#returnfromheaven

Teals watched the carefully put together box that was sitting in front of him. It sat untouched in the spot that he had placed it in upon taking his seat in the cafe. Joseph sat with one elbow resting on the table, his chin sitting in his palm. There was a touch of sadness that lingered in that gaze, behind the uncertainty. Why? Because he wasnt sure what would happen next. The assignment that they had been working on together was over now. Which meant there could be no other reason for Caesar to need to see him. Unless he wanted to. And how could he expect that from him? He wasnt even sure if he retained any of his memories at all. Maybe all of this was just his chasing ghosts in hope to capture something that he missed out on.

The dreams didnt help. Every thing he found that reminded him of his recent past with Caesar had his heart aching for some kind of relief. It almost felt like he was going through a second phase of mourning over him, despite the fact that he was there before him. And he was alive. If only there was some way to tell. Granted, he had invited Caesar here to meet him. With the hope that talking to him might stir up some kind of real friendship between them beyond their single class together. A feeble attempt to drum up some old memories. That was Joseph's hope, anyway.

On the table sat a box of wonderfully fresh zeppoles. Why this desert? Well mostly as a joke in spite of himself. He'd accidentally called them Zeppeli without thinking. A hard hint that the blond occupied his mind more often than not, especially now.

I hope this goes well. Caesar and I had a rough start before. But... it's different now, isnt it.

“So honey now Take me into your loving arms Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars Place your head on my beating heart I'm thinking out loud Maybe we found love right where we are “

-Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran

Am I fine with falling in love if it means that everything has already been decided for you? The answer to that question will always be yes, Caesar. I don’t care what the pre-decided fate ends up being as long as I can be with you.

“Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes But it's the only thing that I know When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes It is the only thing that makes us feel alive We keep this love in a photograph We made these memories for ourselves Where our eyes are never closing Hearts are never broken And time's forever frozen still So you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home”

-Photograph by Ed Sheeran

You’ll never have to walk this world alone, if you don’t want to. I’ll extend my hand out to you and offer it over and over again, even if you can’t reach it. Fate my try to rip us asunder and give us an impossible task. But together, we will bend this reality and make it our own. Together we will stand as a team: as partners....as lovers.  You can always count on me, to always be there beside you. One way or another, Caesar. 

Joseph held the page of the calendar in his hand, staring at the date. The tiny letters on the page informed him of the holiday that was most well known around the world. He didn’t really need to be looking at a calendar to be reminded that the twenty-fifth meant it was Christmas Day. But there was a hastily written not there in the small space provided. The scribbled handwritten note read just a few simple words: ‘Caesar, Sixth Month.’ It was in his own hand, something he had scribbled down some time ago so that he wouldn’t forget what the day also meant. He could sometimes be a little scatterbrained and it wouldn’t have been too hard to allow the regular holiday to override any thoughts of something else that might be special. Not this time though. Joseph had made sure he wasn’t going to forget. Not just because it marked six months since he had gotten involved with Caesar, romantically but because this would be their first holiday together. The first time that they would be able to spend it together. That alone was enough to ignite some excitement within his chest. But of course, he had all kinds of things planned for Caesar. It was just his hope that everything went well or else he wasn’t sure what the other would say. The last thing he wanted to do was upset him on their special day. Really, he didn’t want to upset him at all. Though the two tended to bicker often and sometimes even got into bad fights over small things—their tempers being the culprit—it didn’t mean that he wanted something like that to happen on this day. This day had to be remembered as something incredible. And why? Because he had come to realize just how incredible Caesar was in the last six months.

He turned his back to the calendar, heading over to dig through his clothes in order to get himself ready for the day. There was a lot he needed to prepare before Caesar came around to see it and he didn’t want to waste time standing around. That was unusual for Joseph Joestar. He who was not so keen on hard work or working hard and yet it seemed for this he was prepared to put his whole heart into it. His mood was much too elated to be dampered with that thought. This was indicated by the wide, boyish smile that graced his features as he made to pull on a form-fitting shirt first. Though it didn’t remain as the only bit of clothing he planned to wear for the occasion, tossing on a knit red and white sweater for good measure. Running a hand through his messy brown locks and taking a quick glance at himself in a mirror was all he needed to confirm that he was ready for the day. So, maybe ensuring that everything he wanted to have done would be hard work for him. In the end if it went well, then it wouldn’t matter how much work he had to put into it. Besides it would just end up being a bonus for him if Caesar liked everything, he did for him. And while his outfit didn’t really take all that much effort, it was only just the first step into ensuring that the day went over smoothly. There were a couple things he would have to improvise, given the time of the year. That was something he hoped that the other wouldn’t mind too much. They did always say that it was the thought that mattered the most. And this had been something he had been thinking about for some time.

