Breaking My Rule – Jake Seresin
Wattpad Request by @StellaBelle29
When you're raised in a family of Navy people, you get used to being second place to the Navy. As a kid, I understood my father's devotion. As I got older, however, my viewpoint changed. It no longer was understandable when my dad missed me going to prom or my high school graduation or the day I went off to college.
That was the last straw for me. After my mother drove me up to college on her own and helped me move into my apartment on her own, my anger snapped. I told my mom that I felt like I was being raised by a single mother. She tried to reassure me that my father was still very much around, but neither one of us believed her.
My father has been a part of the Navy ever since he was younger than me. He had a strong reputation that has somehow melted onto me. I can't go anywhere near a Navy base without people finding out whose daughter I am. And when they find out, they annoyingly treat me like Navy Royalty.
As soon as people find out my last name is Kazansky, they instantly ask if Admiral Tom Kazansky is my father. I plaster on a fake smile and tell them that my father is, indeed, the famous pilot known as "Iceman".
When I went to college for my undergrad, I allowed that distance to come between me and my father. He tried several times to meet up for coffee or dinner when he was in town, but it was my turn to blow him off.
I waited for him to get mad at me, but he didn't. He gave me the space I needed and reached out despite me turning him down multiple times. That all changed when he got sick.
I got the call when I was in the middle of class. I read the voicemail transcript, and my heart stopped. I ran out of class and got into my car. I drove all night to get to the hospital. When I got there, I ran straight up to his room and collapsed on the chair next to him.
When I started apologizing through my sobs, Dad pulled me onto the bed next to him. That night, I fell asleep the way I haven't since I was a little girl - in my father's arms.
After that, I spent many hours sitting across from him and talking about what I'd been feeling since high school. As he got worse, our relationship got better.
This time, it didn't hurt when my dad missed my college graduation.
After completing my undergrad and still trying to strengthen my relationship with my father, I moved closer to his Navy base. I started working as a bartender at the Hard Deck to work myself through Nursing school.
I adore Penny and am pretty good at mixing drinks. The only downside is the fact that I work at a Navy bar and am constantly surrounded by Navy pilots. If you take away their crazy big egos and the fact that all of them think they are the best, I still can't allow any of them to get close to me.
Now, just because I've fixed my relationship with my dad doesn't mean I like Navy pilots. Just because I've fixed things with my dad doesn't mean that I'm going to date a pilot, fall in love with one, and start a life with him. That would be setting myself up for the same struggles and heartbreak my mother endured.
"Hey, Junior."
I looked up and smiled when Maverick walked in.
"Hey, Mav," I greeted. "The usual?"
"Yes, ma'am."
I nodded before turning on my heel and grabbing Maverick's usual drink. I've known Maverick my entire life, and I know his history with my father. That is the only reason why he is allowed to call me something like Junior.
"Here you go, Mav," I said as I put his beer in front of him.
He nodded appreciatively and kept small talk with me for about half an hour. He asked about nursing school and talked about how he was worried I didn't spend more time with friends. After he tried to encourage me to make more friends and have fun, he asked how things were with my dad.
A little while later, we got some new customers that instantly ruined my mood.
"And so it begins," I said under my breath as Maverick's group of trainees walked in. I glanced at Maverick to see him smiling sadly at me.
"You know," he said under his breath, "if they ever bother you, all you have to do is let me know."
"I know," I said with a small chuckle. My smile fell before I added, "I don't want them thinking you're giving me special treatment because of who my dad is."
Maverick reached over and put his hand on mine. "Y/N," he said gently, "the trainees don't know you're Iceman's daughter. Only Rooster and I know."
"Thanks, Uncle Mav." I paused before adding, "Just because I'm relieved that they don't know about him doesn't mean I'm ashamed of him."
"I know that," he said as he pulled his hand away. "I also know why you don't like pilots."
"I like you," I shrugged. "And Rooster and I have been friends our whole lives."
"True," Maverick smirked at me. "But that's different. We know about your past with your father. The other pilots don't."
We couldn't continue our conversation because Maverick's trainees started ordering drinks. Maverick stayed at the bar as the other pilots played pool and darts.
"Can I get another round of beers, Ice Jr?"
"Excuse me?" I stuttered. I glanced over at Maverick before looking back at Coyote.
"I asked for another round of beers," Coyote said with a big smile on his face.
"No, I heard that," I stuttered. "I meant. . . What did you call me?"
I ignored the fact that the other trainees were now paying attention to this conversation.
