#readerxoptimus

Summary : “ I don’t think I can change the way I feel about you Prime,” You whispered in defeat, shrugging your shoulders. You look around, avoiding his gaze. You used to hate how you can never tell what he was thinking, but tonight, the expressiveness of his eyes – no, optics, nearly scared you.

The tall grass swayed with the wind, hypnotic under the half-moon looming above.

“ But we can’t always have what we want, can we?”

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: F/M

Fandoms: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime

Relationships: Optimus Prime/You, Optimus Prime / Reader, Optimus Prime & You

OPTIMUS was a giver.

He was kind, considerate, selfless. You can’t remember the last time he accepted anything for himself. His generosity had scared you at one point, because you can’t wrap your head around the fact that he would easily lay down his life for others, that he wouldn’t hesitate to hurt himself to protect you, that he would sacrifice everything for the sake of one person.

A Prime never puts himself first.

He was always the one to give, never to receive.

You watched him from afar, slowly approaching. Raf was the first one to spot you, and the child zipped past Miko and Jack, with a speed that would’ve given him a perfect grade in P.E, before hugging you. Soon enough, Jack and Miko followed – announcing your presence to the Base.

Once you peeled yourself away from the crowd of Autobots eager to greet you, you exchanged a few words with June, catching up on things. You and Ratchet even shared a few words, proving that it has indeed been a while since you visited.

In the end, your eyes landed on him, and you both shared a smile.

You spend the whole day with the kids, going on patrol and having lunch.

“ You’ve been traveling a lot, huh?” Miko clapped, leaning against your shoulder to look at your scrapbook. In under four months, you’ve managed to explore most of the cities in your country, earning yourself more than a handful of stories to keep the children entertained.

The afternoon peeled itself away, and before you know it, it was nightfall. You debated on whether you should ask Fowler for a ride or to ask Wheeljack to drop you off – but Optimus beat you to it, and here you are now, sitting with your legs tucked under your chin ( and shoes off, per request) against his driver’s seat.

The small crack by the window reminding just how cold the nights in Jasper could get.

“ Are you cold?” He asked, interrupting the silence.

“ Don’t worry about it.” You patted the steering wheel, “ I’m fine.”

Your fingers lingered against the surface, and you can feel the soft vibrations underneath, coaxing you to keep your hand there. Yet, you pulled away.  There was a certain kind of tension in the air, an intruder to your usual routine. The silence suggested that you’ve only met him today, even if you’ve had known him for months.

As much as you wanted to talk with him, your mouth just doesn’t work the way it used to around him.

What happened? You thought. What happened between us?

Usually, the cab would be filled with chatter, paired with your obnoxious laughter – “ Admit it Prime, you find my laughing annoying.” He would always deny it, and you hated how genuine he sounded when he claimed that your laughter reminded him of home.

It was only natural for the silence to suffocate the both of you, it was only waiting until one of caved.

“ Are you doing well?”

You can’t help but scoff at that. “ That’s very ambiguous. Physically? I’m fine. Mentally? That’s debatable. Emotionally? Let’s not even go there.”

You let out a weak laugh, but it sounded strained, forced – and Optimus must’ve sensed this, because his driving began to slow.

“ How’s – how’s Team Prime holding up? Any news on the Decepticons?”

He hesitated, nearly tumbling on his own words – and that never ceases to amaze you. Optimus was always the one for powerful speeches and moving words, to see him so unsure was unusual. You used to find it amusing, using it to poke fun at him. Now, it only made you sad – for what specific reason, you still don’t know.

As the dirt road behind you disappear under his wheels, Optimus told you what had happened the past few months. In your absence, you seemed to have missed a lot, and the Leader was more than willing to keep you up to date. Yet, that still wasn’t enough to chase away the silence – which would fight for every opportunity to leak through the seams of your conversations.

Once he ran out of things to say, you were back to listening to the asphalt road crunching under his tires.

You felt awful for not saying something - anything, but you just can’t.

There was a weight anchoring your heart, an uncomfortable weight that prevented you from saying his name on your tongue. It was like a foreign language you can’t pronounce, and so you opted to stay quiet – even if you both had to suffer for it.

“ Do you have a place to stay tonight?”

