#rabbi

Rabbi Katie Bauman, a Louisiana native, became the spiritual leader of Touro Synagogue in 2019.

Touro Synagogue is a nearly 200-year-old Reform congregation that is defying institutional decline. In 2019, the shul counted roughly 570 families. Today, it is approaching 750. Its religious school has grown from 131 students to 243 in six years.

It was a very short meeting. But he invited me to go to synagogue. He said he would not be there the next two Fridays, but said I was welcome to come before he was back anyways.

And being the weirdo I am, I decided to take full advantage of that. I don't do well with being seen by people especially in situations where I am doing something I have never done before, and especially if it is something I am doing alone. So I decided that since I would be unrecognizable to anyone else, it would somehow be easier to do the thing.

And it was. I almost almost didn't go in though because my anxiety decided to kick it into high gear after I arrived.

But ya girl ain't a chicken. So I got out of my car and found a total stranger to kind of make sure I was there at the right time. She was a very nice lady who ultimately sat next to me during the all the things and showed me where to go in the prayer book when they didnt call out the pages.

I was introduced to several people right off the bat. The first guy was like "Welcome, youre considering converting? Great a lot of us are converts. I'm a convert."

The second guy I actually remember his name because its my middle name. He was also very welcoming.

Everyone was welcoming. Not a single person made me feel weird. It was great.

The service itself was nice. In contrast to what I grew up with, it felt very much non-performative. And that was kind of the first thing I registered. Like grew up in a church and around people who seemed to be openly christian for the sake of being seen as chirstian and therefore judged morally superior. Not a lot of people were like that, but enough that it is one the strongest impressions left over for Christianity for me.

Then there was the whole trying to follow along with the prayers while trying to also catch the English so that I knew what I was attempting to say. I probably didn't need to try to read along in the Hebrew, but i wanted to, and it felt right, mostly, when I wasn't suddenly nervous that the nice lady next to me might think I was weird for trying to read a language I absolutely cannot yet pronounce or understand. Which was dumb bc im oretty sure she wasnt paying attention to me THAT much. But anxiety be a rude one and tries to find any reason it can to shut you down soooo, to be expected.

The songs were nice. I really enjoyed those. They were moving in a different way than the religious music I am used to. It wasnt so much the kind of more intense emotional pull like a lot of more modern christian music, especially christian rock. Nor was it whatever weird experience happens when you listen to the droning chants of monks, which I have an unnecessary amount of experience with because my husband has several playlists of monks chanting that he periodically listens to.

I felt, and I am embarrassed to say this because it feels very vulnerable to say even to strangers on the internet... I felt very much more connected to God than I have in a long time. And not in some like over powering, lift your hands to Jesus like a Baptist, and proclaim loudly for all to see that you are feeling god kind of way. It was a much quieter kind of thing. And almost, really, maybe I would say actually, felt like relief.

And I am a sap so I did still cry. I tried real hard not to bc i did not want anyone to be like whats up with that. But luckily I had decided to sit in the very back of the room, so it was real easy to remain anonymously tearful and stupidly emotional. But i cried because I did something physically related to somwthing I have considered or at least entertained as a vague notion for like ten years.

And then near the end, the lady who had kind of ked it all, basically was like, were gonna do one more prayer and then song and then everybody go enjoy oneg when we're done.

And I'll be honest with you, I was not expecting there to be food, and i was delighted that there was. There were like 3 different salads. The one with candied walnuts, strawberries, and spinach was to die for when I added Bleu cheese to it. Excellent. The other one i ate was some kind of broccoli craisin thing with a dressing on it. That was also really good. I did tske a tiny piece of the challah, wasnt sure if it was expected or not, but i did bc everyone else seemed to. Had some chicken salad with like pita chip loke things.

And then got invited to sit with a group of people well within my own age group who were all incredibly welcoming, unnecessarily funny, and all around a good time.

I got added to a group chat, recommended some books, urged to come back again next Friday.

Yeah, a wholly good time.

10/10 experience for me.

The meeting with the Rabbi is Scheduled!!!!!!!!

I am getting a little sad about it.

I know there was a holiday at the end of the week last week. So I wasn't too bummed about it at first. But I am an emotional person, and I do tend towards sadness or depression very easily. It has been the path of my life.

So that's kind of starting to take over my brain. I did go ahead and send a follow up email on Monday, but that was memorial day so I was not realistically expecting a response.

In other news, I had off work yesterday and spent several hours doing a pretty deep amount of self-analysis. And I feel a lot better about the culture shark feeling I was having. I really dont think thats accurate. The feelings I have towards the idea of converting to judaism run much much deeper than a mere fascination with the culture side of things, and I really figured that out yesterday.

It may seem kind of silly or ridiculous that I would not already know that to some, but i am really really bad at processing my own emotions and thoughts properly. Primarily bc i spend a lot of time doubting myself and what I think. I will literally question every possibility I can think of and deny myself what seems to be the obvious truth of how I feel bc of a "what if".

I should probably bring that up in therapy.

But right now im just still waiting for the rabbi to get back to me with times and dates to do the meeting.

The rabbi emailed me back this morning at the literal exact same time I clocked into work!!!!!

We are going to set up a zoom meeting to meet and discuss further.

So now, I hope someone answers this for me:

Should I come prepared with a list of questions? Bc i do have a lot, none of which ive really written down

Also, for anyone who has converted, is there something you wish you had asked at the outset that you realized later would have been better to know sooner?