"Ice Jr," he repeated like it wasn't a big deal.
"Why would you call me that?" I asked, my heart sinking.
"Because," Coyote elongated, "you're Iceman's daughter."
My head snapped toward Maverick, who instantly put his hands up in defense. "I already told you," he worked to soothe, "I haven't told anyone who you are."
I looked and found my next suspect. When I found Rooster, he was scratching the back of his neck.
"I might have mentioned something about it," he forced a chuckle. His smile dropped when he saw the look on my face. "I didn't mean anything by it, Y/N," he said quickly.
I didn't want to hear the rest of his excuse, so I turned on my heel, walked out from behind the bar, and went to Penny's office. It didn't work because I could still hear them.
"Bradley," I heard Maverick sigh.
"What?" He asked. "I didn't. . ."
"Why didn't she want us to know?" Bob asked.
Maverick sighed again before explaining, "Look, Y/N had a difficult relationship with her father."
"What?"
"Difficult how?"
"Iceman wasn't around a lot," Maverick continued. "He missed a lot of important moments in Y/N's life. Eventually, it got too much. But a few years ago, when her dad was diagnosed with throat cancer, they started patching things up."
"Shouldn't that make her love pilots?" Hangman joked.
"It's more complicated than that," Rooster sighed.
"What does that mean?" Bob asked.
"Y/N has a rule," Maverick jumped in.
"What kind of rule?" Phoenix asked.
"After everything she went through with her father," Rooster explained, "and the pain she and her mom went through, Y/N made a rule that she would never date a pilot like her father."
"What?" All of the trainees exclaimed in sync.
"Look," Maverick cut them off, "being the loved one of a Navy pilot isn't easy. Y/N and her mother lived through every mission her father flew. They were constantly worried that he wouldn't come home. Spending your entire life worrying about whether or not someone you love will come home takes its toll on a young girl. Y/N made that rule to protect herself. She swore she'd never put herself through that kind of pain again. As your CO, I'm asking you to respect that."
* * * * *
I didn't see Maverick's Top Gun pilots for a few nights. When they came back, the way they treated me was drastically different than before they knew the truth. None of them said anything, but the pitiful looks and soft smiles gave them away.
"Hey, gorgeous."
"Don't call me that," I snapped at Hangman. I sighed before looking up at him. "What do you want to drink, Hangman?"
"You don't have to call me that," he said lightly.
"What do you want to drink, Seresin?"
"Jake," he corrected me with a smirk on his face.
He laughed when I walked away from him and helped another customer. Before walking back to Jake, I grabbed the beer he always ordered.
"Here," I said with no emotion in my voice as I put the beer in front of him.
"You remembered my beer," he said, his tone of voice making me roll my eyes and cross my arms over his chest.
"Not that hard," I mumbled. "You order the same beer every single time."
I unfolded my arms and grabbed the towel. I was about to walk away, but Jake grabbed my hand.
"Y/N," he said, his voice softening. I looked into his eyes, waiting for him to continue. He didn't, so I pulled my hand out of his.
"What, Seresin?" I asked harshly.
"I just wanted you to know that I'm. . ."
"That you're what?" I scoffed, cutting him off. "Are you trying to tell me that you're not like my father?"
"Well, I just. . ."
"I got news for you, Hangman," I said, changing my tone when I used his call sign. "I know all about Iceman and Maverick. I also know all about you, Hangman, and your back-and-forth with Rooster. I have two words for you."
"Oh?" He asked, a little bit of hope coming through.
"No thanks."
Jake Seresin didn't give up. He continued to force small talk whenever they came in for drinks. He even made up excuses to "pop by" in between flying their mission route.
One day, however, he took it to the next level.
I walked out of the bar after my shift, dying to soak in a hot bubble bath. I was halfway to my car before I realized who was waiting for me.
"It's been a long day, Sersin," I warned him. "I'm not in the mood."
"I know what you're doing."
"Oh?" I scoffed. "And what's that?"
"You're purposefully pushing me away because you don't want to put yourself through what you and your mother. . ."
"Stop!" I yelled, cutting him off. I walked over to him and stopped inches from him. When I spoke up, I said each word carefully and slowly so he could understand. "Don't you dare pretend to understand what my mother and I went through. I know you all idolize my father as a pilot, but me? All the Navy has ever done is take my father away from me. So excuse me for not wanting the Navy to take anyone else from me."
I started to walk away, but he spoke up.