Your eyes slightly widen, giving away your surprise. “ You remembered that I sold my house ?”

While it was true that you had told him about putting your house up for sale, you didn’t expect him to actually remember it. You couldn’t even vividly recall the exact moment you’ve told him, hinting that it must’ve been something you’ve peppered into your mindless babbling weeks – no, months, ago.

And he still remembers it.

“ I remember.”

You ignore the heaviness in your heart.

“ I’m…I’m staying with my boyfriend.”

His driving stopped.

It wasn’t spontaneous – no, only Wheeljack and Smokescreen stops out of the blue. You had actually gotten a bloody nose once because of Wheeljack’s driving. You’ve never seen Optimus so concerned.

When you’re with the Prime, he was careful to slow down before hitting the breaks. Yet, you could still feel the sudden tension in his frame, the metal sizing up beneath you.

There was a moment, and you were forced to listen to the crickets outside – their chirping noisier than the sound of your breathing.

“ I see.”

He didn’t move, and you wanted to call him out for it – but you yourself were stuck, glued against the seat.

“ Optimus…” You finally croaked out.

He started the engine, only to have you open the car door, stepping out immediately.

You walked out of the road, hiking up a hill. You didn’t have to turn around to know that he was following you, his footsteps sending tremors all over the ground. Throughout the walk, you let your mind wander.

Memories began to flood your vision – you could still feel his lips against yours, ghosting against the column of your neck. His hands were warm, circling your waist, pushing back your hair. If you close your eyes, you’ll be able to hear his whispers in the dark, tracing down your skin. You’ve memorized the sound of his laughter by now, his rare and genuine moments of joy. Even when he was with you – his laughter was rare, but that didn’t stop you from etching it to the back of your mind.

You were starting to regret it, because these days it was the only sound you can hear whenever you’re alone.

There was a small stream beside you, the water trickling down a clump of rocks. The grass brushed your ankles, the dew soaking the socks peeking out of your shoes. Here, the isolation was enough to hide his towering frame from prying eyes.

You both stared at each other, waiting.

“ I’m glad to hear that…you are happy.”

For some reason, you hated how indifferent he sounded, how calm and collected he seemed. You wrapped your arms around yourself. At his words, you let out a chuckle.

Happy.

Were you happy?

You’ve only met your boyfriend a month ago. It was sudden, it was spontaneous, it was so unlike you – yet you didn’t have the heart to admit that it was more convenient than wanted. When things ended between you and Optimus, it was as if you’ve been pushed out of a boat and into the water. Out of fear, out of desperation – you’ve been trying to grab onto things to keep yourself afloat.

As cruel as it sounds, your boyfriend just so happens to be there. In the end, you’ve committed an act of selfishness, all because Optimus was too selfless to let you stay.

“ How do you know I’m happy?”

He raised his eyebrows at this.

The leaves rustled above you, shaking its branches against the breeze. “ I guess, I can be happy with him. He treats me well. He brings me flowers, he drives me home, he kisses me.”

At this Optimus tore his gaze away, staring at the flowers peeking out of the bushes.

“ I can be happy with him.” You ducked your head. “ But not as happy as I was with you.”

There was a stinging behind your eyes, trying to force out your tears – but you didn’t want to cry. Not now, not in front of him. Not when you know he could no longer bring himself to wipe them away, so you settled for tipping your head back, furiously blinking away the itch.

Your fingers wiped the corners, and you cleared your throat.

“ I can’t ask this from you.”

He sounded so defeated, so helpless, and you hated that. He was Optimus Prime, Leader of the Autobots. The symbol of hope, resistance, courage – so why did he sound so terrified standing before you?

You hated it.

“ Who made it your decision? It was mine too.” You argued, stepping forward. “ Yet, you didn’t even give me a chance to choose.”

Primes. You were a fool to think that you can offer him anything greater in magnitude than his primacy, than his duty, than his responsibility. When it comes to Optimus, you should have known that you could never be anything other than a liability.

A Prime is a martyr – a savior who needs to be willing to throw himself into the fire when asked. The fact that he was starting to second guess his choices when you came along was enough to scare him into ending things with you.

It was as if the thought of being selfish, even for a little bit, terrified him.

