#reaperfounder

ANGST AND POST-ANGST SENTENCE STARTERS ! 

        tears   well  in   her   eyes  ,   despite   her   every   effort  to   push   them  downwards.      she   wants  to   hide   herself  away   ,   disguise  every   bruise   ,   every   mark  they   had   left  on   her   body.  the   body   she   had   been  so   immensely   proud  of   before.   they’d  taken   that   from  her   ,   taken her   autonomy  ,   her   ability  to   defend   herself  ,   her   security.  they’d   taken   everything  from   her   ,   everything   she   cared   about.     and   still   each  time   she   closes  her   eyes   ,   she   hears  their   voices   ,   she   can   feel   their  hands   on   her   skin   ,   their   touch  that   was   far   too   rough  ,   their   soulless  eyes   bearing   into  hers   ,   their  every   intention   being  to   harm   her   ,   to   take   from  her   what   she   thought   was   her’s   alone.  but   now   ,   the   way   he   looks  at   her   ,   fear   and   worry   lining  his   face   ,   she   knows  that   the   truth  will   only   hurt  him   more   ,   that   she’ll  forever   be   a   broken   treasure  chest   ,   what  matters   already   taken  from   the   inside.     she   was   alone  with   this   secret  ,   and   she   intended   for   it   to   stay   that  way.      soft   smile  pulls   on   her   lips   ,   and   she   swallows   down  her   emotions   ,   burying   them  with   every   other  secret   she   bore.     ʺ      nothing   happened  ,   baby.         you   got   no   reason  to   worry.      ʺ        /     @reaperfounder

" cried myself to sleep that night and i listened as I heard the angels sing  "

Following her father’s gaze, the blonde frowned. Ever since Tommy...there’d been a weird sort of air in the house, a tension between her parents that she didn’t quite understand. It made her desire to be in the house less and less. The Clubhouse, however. That she was still all about. Her, Jax, Opie...wasting time when they probably should have been studying. Jax talking big about he was gonna have a kutte of his own someday.

It made Kat roll her eyes. 

But then JT and some of the others would come in and she’d perch herself on the arm of whatever chair her dad was sitting on, listening to the talk...the stories....

she smiles wide , lips curling upwards and she pulls herself closer to the man she’d married. this was what being an old lady was all about. these were the moments that mattered the most. “  of course i  am , baby.  ”

JT stares off, reading all the mind numbing posters on the walls about washing your hands and all that other bullshit. Gemma’s voice snaps him back to reality. “No clue” he mutters, far away from it all. “I should probably go congratulate my best friend huh?” He questions, turning to look Gemma in the eyes. “Come on, let’s get the fuck out of here…we don’t need anyone calling the cops” He hisses at her as he reaches for her hand again.

the moment he turns back to face her , she snatches his wrist , pulling him to face her completely.    "  don't hurt him ,   john.    you don't want that.    "   his anger seems to be fading ,   and so is her fear.   she's not the least bit afraid ,  knowing that if he hurts this child ,  he'll spend the rest of his life behind bars.  he wouldn't dare.  but she doesn't doubt he'll bash her face up given the chance ,   or try to kill clay.   funny ,   how much more afraid she was of the second thing.  "  i'm serious , john.   you'd regret it for the rest of your life.  "

her hands wring together the entire time they weight for the ultrasound technition. if the baby was dead then it was all for naught. then there was no reason for him not to kill her and clay. if she's killed yet another child ,   gemma's not sure she'll survive the blow. not after thomas. not after everything that's happened between them. she sits on edge the entire time , the minutes seeming to drag into hours as she waits to find out what happened. waits to find out who will be dying today.  or who already is.  

but then the little thump , thump , thump of a tiny heartbeat. her baby was alive.  for the first time in hours , she feels like she can breath. a large exhale and eyes fall shut , a  hand clutching her chest.  her baby, clay's baby , was alive.  for a moment ,  just one single moment ,  everything is okay.  she's there with clay and not john , and they're rejoicing over the sound of their child's heartbeat.   the man who loved her.

                            and then john speaks.