#radq vent

ain't no trans—miserable in me it's all cis—miserable and perma—why does this happen to me

.

.

.

.

.

i really wish i could be more inclusive and i dont outwardly say anything negative about transabled ppl but as a cisdisabled person i cant help but feel so violently uncomfortable when hearing someone say theyre trans- one of my disabilities, i honestly do want to be understanding and respectful and accepting of everyone and to some extent i do understand the perspective of a lot of transabled people but i really cant help how discomforting it is to know theres someone claiming to be transitioning to have something thats frankly ruined my life

it sucks too because i can never talk about this anywhere really, all the radqueers i know are totally ok and accepting of transabled people which is great but it means i cant rlly bring it up to them without them getting upset with me, and the only people i know that would kind of agree with me are anti-radqueers that would block me if i said i identify with any transIDs, its kinda isolating to have more complicated views and feelings on this stuff in such an all-or-nothing space

I'm torn...

I love this blog and this.. persona, for lack of a better word. It makes me so happy and I'm so glad I can bring so much love and comfort to so many of you.

But I also want to be me. Sure, this blog is a piece of who I am but I would like to show more of myself. Talk about my day. Share my fears and worries. Be.. me. I'm still just a kid myself. Albeit 26 years old at time of writing but I'm still.. very behind when it comes to life skills. I was never given the tools to truly flourish nor shown the care every child deserves. Everything I share here, all of the advice and kindness, is really just taken from what I wished I had had as a child myself.

I don't actually know what I'm doing and I'm also struggling. I don't want to share that struggling with you though because I don't want to ruin the happy mom mask and I know what it's like when a trusted parental figure starts relying on you for emotional support. I don't want to make any of you experience that through me. I'm just.. I don't know.

I love having kiddos and bringing you all comfort but.. I also want friends. People I can share stuff about my day with and the constant new discoveries about my identity and everything. People.. I can also lean on for emotional support without feeling guilty that I'm ruining their perception of me and the happy mother mask I try desperately to maintain here. I just.. sometimes want to be more than a mom, I guess...

discord don't have issues when i'm trying to talk to my fucking fp challenge FAIL!!!1!

VENT!!!