#rating meme

Train: 6/10. Not very specific, but regardless of context, I do need to do it more. However, I dislike effort.

Maroon 5: 2/10. Not sure what I am marooning five of, but it seems kind of impractical to do remotely, and I don't particularly want to be stuck on an isolated coast with these five entities.

Journey: 6/10. Only if I'm not tired.

OK Go: 5/10. I'm a big fan of leaving situations. However, if I am already unburdened by the horrors of situations, going might bring me INTO a situation, and that's the opposite of what I want.

Fall Out Boy: 4/10. I don't like conflict for no reason, but thanks for the gender!

Walk Off The Earth: 0/10. Gravity makes this difficult.

Elbow: 11/10. I am always ready to commit violence with my bones.

Meet Me @ The Altar: 9/10. Like the wedding type or the ritual sacrifice type? Either way, I should change outfits first.

Dropkick Murphys: 1/10. I only know one Murphy who I would want to dropkick, but she's probably old enough now for that to be immoral.

Mother Mother: 8/10. I'm told I have a chronic case of mom friend.

Panic! At The Disco: 7/10. The disco is difficult to find these days, but I am constantly in a state of near-panic, so I think I could make it work given the opportunity.

Rise Against: 8/10. Not sure what we're rising against, but I'm typically down for a good rebellion.

Smash Mouth: 9/10. Smash someone's mouth? With what? My fist? My own mouth? I'm usually down for one or the other.

Seal: 3/10. Not very specific. I've licked too many envelopes in the past month and I have no desire to repeat the experience.

WALK THE MOON: 3/10. I do want to do this. However, my opportunities to do so have been severely limited by NASA's security.

Spoon: 9/10. Yeah, I'll cuddle.

Foster The People: 7/10. Depends on the people.

Kiss: 9/10. Depends on who or what I am kissing, but usually there's someone around who is up for it. If not, I will kiss the nearest stuffed animal on their soft little head.

Cage The Elephant: 0/10. Cruel, unethical, and unwise. How dare you.

Rage Against The Machine: 1000/10. Fuck yeah, I will.

Aka, a post that exists because I think it’s hilarious that the only physical description we get of Jack is “the lunatic-asylum man, with the strong jaw and the good forehead”, and, as Lucy has decreed that these are the only characteristics of his that matter, I will be rating his portrayals accordingly.

Please note that I have seen some of these adaptations and not others, and I definitely have Opinions about which I prefer, but that is not what this post is about! How much I like the adaptation overall, or even its portrayal of Jack Seward in terms of writing or acting, is not what we’re talking about here. These ratings will be SOLELY on the basis of Strong Jaw and Good Forehead, and as such I will be expecting to see full DCAU Superman jaw action, and... uhhhh...

... Look, I’ll be honest, I have no dang idea what a ““good forehead”” is supposed to look like. Or at least, I didn’t when I started writing this post. This was a journey, friends, and I hope you’ll join me on it.

1) Gustav Botz in Nosferatu (1922)

This is Off-Brand Discount Dracula because F.W. Murnau didn’t legally get the rights to the book, so Dr. Seward is called Professor Sievers here, but he’s still recognizably the same character and gets a couple of his iconic scenes with Renfield. What he does not get, sadly, is his strong jaw and good forehead. I think the scruffy hairstyle and beard aren’t helping, but this actor isn’t really bringing the jaw-and-forehead action regardless.

1/10, a very disappointing start to the list.

2) Herbert Bunston in Dracula (1931)

In this version, Seward is Mina’s dad (???) and thus considerably older than his book counterpart, but this doesn’t automatically disqualify him! Older gentlemen can have strong jaws and good foreheads, too! And honestly, I don’t think we’re doing too badly here. His forehead is certainly high, which... I guess is good? And his jaw is definitely decent. I can kind of imagine this being not too far from what book!Jack Seward would look like a few decades down the line.

6/10

3) Charles Lloyd-Pack in Horror of Dracula (1958)

This man has the furthest thing from a strong jaw I’ve ever seen, and he has Donald Trump’s hairstyle. ABSOLUTELY no to all of it.

0/10

4) James Maxwell in Dracula (1968)

James Maxwell!! I loved you as Henry VII in Shadow of the Tower!! I honestly think he’s a great casting choice, but that will NOT be biasing my rating here. And unfortunately, the feathered 70s bangs are keeping me from accurately assessing whether he has a Good Forehead(TM), and after careful consideration, I’ve decided that he leans more toward “pointy-chinned” than “strong-jawed”.

5/10

5) Mark Burns in Count Dracula (1977)

Okay! Now we’re getting closer! Decent jaw, good cheekbones (not technically part of what we’re rating, but feels relevant) and he has a nice square forehead. A good effort overall!

6/10

6) Donald Pleasence in Dracula (1979)

... Aaand, here we go again. You guys. You guys literally could not have gotten this more wrong if you tried, could you.

1/10

7) Richard E. Grant in Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

Okay, I have to admit, this guy has a GREAT forehead. Like, I literally couldn’t have told you what a “good forehead” is until I saw him, but now I understand everything. I get why Lucy would have felt the need to comment on it! Look at it! It’s IMMACULATE. If Francis Ford Coppola got nothing else right, we have to give him this.

His jawline is also fine, maybe a bit more oval-faced than what I’d typically think of as “strong jaw”, but I have to rate this one high purely for the forehead excellence.

9/10

8) Tom Burke in Dracula (2006)

I actually think he comes the closest to having a Strong Jaw of any of the actors we’ve looked at so far. His forehead, on the other hand, is kind of a milquetoast effort. In fairness, it’s all going to be downhill there after Richard E. Grant. If we could somehow combine them, would we have the perfect physical embodiment of Jack Seward?