Stepping into the kitchen, Joseph paused when he reached the stove, his hands settling upon it. Teals glanced around the vacant room until he found what he was looking for. (This really isn’t my style but…) Taking a few quick steps over to the apron that had been neatly placed on the table from a few weeks prior, he unfolded it and retired the thing back around his waist. Truthfully, he felt a little ridiculous wearing it, like a real housewife or something of that nature. But he had to remind himself that he wasn’t doing this for himself. This was meant to be everything for Caesar. And recalling to all the times that Caesar had cooked for him, he felt like it was only fair that he takes on the challenge this time. He wanted to create something wonderful that the other would enjoy. Thankfully, Joseph would have the help of a cookbook to guide him into creating a meal he thought Caesar might enjoy. He was pretty lost when it came to meal preparation. That was one of the advantages to having grown up with wealth he supposed. Erina always had their meals ready for them or they would go dine at some fine restaurant or something of that nature. Cooking wasn’t something that Joseph had ever had to learn how to do and even so, he still wasn’t the type to want to do something like that. It required a lot of work and that would never be something that he liked doing. (I want to do this for Caesar.) He could only hope that the meal turned out the way it was supposed to. If he followed the recipe it shouldn’t be that hard, right?

Soon enough the room was filled with the warmth from the oven and the smells from the food he was preparing for them. According to the cookbook he was following, it was meant to come out tender and juicy, a slow cooked meal. And something he had wanted Caesar to try. It wasn’t really tradition for Christmas per say, but this was also their anniversary date, so he felt that maybe it would be appropriate to change things up a little bit. A slow cooked prime rib and all the fixings should be okay for something like this, right? He wasn’t sure what all kinds of foods Caesar had tried, but it was his hope that he would at least enjoy this one. There were a lot of different things he had wanted the Italian to try and he hadn’t wanted to make something Italian, that probably wouldn’t have seemed so thoughtful. Or would it have been? (Now you’re overthinking this!) He shook the doubts out of his head, moving away from the oven to allow everything to finish its slow cook while he went to make sure that everything else was set for the evening. There had to be decorations perfectly in place and he had the mind to have soft music playing for whenever the blond came in. His heart was starting to race with everything he had in mind. The thought of it all had him almost laughing to himself out his own nervousness. This wasn’t getting any easier for him and he needed to keep his head on straight if this was going to turn out right.

(Keep it calm, Joseph. You can do this!)

Running around to ensure the table was set and decorated with a wonderful centerpiece. A bouquet of various flowers, spotted with a poinsettia here and there, all of them carefully chosen to be the colors of the season. The table itself was set with a deep green linen cloth; a fine china set had been placed carefully at two seats across from each other. He had even gone to the trouble at making sure that there was a fine bottle of red wine waiting on the table next to a couple of empty glasses. This would be their first Christmas dinner together. And not just that, but it would also mark the six months he had been with him. Never in his life had Joseph felt more enamored by someone. Normally, he didn’t care so much about what other people thought and often did things his own way, even if they were a little reckless. Joseph had always been something of a wild card. When he put his heart into something though it really did show through and this was one of those moments. Everything he was trying to set up here. This atmosphere, the dinner… it reflected everything he felt about Caesar. The fact that he was hoping to impress him alone was enough to say something about how much he cared about what he felt and thought. Now that things were starting to come together and the time was getting closer to where he would actually see Caesar, he was getting all the more frazzled. Anxiety starting to swell in his chest.