“ I don’t think I can change the way I feel about you Prime,” You whispered in defeat, shrugging your shoulders. You look around, avoiding his gaze. You used to hate how you can never tell what he was thinking, but tonight, the expressiveness of his eyes – no, optics, nearly scared you.

The tall grass swayed with the wind, hypnotic under the half-moon looming above.

“ But we can’t always have what we want, can we?”

When your eyes met, his expression was enough to make you cry. Even when you were back inside his cab, you couldn’t shake off the wounded look. For a fragment of a second, his face had shifted into one of sadness, longing, grief, regret.

Yet, he’s made his choice.

It was time for you to make yours.

When you reached home, your boyfriend was by the porch waiting for you. You had climbed out, thankful that the shadows paired by the distance concealed the empty driver’s seat. He looped his arms around your waist, twirling you around.

Your boyfriend leaned down to kiss you, and you complied, catching his lips. You spent some time by the walkway, with him embracing you. With your boyfriend’s back against the red and blue rig, you were able to watch Optimus parked under the trees – your eyes catching the way his side-view mirror reflected the tender moment.

You could almost imagine his expression, and that was enough for you to pull your boyfriend into another kiss, leaving you to listen to the sound of him driving away into the night.

That night, a part of you wished he had intervened. You wished that he had given in into his desires, into his want, into his selfishness – yet he didn’t, and you spent the entire night trying to shrug off your disappointment. You turn your body towards the window, watching as the curtains flutter against the breeze.

You could no longer feel the weight of the body next to you, and here, tonight – you feel more alone than you’ve ever been.

Optimus was a giver, you tell yourself.

He was kind, considerate, selfless. You can’t remember the last time he accepted anything for himself. Now, under the silver glow of the moon and the stillness of the night, you can remember why you were afraid of his generosity in the first place.

Optimus was a giver.

Then why does it feel like he had just taken something away from you?

A/N : I listened to The 1975′s Somebody else while writing this :,)

Will you look at the time, its sad O'clock. I love this song so much and it gave me the inspiration to write this one shot. I'm so sorry that I keep putting my characters in the same scenery, I'll try to be more diverse in my choice of...environment ? Tundra ? Setting. Yes, I'll try to explore different settings. I hope you guys like this, because I have major feels for OP and let's face it, the guy is always dying !!!

No one : Absolutely no one : Optimus : Due to personal reasons, I will be passing away

Like ??? Why ?? You did this, for what ??

Major martyr complex. This is something I had fun exploring, hope you're all well !

Part 3 https://metalmusingmoments.tumblr.com/post/161498870037/part-3

Last part of the story! Not sure who Im gonna do next but be on the look out :)

Throwing your phone back onto the towel you got up. It started to buzz again, but you ignored it in the favor of alcohol and burgers. You had three more weeks till your flight back home and until you reached Jasper, Nevada, Optimus Prime would not plague your thoughts.

Continued… 

Three weeks later you found yourself hopping into your car at the airport. After the beach trip you were able to catch up with some friends from high school in your home town and spend the rest of your time relaxing. The phone calls had stopped after whoever was calling realized you weren’t going to answer. Miko had only texted you once since then. Inquiring when exactly you would be home. Flight number and all. Of course your flight had been delayed, and rather than arriving in the morning it was now close to sunset. Driving home on the straight desert roads could be unnerving in the dark so you were moving with haste through the airport and towards home.

You had gotten stuck in traffic back in the city and were now the only car on the road in the desert. Exactly what you wanted to avoid. The only source of light was your headlights and the stars.  You weren’t actually scared, it was just an errie feeling to be the only car on the road.  As you drove, your mind began to wander. You hadn’t exactly told the kids you had no plans of coming back to base to tutor them yet. With school starting in about two weeks, you figured it would be best to tell them before the year started. You weren’t sure if they would be upset or not. Not having to do extra work wasn’t exactly that bad. That also meant having to deal with Fowler and whatever security violations you were committing. Which probably led to him telling Optimus of your plans. You had secretly hoped you could just slink away and go back to being your average high school teacher and forget all of this. But you already knew it was pointless. All of them had wormed their way into your heart. Especially Optimus, you admitted grudgingly to yourself. You had told yourself you wouldn’t let him plague your thoughts while away from Jasper, but that had lasted for all of 3 minutes after the phone call had ended.