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RENEĂ RAPP via tiktok
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did she? , r. rapp
WARNINGS ; smut, dom!top!reneĂ©, sub!bottom!reader, reneĂ© takin reader's virginity <3 â A/N? ; fem!reader + 3.0k words, enjoy <3 ⯠summary ; when reneĂ©'s partner asks her to take her virginity, how could she refuse? she has to make her girl feel good, after all.
Warnings/tags: praise, mean, teasing, brat, top (Reneé), bottom (reader), watching
I Still Love You
Renee Rapp x Ex Girlfriend Reader
Summary: Renee released I Canât Have You Around Me Anymore. Youâre the girlfriend she cheated on. What does this mean for you both?
*not proof read*
The song dropped on a Friday.
It didnât feel like anything important at firstânot to anyone else, at least. Just another release in a crowded music week, another track added to playlists, another wave of promotion posts and streaming links and fan theories. But for you, it felt like your lungs forgot how to work the second you saw her name attached to it.
Renee Rapp. Your ex.
The person you hadnât spoken to in months, not since everything fell apart in the ugliest, most humiliating way you could imagine. Not since the truth had come out in fragmentsâthen all at onceâtoo sharp to deny, too painful to pretend you hadnât seen.
You almost didnât click it. Almost.
But curiosity and self-destruction had always looked the same in your body, and before you could stop yourself, you were pressing play.
The instrumentals came first. Soft. Careful. Like it was trying not to disturb something fragile. And then her voice.
You knew her voice better than you knew your own thoughts sometimes. It had once been the background noise of your mornings, your late-night drives, your quiet domestic moments when nothing else in the world mattered except her breathing beside you.
Now it felt like a knife that already knew exactly where to land.
âI canât have you around me anymoreâŠâ
Your stomach dropped.
The lyric wasnât subtle. It wasnât vague. It wasnât a song hiding behind metaphor or distance. It was direct. Honest in a way that made your chest ache before you even fully understood what she was saying. You kept listening anyway. Because of course you did.
The song unfolded like a confession she couldnât say to your face. Not back then. Not when it mattered. Not when you were still together and still tryingâdesperately, painfullyâto hold onto something that had already started slipping through your fingers.
And then the line came. The one that made everything inside you collapse at once.
âCause if it isnât me, itâs her whoâs gonna close that door.â
Your breath stuttered and your hands went cold.
And suddenly you werenât in your apartment anymoreâyou were back in the arguments. Back in the nights youâd cried quietly in your bathroom so she wouldnât hear. Back in the way she always insisted nothing was happening, even when your gut screamed otherwise. Back in the friend she said you were âbeing ridiculousâ about. Back in the feeling of being too sensitive, too insecure, too much.
Back in the moment you found out you werenât crazy at all. Just too late.
The breakup had been brutal, but strangely quiet in the beginning. No screaming. No dramatic final fight. Just truth hitting like a slow-moving car crash that neither of you stepped out of the way from.
You remembered standing in her apartment, shaking so hard you could barely hold your phone after you saw the messages. You remembered her face when she realized youâd seen them. Not denial. Not even excuses.
Just guilt. Pure, heavy, devastating guilt.
âI didnât mean for it to happen like that,â she had said.
And you had laughedâbecause what else were you supposed to do with something like that?
You didnât remember leaving. Only the absence afterward. The silence. The sudden emptiness where she used to be.
And now here she was again, in your ears, in your chest, in your life whether you wanted her there or not.
By the time the song ended, you were already crying. Not elegant crying. Not quiet crying. The kind that feels like itâs been building for months and finally found permission to exist.
Your phone was in your hand before you even fully realized what you were doing. Her contact still sat there.
Renee.
No emoji. No heart. Just her name, plain and unchanged, like she hadnât shattered your entire world and then turned it into art.
Your fingers hovered. You told yourself not to. You told yourself it was stupid. That nothing good could come from this. That she had already said everything she needed to say months ago when she let you walk away without stopping you hard enough.
And yetâ
You texted anyway.
I heard the song.
That was it. No accusation. No question. No anger. Just truth.
You stared at it for a long moment before hitting send, immediately regretting it, immediately wishing you could unsend it, immediately hating yourself for opening the door youâd worked so hard to close.
Your phone lit up almost instantly.