The younger took a step back to take a look at everything he had completed. He moved a hand up to his hair, letting it linger. The other came to rest on his chest, just getting a feel for how hard his heart was beating. He felt a little dizzy. And for the life of him he couldn’t seem to stop smiling to himself. Through out his entire evening of running around, preparing dinner, getting everything set up—he found himself occasionally smiling to himself. Was this what real love felt like? Looking at all the effort he had put into this set up, he couldn’t help but laugh at himself. Never in his life would he had thought he would be the one running around like some helpless fool. Guess that was what he had become in the last few months and perhaps even before that. Only it had now come to develop since they had been able to really be together. He was absolutely head over heels for Caesar, no doubt about it. And while they still had their differences and would argue from time to time, it seemed that his love still only continued to grow for him with every passing day they spent together. This was what he wanted, and he was sure of that. To be able to have to run around for Caesar for the years to come. To have to worry about making up with him after they got in a fight over something small. To hear his frustration come out in Italian or on the flip side, whenever he would use his native language to say something sweet. He wanted to drive Caesar crazy with his antics and laugh whenever he would try to hide how much he enjoyed it. Now there was just one more thing he needed, and it would be perfect.

(This is what I want. Caesar.)

Before he could get that far though, it was time to prepare the table with their food. Get it all set up so that dinner was ready and waiting for him when he got there. Joseph was just finishing doing this whenever Caesar would make it there to find him. The sudden interruption, startling the brunette into a rush to hurry up and get everything else ready. He fumbled with the last few finishing touches, nearly spilling something on himself. It was probably a good thing he had put on that apron now after all, otherwise he would have likely made a serious mess of himself. With a hasty clean up and patting himself down, he managed to bring the food to the table in one piece. Though before he could even so much as take his seat he paused, realizing that he had forgotten something. He patted himself down for a moment as though he were looking for something and when it didn’t appear to be where he thought, he rushed out of the room without so much as a word to the other. (Shit! Shit! Shit! How could I forget THAT?) Of course, he came running back into the room a couple minutes later, huffing to catch his breath and in the process totally forgetting to remove the apron that still clung to his front.

“Cae…Caesar…!” He huffed before he caught his breath. He straightened himself up a moment later though, taking a deep breath. “M-Merry Christmas! And…ah Happy Anniversary.” Teals averted their target, now his nerves were taking over, his face starting to heat up, he could hear the pounding of his heart in his ears. “I… uh. I got something for you.”

Here was where his nerves were really starting to take over. Suddenly feeling the pressure of everything on his shoulders. He wasn’t sure if he was starting to doubt everything he had just figured out before or not. (It’s now or never Joestar.) He took another deep breath and fumbled in his pocket for something, hesitating as he reached for it. Only just now remembering he was still wearing the damned apron. Well, that couldn’t be helped now. Not really how he wanted this presentation to go, but he guessed that it wouldn’t be something Joseph Joestar got his hands on if there wasn’t something that hadn’t turned out exactly right. After a moment of silence, he finally produced a small box to which he clutched in his left hand rather anxiously. He didn’t know why he was thinking this probably wouldn’t go over well. After everything he should be certain about this. Perhaps it was because he was actually going to go through with it now. He swallowed thickly, forcing his gaze back over towards the other. Anything he had known to say before this moment had been lost. Something he would just have to improvise off the top of his head. Doing his best to shake off his nerves, he reached for one of Caesar’s hands with his right hand, digits curling around the ends of his fingers.

“It’s been six months since this all started, and I know this will sound crazy...” He started slowly. “I love you, Caesar. And I know I’ve said before that I have for a while. I’ve come to realize I probably couldn’t love anyone else like I do you, so…” Gripping his hand he dropped to a knee, only now revealing what he had clutched in his left palm. Opening the box to display a glinting band, crested with a few iridescent gemstones. “I-I…I want to know if you’ll be mine for the rest of our lives. Caesar…will you marry me?”

"W-wha....?" Teals widen as they caught sight of the message he had recently received from him. Instantly he felt the heat rush to his cheeks, as a blush so red it touched his ears coated his features.

A single trembling hand came up to cup his mouth. All he could do was stare at the image. His heart pounding so terribly loud in his ears it was deafening. It wasnt a bad feeling in the slightest, the sight of it had his stomach fluttering. It was just that he was in the middle of one of his other classes at the moment. Which meant that he would not be able to do anything about the image he'd gotten. (What a damn tease!) Was all he could think. Worst part of it was that in the middle of a lecture, he wouldnt be able to rush out in fear he might miss something. Although he felt that trying to focus on anything else right now would probably be impossible. Maybe the better option was just to excuse himself for the day and find his way home or even to Caesar. Anything would have been a better option than trying to keep himself still in class. Especially when his body was starting to react to the message, stirring fron the waist down. It had him fidgeting a little--his pants suddenly becoming more and more uncomfortable.