"What if the Navy doesn't take them from you?"
I slowly turned back toward him. "You know," I sighed, "you're a lot like Iceman and Maverick back when they flew together. You think you're the best pilot. You've even got a kill under your belt. All impressive in the eyes of the Navy. But to me? All any of that means to me is that you wouldn't hesitate to put the Navy first."
"No, I wouldn't," he said firmly.
"Yeah," I said, not meaning for my voice to break. "You would."
"What if I promised to prove it to you?"
"I can't," I whispered, taking a small step away from him. "I'm sorry, Jake, but I can't set myself up for something that's only going to end in heartbreak."
* * * * *
"Y/N," Penny sighed when I walked into the bar. She jogged over to me and threw her arms around me. "Mav told me about your father. Honey, I'm so sorry."
My father passed away last night, surrounded by his family. When I woke up the next morning, I felt numb.
I slowly pulled out of her arms, but she didn't let me go.
"Honey, you don't have to be here," she whispered, looking softly into my eyes.
"Where else would I be?" I shrugged.
Penny and I opened the bar without saying anything else. A few hours later, Maverick walked in. He instantly came over to me and wrapped his arms around me. Still in his arms, I looked over his shoulder to see Rooster and the other trainees walking in.
"I can't do this with them," I mumbled as I pulled out of Maverick's arms.
"Go home."
Maverick and I turned to see Penny joining us behind the bar.
"Pen. . ."
"It's fine," she cut me off. "Honey, you should be at home with your mother. I can handle things here."
"I can't," I whispered. "There's nothing to do there but sit and. . . feel things."
"Honey," she sighed.
"I don't want to feel things, Pen," I said, hating that my voice broke.
"Okay," she said, studying me. "But," she added quickly, "if you ever need a minute to feel things, then you can use my office."
I didn't need to use her office, although I got close a couple of times when the trainees came up and ordered. They'd look at me with pity in their eyes, but wouldn't say anything. I could tell that each one of them wanted to give me their sympathies, but they held back.
A week later, it seemed like the entire Navy showed up for my father's funeral. Every one of the trainees was dressed in their suits so they could honor my father. I couldn't look at them because whenever I did, it filled my eyes with tears.
At the luncheon after the funeral, I purposefully put space between me and everyone else. I couldn't handle people coming up to me, expressing their own sorrow, and asking if they could do anything for me. They meant well, but I couldn't handle the pity. I was successful for the first hour. Until. . .
"Why are you hiding all the way over here?"
I looked over my shoulder to see Jake walking over to me.
"I can't handle the pitiful looks," I answered honestly. I turned back around and started picking at my nail polish. Jake walked over and sat next to me.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really," I said under my breath. After a few minutes of silence, I added, "I just keep thinking. . ."
"About?" He gently pushed.
"At least I fixed my relationship with my father before he. . ."
I couldn't say it.
I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath. When Jake reached over and pulled me so my head was leaning on his shoulder, I didn't stop him.
"At least you fixed your relationship with your father before he died," he finished for me, his voice soft. "Your father was a great man, Y/N."
"I know that," I snapped, jumping out of his embrace. "Why does everyone think just because I hated the fact that the Navy took my father from me, it means I hated him? I never hated my father, Hangman."
My voice broke when I said that last sentence. When Jake heard it, he scooted closer to me, closing the gap between us that I created. He gently grabbed my hands and lowered his voice.
"I never believed, and will never believe, that you hated your father, Y/N."
"I don't," I defended myself, my voice weak.
"I know," he said instantly.
"I have never hated my dad, Jake," my voice broke. "I love him."
Jake pulled me into his chest when the tears started falling. Without wanting to, I sobbed into Jake's chest. He comforted me by gently rubbing my back and running his fingers through my hair.
"I know that you love him," Jake whispered. "I also know that your father loved you. And I know that you are worried another pilot will break your heart. But what if. . ."
"I can't. . ." I stuttered, cutting him off. I pulled out of his arms.
"Y/N," he whispered. "Please let me in."
"I can't," I repeated. "I'm sorry, but I can't."
"I'm not asking you to instantly jump into a relationship with me," he said gently.
"Then what are you asking?"
He reached over and gently grabbed my hands. "I'm asking you to let me in just a little. Just enough for you to start to get to know me. And if, after you get to know me, there's any chance that you would want to jump into a relationship with me, just know that I'll catch you."
I finally looked at him to see him looking at me with something in his eyes that made my whole body heat up.
