Love Spells: Coercion or Intention-Setting?
There's no topic in witchcraft more debated, more controversial, and more likely to start a fight than love spells.
One witch says: "Love magic is always coercion. You're manipulating someone's free will. It's the magical equivalent of drugging someone's drink. Never acceptable."
Another witch says: "Love magic is just setting intentions and opening yourself to love. It's no different from manifestation. If two people are meant to be together, magic just speeds up the inevitable. Totally fine."
A third witch says: "It depends entirely on HOW you do it."
The answer is: all of the above, depending on what you're actually doing.
Let's break this down honestly, including the parts that make everyone uncomfortable.
The Spectrum of Love Magic
Not all "love spells" are the same thing. There's a massive spectrum from clearly ethical to obviously violating:
Clearly Ethical (Intention-Setting)
Magic on yourself to attract compatible love:
"I am open to receiving love"
"I attract healthy, compatible relationships"
"I am confident and magnetic"
"Love that's right for me finds me easily"
You're working on: Your energy, your openness, your blocks, your readiness.
You're NOT: Targeting anyone specific, overriding anyone's will, manipulating anyone's feelings.
This is: Self-improvement magic with romantic intent. About as ethically clear as it gets.
Probably Ethical (Working on Existing Dynamics)
Magic to improve an existing relationship with someone who's already your partner:
"May our communication improve"
"May we understand each other better"
"May our connection deepen"
"May conflicts between us resolve peacefully"
You're working on: The relationship energy between you two, yourself within the relationship.
You're NOT: Forcing them to feel something they don't, trapping them, overriding their choice to leave.
This is: Relationship support magic. Ethically gray only if the relationship is already over or they want out and you're magically trying to keep them against their will.
Ethically Complicated (Attraction to You Generally)
Magic to make yourself more attractive/noticeable to others:
"I am magnetically attractive"
Glamour magic to enhance your appearance
You're working on: How you present, your energy, your visibility.
You're NOT: Making anyone do anything, but you are influencing how people perceive you.
This is: Debated. Some say it's just magical makeup—enhancing what's there. Others say any magic that affects others' perception without consent is manipulation. You decide where you stand.
Clearly Unethical (Coercion)
Magic to make a specific person love/desire/be with you:
"Make [name] fall in love with me"
"Make [name] want me sexually"
"Make [name] leave their partner for me"
"Make [name] obsessed with me"
You're working on: Someone else's feelings, choices, and free will.
You're targeting: A specific individual's emotions and desires.
This is: Coercion. Manipulation. The magical equivalent of a love potion. Not okay.
Why Targeting a Specific Person Is Problematic
"But I really love them! We're meant to be together! I'm just helping fate along!"
Let's break down why "make THIS person love me" magic is ethically problematic:
1. You're Overriding Their Free Will
That person has the right to choose who they love, desire, and be with. When you do magic to make them choose you, you're removing that choice.
Even if you think they'd choose you anyway, you're not giving them the chance to choose freely.
Love without free will isn't love—it's captivity.
2. You're Deciding What's Best For Them
Maybe they're not right for you. Maybe you're not right for them. Maybe timing is wrong. Maybe they have lessons to learn elsewhere. Maybe you have lessons to learn from NOT being with them.
You don't have the full cosmic picture. You're making assumptions about what should happen based on what YOU want.
3. You're Treating Them as an Object
When you do magic to make someone love you, you're treating them as a means to your happiness rather than as a full person with their own desires, path, and autonomy.
You're essentially saying: "Your wants and needs matter less than mine. I want you, therefore you should be mine."
That's not love. That's possession.
4. The Results Will Feel Wrong
Even if it "works" (and it might—magic IS powerful), the relationship will be built on violation.
They might be with you, but you'll always wonder: Do they really love me, or is it the spell? Is this real or manufactured?
And on some level, even if they don't know about the spell consciously, they'll feel the violation. Relationships built on coercion, magical or mundane, have a haunted quality. Something feels off.
5. It Often Backfires Spectacularly
When you force someone to love you magically, you're working against their natural flow. This requires enormous energy and constant reinforcement.
