdered Hector's parents??? Excuse??? Ben, what the actual fuck?

Dammit, Hector, please listen to Caym and let him get you the fuck out of there.

Hector, now is not the time to be all whoo! Danger is exciting! You dumbass.

Sighing, pinching the bridge of my nose, and shaking my head. Dammit, Hector.

Oh shit, is Hector already being favored in this shit by it taking place the same place his mom had won her trials??? I mean, that would make sense since he's trying to save everyone's ass with Jonathan's bullshit...

Romy definitely knows something about Jonathan that she isn't sharing with the class.

Who the fuck was that dude that just came out of fucking nowhere and killed the dude that tried to kill Hector??? What the actual fuck???

Romy is a good person foor Hector to learn to be friends with. Classic example of the extroverted lab puppy adopting the introverted little cheetah.

OH SHIT! Should I be worried that 6 year old Hector's bully is there? Is Salem going to be a problem or is he going to side with Hector and Romy?

I can't tell if Salem is threatening, flirting, or being sincere. I'm also not sure which answer would be more fun; threatening or flirting. Look, no one said I was nice to fictional characters and I am not about to start now.

Oh hey, we found the mystery man.

Can't decide if I like Arwyn or not yet. I'm gonna be Big Mad if he's the hunters' planted fighter.

Okay, yeah, gonna be real mad if Arwyn is the bad guy afte he just gave Hector a book in his dead mother's handwriting.

Wait, so the first fucking trial is a goddamn bloodbath??? What the actual fuck??

Romy better still be alive or I will fucking RIOT.

Okay, note to self, stay the FUCK away from Salem jesus fucking CHRIST.

Great, Arwyn is already growing on me. I'm going to be so fucking mad if he's with the hunters.

Thank fuck for Romy and Arwyn.

Okay, but who the fuck healed Hector? Because, last I checked, that was not in the skill set of Romy or Arwyn.

Oh, so Romy CAN heal. Interesting. Why did she call for a healer the last time Hector was hurt?

These two crushing on Arwyn already is genuinely funny as fuck to me.

Why do I get the feeling that Arwyn is the kid Tomin had with him the night Hector's parents were killed? Is he the kid that Tomin made kill Hector's mother? Is he just toying with HEctor to get his trust to fuck him over in the worst possible way in the end? I'm going to be so pissed if this is the case.

I can't tell if Arwyn was making a joke about topping or what, but I'm begrudgingly here for it. This book is going to fucking hurt me.

Kind of stings that Romy knows what Jonathan is up to but it also makes more sense with her trying to get Hector out and her determination to win because she would absolutely not want that sort of genocide happening. I hope.

Jonathan was involved in the murder of Hector's fucking parents. I hope his death is slow and fucking agonizing.

I wouldn't be too keen on trusting Jordan...

Why is Arwyn out here fighting shirtless?

Romy, I love you. But good to know that Arwyn is so hot that he has a lesbian drooling.

Romy is a bad influence.

This is a weird way to flirt, boys.

I want to know what the fuck Arwyn knows and why he's so hell bent on helping Hector.

Okay, but the illustrations in this bring me a lot of joy. I like having an idea of what the characters are meant to look like.

Yeah, kinda don't trust Salem. We know that Hector survived his parents' murder because of Caym, but how did Salem survive?

I have money on Salem being the one who killed Jordan.

What the actual fuck was that????

So first the ground fucking ate Jordan's dead body like something pulling him to hell and then we got The Mist and god only knows what the fuck is in that shit and Arwyn being fucking weird and I am getting a HEADACHE from the whiplash.

Uh, where the fuck did everyone just end up? WHERE IS ROMY?!

Is Arwyn trying to insinuate that Romy is the witch hunter with the callback on the word flock? Because that would make no sense when she was literally with Hector when Jordan was killed. I still think it was Salem.

Why is Arwyn calling Hector a little kitty?

This is the funniest flirting I've read in a while and I am so here for it.