And it scared me.
"I can't tell you when that will be," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
"That's okay," he soothed. "I can wait."
"I'm not worth the wait."
He smiled softly at me before saying simply, "I respectfully disagree."
We sat there for a few more beats before I looked away from him. I cleared my throat and pulled at the skirt of my dress before standing up.
"I should get back to my mom."
"Y/N, wait," he said, gently grabbing my wrist and stopping me. I hesitated before looking up at him. "If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to call me."
* * * * *
The next two weeks dragged on in a haze. I was numb as I went through my classes. I was numb as I served drinks. I was even numb when Jake continued to try and flirt with me. After the funeral, however, he wasn't as pushy, and he started each interaction by asking how I was doing.
I never answered him honestly, though. I just shrugged and said I was fine. It was clear that he didn't believe me, but he didn't push me. Even Penny noticed that he was trying extra hard to be my friend.
To be honest, it was working. To be more honest, I hated that it was working. I hated that I looked forward to seeing him walk into the Hard Deck. I hated how the nights he didn't show up dragged on and felt empty. I hated that when he did show up, my heart skipped a beat as he sat at the bar. I hated the feeling of disappointment that filled me when he had to leave because of his Navy curfew.
Mostly, I hated that I was starting to trust him.
After my shift dragged on, I got in my car and started driving home. I was halfway there when my car broke down. I got out, opened my trunk, but froze. The longer I stared at my car's engine, the harder it was to stop the tears. With shaky hands and tears in my eyes, I grabbed my phone.
"Hey, Y/N," Jake greeted. The second I heard his voice, a small whimper slipped out of my throat. "What's wrong, Y/N?" He instantly asked, his tone changing.
"My car broke down," I said between small sobs.
"Okay," he said gently, but I cut him off.
"My dad always fixed my car. I can't. . . I don't have him around anymore to come help me."
The second I got that out, my small sob became a big one. Jake let me cry for a little while before speaking up.
"It's okay," he said gently. "Y/N, I can come help you. Do you want me to come help you?"
"Won't you. . . You have a curfew," I stuttered. "Won't you get in trouble?"
"I can talk to Maverick," he instantly fixed. "He'll understand."
I thought about it before whispering, "Okay."
"Okay," Jake repeated. "Y/N, where are you? I'll come pick you up."
"I'm halfway home," I whimpered.
"I'm on my way."
It didn't take long for Jake to find me. I was sitting on the curb when he pulled up. He jumped out of his car and jogged over to me. I stood up and gasped when he pulled me into his arms. It was then that I realized I still had tears streaming down my face.
"Do you want me to take you home?" He whispered.
"No," I whimpered, pulling out of his arms. "I can't. . . I can't go there."
"Why not, Y/N?" He asked gently. I hesitated to tell him why it had been hard to go home the last two weeks.
I sighed before finally admitting, "I don't want to be around all of my memories anymore."
I held my breath as I waited for him to respond. My answer made his expression drop. He reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, his hand lingering for a second before falling back to his side.
"Well," he said slowly, "we could go to my Navy apartment. Is that okay?"
I thought about his offer. A few months ago, I would've slapped him for offering. But now?
"I'm okay with that."
* * * * *
We drove in silence. The only sound between the two of us was the soft radio. Jake continually looked at me, but I didn't return any of them. I kept my eyes on the window, watching the town go by.
"Thank you," Jake said softly, breaking the silence.
"For what?" I asked without looking at him.
"For trusting me enough to call me," he said, glancing at me. This time, I looked back. "You could've called Maverick or even Rooster. Do you mind me asking why you called me?"
"I don't know," I said honestly. "I could've called Maverick or Rooster. . . I guess I should've called Maverick or Rooster. I'm sorry, Jake."
"I didn't mean. . ." He stuttered. "Y/N, I'm glad you called me. I wanted you to call me."
"I didn't really think about it," I mumbled. "I just. . . I just called you."
Jake reached over and grabbed my hand, gently intertwining our fingers.
"I'm glad you called me, Y/N," he repeated softly. "Tomorrow, we can send a tow truck to your car and. . ."
I took a shaky breath, making Jake stop talking. He glanced at me and saw the tears in my eyes.
"I'll handle it tomorrow," he whispered.
We were quiet the rest of the way to his Navy apartment. We got out of his car, and I followed him up to his apartment. The minute I walked in, I wrapped my arms around myself.
"You hungry?" He offered as he locked the door behind us.
"No," I said softly.
