especially in matter of relationships - our prof summed it up as 'i need someone who would understand me' and 'i need someone just like me' (on an edge of incest ofc (like in Chateaubriand (i'm actually glad my classmates are not nerdy enough to put up GoT on this matter eh)))
so basically when i've got some sort of regrets about my current singleness it actually sounds like 'ugh it sucks i've got nobody to talk to about this shit' 'ugh i wish there was somebody who would etc etc' AND at new year's eve when my irl crush asked me what's wrong and i actually told her what was (is) wrong I WAS TERRIFIED with her sympathetic expression because she was in rather messy and somehow abusive relationship for helluwa time and somehow she enjoyed it. and at that moment i thought 'no i just can't put you into the same shit again because it would always be ABOUT ME AND MY PROBLEMS and you're already eager enough to listen' and backed away.
besides every once in a while i get a 'honey all your mental problems because you're not getting laid enough (AND I'M NOT EXAGGERATING this is a quote) cuz i'm sure MY mental problems have the same roots'-talk from my mom and this is awful i'm awful
only bright side is what i'm not a writer to make a novel about it)))))))
