・。Painful Dreams 🩹
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"The cut that always bleeds..." ("TCTAB" by Conan Gray)
ex-death eater! post Hogwarts! Regulus Black x spouse! reader | word count: 1,855 words
Summary: plagued with nightmares three nights in a row, Regulus feels as though he can't outrun his past 🩹
Warnings: angst, hurt/ comfort, mentions of death, blood, and self-harm, Regulus has PTSD (also disclaimer: some of this might be inaccurate. feel free to correct me on anything)
Note: wrote this on a whim cause exams are killing me and i missed writing for reg :( (and i missed reg in general-) he's been through so much, he deserves a big smooch and an even bigger hug 🫂
The satisfying crunch of fresh snow under Regulus's boots made his skin crawl as he approached what once was one of the best wizarding schools in the world. The formerly famous school now reduced to nothing but rubble, a shell of its former self.
This wouldn't have happened if you were by his side. You...just where were you? A blood curdling scream pierced the Slytherin's ears, his heart pounding in his chest. Picking up the pace, he began to jog, then full on sprint to the pile of bricks and stone. He didn't stop. He didn't stop as he gasped for breath, his lungs burning. He didn't stop as he watched the pillowy white snow beneath his feet become a bone chilling crimson color.
Once Regulus reached his destination, only then did he stop and fall to his knees. Slumped over a table was your cold and unmoving body, blood pooling onto the pristine marble. He couldn't say anything, his body in such a state of shock as he slowly made his way over to you. His hands shook as he reached over to cradle your face, your eyes closed and lips slightly parted.
"No...no, you can't...you can't leave me yet. You're supposed to stay by my side!" he murmured in a panicked voice, tapping your cheeks as if to wake you from slumber. "Come on, wake up dammit!" Regulus hissed, shaking your lifeless body, not caring about the blood staining his hands.
"They're dead, Mr. Black." An ominous voice made Regulus feeeze in his place, his head slowly turning to see a tall, pale skinned figure, cloaked in black. He twirled his wand, a sadistic smile on his lips.
As Regulus moved to pull out his own wand, the figure tilted his head, his smirk widening. "Are you really planning on killing me with the same wand you used...to kill your beloved?"
The question sent Regulus's entire mind into a sudden state of confusion. The figure gestured towards his hands and when Regulus looked down, he felt like he'd puke right then and there.
His hands were covered in thick, crimson blood...your blood. His wand sat in his lap, stained red. The Dark Mark on his forearm burned and he let out a hiss. Then, a hand reached out and wrapped around his wrist in a gentle manner.
What Regulus saw next shook him to his very core. You, who was so much as dead just a moment ago, were looking him dead in the eyes, your lips twisted into a frown.
"Why'd you do it, Regulus?" you murmured, moving to lean in closer to him. "Why'd you kill me?"
"I....I didn't. I swear by my love for you, I didn't do it." But even in his state of denial, you kept repeating the same question.
"Why'd you kill me, Reggie? All I ever did was love you." you said, your voice getting louder and your grip on his wrist getting tighter."
Along with your voice, more voices began to ask the same question: "Why'd you kill them, Regulus?" Some voices he recognized: James, Lily, Remus...Sirius. Others seemed like jumbled versions of voices he'd heard in passing.
"I didn't kill them! It wasn't me!"
"Why'd you kill them, Regulus?"
"Stop-"
"Why'd you kill them?"
"No!"
"WHY?"
"STOP!"
Regulus woke up in a cold sweat, his breathing rapid and ragged as he gasped for breath. This was the third night in a row that he'd had that exact same dream. His hands trembled as he reached for a glass of water from the bedside table, his eyes unintentionally landing on that wretched Dark Mark scar. The thing that had polluted his mind and made him do unspeakable things in the past. Even though it was reduced to a nasty, snake shaped scar, he wanted it gone. Forever.
Regulus began to scratch at the mark, digging his fingernails into his skin. He didn't care about the pain or the fact that his skin was getting tender and red. "Get off....Why is this...stupid mark still here if he's dead?" he muttered to himself, scratching faster and harder.
Regulus's muttering woke you up, your eyes slowly cracking open as you turned on the bedside lamp. "Reggie? What's wrong?" you murmured, sitting up and rubbing your sleepy eyes.
He didn't answer, still muttering to himself like a madman, his nails digging deeper into his porcelain like skin.
You scooted up behind him, looking over his shoulder to see just what was going on.
"Regulus? Are you alr-?" That's when you saw it. The red and tender skin, the small dots of blood dripping from the shallow wounds on his forearm.
"Regulus! What are you doing? You're hurting yourself!" you exclaimed, grabbing his wrist and examining the damage.
"I need to get it off." He grunted, pulling his wrist away again.
His agitated expression sent a wave of something between sadness and anger through you. You grabbed his face and forced him to look at you, your voice a lot less gentle and a lot more stern.
