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Tal, sitting in a stupid wardrobe with Volkarin

So this was what his life had come to.

Not only did he have to squeeze himself into a fucking wardrobe with Ayla's mountain of dresses – why the fuck did she need so many anyway? They did all fucking look the same even up close – but he had to be squeezed in there with the fucking doctor, and their legs kept touching, and the doctor kept shuffling around and apologizing, and Tal really, really wanted to be somewhere else entirely.

But he had to keep Ayla safe, and if this was what it took, then he'd do it, but he wasn't above bitching about it.

And he had a lot to bitch about, because, in addition to spending the evening here instead of with his husband, he still hadn't found out what the doctor's deal was. Filomena was very little help, because her sister only knew that his wife had died under "mysterious circumstances", and that could have been anything. But the doctor was twitchy, and Filomena was definitely right that he had guilty eyes.

If only Tal could figure out why.

"You and Ms. Thorne seem to be on quite friendly terms," the doctor whispered.

"Hm?" Tal hummed, leaning away from the crack in the wardrobe door he'd been using to spy on stuff. Not like there was too much stuff happening yet besides Ayla sitting on the bed and changing position every ten seconds, because she couldn't stay still to save her life.

"Let me put this plainly, Mr. Lavellan. It seems to me that you and Ms. Thorne are a touch friendlier than befits a married man and…" Volkarin trailed off like he didn't know what to say, and there seemed to be an edge of something in his tone that grated at Tal's ears. They had more important things to worry about right now, but since the doctor started it...

"A whore?" Tal spat. "That's what you fancy types call girls like her, don't you?"

"Why, that most certainly wasn't what I – I would never dare insult Ms. Thorne in such a way, dear sir!"

Tal bared his teeth in a snarl and regretted that the doctor couldn't see it. "So what the fuck is your problem? Ise is mine," he hissed, because she was, just like Halu and Rook and El and all the friends he'd found in this Creators forsaken hole of a town. "You don't get to tell her who to care about."

"And is Ms. Thorne aware that she is 'yours', as you put it?"

"Fucking shit, doctor, she's my best friend, I think she fucking noticed that –"

The wardrobe rattled with a loud bang as something slammed into the door, and if she got hurt because Volkarin decided to be all up in his feelings instead of paying attention –

"Shut the FUCK up!" Ayla shouted, giving the wardrobe another whack. Tal extinguished the flame in his right hand that he'd conjured up on instinct. "I told y'all to play nice! Don't make me come in there!"

"Is something burning?" the doctor whispered, sniffing cautiously.

Fuck.

🧪 READ EPISODE 4 NOW!

Yeehaw Peepaw! 🤠 Episode 4: Tal's Potion No. 9 A Nugflix Original Series Directed By @sunny374940 & @mushrooms-x-moss

YES! Tal & Ayla are finally cooking up some mad science with Dr. Volkarin, and I'm sure Emmrich won't have any objections to their methods! They're GOOD at science, remember?! Sunny directed most of this one, including this hilarious scene of Tal & Emmrich hiding in Ayla's wardrobe (which you can read a bit more of below!)

Next episode, our lovely cast of weirdos and madwomen will be putting on a show! That's right, Burlesque Night is nearly upon us! But in the meantime, you can read more about Emmrich attempting to win over Ayla's grumpy BFF!

...Much like a prospective boyfriend would try to win over his date's extremely pissed off, volatile cat. 😂

READY TO NUGFLIX AND CHILL? 🧪 READ NOW ON AO3!

EPISODE 4 VIBE CHECK

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"Tal? Did you just set my clothes on fire?!"

"Nope," Tal lied, quickly patting the hem of a dress with way too much lace to stop the flames from spreading.

"Are you lying to me, Tally boy?" she threatened.

Tal gulped quietly.

"Everything is just fine, Ayla dear, I assure you," the doctor said pleasantly. He reached for the definitely burnt dress, and there was a flash of greenish magic that left Tal blinking away spots of color, but the little glimpse he'd caught seemed to suggest the dress was really just fine now. Not a burn mark in sight.

"You sure, Doc?" Ayla asked, in a low, menacing tone, the kind she reserved for Tal's lies about where her baking went.

"Positive," the doctor lied cheerfully. "Do carry on with your seductions, if you would."

Tal had to suppress a chuckle. "Yeah, the horny bastards won't seduce themselves, will they?"

"Just be good boys and shut the hell up, okay?" Ayla sighed. "I'm having performance anxiety knowing you're starin' at me."

"We will merely be observing the 'horny bastard', as Mr. Lavellan so tactfully put it," the doctor said, and Tal had to suppress yet another chuckle. "Our gazes shall not wander towards you, you have my word."

"Believe me, I don't even want to look," Tal sighed when Volkarin gave him a very meaningful prod with his foot. "Pretend we're not here."

"Kinda hard with you makin' so much noise."

"We shall be quiet as mice," Volkarin said, prodding Tal again.

"Not a peep, First Warden," Tal said, since there was a door between them and she couldn't do things to him.

It made the doctor chuckle quietly, and Ayla guffawed a laugh of her own, before she muttered, "Loudest fuckin' mice I ever heard," under her breath.

"Thanks," Tal whispered when he heard Ayla get back on the bed.

"My pleasure," Volkarin replied.

Tal felt like it might be stretching things a bit, but maybe the man would turn out to be bearable. He cared for Ise in his own stupid way, and that would have to be enough for now.

They sat in silence for a while, because Tal decided he didn't need Ayla to come yell at them again, and even the doctor didn't seem too interested in talking.

But it was so fucking boring in there.

At least Ayla had space to fuck around – he looked out through the crack again to see her top half hanging off the bed as she watched the door – but Tal couldn't even move without bumping into the doctor, so he fiddled with his bracelet instead, running a finger over the braided leather.

The fucking things he did for her.

But there was finally a knock on the door, and Ayla scrambled up to open it and greet their experiment. She was purring at the man in that sultry tone she liked to employ to make people flustered, and Tal thought he heard the doctor suck in a sharp breath, which made him seriously hope this would be over soon.

He tried not to look as she did… whatever it was she always did to her victims. He also tried not to listen to both the inane chatter from Ayla and the idiot, and the doctor's breathing, which was doing some really weird things.

Glasses clinked, and Tal looked out after all to see the man downing the dosed wine in a few quick gulps.

Fucking finally.

Tal kept watching as the man's movements slowed. So far, so good. His pupils became tiny pinpricks, just like they should, and he seemed to be having a lot of trouble keeping his eyes open.

And then he dropped to the floor.

"Fuck," Ayla whispered.

The idiot would probably have a bit of a headache later from hitting his head on the floor, but really, who cared? Tal opened the wardrobe door and stood, stretching himself out. "Work like usual? Seemed good from my side of things," he said, walking closer to poke the man with the tip of his boot. He got a snore in response.

"Yeah, I was just so focused on dosing him that I forgot to take him to bed," she giggled, setting her glass down. "Woopsie."

The doctor crouched down to take the idiot's pulse. "Woopsie indeed," he sighed.

🧪 READ THE FULL EPISODE ON AO3!

Mr. Anselm Ingellvar Tailor & Owner of Hawkmoth Haberdashery @vishantikaffar

Looking to catch up on the latest Yeehaw Peepaw? 👀

🗡️ Episode 3: Murder, She Cackled

📺 Minisodes #4: Tal & Ayla Blow Shit Up #5: Tal & Ayla Go to Jail

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