(Who sends a damn nude knowing the other person cant do anything about it! Ah, this is bad...)

He resigned to lying his head down on the desk in defeat, a hand slipping below to cover himself in case someone might have noticed. The class was almost over now. So he would try his best to wait it out, even if it was uncomfortable. Then when he was able he would--carefully--leave the hall and go find somewhere to take care of his problem. Nothing could get him passed the embarrassment though, his face remaining red the rest of the talk. Any of the information that had been passed along had been lost on deaf ears as all he could think about was Caesar.

(I'll get you for this, Caesar...)

You were the one I admired from afar. The one I always wanted, but wasn’t sure how to tell you. Everything you did for me, meant the world to me.  But I waited too long to tell you that. Caesar, forgive me. If I could have a second chance with you, I wouldn’t let you slip away again without knowing the truth. It took me too long to realize how I felt. I should have said something, the first time I noticed.

I have to tell him… he should know…

Joseph slowed as the invasive thoughts filled his mind. These weren’t… they weren’t his thoughts. So where did they come from? He pressed his hand to his forehead. The cool metal of his left palm felt soothing. He hadn’t realized he had broken out into a sweat. Was he getting sick? After a couple of moments, he glanced around him to see if anyone was watching him. Suddenly aware of his surroundings. He couldn’t imagine how it might have looked just to slow to a stop in the middle of the courtyard. He was supposed to be heading for his next class, but something was troubling him. Ever since he had that first dream. The one of Caesar’s death, these random fragments had been flooding into his mind. Joseph hadn’t used much of his Hamon since he defeated Kars. There hadn’t been too much of a need to give the fact that things were pretty peaceful. Occasionally he used it for little things to take advantage of a situation. So, the sudden rush of thoughts and emotions, the only thing he could root it back to be that memory he had dreamed about. After all this time though. Why was he only now getting these thoughts and visions? A few years had passed since Caesar had been killed. Perhaps it was seeing him again now. Somehow alive once more…? Maybe Caesar himself had been the trigger. He wasn’t sure what he felt about this.

It wasn’t making it any easier on him either. The weight he bared in his heart. Every day he thought about it. And every day he thought about him, his heart would beat faster. A sigh left his lips. And to collect himself, he clenched his fist just over his heart, closing his eyes for a moment while he took a deep breath. (This heart… it beats for you. It always has.) The memory of what he saw in his dreams still lingered in his mind. The feelings he felt circulating around that moment. Caesar’s thoughts, his regrets and the things he wanted to say to him. How could he have forgotten about that? It had been what had torn Joseph apart so terribly upon losing him. Maybe it was because the loss had been too much for him to bare that he had blocked out these thoughts and feelings from coming through. Like a repressed memory, he had pushed away the feelings that Caesar’s energy flooding through his veins had brought him. He had loved him. He had loved him and never been able to tell him about it. And Joseph had returned those feelings. His heart was full for Caesar, despite their differences. How often they fought and argued with one another, his love for him had run deep. Deeper than anything else he had ever known. His heart had been utterly shattered when he had lost him. And it quivered when he had found him again, somehow. Something he still didn’t know how it had come to pass. Yet here he was. His heart ached to be with him in the ways they had both wanted. But now he had to question with Caesar’s broken memories of them, would he even want him like that still. Could Caesar fall in love with him again? Or did he still retain some of that love in his heart even without all of his memories?

“Caesar…” Joseph breathed his name, without realizing it.

The memory flashed behind closed eyelids. Standing, holding his bandana in his hands, knowing damn well what it meant. Afraid to call his name and knowing it would be met with silence. The cold chill of the Swiss mountains seemed oddly colder that day, freezing his blood as panic had rose in his chest. His desperate cries for Caesar and the sound of heavy rubble being moved through the empty, blood-soaked lobby of a broken-down hotel. It wasn’t until the sun had come out behind a cloud, peaking through the holes in the building that he had finally found him. A flash of crimson on the floor, catching the light and gleaming brilliantly against the cold concrete.  He remembered the rush of energy he got from that blood-soaked bubble he had found upon first entering the hotel. Feeling the flood of life and emotions rush through his body. Yet somehow it had been that little bit of pooling blood that had tipped his emotions. As though seeing it had confirmed what he hadn’t wanted to believe. Caesar was gone. Caesar had died. And he hadn’t been able to do anything about it. He had pushed him to walk away to his death, alone. His cries and wails of agony had filled the empty halls, shaking the foundation as he yelled out in his pain. His heart breaking to pieces in that very moment, the ache raking through his body and shaking him to his core. He had lost his chance to ever make things right. To ever tell him how he felt. And even to apologize to him for the things he had said. All of it had been his fault.

