#recoverytime

Canon EOS 77D, Zenit Helios 44M-4 58mm f/2

[EN] A few days ago, Paulina had surgery — they cut into the toes on both of her feet. She’s not allowed to walk, so she lies with her legs propped up on pillows, because they have to stay elevated. In all of this, she’s found some comfort in music. It’s hard to stay in one position for a long time.

When I was younger, I went through almost the exact same procedure — or maybe for similar reasons. The difference was, I hid my problem for a long time, so by the time I ended up on the operating table, my condition was much worse. And I wasn’t operated on in Białystok, but in Węgorzewo. In my case, the nails were removed entirely — hers are still there. I don’t know if that’s just a difference in doctors’ approach or if the procedure is simply done differently these days.

I hope her big toes won’t end up as crooked as mine did after the surgery. At least they didn’t take her nails off, so they won’t grow back three times thicker.

[PL] Paulina miała kilka dni temu operację – pocięto jej palce u obu nóg. Ma zakaz chodzenia, więc leży z nogami ułożonymi na poduszkach, bo muszą być wysoko. W tym wszystkim znalazła ukojenie w muzyce. Trudno jest wytrzymać w jednej pozycji przez długi czas.

W młodości przeszedłem niemal identyczny zabieg. A może raczej z podobnych powodów. Różnica była taka, że ja swój problem długo ukrywałem, więc na stół trafiłem w dużo gorszym stanie. No i operowano mnie nie w Białymstoku, tylko w Węgorzewie. W moim przypadku paznokcie zostały wyrwane – u niej są na miejscu. Nie wiem, czy to kwestia innego podejścia lekarzy, czy po prostu dziś robi się to inaczej.

================================ There's a version of healing that gets sold to us — the one where the hits stop landing, where you become untouchable, where the wound just… closes and disappears.

That's not what it looks like from the inside.

What it actually looks like is this: the same thing happens. The same words land, the same memory surfaces, the same old ache shows up uninvited. But where it used to take days to climb out of — now it takes hours. Sometimes less.

Same wound. Shorter recovery.

And for a long time, I thought that meant something was wrong with me. That if I were really healed, none of it would touch me at all. That getting hit again meant I hadn't done the work.

But healing was never about becoming bulletproof. It's about what happens after impact. It's about how quickly you're able to get back up — and how much less it costs you to stand.

That's the whole shift. Not "nothing hurts anymore." But "I know how to come back from this now. I have that in me."

If you're still getting knocked down sometimes — that's not proof you're broken. That's proof you're human, and still in it.

What's changed is what happens next.