"Regulus Arcturus Black. You will tell me what the hell is going on right now, do you understand me?"
Regulus opened his mouth to protest, but that look in your eyes made him stop. He blinked at you a few times, his trance like state diminishing as he swallowed the lump in his throat.
"I had another nightmare." he admitted, your gaze softening. You'd been helping him get back to sleep for the past two nights after he'd had these nightmares. You'd never pressed him about what their contents was, but now, after tonight, you needed to know what was plaguing his slumber.
"Come on. Let's go get you cleaned up."
The two of you now stood in your bathroom, Regulus leaning against the sink as you cleaned his wound. He'd really done a number on himself: the skin was still red and raw, the shallow wounds making it look like the snake shaped scar had been chopped into pieces. You carefully began to bandage the wound, stopping for a second.
In that moment, you lifted his arm up to your face, leaning forward and pressing a feather light kiss to the scared skin. Regulus felt his heart clench at the display of affection, his eyes beginning to water. Once you'd finished bandaging his wound, you moved to stand in front of him, gently cupping his face in your hands.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you like that. You can tell me what happened when you're ready. I won't pressure you to tell me right now..." you whispered, leaning up and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.
"It's fine. You were worried about me."
The dark haired male swallowed, his eyes fluttering shut as he shook his head. He'd kept silent about it for too long and it was eating him up inside. "....I'll tell you."
You could see his eyes start to water again, his voice getting a bit shaky.
"You....you died."
Your warm expression dropped, your hands pausing from caressing his face. But you didn't say anything, letting him continue.
"You died in my arms, your body cold and lifeless. Then...he appeared."
Regulus's grip on your hips tightened a bit as he recalled the horrible, evil man who dared to call himself a wizard. Lord Voldemort.
"He told me that...that I killed you. Then, there was so much blood and, I looked over and...you were staring at me. You grabbed my wrist-"
Regulus's breath hitched momentarily. He swallowed down the faint metallic taste in the back of his throat, his eyes closing as tears spilled from them.
"You agreed with him. You told me I killed you. And the voices, they just got louder. James, Lily, Barty, everyone was pointing accusatory fingers at me. Even Sirius-"
"Shhh. Reg, it was all just a dream. Your conscience is trying to mess with you. To blame you for a past your had no control over." you murmured, pulling him closer to you.
"See? I'm here. I'm alive. You would never so much as lay a hand on me, much less....take my life."
Regulus looked at you through watery eyes, leaning in to bury his face into your neck. You ran your fingers through his hair in a soothing manner, trying to hush his silent sobbing.
"It's all over but, I'm still reminded of what I've done. This stupid Dark Mark-"
"This Dark Mark means nothing, okay? You weren't yourself when you did those things. Voldemort's dead and gone, and this mark means nothing now. If anything, this mark shows that you overcame all the difficulties he put you through." Your eyes shone with a look of sorrow, your free hand rubbing his back.
"It hurts...it hurts so much..." he whispered, drawing in a shaky breath as he tried not to cry again.
You knew he wasn't referring to his self inflicted wounds. He was referring to his heart.
The lump of tissue in his chest that had been poked and prodded at and messed with countless times before. The organ that, along with his brain, had been caged in the clutches of one of the most vile wizards to ever exist.
His heart, which he had guarded with his life from the horrors of the wizarding world for so long. His heart, which he had absentmindedly given to you; to hold, to heal, to care for.
"I know...trust me, I know." Your fingers knotted into his dark tufts of hair, wanting to know that you were here. That you were alive and well. That you would cling to him like a plague and never let go.
Regulus pulled away after a while, now gripping your hand and intertwined your fingers, looking into your eyes as if looking into your soul.
"I...don't deserve this...I don't deserve you-" he whispered, resting his forehead against yours.
"Yes, you do, Reg. You deserve all of the love and warmth and comfort this world has to offer. Don't look at yourself like that. You're a human with the needs to be safe and loved and happy, just like everyone else." you told him, caressing the backs of his hands with your thumbs.
"Please...don't hurt yourself anymore. Physically or mentally. You know I can't bare seeing you like this." Regulus nodded, pulling you in for a hug and resting his head on your shoulder.
"I won't...I promise." he whispered, gently rubbing your back. A moment of silence passed between you two before he pulled away and held your face again, leaning in to kiss you.
The kiss was slow and soft, filled with raw emotion and the feelings you felt for each other. You leaned against him, a soft sigh escaping your lips and entering his. Both of you could feel the crushing weight of each other's love and devotion coursing through your bodies.
"I love you so much..." Regulus murmured after pulling away, gently nuzzling his nose against yours.
"I love you too...so very much." you whispered back, your thumb now carefully caressing his bandaged wound.
That scar may stay with Regulus forever, but so would you. 🩹
© m00nkissedlover, 2025








