headcanon that marlene has taken a part in the church choir since she was very young and grew very fond of it.
one day when she's quite grown up and has more progressive thoughts and ideologies, she has a falling out with the mother of said church because they are more conservative with their beliefs. obvi, marls is angry and so the argument is followed up by this performance
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I shouted your name into empty rooms
until they came back sounding like a stranger
they told me you were everywhere
in the light, in the breath, in the quiet
but all I ever found was silence
thick as a locked door
What kind of god builds a mouth
and fills it with prayers
just to watch them rot on the tongue?
I've seen better mercy in a bar fight
more grace in a broken bottle
than in the way you let things fall apart
slow, deliberate
like you were savoring the sound
You took her laugh
like it was nothing
just another loose thread to pull
and left me holding
a fistful of unraveling days
Don't tell me this is a lesson
don't dress it up in purpose
Pain isn't holy
just because you refuse to answer for it
If you're there
if you ever were
then step out of the dark
and explain yourself
Or stay hidden
stay quiet
stay whatever it is you've always been
and I'll learn to live
like there's no one listening
I really dislike how when it comes to religious trauma a lot of ppl have as a response "being forced to go to church once a week isn't THAT bad "
like I don't personally have religious trauma but I was "forced" to pray every morning in school, and that alone left a pretty bad impression of christians in my mind, I can't imagine how more extreme things would affect you , especially if your parents are involved
we obviously weren't physically abused, but making a 7 year old kid get in front of the school entrance so they can be scolded in front of THE WHOLE school (with a microphone) for not praying/not knowing some special occasion prayer when you were called on to say it (basically each day a student was chosen to say the morning prayers into the microphone for the rest of the school)
or not doing your cross or speaking to your classmate during "prayer time" ,or forcing you to memorize prayers , so that you can pass a class and move to the next grade, is a pretty unpleasant experience
I was raised non religious so these things were more obviously "wrong" to me than other ppl , bc I had no religious background, I had no reason to pray or act like I believed in god , but I was made to , that takes away your autonomy, and even as a young child it feels wrong
It sounds a bit dramatic but having that realization later on , feels a bit violating, like realizing that you were made to pray and memorize prayers and visit church (a teacher could just decide to take their class to church for a couple of hours instead of teaching if they saw fit) until you essentially started believing in god and the church even if just on the surface , is unpleasant , it affected my identity
I prayed to God on instinct almost, bc everyone seemed like that did , I was told that I was a Christian and made to act like one , I did what everyone else did , I was genuinely distressed early on bc I knew I wasn't a believer, but everyone else seemingly was , so I thought there was something wrong with me lmfao, after elementary school and early junior high, they stopped being as strict about praying ect and soon after I felt okay enough with myself to stop pretending to be religious
My house was safe from that , no icons, no being made to pray before dinner or before bed, I could talk to my parents and express my dislike for what was happening to me in school, even at a young age
I can only imagine how much worse it would have been if acting like that at home could result in punishment
Not to mention all the actual physical, verbal and s*xual abuse that usually happens in religious institutes , where there's a power imbalance and loss of identity at play
At the surface it sounds minor , being forced to spend a few hours a week bored at church, but it's way more complicated than that
Hello my friend, God doesn't want you died Lucifer does. I have no hate for you but love and God loves you even if you don't feel the same, and thanks for calling me a bigot. God bless you.
Stop being performative and go pray about it in secret like God wants you to do instead of committing dumb stuff on people's posts. It's not your place to judge (yes, you are judging look at your blog). Go feed the poor and help those less fortunate than you like Jesus told you to do.
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