#really sad

So I've been thinking about Hasegawa a lot as of lately, especially his post Kamimura death state and it lead me to think about his pre-game life and how that ALSO impacted him and not just Kamimura's (and Isono's) death

So as well all know Ken was born into a family with both of his parents, an older sister Mao and a younger sister Reina, everything was awesome until Reina got ran over by a car when she was 4 and Ken witnessed it happen when he was 6, this ofc affected the entire family and not just Ken but he still had that "special" (for the lack of a better term) kind of guilt bc he literally SAW it happen and he thought he maybe could've saved her (now whether he would've actually been able to do anything to change Reina's fate, we don't know, but at the end of the day it doesn't even matter, the guilt would still remain inside his head and thoughts regardless), and around a year later his parents got divorced but he still remained in contact with his dad, and ever since then he became really anxious and often used studying as a coping mechanism and he ALWAYS had his family's support about the whole thing (and everything else in his life)

Now ofc, all of this is very obvious if you watched Tetro Pink, I just like reciting info we already know from canon when I do this type of stuff but here come my thoughts

It's confirmed Ken doesn't have any friends in or outside the school, his family is his everything and he obviously loves them and they love him but....they're also his *only* support system, and as much as they try to help him/have helped him it's just...not enough, Ken (and like...teenagers in general) NEED someone their own age to form a bond with and while Mao is the closest thing to that it's still not exactly *it* if you get what I mean

Sure he has his family at home but outside of it? School? As someone who has a similiar relationship with their classmates as Ken does let me tell you, no matter how loving your family is, having no friends fucking SUCKS, it's a special kind of loneliness, especially if you're not bullied but you're still nervous and afraid to talk to people because you just don't fucking know how to, and even tho the school or the outside world in general isn't a nightmare for Ken, it's just.....suffocating, kind of, but yeah being lonely even if you're surrounded by peers fucking sucks

So yeah, he only has his family but even THEY have some kind of a support system that isn't Ken

Mao has her friends (I don't remember if they were mentioned by Ken in his Student Spotlight or in his terminal but we know she has them), Ken's dad has his girlfriend, and while I don't remember it being stated anywhere, Ken's mom probably has some kind of support system herself too (like parents maybe?? I remember Ken mentioning grandparents at some point but I could be making it up), so Ken is also the loneliest person in his family, having no support system or even a connection with ppl outside of it, there's a reason why he canonically has depression

Then the killing game starts and for the first time, Ken gets approached by someone his age: Kamimura

Kamimura makes it clear that he likes Ken and that he doesn't get put off by him unlike most other ppl there, iirc Ken doesn't really know how to react bc nothing like that happened to him until now, and very quickly, Kazutoshi becomes Ken's first (and sadly only) ever friend

(Also kind of a bonus, I think that Ken offering to guard Kazutoshi's door in [Late Night Chat] is partially bc he was going "Oh my god this guy actually willingly talked to me and actually likes me to some degree, I can't throw away this chance otherwise he'll never speak to me again I should be talking to him more and offer to do things for him so that we can keep in contact" or smtg similiar in his head, at least subconsciously (tho....maybe I'm just projecting here))

So even tho Ken doesn't have his family here, he still has one, brand new support system, Kazutoshi, and as we all know, Ken definetly vented his frustrations and anxious/intrusive thoughts to Kazutoshi and Kazutoshi kind of balanced them off with more reasonable thoughts (example, Ken venting about feeling guilty about not protecting Isono and Kazutoshi says smtg like "You were never obligated to protect her yk?" "It wasn't your fault in the slightest, there was really nothing you could've done" which is all objectively true and even tho Ken still feels guilty, it manages to calm him and his mind down)

However sadly, Kazutoshi gets murdered and Ken is just COMPLETELY broken

Only support system? The only person to balance off his anxious thoughts? His first and only friend? GONE

So it's now his pre-game school life all over again, except he's now also encouraged to murder someone on top of all that, not great in the slightest, he has nobody else to rely on

It all goes downhill, Ken starts using his usual coping method (studying and seeking for knowledge) only to find out the entire killing game is being watched, names of Session Two students AKA future victims, he might have even found the purpose of the entire game which made everything WORSE

And then we get his intrusive thoughts, specifically ones about other students, about them being terrible, selfish people, for letting Kazutoshi die, for leaving him alone in his grief (keep in mind, neither of those are their fault nor entirely true, they all had their own shit to deal with but in Ken's mind? They all deserved to die, him included)

I genuinely believe that even if Ken never developed romantic feelings for Kazutoshi, but their friendship/relationship stayed the same, nothing would've changed, Ken still would've went down the same/similiar path he did in canon, it was not about losing a person he was in love with (not saying that didn't play a part in his grief, it definetly did), it was about losing a support system, being alone, with his own thoughts, his own terrible, horrifying thoughts, the ch. 4 motive and him reading everyone's student profiles just made everything worse

I've seen some ppl complain that Hasegawa has no character outside Kamimura, which is blatantly wrong, because the entire point of his character is said by himself "I was the only person in this entire building, who only had one friend"

That line alone just explains his downfall perfectly, that the entire point of his character are the dangers that loneliness, self isolation, guilt and heavy dependency one person/very specific group of people bring, as one of the YouTube comments on the [Bonus Round] said, Hasegawa was the only character who could've went down the path that he did, everybody else, much like his family, had more than one friend they could rely on if another died, except Hasegawa, and even if Hasegawa died instead of Kamimura, Kamimura would still have Tamba and Hayashi, but Hasegawa was completely alone

Lived alone

Suffered alone

I'd also like to bring his family and Reina's death one more time

And died alone

I believe that despite how close he is with them, there was still some kind of barrier between Ken and rest of his family, that barrier being the guilt towards Reina's death and the association his parents and Mao have with it

Reina might have looked like their mom, he might still remember Mao's face when she saw Reina dead on the road, the fact he doesn't live with his dad anymore is a constant reminder that their parents separated because Reina died, because *he* failed to protect her

Although he definetly wasn't constantly aware of any of this, it still must have sat back in his mind subconsciously at least

But then there's Kazutoshi, someone who doesn't have anything to do with Reina at all, he has no association with her nor her death and therefore isn't a constant subconscious reminder that Ken failed at protecting her (which is another reason why it would've been important for Ken to have a connection outside his family)

And who knows? Maybe because of that, Ken saw some sort of redemption in Kazutoshi, another chance to protect someone dear to him, maybe if he kept Kazutoshi safe, he would finally be able to forgive himself