Is Arwyn actually Caym? Because I wouldn't be mad at that and it would explain more why he knew so much about Hector's mom.

Okay, so, not Caym. BUT YAY ON CAYM FINALLY SHOWING BACK UP!!!!

Uh, that's not great.

Man, the creepy demon birds better not kill Arwyn. I will be so pissed. This book is pissing me off but, like, still gonna keep going. I need fucking answers dammit!

Oh yay, poisonous demon bird things. Love that for Hector.

Caym is such a snarky little asshole and I love that for him.

The fuck do you mean they went BACK IN TIME? Excuse the fuck out of me???? SOMEONE BETTER EXPLAIN THIS SHIT.

Oh, great, stuck in the past and with no magic. What in the ever loving fuck is going on here?

Cover my mouth like that and I'm gonna fuckin' bite a bitch.

Uh, what do you mean they got dropped back in time to the old school witch trials in the area? What the hell???

This is not the time to be thirsting over Arwyn, Hector. Focus on the task at hand. You know, the not fucking DYING?

I like Eleanor and I am really unhappy that I know she dies. But I'm also seeing why Hector and Arwyn were put in her path if Hector's mom's spirit is involved with the choices since she used to tell him stories of Eleanor.

Stooooop! She gave Hector her grimoire???? I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry and then I'm going to SUE.

Fighting or flirting you two? Jesus fucking hell.

Oh, shit, Arwyn, baby...Both boys had their mommas murdered and now I'm just mad at Ben for writing all of this. RUDE SIR

I swear to fucking everything, if Romy dies, I will be punching someone.

Oh shit, he still has the grimoire??? And what the fuck did Eleanor summon in the last moments of her life? Will Hector be able to use the old magic contained in the grimoire? Someone fucking sedate me at this point.

I really do hope Romy melts Jaz's fucking face off. Slowly.

Romy is a terrible influence and I am 100% on her side here. Hector and Arwyn do need to just kiss or something.

Let's maybe not go inside the creepy mausoleum?

No, stop, don't go down the stairs that were hidden in a fucking coffin, are you fucking kidding me? Is Romy the only smart one of this trio?

Yeah, see, I was right. Going down there was a fucking mistake and I swear, if this gets Arwyn killed, I will be PISSED. Well, more pissed than I already am.

Oh, so now we're magically drugging people so we can sneak out to do stupid, suicidal things like going back to the mausoleum. Great. Love that.

Of course Jaz is out here poisoning people so she can kill them. Thank fuck Hector figured out to use old magic that doesn't seem as easy to cut off.

Oooh, Hector using old magic to literally steal the flame of a fire witch is kind of fucking impressive.

I'm glad he survived that confrontation but woof, ouch on needing to kill 3 people just to manage it.

Romy dipping out because of what Hector did actually hurts. I really wanted them to have a good friendship...

I still want to know what Arwyn needs forgiveness for.

Sure, shower sex is a great idea when you've been playing near-death bingo.

Oh fuck, did Romy take the page about scrying? Why would she if she did? Why is she the only other one that seems to be able to tap into some form of old magic?

Okay, 1. I am not looking forward to this next trial and 2. Is Romy okay????

CAYM!!!! This better not be some sort of fucked up element of this fucking trial.

Fuck. Fucking fuck. I fucking knew it. I knew there was something off about Salem. I swear to fucking everything, if he kills any of the trio, I'm throwing my phone across the room.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! CAYM BETTER NOT ACTUALLY DIE. I SWEAR TO FUCKING HELL, I'M GOING TO THROAT PUNCH SOMEONE OVER THIS BOOK.

Uhhhh, fucking what? What do you mean familiars are demons and Caym was a fucking demon????

Making Hector see the fake ghost of his dead mother is just fucking cruel.

Wait, so, Salem and Arwyn know one another? What the fuck is going on with Salem wanting Hector? My brain hurts. My heart hurts.

