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Yesterday was a particularly bad day for me, but with great angst generally comes angsty fic; so here is it
It was still evening rather than night, but Donna always found a different state of being during this time. Sitting on her newly acquired patio outside her equally newly acquired home gave her a sense of achievement, knowing as she did that in all likelihood, she would never want for money again. But that was completely different to how she felt as she gazed up into the sky and basked in the dying rays of the sun.
Turning her head slightly, she scrunched her eyes up in the intensity of the sunset. Here she was on the cusp of the world; neither day nor night. Just like her life. Within those preciously held seconds she gained insight that made her certain that her life lacked someone very special. It didn’t have him.
With this clarity came a longing that could all too easily rip the very breath from out of her body. She may have lost years and months from her life but within that time she had logically deduced that she also lost him. She knew because only now as the golden light caressed her skin could she faintly recall his smile, his laugh and the way his eyes had regarded her with tender loving focus. Only now could she mourn.
How she stopped the cry of regret tearing a path from her throat she would never know; just as surely as she knew she would never get the chance to share another second of life with him. He was gone, leaving an indelible mark upon her heart that she would have to hide and shield from everyone else.
Suddenly a presence appeared by her side, partially blocking the sunlight, and a glass of cool lemonade placed in her hand. “Are you alright, love?” Shaun asked with concern. He stood regarding her pained expression as golden tendrils flitted across her skin. “You seem far away.”
“Oh erm,” she stuttered, having been brought crashing back into the real world. “I was just thinking, that’s all,” she tried to excuse herself; now turning her gaze reluctantly and momentarily onto her husband.
“Really?” he encouraged, sitting himself by her side. “Penny for your thoughts?”
There was a brief surge of dying light. Involuntarily, she supplied, “I was thinking of my son.”
“What!” Shaun frantically searched her face for a hint that she was kidding. “I didn’t know you was a mum. When was that?”
Instead of answering she merely blinked at him twice. “What are you on about? Of course I haven’t been a mum. Chance would be a fine thing.”
“But you said…,” Shaun started to defend himself, but she was wincing with what he now knew was the start of yet another bad migraine. “Shall I go and get your tablets? Then you can have a lie down.” Within seconds he was back up and out of his seat, rushing to where she kept her medication.
Donna frowned at his disappearing back. Why had he thought she’d been a mother? The man was an idiot. All this money was obviously sending him doolally. Sighing as he appeared again, holding her tablets, she could only hope that one day that wish might come true.
