Who here relates?

No one is born with a god-shaped hole.

It is created by harmful ideology.

I was told that I would never be enough without the Christian god and that I would experience inescapable longing until I could finally be in his presence. I was told that my connection with him was the most important of my life, that no other connection could possibly compare. I was told if I tried to fill the “god-shaped hole” with anything else I would remain hollow.

But I wasn’t born with a god-shaped hole. I was born full of curiosity and longing for a full life. Then I was systematically discouraged from seeking a fulfilling life outside of his reach.

February 18th. On THE DATE that the cult of COG-TFI is still celebrating as the "birthday" of the cult and its late pedophiliac founder David Berg, COG-TFI survivors are speaking out in The Sunday Mail and on Episode 2 of the explosive documentary series Prayed Upon by the Courier Mail.

We are incredibly proud of these brave survivors for speaking out, as it is an emotionally intense, vulnerable, and demanding experience to go public with such personal and painful stories. Please support COG-TFI survivors and help us raise awareness by sharing this post and signing our petition to bring COG-TFI cofounder and current leader Karen Zerby to justice (link in bio).

Deconstructing my faith has been brutal, but it's not the first part of my life that underwent demolition. First, it was my family of origin. My parents were abusive, but I didn't figure that out until I was twenty-one. Twenty-one years of thinking my parents loved me and had my best interests at heart, when in reality, they were too emotionally immature to care about anyone or anything beyond their own personal needs and desires. I was a means to that end, or a hindrance to it. Nothing more. But when it's all you know, you think that that's love. You think you deserve to be treated like crap because you ARE crap, and any kindness shown to you is mercy. It's no wonder I so easily and fully believed in a God who was so angry and disgusted with me that he "had" to slaughter his own son just to be able to "forgive" me. Fyi, that's not forgiveness.

Fundamentalist Christianity is at its core an apocalyptic, anti-social religion that demands isolation and dependence from its practitioners. When I reread verses that tell me to hate my family, give up on this world, and seek only God; it breaks my heart. Assuming that the connection with God is incomparable encourages followers to limit their real relationships.

Christ, what a racket. To create a problem and then offer only your solution is in some contexts considered a crime but in fundamentalist Christianity is just part of the weekly agenda.

As it was explained to me as a young fundie, the “god-shaped hole” came prefabricated in the soul of every person. And people could try to “fill it” with other things but nothing would ever work. And actually the longing for the Christian god would not go away until we joined him in Heaven. 

But I still had to seek the Christian god above all else because what else could I do? Find fulfillment, meaning, and connection outside of Christianity? Leave the diminishing environment of controlling religion behind? Lead a life of growth and expansion instead of reduction? Let my heart be full instead of empty for Jesus?

Many people think I hate the church, so I constantly criticize and make fun of her.

Not true!

I don't hate the church at all.

In fact, I owe her a lot. I consider her my spiritual mother in many ways.

But like some mothers, she was too controlling and sometimes even abusive for me to live with her.

I will continue challenging her to be her best self, and to be a safe place for people like me and you.

She needs to give up her need for control, and the use of abuse to maintain it.

That's all.

Would you encourage a woman to stay with a man who assaulted her once in a while, even though he provides a roof over her head, food, and financial security?

No!

We'd help her figure out a way to escape to make a happy life of her own beyond his control and abuse.

In a way it's complicated because we did receive a lot of good from her, but we simply can't put up with what we sacrificed for it.