(... That sounds like the kind of Mad Scientist-Curious question Jack Seward would ask himself and make readers raise their eyebrows for the next several centuries, honestly.)

7/10

9) Matthew Beard in Dracula (2020)

Okay, I have never seen this adaptation and never plan to, but purely in terms of looks? Dang. I’m impressed. This guy has a GREAT look for Jack Seward. Nice forehead, nice jaw, but I’m going to briefly break my own rule and note that I really like his look as a whole. The hair is great, the intense broody emo boy vibes, the sense that he might just be very sad or might be about to snap entirely at any moment? Chef’s kiss.

... Knowing what I do about this adaptation, there’s a decent chance I’d hate the actual writing if I ever saw it, but that just makes it good that I haven’t!

STRENGTH: S | A | B | C | D | E | F

SPEED: S | A | B | C | D | E | F

REFLEXES: S | A | B | C | D | E | F

CONSTITUTION: S | A | B | C | D | E | F

ADAPTABILITY: S | A | B | C | D | E | F

MEMORY: S | A | B | C | D | E | F

SOCIAL SKILLS: S | A | B | C | D | E | F

COMPASSION: S | A | B | C | D | E | F

CONFIDENCE: S | A | B | C | D | E | F

HUMILITY: S | A | B | C | D | E | F

INTEGRITY: S | A | B | C | D | E | F

COURAGE/BRAVERY: S | A | B | C | D | E | F 

EMOTIONAL FORTITUDE: S | A | B | C | D | E | F

THEIR GREATEST STRENGTH:

THEIR WORST WEAKNESS:

Remember to specify a muse for multi-muse blogs!

Because I’m European and this narrative telephone was wild.

Liam - 10/10

Definitely has had the most practice during the campaign. It’s not obnoxious, and I’ll be forever grateful for this. Flexes his German vocabulary for the lols. He doesn’t speak like a native, but for an American speaking English-with-a-German-accent, this is as high as you can get.

Taliesin - 6/10

This is literally every German villain in every fictional media. All th’s become z’s in an exaggerated manner. But this is (sadly) American industry standard, so he gets a passing grade.

Marisha - 4/10

“If I sound like a broody teen telling a ghost story, that counts as German, right?” Tries at an accent, but doesn’t commit. 

Ashley - 1/10

Waldhexe becomes vortex, drei becomes thry. Even Gale made a small appearance in there, which is now a telephone tradition. But whatever accent she was trying, was far more to the east of Germany.

Laura - 5.5/10

All th’s become z’s again. Feels like this is what Jester would sound like trying really hard to do a Caleb impression. A passing grade for trying.

Travis - 3/10

This is what Americans think Germans sound like. Is more obnoxious and grumpier than Laura & Taliesin so gets point reduction for that. “De drei kid!” Dritte, Travis, dritte.

Matthew - 7/10

Slightly subtler with his th’s becoming z’s, because he uses a German accent on every word. At least he knows where to put the accent, which is more than I can say for most.

Sam -10/10

@iruludavare​  asked to be rated 1-10 based on appearance:

💎 {oops}

{ uwu }

10/10

“...I really gotta say it out loud, huh? I’d say this is payback, but... We all know this stuff’s true.”

“If I were ta look up elegance in the dictionary, you’re the picture.  I’ve seen clothes wear people, but what you wear is unmistakably yours. You’re what I think every actah wants to be on stage.  I ain’t one to lay it on thick... But you’re the closest thing I’ve evah seen to a real-life princess, y’know?”

send me a 💎 and my muse will rate your muse’s physical appearance on a scale of 1-10 / @annastrxng

“Fishing for compliments, are we? This feels much like when you asked about that dress of yours...the one you wore for your first introduction into society.” 

Ben hadn’t known a bloody thing about dresses then, and he still didn’t now. Even so, Anna’s appearance wasn’t something he felt wholly comfortable discussing, least especially since many years ago, he’d developed a small infatuation. He, Abe and Caleb had all taken a turn in that department, it would seem.

dear- 7/10. cute, sounds a bit old fashioned in the mundane way but has no obvious flaws.

my/dear heart- 12/10. adorable, amazing, no flaws, imagine being that close to someone. bonus points for the amazing devil.

darling- 9/10. also adorable, we stan, doesn't have quite the same punch as dear heart.

love- 9/10. very good for holding a LOT of affection in mundane or public situations. sounds old fashioned in the whimsical way.

sweetheart- 8/10. also very cute, can sometimes sound a little bit like you're trying to get something from the other person. very fond.

honey- 7/10. not terrible, but not terribly potent.

sweetie- 7/10. falls into the same trap as sweetheart but with less of the fondness.

babe- 5/10. the true middle of pet names. I guess it works if saying the other person's name takes forever or something.

baby- 4/10. I kinda hate baby. I'm not an infant. but also I recognize that a lot of people like it and it will not go away any time soon. points for hozier.

pumpkin- 5/10. not terrible, but not the cutest of plants. points for roundness.

angel- 4/10. only works if the other person is demon. not terrible.

love of my life- 6/10. a bit wordy. it also sounds like the coercion of sweetheart.

beloved- 9/10. only works in some situations but when it does it is So Potent.

dearest- 8/10. slightly stronger than dear.

flame- 5/10. all I can think is "flameo, hotman!". works well if the other person is a pyromaniac or arsonist.

precious- 4/10. this is an adjective. points for "my precioussssss"

sugar- 2/10. sugar as a pet name has been ruined for me. passable when it's from a kind old lady but not for romantic relationships or friendships.

tootsie- 0/10. reminds me of toes and farts.

princess- 2/10. I respect that some people like this pet name, as long as you respect that I will barf if you call me it.

babycake- -1/10. baby was already not great, and now you've reminded me of that horrible realistic cake baby. negative points for the way the word "cake" sounds.