#rememberingjasey

An anchor can hang on your chest

Just dangling.

Feeling like you can never get up.

Feeling like your dead.

But your body is still there.

Almost as if your a spirit just floating there.

Witnessing many things

Things you wish were good

But not seeing It

Because your mind is controlling your eyes.

It doesn’t want you to smile.

Smirk. Grin. Nothing.

A demon is just controlling your emotions.

It feels like death was the better thing to have.

And if it was real. How would everyone react?

Sometimes it feels like that’s a solution.

It’s not though.

But. In all of the sadness. Madness.

That runs through your skull.

You have to search.

That one thing you know can change that.

That god awful feeling.

It could be something small.

Or something huge.

It doesn’t matter the size.

What matters that it made the muscles in your face move.

It’s better that way.

Don’t let the anchor hold you.

Break the chain.

You got this. You will ALWAYS have it.

Don’t let a single soul destroy your happiness.

Someone or people out there love you dearly.

You deserve to be here. “

Chapter 1

I don’t remember what caused the accident. My mother and father were driving to my dance competition. It was raining really hard that day. I just remember sitting in the backseat, listening to my iPod, looking outside and daydreaming. My younger sister, Isla. Was in her booster seat, being obnoxious because mom wouldn’t give her anymore candy. Once my eyes closed, I woke up in a hospital room. I kept getting asked all of these questions, no idea on how to answer to them. “What’s the last thing you remember Sage?” The doctors and nurses kept asking. I shrugged, “I told you already, I have no idea. I was in the car, I fell asleep listening to my music. Then I woke up here.”

Then it hit me. “Where are my parents!? Where’s isla? Are they okay!? Give me answers!” Silence. The doctors and nurses look back and forth. Puzzled on how to respond. With this going the way it is, it’s not good. “Sweetheart, your sister is in critical condition. We are doing everything we can to keep her here.” I just stared. Waiting for them to continue, my stomach was in knots. I thought my heart was going to explode. “Your parents on the other hand. From our analysis, I’m so sorry. They died instantly when the airbags went off and glass shattered pieces in their-“ I screamed. “Stop! Enough! I can’t deal with the details” tears flowed down my face. I never felt this pain before, my parents were gone. I’m only sixteen. And they’re gone.

I felt like I was in a horror movie or those really crappy dramas that they showed on Lifetime. I was in the hospital for about a week and a half. I didn’t have much damage to my body since I was in a deep sleep. Doctors told me because of that my muscles didn’t tense up and honestly couldn’t tell you the rest. Half the time they were talking to me I was so doped up on drugs. When I was good enough to move, they had me do some physical therapy in the hospital to gain some strength back. Being bed rested was so a nightmare. I literally thought I was in jail, surrounded by loud people and machines. Let’s not forget the food sucked. Constantly getting woken up to take medicine. Same questions over and over again. “How are you feeling?” “Any numbness going on?” “Hoes your appetite.” I could go on.

On the positive note minus my pain and agony, I got to visit Isla. Seeing her hooked up to machines wasn’t a fun sight. It made my stomach whirl. Most of the time that I did visit her, she was sleeping. I believe the doctors said she woke up maybe once but that was it. For a quick second. My final day in the hospital, I went to go say my goodbye. Not forever, or so I thought. “Sage, before you walk in, I must inform you on things.” The nurse had watery eyes, I already knew this wouldn’t end well. “Your sister, she had so much brain damage and internal bleeding that if we take her off the monitor. She will not last.”

Instant tears ran down my face. This is not fair. First my parents, now my little sister? What is this crappy life? My heart felt like it shattered in my chest. I walked into her room. Tears were nonstop. Listening to that heartbeat made it so much harder. Even though she wasn’t awake, I shared memories with her. Told her how much I love her and to tell mom and dad I said hi.

3 weeks later

My sister would have loved to live with me and our aunt June. Losing her along with my parents has been the worst. Since they have passed away I’ve been staying with my aunt. She’s my hero and we have the friendship of two peas in a pod. We’re each other’s diary and crying shoulders. Her house is basic, but it’s a “cute basic”. Very modern, decent size yard, two floors, 3 bedrooms and baths. She works as a heart surgeon. So her bank account is pretty full. With her amazing career, she likes to keep things simple. Doesn’t like to brag about her money. Can’t tell you how many times she’s turned down guys because that’s all they want. Typical men.

