You walked into the kitchen, prank already going in your mind. With quarantine, you saw Randy more frequently since he only had to do tapings once a week and back home he went. It was nice to have Randy around more often, especially with the kids doing home school. Randy was currently in the kitchen with your youngest in his arms. You and Randy have been together for over fifteen years and married for thirteen. You’ve had your ups and downs especially since it was hard to conceive, but you were now four deep, all four were boys and you were currently pregnant with a fifth. You didn’t want to find out the gender of the baby, leaving it as a surprise.

Your eldest, Junior, no surprise there, was eleven years old. Nathan, named after his younger brother, was eight. Robert, named after his grandfather, was five and your youngest, Anthony was three years old. You and Randy loved pranking each other and from time to time, your children partook in it, taking mommy’s side.

One of the new trends was asking your significant other what they would take if you divorced. The ‘D’ word wasn’t allowed in your home, but you figured it would be acceptable for a prank, that Randy knew nothing about.

You walked in the kitchen and he was looking for snacks with Anthony. You heard him speaking to Anthony.

“Want a cookie bud? I won’t tell mommy if you don’t.”

You knew he snuck your kids snacks when he wasn’t supposed to. Caught in the act.

“No, mama say no ookie.”

“Mama isn’t here and daddy’s the boss.” He paused. “Don’t tell mama that.”

Anthony giggled as you shook your head.

You settled at the kitchen counter as Randy came out of the pantry. You began recording as he placed the cookies he found to snack on with Anthony.

“Hey babe.”

Randy slightly jumped. “Hey, you’re supposed to be napping.” Randy always made sure you took at least a two hour nap just so you weren’t cranky.

“I got hungry.” You shrugged.

“You want me to make you something?”

“You don’t know how to cook.” You teased.

“That’s not what you were saying when you I made you steak the other night.” He playfully narrowed his eyes at you.

“Anyone can cook steak babe.” You stuck your tongue out.

“See, your mom is always starting things with daddy and then later on, she’s gonna be singing a different tune.” Randy told Anthony who giggled.

“Mama cook good.”

“Yeah she does.” Randy had to agree. “Do you want some ice cream?” He knew your cravings were peculiar but at times, you had normal cravings such as ice cream. Randy eyed your phone. “Are you recording?”

“No, I have a question for you though.” You smiled. “Yes, research purposes.”

“Oh boy, here we go. What’s your question trouble?” He placed Anthony on the island counter. He knew you’ve been into TikTok lately. His co-workers sent him the TikTok’s and he did quite enjoy them.

“If we get divorced, what three things would you take?”

“Excuse me?” He know you just didn’t say that forbidden word. You and Randy had your ups and downs, especially when he had his trouble with prescription pills.

It wasn’t his proudest moment and to this day, he wondered and thanked the heavens daily that you didn’t leave him. He wasn’t a saint, but he worked every day to be better. During his last stint in rehab, you had drawn up divorce paperwork that ultimately woke him up. He never thought you would leave him, he was a dick, but he knew you feared that if you walked away, he would spiral. And that held up his faith that you would never walk away. But then you miscarried due to the stress of his addiction and he knew he lost you then. He did everything he could to get better, to work on himself. He let you go, but you continued to support him, so he knew he wasn’t alone. Once he was clean, he made his way back to you. You said the word divorce to him twice, and that was more than enough. After that, you two decidedly banned the word.

As he told you before, ‘it’s till death do us part, no if’s, but’s or anything’.

You repeated the question.

“No, I heard you, but you said the d word, what did we agree upon that certain word?” He raised an eyebrow.

“It’s part of the question babe. Come on, please?” You pouted. “So what three things would you take if we got divorced?”

“Nothing cause it ain’t happening.”

“Humor me.”

Randy looked dead at the camera for a moment before rolling his eyes. “Fine, I’ll take the kids, the dogs and your seashell collection. You’re not leaving me crazy.” He looked at Anthony who was enjoying his cookie. “Mama thinks she can leave daddy? Okay.” Randy scoffed. “I’ll take that pussy too cause that’s mine.”

“Randy!” You stopped recording and threw a cookie at him.

“What?!” He caught the cookie and laugh. “You said to me, verbatim, I popped four of your children out, about to be five, I’m tired. Well, you popped out four of my kids, I co-own that shit.”

“You’re crazy.”

“I am, so you should know better than to leave. I would lock you up.” Randy picked up Anthony. “We got four kids, you need me.”

You laughed. You had stopped recording as soon as Randy said the word ‘pussy’.

“You know I can handle them when you’re on the road, I’m good.”

He peaked behind a wall and nodded his head. “Fair, but you need me for sexual needs.” He smirked. He saw your face broke out in a grin. “Don’t you dare say your damn toys, see this is why you’re pregnant.”

You laughed. Even through all the ups and downs, you’re glad you stayed by Randy’s side.