Like is so clear so many people are used to be the only queer person around - and this is fine we are an isolated group - and have never actually spoke to a second trans person or saw their day to day struggles outside of Twitter. So many petty fights are things that fully don't matter when you touch grass.

I swear to god it's so rare to see primary online discourse actually point to something. Instead you will find the most out of touch stupid fucking thing. Most of the time the thing will be just completely inaccurate (often involving pretending trans man don't exist or don't participate in moviments they do); the most transmisoginistic point to ever be made (there's no clear example because on general is just different shades of "trans woman are all white and an opressive cabal that collectively hates and attacks all other members of the comunity I am an ally I swear") or just blatantly racist and or/xenophobic (the amount of "let's invalidate south america exclusive terms because they don't correspond to our reality" said by non south americans).

I know most people that really care about online activism (and online activism only cause if you talk about issues online than goes outside and does something significant you are excluded) are very young and often isolated and it is not fully their fault and more the fault of opressive systems stopping them from actually having outside contact with the comunity but as someone who was once an young, confused, "online activist", very little if anything at all of what you are doing matters very much and very little of the internal discourse is actually a part of real in person activism. One day you will actually be able to join comunities irl and when the day comes do not let random discourse stop you. Intergenerational local queer comunities are central to our fight for rights.

A dad who had resently gotten into the cosplay scene, very excited about it. And his young teenage child he was chaperoning for the trip.

How when he left for the toilet, the young teen would light up, pointing out they recognized my agender pin I was wearing. Only feeling comfortable, yet so excited, to share their identity with me, once their dad was out of earshot. And how they went quiet again once he returned.

And I remember how, the dad noticing my pins too, while we discussed more about the wonderful world of cosplay, the conversation took a turn.

How he began talking about how he loved having discovered cosplay through his kid's interests (whom he kept misgendering, despite acknowledging their identity, and clearly noticed I was using their proper pronouns), yet... He wished all them queers didn't force their LGBTQIA+ down his throat whenever just there to enjoy cosplay.

It was the first time I asked someone what they meant by that. What we were doing to somehow force things down his throat? I asked him how come he could walk into a queer safespace and feel the need to complain about our existence. I asked what was forced, within our own space. Was it the merch? The flags? Did he have a bad experience?

He kept insisting how much he respected other cosplayers, that he knew was queer. How he loved taking part in the cosplay scene, how safe and welcoming it was.

He just didn't want it to be so queer focused.

And I asked again and again what it was that we were doing wrong.

He never gave a proper example. He never gave a real answer.

I had to cut the conversation, because I realized our conversation was making other passangers around us uncomfortable. A lot of them people clearly on their way to the same con as us. As well as plenty of other people on their way to their own things.

So I bluntly told him the conversation was over, for the sake of the people around us.

He was perfectly pleasant to talk to. Never raised his voice, never used slurs or any truly negatively loaded words or phrases. Besides repeating how he didn't like all that LGBT+ stuff "forced down his throat." which he never properly explained to me what he meant.

I didn't want to upset his child, sitting right next to him. Allowed to go to a con, to cosplay as Angel Dust from Hazbin Hotel, despite their young age. While the man even acknowledged his kid was agender, yet kept misgendering them. Seeing the way the kid going quiet as the conversation grew heated, I felt so bad.

Clearly he cares for his kid and their interests. They were both going to the con to cosplay and enjoy the fandoms shared there. He wanted to keep them safe, while also allowing them freedom to go around on their own, to meet up with friends without their dad over their shoulder.

Yet parts of this kid weren't fully accepted. And my need for clarification were only reminding them so. I felt so guilty. I was quiet for the rest of the train trip, feeling bad.

The guy did run into me again, while at the con, both of us in cosplay.

He apologised for the conversation getting so heated, having realized it was something I cared about. Having remembered my pins, realizing any negative talk about queer spaces may have upset me.

We parted on friendly terms.

I'm glad I never ran into him again.

I hope the kid is doing okay. By now they should be old enough to no longer need a chaperone. More freedom to go where they wish to.

I'm sure they have a good relationship with their dad. Just a few bumps to deal with, depending on how much the dad may change and grow over the last few years. We are ever changing people.

But to this day it still bothers me.

I never found the answers to my questions.

What are we doing, that is so forcibly put down other's throats? When they choose to walk into spaces created by the queer for the queer. So open and accepting to everyone, a space he clearly enjoys taking part in. Yet wishes to dictate, while being so vague about it.

"I need you to conform to the rules" = "you are not welcome in this space because you cannot control your disabilities" for MOST communal spaces and I just need you guys to know that its fucked up. It is. Transgender people like me are under a class 3 genocide rn but me being a bit too loud is a dealbreaker for my only communal third party space. Because god forbid we make the neighbors uncomfortable. But by all means I'm just a bad person for being unable to control my joy.

and sure i cant expect south asian culture to be more dominant when, in the west, america is such a big powerhouse when it comes to online media. fine. but in diverse (online) spaces, i still dont see my own ppl. i still cant talk to ppl about clothing or music or even general knowledge that arent tied to white ppl. how many of you know what a kurta is? how many of you listen to afrobeats? how many of you know who al-haytham is?