The spell works temporarily, then wears off and they leave (often abruptly and badly)
They become obsessed in unhealthy, even scary ways
They love you but resent you in ways neither of you understand
The relationship is passionate but toxic
You get what you asked for but it's a nightmare version of it
Karmic backlash hits you (often in the form of having your own free will violated)
Forcing anything in magic is like forcing a river to flow uphill. It takes massive energy, it's temporary, and when it collapses, it floods everything.
6. There's a Better Way (More on This Later)
You can do love magic that respects everyone's free will AND is more likely to bring you actual happiness. Why do the harmful version when there's an ethical alternative?
"But What If They Already Like Me and Just Need a Push?"
This is the most common justification: "They're already interested, the magic is just helping them overcome their fear/shyness/commitment issues."
Here's the problem with this logic:
If they have fear/shyness/commitment issues, those are THEIR issues to work through on THEIR timeline. You don't get to magically push them past their blocks because it's inconvenient for you.
Maybe they need to work through those issues before being ready for a relationship. Maybe the timing isn't right. Maybe they're not as interested as you think.
If someone needs magical coercion to be with you, they don't actually want to be with you.
And do you really want to be with someone who had to be magically convinced? Don't you deserve someone who enthusiastically chooses you?
"But What About Getting My Ex Back?"
I don't care how much you love them. I don't care how good you were together. I don't care if you "made a mistake."
If they left, they CHOSE to leave. Respect that choice.
Doing magic to bring an ex back is:
Overriding their decision
Preventing both of you from moving forward
Often trying to avoid the pain of loss rather than genuinely about the relationship
Rarely successful long-term (they'll leave again, often worse than before)
Denying them the right to leave a relationship that wasn't working for them
Cord-cutting magic to release the attachment
Healing magic for yourself
Magic to attract NEW love that's actually right for you
Magic to become the person who has healthy relationships (so if they come back, it's in a new, healthier dynamic)
If you're meant to be together, they'll come back on their own, freely, when the time is right. If they don't, there's someone better suited to you.
If you wouldn't do it mundanely, don't do it magically.
Mundane version of love magic on a specific person:
Slipping drugs in their drink to make them desire you
Lying and manipulating to make them fall for you
Stalking, pestering, wearing them down until they give in
Refusing to accept "no" or a breakup
Emotional manipulation, guilt, coercion
Would you do any of these? No? Then don't do the magical equivalent.
Mundane version of ethical love magic:
Working on yourself—therapy, gym, developing confidence
Putting yourself in situations where you might meet compatible people
Being open and available for connection
Treating yourself as worthy of love
Letting go of people who aren't interested
If you'd do these mundanely, the magical equivalent is probably ethical.
When Love Magic IS Intention-Setting (The Ethical Version)
Here's how to do love magic that respects everyone's free will and is actually more likely to bring you real happiness:
1. Magic to Attract Compatible Love (Not a Specific Person)
Instead of: "Make John love me"
Try: "I attract a partner who is [qualities you want: kind, funny, emotionally available, shares my values, whatever]"
You're not targeting anyone. You're putting out what you want and letting the universe/deities/fate bring you someone compatible.
This respects free will because: The person who shows up is doing so of their own attraction and choice. You haven't forced anyone.
2. Magic on Yourself to Be Ready for Love
Healing from past relationships
Releasing blocks to intimacy
Building self-love and confidence
Becoming the partner you want to attract
This respects free will because: You're only working on yourself. You're becoming someone who naturally attracts healthy love.
3. Magic to Recognize Love When It Appears
Clarity to see compatible people
Courage to pursue connection
Wisdom to recognize red flags and green flags
Openness to unexpected forms of love
This respects free will because: You're not making anything happen, just making yourself aware of what's already there.
4. Magic to Clear Blocks to Connection
Forgiving yourself and others
Clearing family patterns around love
Healing attachment wounds
Letting go of limiting beliefs
This respects free will because: You're removing internal obstacles so you can connect authentically when the right person appears.
5. Petition to Deities/Universe
"Send me love that's right for my highest good"
"Bring me a partner I'm meant to be with"
"Help me recognize and connect with my match"
This respects free will because: You're asking higher powers to align circumstances, not forcing any individual person.
