Have you ever been around people who just have to be right, especially if there’s a dispute or debate? It about wrecks them to discover they were wrong. Of course, admitting it would be a personal sin. That need to be perfect is not a friend of humility. Naturally, when busted, many revert to self-justification. More than likely, these same people have difficulty resolving conflict with others.
If there is that unfortunate situation in which you have to resolve some sort of conflict with another, it may behoove you to ask Holy Spirit to help you see any possible blind spots. Obviously, ask for wisdom and guidance. Perhaps ask yourself, “Could I be wrong, or mistaken?” Don’t look to be wrong; just be honest with yourself, so you can be honest with others. If you are wrong, can you own it?
Job 9:20 If I justify myself, mine own mouth shall condemn me: if I say, I am perfect, it shall also prove me perverse.
When someone employs self-justification, others may see him or her as insincere. Especially, when it’s connected to an apology. Nobody likes to look bad; however, you look even worse when you offer excuses for your shortcomings. It actually hinders repentance should the need arise. When you are more concerned about what others think, you tend to forget about how God sees things. Perhaps, that should be our greater concern.
Luke 16:15 And He said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God.
It is important to leave justification in the Lord’s hands. That requires humility, which often requires His grace. More so perhaps, if you feel confronted, or falsely accused.
Romans 8:33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.
In such cases, we simply need to trust God. Nonetheless, explanations can clear up misunderstandings, which have caused many an argument. The approach you take in your explanation may determine how it is received. Meaning, if you’re in self-preservation mode, it may be taken as an excuse.
Love is the key ingredient in resolving conflict. Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). It speaks the truth; but at the same time, it does not insist on having its own way. Love is gentle, kind, and is not easily provoked. It doesn’t take into account a wrong suffered. Love is longsuffering, patient, and endures all things (read 1 Corinthians 13:1-13). Love is not arrogant, nor is it harsh.
Remember, A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger (Proverbs 15:1).
Remember that misunderstanding thing? We know full well that it comes upon us when we’re too quick to speak. Because love cares enough about others, it slows things down enough to listen fully to what they have to say. People desire to be heard. It’s one way they know they matter to others, or at least have their respect. Do we love enough to listen?
James 1:19-20 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
To be clear, this is not to say one should be the proverbial doormat, because in such cases it tends to do more harm than good. However, there are moments when we need to lay our lives down so everyone can win.
John 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