"Okay," Jake said, studying me. "We could watch a movie."
"I don't know what I want to do," I admitted. Jake walked over and gently grabbed my hands. I looked into his eyes and waited for him to say something, but he didn't. He just looked at me.
Finally, he sighed and let go of one of my hands. With the one he was still holding, he gently pulled me over to the couch.
"Tell me about your dad."
"What?" I gasped. "Why would I. . . Why do you want to know about him?"
"Because I think you need to talk about him," he said gently. "It might help you get through all of this."
I studied him, trying to figure out if there was some angle he was trying to hit by talking to me about all of this.
"When I was little," I started to slowly open up, "my dad was my whole world. But after a few too many missed dinners, birthdays, and graduations, I realized he wasn't as stable a world as I needed. I grew up and learned to stop letting people in. . . If that makes sense."
"It does," he nodded.
We ended up spending the next two hours talking about my dad. Jake asked questions about my dad and Maverick back when they were our age. We spent a lot of time talking about that.
Throughout the conversation, I couldn't stop my curiosity rising as to why. When I first met Jake, his 'Hangman' callsign made complete sense to me. But now. . .
"Why are you doing all of this?" I asked, my voice barely audible.
"Why am I being nice to you?" He asked gently. I nodded. He thought about his answer before saying, "I'm being nice because I want to make sure that you know that you're not alone."
"I know that," I whispered.
"You know that Maverick will always be there for you," he agreed. "You know that Rooster will always be there for you. I want to make sure that you know that I will always be there for you, Y/N. All you got to do is let me in."
"I can't," I said, my voice breaking. "I can't risk letting you in. . . just to lose you."
"You don't know that you're going to lose me," he whispered, scooting closer to me. "You don't know that letting me in is risky."
"You're a pilot, Jake."
"I know," he sighed. He slowly reached up and gently touched my chin. "You're right, Y/N. Letting me in would be risky. But I like to think I'm worth the risk. Please let me be worth the risk for you."
Tension was heavy as Jake slowly leaned in, pressing his lips gently to mine. He didn't push things, and I soon realized it was because he was letting me set our pace. When I realized this, I grabbed his face and deepened the kiss.
Once I set the pace, neither one of us stopped it.
* * * * *
I woke up the next morning in Jake's bed. I rolled over, expecting to see him asleep next to me, but he wasn't. I sat up and was overcome with this horrible feeling. As I sat on his bed with the blanket clutched to my chest, that horrible feeling caused a horrible thought to pop into my head.
Hangman got what he wanted last night.
With tears filling my eyes, I got out of Jake's bed. I struggled to hold the tears back as I collected my clothes that Jake discarded last night. I put them on and pulled my hair back into a messy bun.
I was about to leave his room but froze when I remembered that my car was abandoned halfway between the Hard Deck and my apartment. A rush of embarrassment hit me as I slowly opened his bedroom door.
When I walked out of his bedroom and down the hall, I found Jake in the kitchen. My heart felt like it melted when I saw that he was cooking pancakes.
"You're still here," I stuttered.
"Of course I am," he chuckled with his back to me.
He glanced over his shoulder at me and froze when he saw the expression on my face. He put down the spatula and jogged over to me. When he got to me, he gently grabbed my arms and started rubbing them.
"Did you think I left you?" He asked, lowering his voice. "Just like that?"
"I didn't. . . I thought. . . I woke up, and you were gone," I finally got out. "What was I supposed to think?"
Still holding my arms, Jake leaned in and gently kissed me. He broke the kiss and kept his forehead pressed to mine.
"I meant it last night," he whispered. He leaned back before continuing, "I know letting me in is a risk, but I will always be there for you. No matter what. All I need you to do is break your rule."
He paused as he waited for my response. If I was honest with myself, a part of me wanted to break my rule. But the other part of me saw how many times my mother's heart broke.
"Jake," I whispered his name.
"Please, Y/N," he begged. "Let me in."
"Jake, I. . ."
"Break your rule for me, Y/N. Please," he whispered. "Break your rule, and I promise that it'll be worth the risk."
The look of desperation in his eyes made the wall around my heart weaken.
"If you ever break my heart. . ." I started to threaten. I giggled when he grabbed my face and pressed his lips to mine. Our lips moved in sync as we wrapped our arms around each other.
"I won't," he moaned, breaking the kiss. "I swear, Y/N. I will do everything I can to make sure I don't break your heart. Breaking your rule will be worth it."
Part 2
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