#queue pasa?

...

battle royale over cake

tried a newish style (of formatting) 

yknow that one mentor meme

yeah but its both

“He’ll come home soon.”

I’m queuing this post.

not because i dont like talking about my feelings, but because maybe something will flip, and i wont need to post this at all. 

approximately four hours ago, i had posted a rant about supporting artists.

somehow, SOMEHOW, miraculously! the point went right over everyone’s head!

havent you ever wondered how many posts are out there like that? with the same message?

why wouldnt i simply reblog one of those? unless it was personal.

Surprise! It was!

eight hours before this post, there is a drawing i made

a painting, in essence

i finally broke free from a long, long creative block, and created something i am so fundamentally proud of.

i know that the straight/queer relationship in fandoms is utterly ridiculous and drives so deep its nearly laughable if it didnt show the underlying internalized homophobia of so many of these creators.

and my work is very queer. i knew from the start that being that it was NOT nsfw, it would not hit off as well! this divide is revolting and it needs to stop, it needs to be questioned, it needs to be broken and repaired into something that all artists can stand behind. in some fandoms, you can literally draw the line between straight and queer artists. its absolutely AWFUL.

knowing this i tried to give my piece a running start, posting it in the morning on a friday, normally the most noticeable time and day. I put tags upon tags, trying to get it out, because i wanted to feel proud of it, i wanted others to see the piece i made for myself and appreciate it too! 

i put so much effort and work into it, combining skills i have been working on for months and my whole art career, lighting and shading, lineless, proportions, angles, and realism, to name a few. 

five hours of work.

and that is a lot of time for me, for someone who has made an animatic in less than that time. 

i take pride in my speed. i take pride in my abilities.

and to see barely anyone else do the same is

crushing.

it is. 

and ive been through it time and time again; and i always get so, so tired of it.

if you see this post, it means that my fury turned my hand to write, 

and lack of response gave it no halt. 

i dont know if ill come back.

maybe in a long long time.

maybe in a few days. 

maybe just after shabbat, right on queue, as usual, trying my best to deliver art to you, four times a day, six days a week, to practical silence.

but this is testing my patience.