#ragxiety

Rage walked downstairs into the commons room. Janus and Virgil sat at opposite ends of the couch, each holding a popcorn bowl to themselves. Even though Virgil was always hanging out the light sides, there’s no way that he would pass up a game of Mario Kart with some past friends. One of the floorboards creaked under Rage’s steps, causing Virgil’s attention to shift.

His expression dropped slightly as his world figuratively crashed in. His shoulders tensed, not daring to look away from Rage. Janus lifted an eyebrow at Rage, but nonetheless, he wanted to help Virgil get comfortable. 

“Oh, uh Vee, Rage wasn’t wondering if he could join us this time.” Virgil played with the inner part of his jacket sleeves. 

Rage felt his world quietly crashing down at the sight of that. It was as if Virgil was afraid of being around him. No- he was afraid of him. 

Rage took in a sharp breath at the thought of that and quickly said, “I’ll understand if you want me to leave.” The words came out so rapidly that Virgil would’ve misheard him if he wasn’t paying so much attention. 

“...you… you can stay.”

It took all Rage had to not go sprinting down the stairs and thank Virgil. So instead, he slowly stepped over to the couch where everyone was at. Was Rage hesitant because he didn’t want to scare off Virgil, or was he feeling just anxious himself? Nobody knew the answer to that question.

Remus barreled into the living room, wearing a dark green onesie, “Upset pants decided to join us? Oh fun!” Nobody dared to respond to Remus’ comment. Unironically, anxiety radiated off of Virgil at this point. “Y-yeah, he’s here too.” 

“Oh jeez, what’s with all the sexual tension, Hot Mess?”

Virgil let out a small laugh, “That’s the best you could come up with?” 

Remus’ eyebrows furrowed together in a fake anger, “Oh Virgey, I doubt you could beat that!”

The world seemed to drift off from Rage, letting the three have their moment. 

The sides around him, each showing their enjoyment from the situation differently. Remus, with the loud laughs that he shared with his brother. Janus, with a slight smirk, always in the middle of an eye roll. Then Virgil- Virgil was smiling with a slight blush on his face, easily complimenting the way his hair fell onto his face. Rage wished that he would see Virgil more often.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Remus waved a hand in front of Rage’s face. “Hey, steamy trunks, you with us?” Rage’s face burned from embarrassment.

“Y-yeah, I’m here.” He internally cursed himself for the stutter, but Remus shrugged it off and walked around the couch. Virgil and Janus were both skeptical, but only the latter shrugged it off. 

“So, Rage. How have you been recently?” Virgil’s neck burned with familiar anxiety, but he tried his best to ignore it. 

“I’ve been alright, how’re the light sides?” As soon as it left his mouth Rage regretted every word. “I- I mean how have you been?”

Virgil wasn’t quite expecting that either. Maybe he expected an argument to start, but Rage apologizing? He didn’t quite expect that from their last interaction.

---

“You can’t just fucking leave! You’ve only known those lights for 6 months. That isn’t enough time to pick favorites!” Rage roared, threatening to shake the walls with his voice. 

“I- I’ll pro-promise to be back s-soon.” Virgil knew Rage would respond the worst out of everyone. 

“I’m not Deceit, but I know you’re lying. I’ve seen how much you care about them.” The tremor in Rage’s voice grew, but with something deeper than anger or jealousy.

“Look if you would just look out for me for once instead of yourself, then maybe I wouldn’t want to leave in the first place!” Virgil’s voice went low at those final words. 

Tears threatened to spill over Rage’s cheeks, but he refused to let them fall. Rage thought he was being secretive about it, but Virgil found out.

“Oh-oh god Rich- I d-didn’t mean to-” Virgil’s words came out fast, attempting to undo the damage to Rage’s heart. He stepped closer to pull the side in an embrace when Rage shoved him away.

“Leave.” Virgil looked at him with wide eyes. 

“R, pl-please lis-”

“I’m done fucking listening. If you love the lights so much, go to them.” Rage spit out at Virgil. The salt in Rage’s voice burned Virgil’s figurative wounds. Virgil’s shoulders tensed again as he crossed his arms.

“Fine,” was the last thing he said before he sunk out. Rage’s heart had shattered upon the sight. He let go of his tears and let them spill. He pushed Virgil away, he could’ve saved something. He could’ve ended on a better note. Rage’s legs shook as he fell down into Virgil’s spot. 

“God, what’s fucking wrong with me,” he found himself whispering to the cold air. He should’ve kept it under control. There’s so many things he should’ve done, but he didn’t move. He sat there, wishing for Virgil. Wishing for him to come back, for something else to be said. 

He wished he wasn’t so fucking pathetic.

---

“We’re- well, I’m good, and they are too,” Virgil said, avoiding Rage’s eyes at all costs. 

“...Well, now that the family reunion is done, let’s play!” Remus yelled, possibly too loud as Virgil slightly covered his ears. Rage looked at the screen, already lit up with Mario Kart loaded. Janus must’ve set that up before he came down. 

Remus grabbed a fourth controller from the bin next to the tv and plugged it in. After it was connected, he passed them out to everyone. When he gave one to Rage, he could’ve sworn that Remus had winked at him. As a blush crept onto his face, Janus selected the start button. 