Fuck me sideways. I fucking called it and it hurts. Goddammit, I was so willing to believe that it was fucking Salem, just Salem. I wanted so badly to believe in Arwyn. ELMO'S GOING TO FUCKING SUE.

Fuck. I don't like that I was right about who Arwyn was so early. I was right, this fucking hurts. I am not okay with this. Hector didn't deserve this.

Wait, so, what the fuck? Who was the demon's vessel before? Was it Hector's mom? When is Hector going to realize that Arwyn's the one who stabbed his mother to death?

Wait, so, does this mean that Hector's...what? A cambion? Is that why he's able to tap into the old magics?

WHAT A SHITTY FUCKING WAY FOR HECTOR TO LEARN THAT FUCKING TRUTH, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

Yeah. This all fucking hurts.

Shane, baby, why the fuck are you lying to yourself?

Good lord, they're cute in the most annoying, antagonistic way possible, and Shane is so fucking lying to himself in this prologue. Baby, a blind person could see you're down bad for Ilya.

"Kind of a dick," being Shane's description of Ilya after their first meeting is honestly hilarious and I'm so here for it.

Not Shane crushing on Ilya this hard this quickly while having a whole ass girlfriend. Boy doesn't even stand a chance here.

Ilya being obsessed with Shane's freckles is the cutest fucking thing ever, are you fucking kidding me?

Oh lord, y'all are the least subtle humans in the history of humans.

I know this scene is meant to be hot but I'm just giggling over Shane's gay panic because like, been there but I have a feeling I got over it a lot quicker than he's about to.

Shane, that's a fun inside thought while talking to your parents. I'm DYING over here lmfao

Yuna, don't say screw Rozanov to your son, who most assuredly wants just that.

Ilya's brother sucks.

Shane's panic over everything but his desire to still be there is hilarious. Just a precious little bean.

Awww, not Ilya making sure to kiss Shane goodbye before he goes back to Russia for the offseason. And Shane just Not Getting It lmfao.

Ilya being a fan of the Fast and Furious movies makes a weird sort of sense.

Lmfaooo on the your mom joke.

Ayyyyy!!! Scott and Carter!!!!! My boys!!!!

Kind of cool to see how the Olypmics are going to play out for everyone. Also really nice to see Scott and Carter.

Ilya's dad is such a fucking prick, jfc.

Shane being proud of Ilya for winning the cup is the cutest fucking thing, jesus christ.

Awww, Shane regretting not kissing Ilya. My fucking heart. These two are going to be the fucking death of me.

Shane weighing the idea of telling Hayden he's gay. Oh, my heart.

Lmfao Ilya watching Shane's little home tour and calling him boring while also just wanting him. Baby, just admit you have feelings for the boy.

Ilya asking Shane to stay the night and then revealing that he has ginger ale and pretending like he was guessing what Shane liked to drink. You ain't subtle, Ilya.

Oh. Oh this hurts me. This hurts me a lot.

Okay, Shane, liking a girl and being attracted to a girl are two very different things.

Ilya immediately saying no to the mere idea of Shane dating Rose. Sweet boy, go get your boyfriend back.

Oh good lord, these two are going to kill me and then my ghost is going to sue.

Rose, you are a sweet baby angel and I love you. Thank you for existing. Sweet. Baby. ANGEL.

Ilya, sweet boy, please just talk to Shane so the two of you can get back together.

Not Ilya being happy to find out that Shane and Rose are no longer together. GO GET YOUR MAN, ILYA!

Okay but Ilya playing in the pool with the kids and then shaking water all over Shane like a wet puppy and hugging him in public was really fucking cute. Yes, this, give me more of this. I need the fluff dammit!

Awww, cheek kisses on the ice! Can we just keep these two on the same team for always? Because it's cute as fuck.

Subtle hand touches on the beach at night is also going to kill me.

Yeah, this talk hurts me. Fucking hell Ilya's family sucks ass.

The cross being Ilya's deceased mom's. Fuck. My heart. I cannot take this. I'm going to fucking cry.