Renee. Of course she replied fast. Of course she did.
Your heart hammered before you even opened it.
Iâm coming over angel girl, we need to talk.
Angel girl. The nickname hit you like a ghost touching your shoulder. You hadnât heard it in months.
You didnât reply. You didnât know how.
And yet somehow, without you agreeing to anything, without you preparing yourself, without you even deciding if this was what you wantedâyour apartment suddenly felt like it was holding its breath, waiting.
Thirty minutes later, there was a knock at your door. Soft. Careful. Like she was afraid you wouldnât answer. You almost didnât. But your body moved before your mind could stop it.
The door opened. And there she was. Renee stood on your doorstep like a memory made realâhoodie slightly oversized, hair a little messy like sheâd driven here fast, eyes already searching your face the second you appeared.
Neither of you spoke at first. It felt too loaded for words. Her gaze softened when she saw your face.
âHey,â she said quietly.
That one word nearly broke you again. You stepped aside without meaning to. A silent invitation. A surrender you didnât know you were making.
She walked in slowly, like she was approaching something fragile. Like she still knew your space by instinct. The door clicked shut behind her. And suddenly it was just the two of you again. In a room that remembered everything.
You stood across from each other for a long second, neither of you moving, both of you clearly trying to figure out where to put all the history between you.
Finally, you whispered, âWhy did you write it?â
Renee swallowed. Her eyes dropped for a moment before coming back to yours.
âBecause I couldnât say it to you like I could to her,â she admitted.
Your throat tightened. âSo you said it to the world instead?â
Pain flickered across her face.
âIt wasnât supposed to be like that,â she said quickly. âI didnât⊠I didnât want you to hear it like that. I didnât even know if you would. I justââ She exhaled shakily. âI needed to say it somewhere.â
You let out a humorless laugh that cracked halfway through.
âYou really went and turned it into a song,â you said, voice shaking. âAbout cheating on me.â
âI know,â she said immediately. âI know how that sounds. I know how that feels. Iâm not trying to defend it.â
Silence fell again. Thick. Heavy.
Renee took a small step closer, then stopped, like she was afraid of crossing a line you hadnât drawn yet.
âI didnât come here to hurt you,â she said softly. âI came because I couldnât live with you hearing it and me not explaining it properly.â
Your arms crossed instinctively, like you were trying to hold yourself together.
âThen explain it,â you said.
And something in her broke open at that permission. She nodded once.
âI didnât plan it,â she said. âThatâs not me trying to excuse it. Itâs just the truth. It started as⊠stupid proximity. We were spending too much time together. I told myself it was nothing. I told myself I was being dramatic even noticing it.â
Your jaw clenched. The friend.
Towa.
The one youâd always felt uneasy about. The one youâd argued about. The one she always defended like you were imagining things.
Reneeâs voice got quieter.
âAnd you werenât wrong,â she admitted. âAbout how close it was getting. I just didnât see it until it was already⊠messy.â
Your hands curled into fists at your sides.
âSo it just⊠happened?â you asked, bitterness sharp in your throat.
âNo,â she said immediately. âNo, it didnât just happen. I made choices. Bad ones. I crossed lines I shouldnât have crossed. I let it get there instead of stopping it.â
Her eyes were glossy now.
âAnd I hate myself for that,â she added quietly.
The honesty in her voice made your chest ache in a different way. Not forgiveness. Not yet. Just pain.
âI didnât stop it when I should have,â she continued. âAnd by the time I realized what I was doing to you, I was already in too deep. And I was scared. And I handled it in the worst way possible.â
You stared at her.
âSo you just lied to me,â you said softly. âOver and over.â
Renee flinched like youâd hit her.
âI didnât want to lose you,â she said immediately. âThatâs not an excuse. I know it isnât. But itâs the truth behind it. I was selfish. I thought if I could just⊠fix it quietly, or make it go away, or pretend it wasnât as bad as it was, I could keep you.â
Your eyes stung again.
âThatâs not love,â you whispered.
âI know,â she said, voice cracking. âI know.â
Silence stretched. Neither of you knew what came after that kind of truth. Your apartment suddenly felt too small for it. Too full. Too much.
âI heard the song and I thought I was going to be sick,â you admitted suddenly, voice breaking. âBecause it felt like you were telling me the truth after you already destroyed everything.â
Reneeâs breath hitched.
