#queue my ass

You ever just be sad Like, the upset comes and it goes and The day to day moves on to infinity But the sad just sits on your heart It just chokes you.

You get so used to the sad And it’s yours, it’s a part of you It’s not anyone else's business it’s just you And the sad and you are sitting in a small room Looking at each other.

Sometimes the sad just sits on your throat And it’s harder to breathe but you manage And you don’t talk about it.

Sometimes the sad moves into your stomach Sometimes there’s no space for anything else And you keep eating because, well, you have to.

Now and then you’re alone and it creeps out through your eyes Sits down on your collarbones Tries to have a conversation.

Sometimes the sad asks you Why didn’t you know? Sometimes How did it feel? Sometimes the sad tells you You should have been closer You should have been close enough to know.

Most of the time though, it sits.

Sits on your shoulders Holds on between your breasts Perches on the bridge of your nose Till you can almost smell it Salt.

Sad.

tagged by: @fasciinating & @practiical, blessings both tagging: @valorxus (Jim), @avastuniverse (Sulu), @asortofsensation (Hugh), @gcdlikc​, @exastrisnonnocere​, & everyone who hasn’t had a chance yet!! 

1. what does your muse smell like?  Typically? Antiseptic, despite the fact that most medical equipment is sterilized via sonic these days. Given enough time away from MedBay, he’ll also smell of his worn leather jacket (beaten all to hell after so many years), with an undercurrent of cinnamon and the woodsy aftershave that reminds him of Georgia pines. 

2. what does your muse’s hands feel like? His hands are broad, with square-tipped fingers that shouldn’t feel capable of precise work, but somehow are regardless. The joints of his knuckles are pronounced, skin chronically chapped from repetitive scrubbing for surgery. All told, Len’s hands are a contradiction, simultaneously rough and delicate, brusque and sincere.

3. what does your muse usually eat in a day? Coffee. Granola Bars when he’s in a rush (which is always). He tries to at least sit down for a proper dinner, something filling without being too indulgent. Usually in the company of Jim or Spock, or Christine if she isn’t completely done with the sight of him.

4. does your muse have a good singing voice? He does. But nobody will be hearing it without significant amounts of alcohol. 

5. does your muse have any bad habits or nervous ticks? Yes. He’s Leonard McCoy. He collects bad habits and nervous ticks. 

6. what does your muse usually look like/wear? When aboard The Enterprise, Len is mostly found in his Starfleet Medical Uniform. But on the off chance that he takes PTO or participates in Shore Leave, he’s generally found in a soft, neutral-looking Henley shirt, comfortably worn denim jeans, his cowboy boots and his jacket. Easy.

7. is your muse affectionate? how much? how so? Well, sure. Leonard is a very tactile person, but how he demonstrates “affection” can vary depending on the person. For example, a hypo to the neck can be done affectionately. Cauterizing a mortal wound on a backwater planet? That’s an act of affection. Never let it be said that Leonard McCoy is not affectionate. 

8. what position does your muse sleep in? In literally any position possible, and literally any place. Leonard picked up that particular skill in med school and it has served him well ever since. He can fall asleep standing upright with enough incentive, then jerk back to full-wakefulness at the chirp of an alarm.

(Why is there no grumpy cat option, obviously that is Leonard)