“This time you’re not going to beat me,” Janus proudly claimed, giving a determined look to Virgil. 

“Oh, how cute! You think you’re a threat to me,” Virgil responded, slightly sticking his tongue out at Janus. 

“It isss on!” Janus hissed out at Virgil. 

---

After they all played a few rounds, there was an unspoken chaotic energy vibrating in waves off of Remus. Unexpectedly, he grabbed Janus’ controller and ran to the kitchen, the cord trailing behind him. “Remus!” Janus called out as he hastily got off of the couch. 

“Give that back!” 

After Remus ran out of the room with Janus trailing behind him, Virgil and Rage were left alone. 

“God Virgil- I’m sorry”

“Dude, don’t worry I’ve always been horrible at this game”

“No- I’m talking about…” Rage sighed out in annoyance. No matter how many times he imagined apologizing, he could never find the words that fit perfectly into what he was feeling. 

“...oh,” was all that Rage heard from the anxious side. A few moments passed between the two, both finding the silence suffocating.

“I’mfuckingsorry!” Rage blurted out, closing his eyes tight, afraid of the reaction from Virgil. 

“What?” Virgil asked, still tense at Rage’s outburst. 

“I’m- When you said you were going to leave- I was scared, Virgil. So fucking scared. You- you were the only one who understood me. You were the only one I could actually trust and then- And then you fucking told me you didn’t want what we had anymore. That you didn’t want any part of me in your life anymore.” Rage’s eyes were filled with water, the tremors in his body offering no support.

“R, you don’t have to apologize,” Virgil quietly said, not surprised if Rage didn’t even hear him.

“No, Virgil. You don’t understand all the ways I went wrong. I pushed you away. I told you to go. I- I deserved all of it-” Rage’s voice broke at that, his whole body shaking as he tried desperately to think of the right things to say. 

He pulled his knees up to his chest, letting his arms fall around, wrapping himself in a familiar embrace. However, what Rage didn’t expect was another pair of arms around him. He looked up trying to blink away the tears to help him see, and he saw purple and black arms holding him. 

“N-n-no, I-I don’t d-de-deserv-” His voice broke off into another sob as he let go of himself and clung onto Virgil. Virgil accepted the embrace as he rubbed circles into Rage’s back and put his hand into Rage’s hair.

“Rich, y-you didn’t do anything wrong. I- I was scared too. I am sort of anxiety.” Virgil let out an empty chuckle, hoping it would help the side in his arms.

“And I honest to god was a bit of an ass when I left. I should’ve told you differently,” Virgil’s voice trailed off into a whisper that Rage could barely hear. 

“D-don’t you dare tell me about should’ves” Rage commented, a watery laugh leaving him in the process. Virgil let out a half-smile that he knew Rage couldn’t see. 

“Okay okay, but seriously, I was acting like a huge jerk to you.”

“C-c’mon we both were assholes.” 

“Careful, Ree might hear you,” Virgil said as he played with Rage’s hair. Rage groaned and played the back of Virgil’s hoodie. Moments passed between the two, not daring to say anything to ruin what this fragile moment they shared.

“Vee, are you- are we okay?” Rage hesitantly asked, nuzzling into Virgil’s chest.

“Well, it would depend on what we are” Rage hummed in agreement. Things have always been strange between the two. Their fake fights were borderline flirting, and the emotional moments between the two didn’t answer any questions either side had. 

“Well, it would be nice for something more” Rage mumbled, dancing around the topic in hopes Virgil would understand for him.

“Well, it would also be nice if you properly asked me” Virgil half-joked, pulling away from the side to look him in the eye. Rage’s tinted glasses were slightly askew, complimenting his messy hair and wrinkled shirt. 

“God, you’ve always been difficult, haven't you” Rage teased, softly punching Virgil in the arm. 

“Oh- don’t even speak about being difficult” Virgil responded, as he playfully pushed Rage to the floor. 

However what Rage didn’t know is that he was still holding onto Virgil’s shirt, so he tumbled to the ground too. Virgil hovered over Rage, a deep blush slowly coming onto both of the sides. Virgil subconsciously lowered his face to be closer to Rage’s. 

“May I?” The question came out as almost a whisper as Virgil’s eyes drifted to Rage’s lips and back up to his eyes. Rage couldn’t wait as he closed the gap between the two. The kiss was soft and tender, neither wanting the kiss to go far, but still wanting it to last. Rage let go of Virgil’s shirt and put it into his hair. Rage’s eyes flickered shut, moving the hair around in his hand, wishing he told Virgil he wanted this sooner. Virgil used the hand that wasn’t holding him up to cup Rage’s face, which Rage happily leaned into as he pulled away. 

“Well, I’m back- woah! You two sure are getting it on aren’t ya!” Remus’ voice interrupted the scene, making Virgil clumsily scramble away from Rage. Rage grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it at Remus.

Janus entered after Remus, holding the controller in his hand, taking note of the situation. “Vee, Rage, are you guys not okay?”

“We-” Rage looked over at Virgil, who slightly nodded, “-we’re okay”