The "Soulmate" Exception?
"But what if I KNOW they're my soulmate? What if we're meant to be together? Doesn't that make it okay?"
What you feel as soulmate connection might be:
Intense attraction (not the same as compatibility)
Projection of what you want them to be
Karmic connection that's meant to be a lesson, not a lifetime
Your loneliness/desperation looking for a target
2. Even if you're right, timing matters.
Maybe you ARE meant to be together—LATER. After you've both grown, healed, learned things. Forcing it now might ruin what could have been beautiful later.
3. Soulmates have free will too.
Even if someone is "meant" to be in your life, they still get to choose when and how. Being soulmates doesn't mean you get to override their choices.
4. You're still making unilateral decisions.
"I've decided we're soulmates, therefore I can do magic on you" is still you deciding what's best without their input.
5. If you're really soulmates, you don't need magic to force it.
Genuine soulmate connections find their way together naturally. If you need coercion, it's not as fated as you think.
What About Glamour Magic and Attraction Spells?
This is where it gets genuinely complicated and witches disagree:
Glamour magic = magical enhancement of your appearance/energy to be more attractive
Arguments that it's ethical:
You're just enhancing what's already there
It's the magical version of makeup, nice clothes, working out
You're working on yourself, not on others
People still choose whether to approach you
Arguments that it's ethically gray:
You're affecting others' perception without their consent
It's potentially deceptive (they're seeing an enhanced version)
It might attract people who wouldn't naturally be compatible
It's still influencing others, even if indirectly
Arguments that it's unethical:
Any magic that affects others without consent is manipulation
It's creating false attraction based on artificial enhancement
The relationship starts with deception
My take: Glamour is less problematic than direct love coercion, but it exists in gray territory. If you use it:
Be honest with yourself about what you're doing
Don't hide your real self forever
Use it as a confidence boost, not a trap
Be prepared for attraction to fade when the glamour does
Consider whether you want someone attracted to enhanced-you or actual-you
Decide for yourself where you stand on this. Witches genuinely disagree.
One type of love magic is unambiguously ethical: working on loving yourself.
"I love and accept myself fully"
"I treat myself with kindness"
"I release self-criticism"
This affects no one but you. It has no ethical complications. And ironically, it's often the most powerful magic for attracting healthy relationships—people who love themselves attract others who respect and love them.
If you're going to do love magic, start here.
Red Flags That Your Love Magic Has Crossed Into Coercion
You might be doing coercive love magic if:
You're targeting a specific person by name
You're trying to override their stated disinterest or rejection
You're doing it secretly because you know they'd object
You're trying to break up their existing relationship
You're focused on making them feel a specific way about you
You're repeatedly doing spells because the first ones "wore off"
You're obsessing over this person to an unhealthy degree
You feel entitled to this person's love
You're ignoring clear signs they're not interested
You're using magic to avoid accepting "no"
You're more focused on having THEM than on having love
If multiple of these are true, you're doing coercion, not intention-setting. Stop.
The Karmic/Cosmic Consequences
Whether or not you believe in literal karma, there are consequences to coercive love magic:
Energetic entanglement: When you magically bind someone to you, you're also binding yourself to them. You've created cords that go both ways. You can't control them without being tied to them. This often feels suffocating and draining.
Karmic backlash: Many traditions teach that violating others' free will results in your own free will being violated. Expect to experience coercion, manipulation, or trapped feelings in some area of your life.
Entity disfavor: If you work with deities or spirits, many of them do NOT appreciate love coercion. Aphrodite, for instance, is a love goddess—but she's also about authentic desire and choice. Venus wants beauty and connection, not violation. They may refuse to help or actively work against you.
The relationship itself is cursed: Even if it "works," relationships built on coercion are haunted. There's an underlying wrongness. Trust issues. Resentment that neither person can name. Eventually, it falls apart—often spectacularly and painfully.
You block real love: By obsessing over and magically pursuing someone who's not right for you, you're energetically and practically blocking yourself from meeting someone who WOULD choose you freely.
You damage your own magic: When you use magic unethically, your power becomes muddy and unreliable. Other witches can often sense when someone does coercive magic regularly—there's a quality to their energy that's "off."