First name usage should not have me grinning like a fucking moron and yet, here we fucking are. Me, reading this, grinning like a fucking moron.

Shane calling Ilya to see if he's okay. Ugh, my heart. Shane, my love, you are so in love with this man.

STOOOOOP!!!! Ilya admitting he's in love with Shane and Shane have NO IDEA. Please tell me Shane eventually finds out that Ilya said that. I need that realization.

Enter: Shane's Panic about inviting Ilya to his cottage for the summer. I love Gay Panic Shane.

I was wondering how long it would take for Shane to admit to himself that he wanted a real relationship with Ilya.

Ilya being fixated on Shane's glasses has me giggling.

And now we have Ilya's freckles obsession. I get it though, I also like freckles.

Not Ilya again telling Shane he's in love with him and Shane still not know what the fuck he's saying. Please never let this boy learn Russian because I am living for this.

I don't like Ilya sobbing alone in Russia. Please just let this poor, sweet boy be happy with Shane.

Ouch on the injury but oh gods, Ilya having to watch that as it happened and knowing he couldn't do anything to stop it? Also, how many people are now Confused at the way Ilya reacted to that?

The fact that Ilya was fully planning on breaking things off before Shane got hurt HURTS ME.

Awww, Shane texting Rose after his mom asked if they were getting back together and Rose being the best bestie. I fucking love Rose. I'm glad Shane has at least one friend he can be completely himself with and know he's safe and I'm glad Rose has someone she can just be a normal person with. I think they both need that in a friendship.

Ayyy!!!! Scott kissing Kip after winning the cup and Ilya calling Shane to accept the cottage invite!!! MY HEART!!!!!

Shane driving a Jeep 1. makes sense and 2. makes my little Toledo heart very, very pleased.

Good lord these two are cute as fuck.

Not Ilya confessing to wanting to be able to kiss Shane in public and not Shane almost admitting he's in love with Ilya. I'm dying here. This is how I die.

Are there Russian vampires? Fucking christ, Shane xD

Yeah, like is not the word either one of you are feeling.

Shane wanting to build a life with Ilya but also having no idea how to tell Ilya any of that. Please just take me out back and shoot me now.

From now on, I will only be referring to loons as "stupid Canadian wolf birds". Thank you for that.

Ilya finding his mother after her suicide when he was 12. Jesus christ. And then to be left with his shitty ass dad and brother? No wonder he kept walls up the way he did.

Ilya, you little fucking shit xD

Can you two just admit to each other that y'all are in love with one another? Like, damn.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, ILYA SAID IT. HE SAID IT IN ENGLISH. HE FUCKING SAID IT AND SHANE SAID IT BACK. OH MY FUCKING GOD.

OH MY FUCKING GODS, NOT SHANE'S DAD CATCHING HIM AND ILYA MAKING OUT.

Awww, Ilya offering to go with Shane to talk to his parents and Shane wanting him there. I really need this to go well.

Shane's mom being so confused because she thought Shane hated Ilya lmfao

Not his mom being concerned that Shane might have let Ilya win a few games lmfao. Good to see where her concerns lie in all of this xD

Ah, there we go. There's Shane's panic attack. Shocked it took realizing that his parents were just going with it all to make him panic instead of the whole lead up to that moment.

Okay, but Shane's dad being all "yeah, no, I can believe it" is funny to me.

Hayden's only issue being Shane's dating Ilya is fucking hilarious. His little "I could have found you a nice dude" has me CRYING laughing. I love Hayden. I love that is both the smartest and dumbest motherfucker in the world.

Hayden, stop threatening to punch your best friend's boyfriend, please.

The two of them starting a charity in honor of Ilya's mother together is everything to me. Holy shit, they're actually doing what they planned and I just want everything to work. They deserve to be happy together.

Knowing that Ilya seriously wants to marry Shane and have kids with him, that he feels at home with Shane and considers his family his own, ugh, stop, my heart.