School starts up in a week. Not so thrilled. I have orientation today, to get our school ids and a tour around school. I know where everything is, so skipping that part isn’t going to hurt. “You want me to take you, or do you want to drive on your own?” Asked June. “I can take my car, I kind of need a good jam session in my car to calm my nerves.” Loud music while driving is the best way for me to clear my mind. “I know it’s been a rough month, your parents and Isla would be so proud of you.” June gave me a long, console hug after telling me that. “Now then, you don’t want to be late. I may be home later, if not. I’ll leave you money to order something if you like.” I smile, “thank you, see you soon.”

I grabbed my flannel and keys then walked out of the door. My aunt bought me a Ford F-150 as a “back to school” present. Spoiled? Nah. I didn’t ask for it, I was going to be like any typical teen and ride the bus. But she insisted, wasn’t going to turn down a free truck. As I was getting into my truck my phone rang, it was my best friend Lillian. “Are you on your way?” She sounded super excited, not sure why. We’re juniors, still have a year to go in the hell hole of a school. “Yes girl, i just got into my truck. I’ll be there shortly!”

“Awesome, see you there!” I hung up.

Plugged my phone into the aux, City and Colour it is. Music is one thing that gets me through the day. Without it, I would probably go insane. When I arrived at my high school, Greenwood High. The parking lot was beyond packed. Luckily for me, I got a good spot and far away from the crazy drivers. I texted Lillian to let her know I was there. ‘Yay! Meet me at the east entrance’. As I’m walking, many thoughts ran through my head. ‘Who am I going to fight with this year?’ ‘How many guys are going to hit on me during class everyday?’ ‘I wonder if they upgraded the crappy lunch menu’ Extremely random but I can’t be the only one that thinks this.

Lillian runs up behind me and squeezes me. “Sage! Oh my god I missed you! How have you been? I’m so sorry about the accident, that breaks my heart.” I had to stop her. “Haha- hi Lillian, I’m good just getting Day by Day. And thank you, they’re in a better place now and now looking over me and what they considered you as a daughter because you were constantly over.” We both laugh. “Okay let’s go get this over with.” We walk down the hallway, picked up our schedules then went into the line to get our picture taken.

I was hoping my make up doesn’t drip off of my face. So much body heat was in the building and the pictures were being taken in a small room. Sometimes I think our school staff is running by a bunch of morons. As a was waiting in line, I scanned the room looking for new faces, outfits that people were wearing, new teachers. Someone bumped into me and knocked me out of my gaze. “Oh I’m so sorry, these damn shoes make me trip over anything.” Before I could even respond right away, I noticed his hazel eyes. “Oh it’s quite alright, it happens” I could feel my cheeks blush. Lovely right?

“My name is Colson, Colson James. I just moved here last week so everything is new to me. Care to give me a tour?” My heart felt like it was going to burst, his jawline, his hair, just everything was perfect. God, I sound pathetic. Lillian just nods “you guys go ahead, Jonny wants to meet with me for lunch.” Jonny is her boy toy of 3 years. I grew up with both of them so it’s weird sometimes. “Okay have fun.”

I smile, super awkward. “Shall we?” “We shall.” He smiles and holds out his arm. “Proper escort I see?” I giggle. “figured i would be proper” Colson chuckles.

We started with the east side, then to the gym then to the cafeteria. As we were walking, I figured I would get to know him. “So, what made you want to move to Washington? It rains way too much here and you seem like the “hipster beach boy type.” Colson laughs. “My dad got a job offer for some company. And my mom is a dentist. We did live in California for a few years. But I was born in Michigan, lives there until I was six.” He sighs. “Sucks moving from place to place but eh what can you do? So tell me about you.”

“I’ve lived in Washington all of my life, moved twice. I now live with my aunt June, my biological parents and little sister passed away in a car wreck..” I froze. I haven’t been open about my parents death to just anyone. I feel terrible, I wanted to puke. “Oh god I’m so sorry. Are you okay? You look pail.” Colson grabs me just Incase I fell. “I’m okay, thank you. I just never really open up about that to just anyone. For people being judgmental about attention seeking people.” I choked up. “Hey now..” he wipes my tears away before they fall. “It’s okay to be open, you need to do that sometimes. I know we just met, but you can always talk to me.” I half smile at him. “Thank you, that means a lot.” I shook my body with the sad nerves and moved forward.

“So, enough of that. Wanna go grab coffee?” I asked while checking the time on my phone. “Sure, but can it be later? I just have to do some running around to do.” “That’s fine, here’s my number. See you soon.” Colson walks away to his car. There’s something about him, he’s different. I’m not sure how but I’ll figure it out.