What About Cultural/Traditional Love Magic?
"But love spells are traditional! They're in folk magic worldwide! Are you saying all our ancestors were unethical?"
Historical context matters:
Yes, love magic targeting specific people exists in many folk traditions. But:
1. Historical context was different
In many cultures, especially historically:
Marriage was often arranged or semi-arranged anyway
Women especially had limited autonomy in choosing partners
Love magic was sometimes one of the few forms of power available
Concepts of consent and individual free will were different
This doesn't make it ethical by modern standards, but it explains the tradition.
2. Some traditional love magic was actually ethical
A lot of traditional "love magic" was actually:
Magic for general attraction
Marriage blessing rituals (for couples already together)
Protection magic for relationships
Divination about love (not coercion)
3. Some traditional practices were harmful
Just because something is traditional doesn't make it ethical. Many traditions included practices we now recognize as harmful. We can honor tradition while also evolving our ethics.
4. You can practice traditional folk magic ethically
Use the traditional techniques (herbs, symbols, rituals) but direct them ethically—at yourself, at compatible love in general, at improving existing consensual relationships.
Respect the tradition, evolve the ethics.
A Challenge for "But It's Just Intention-Setting" Witches
If you genuinely believe your love magic is just intention-setting and manifestation, not coercion, answer these honestly:
1. Would you tell the person you're doing this magic about them?
If not, why? If it's harmless intention-setting, why keep it secret?
2. Would you be okay with someone doing this same magic on you without your knowledge?
If someone decided you were meant to be theirs and did magic to make you fall for them, how would you feel?
3. Are you willing to accept if it doesn't work?
If the person doesn't fall for you despite your magic, can you accept that as an answer? Or will you do more magic, stronger magic, keep trying?
4. Is this about attracting love, or about getting THIS person?
Be honest. If this specific person said no but someone equally wonderful said yes, would you be happy? Or are you fixated on this one person specifically?
5. What would you tell a friend in this situation?
If your friend was magically trying to make someone love them, what would you say? Apply that same wisdom to yourself.
If you're uncomfortable with your answers to these questions, you might be doing coercion, not intention-setting.
Here's the clearest guideline I can give you:
If your magic would still make sense and work if you removed the specific person's name from it, it's probably ethical.
"I am open to love" — works without a name. Ethical.
"I attract compatible partnerships" — works without a name. Ethical.
"I am confident and magnetic" — works without a name. Ethical.
"[Name] falls in love with me" — doesn't work without their name. Requires targeting a specific person. Coercion.
"[Name] comes back to me" — doesn't work without their name. Coercion.
Remove the name. If the spell falls apart, it was coercion.
You want love. That's not wrong. You want THIS person. That's understandable. You feel like magic could help. You're right, it can.
Develop the qualities you want in a partner (be what you seek)
Release desperation and neediness
Step 2: Release attachment to the specific person
Gratitude for what you learned from them, release of what didn't serve you
Opening to better possibilities
Step 3: Magic for compatible love to come TO you
Attraction spells (general, not targeted)
Vision board or list of qualities you want
Opening your heart chakra
Removing blocks to receiving love
Step 4: Take mundane action
Put yourself in situations where you might meet people
Online dating, social events, new hobbies
Actually talk to people you're interested in
Step 5: Trust the process
Know that what's meant for you will come
Trust that rejection is protection from wrong matches
Believe you deserve someone who freely chooses you
Respects everyone's free will
Is more likely to bring you actual happiness
Creates foundation for healthy relationship
Honors yourself and others
And honestly? It works better than coercion ever could.
Love magic is only coercion if you're trying to make a specific person feel or do something they wouldn't freely choose.
Love magic is intention-setting when you're working on yourself, opening yourself to compatible love, or improving consensual dynamics with someone who wants to be with you.
If your magic removes or overrides someone's free will, it's coercion, regardless of your intentions.
If your magic respects everyone's autonomy and choices, it's ethical.
You don't need to coerce love.
Real love—freely chosen, mutually desired, authentically compatible—is so much better than anything you could force.
So does the person you're attracted to.
Your future self (and your karma) will thank you.