At least that was what he had thought.

He blinked, feeling something wet on his face. Opening his eyes, he moved a hand up to his face. He hadn’t realized he had started crying. Smiling to himself, he wiped away the tears with the sleeve of his shirt. A sad smile painting across his features as he stared somberly and fondly towards the ground in front of him. “Damn, even now you still have me beat. You were always worried about me leaving you behind, but Caesar…” He raised his gaze towards the sky now. “…I don’t even know if you can still love me the way you did before.” (So maybe I’m the one who was left behind…)

“JoJo…?” 

Hearing the echo in his mind, he turned his head as though expecting to see Caesar standing there. Of course, he was standing there alone at the moment. But what he saw was another vision because when he glanced over, he was suddenly seeing the world around him in an orange haze. The sun was just starting to sink below the horizon. And what he was seeing wasn’t Caesar, but himself. Joseph Joestar, sitting with one knee propped up, a wrist dangling from it while he leaned back on his other hand. His mask was gone now as it had been destroyed in his fight against Esidici. He could tell this much because this version of himself still looked a little tired from all the fighting. Or maybe he was anxious about what was coming next? Joseph knew that since he was seeing it this way, he must be seeing through Caesar’s eyes again. His memories. The pieces of him that were handed over when he gave him his Hamon. The moments of extreme emotion he had felt that he had never conveyed. This moment in time, Joseph remembered it now that he was seeing it. They were to leave for Switzerland soon to go after the Pillar Men, there was no point in not confronting them now that they knew about the Stone and one had already been defeated. Joseph had decided to go out and collect his thoughts, sitting outside the estate just as the sun was beginning to set. A hard battle was ahead of him and he hadn’t been sure how he was going to handle taking on two more Pillar Men. Fighting the first of the three had been hard enough for him. He was worried he might not be able to make it through this entire fight. That was when Caesar had come out to join him. Now that he was seeing it from Caesar’s eyes though, he had to wonder—why had Caesar come to find him that day?

He watched as he glanced over towards himself, or rather where Caesar was. “JoJo, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“You’re not here to tell me I should be doing something to prepare for the fight, are you?”

There was a pause. “No… It’s not that.”

“Good because I’m not in the mood for another one of your lectures, Caesar.”

Silence for a moment. “…Our fight will probably be a hard one. There could be a chance one of us may not come back to Roma when it’s over. If that’s the case, then you should know that I—”

“Don’t you start talking like that!” He could hear the fierceness in his own voice. And the gaze that belonged to Caesar shifted back to him, seeming hesitant. He could feel Caesar’s feelings here, a mix of complicated things. He was frustrated with him for not listening, but at the same time in admiration of him.

“JoJo…” He sighed. “Then let’s work together to make sure we both come back, okay?”

The memory faded after that and when he came out of it, he was crying again. His hands curled into fists, gripping the fabric of his shirt at his chest. He knew now what Caesar had been trying to say. After hearing his thoughts and feeling the deep emotions coming from him. He understood. Why hadn’t he realized what he was trying to tell him before? He would have at least gotten the chance to tell him that he loved him. At least once. Maybe things would have been different if Caesar had known that he loved him back. Perhaps they wouldn’t have gotten into a fight that would tear them apart. He had Caesar now, he was back. Somehow, he had come back from the dead. But… he didn’t remember everything. He didn’t remember how he felt about him, right? It was unclear. Their chemistry together was so natural… He shook his head, trying to clear the hopeless thoughts away. He had to keep fighting for this. So what if Caesar never remembered moments like this again? He still loved him. Caesar was still Caesar, even if he didn’t realize any of it. And Joseph was still more than determined to bring back what memories of him he could and the rest, he would just have to get to know all over again. If he never remembered feeling this way about him, wanting to tell him how he felt. Then he would just have to find a way to have him fall for him again. Only then would he be able to explain everything to him. Until then he would just have to deal with these feelings, both his and Caesar’s now. He would have to deal with the ache in his chest and the weight of his feelings. For as long as he could, anyway.

(I will tell you everything one day. Caesar, I never stopped loving you.)