âI didnât want it to feel like that,â she said.
âBut it does,â you whispered.
And that was the worst part. Neither of you could undo how it felt. The room went quiet again, but this time it was different. Less sharp. More fragile.
Renee finally stepped closerânot all the way, just enough that you could feel her presence properly again.
âI miss you,â she said.
The words werenât dramatic. They werenât planned. They just came out, raw and immediate. Your chest tightened painfully.
âI miss you too,â you admitted before you could stop yourself.
That truth cracked something open between you. Renee looked at you like she didnât know whether to move closer or stay exactly where she was.
âCan IâŠâ she hesitated. âCan I hug you?â
Your instinct was to say no. Your body was still tangled in hurt, in memory, in everything she had done. But you were also shaking. And tired. And suddenly unbearably aware of how long it had been since you had felt anything like safety. You nodded once. Barely. And that was enough.
Renee crossed the space carefully, like she was approaching something sacred, something breakable. When she wrapped her arms around you, it wasnât forceful. It wasnât desperate. It was careful. Like she was afraid youâd disappear if she held on too hard. And something in you cracked completely. The tears came fast this time. Not quiet. Not controlled.
You buried your face in her hoodie without thinking, gripping onto her like your body had been waiting months to do exactly that. Renee immediately held you tighter.
âIâve got you,â she whispered. Her voice shook. âIâve got you, Iâm here.â
You didnât respond. You couldnât. Everything you had been holding in since the breakup came pouring out all at onceâgrief, anger, love, humiliation, confusion. It all tangled together until you couldnât separate any of it.
Renee just held you through it. No excuses. No interruptions. No pushing you to stop crying. Just her arms around you, steady even when her breathing wasnât.
After a while, your crying slowed into something softer. Something exhausted. Neither of you let go. Eventually, she guided you gently to the couch, sitting beside you but still keeping close enough that your shoulders touched. You wiped your face with the sleeve of your sweater, avoiding her eyes.
âI donât know what Iâm supposed to do with this,â you admitted quietly.
Renee exhaled shakily.
âI donât either,â she said honestly.
That answer surprised you. You finally looked at her. She looked wrecked too. Not triumphant. Not relieved. Just human.
âI donât expect you to forgive me,â she added. âI donât even expect you toâwant me here. I just⊠needed you to know the truth. Properly. Not through a song. Not through rumors. Not through anything else.â
You swallowed hard.
âAnd now I know it,â you said softly.
Silence followed. A long one. The kind where everything important hangs in the air but no one is brave enough to grab it. Renee glanced at you carefully.
âDo you hate me?â she asked.
The question was quiet. Vulnerable. You should have said yes. It would have been easier. Cleaner. But you couldnât lie.
âI donât know,â you whispered.
Renee nodded slowly, like she understood that more than a yes or no. Your head leaned back against the couch. Your voice came out smaller this time.
âI still love you,â you admitted, almost like it hurt to say.
Renee closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them again, they were glassy.
âI still love you too,â she said.
And there it was. The thing neither of you knew how to survive. Because love was still there. Even after everything. Even after the cheating. Even after the lies. Even after the song. It just didnât know what shape it was supposed to take anymore.
Renee shifted slightly closer again, careful.
âI donât want to pressure you,â she said softly. âI just⊠donât want to lose whatever this is between us completely.â
You looked at her for a long moment. At the girl you had loved so deeply it had felt like a second heartbeat. At the girl who had broken your trust and then turned the aftermath into music the whole world could hear. At the girl who was still here anyway, sitting on your couch like she belonged there and didnât at the same time.
âI donât know what happens next,â you admitted.
Renee nodded immediately.
âThatâs okay,â she said. âWe donât have to decide that tonight.â
A beat. Then, quieter:
âI just wanted to be here with you right now.â
Your chest ached again, but differently this time. Less sharp. More complicated. You didnât move away when she reached for your hand. And she didnât push when you didnât answer what that meant. You just sat there together, in the ruins of what you used to be, both of you still holding on to something you couldnât quite name anymore.
Outside, the world kept moving. Inside your apartment, everything had paused in the middle of becoming something else.
And neither of you knew yet whether it would be a beginningâŠ
Or just another kind of ending.
Billie and Renee collab when?
tt creds:xannyied
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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