Apr 25
Requesting lesbian books from the library like my life depends on it
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Requesting lesbian books from the library like my life depends on it
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It’s literally not my fault that the themes of Breaking Bad become that much stronger if you read Walter as a closeted gay man… like where to even start okay it’s 2008 and this guy is so, so insecure in his masculinity and so, so resentful of his picket fence family life. He’s done what he was “supposed” to do by societal standards and he still doesn’t feel like enough of a man compared to his brodude brother-in-law specifically. He can’t escape the feeling that something is missing, that it’s all a charade, and he finds it hard to believe the rest of the people in his life really are content with this lifestyle. Nobody seems to understand, and he hates them all for not seeing how unhappy he is. He gets his cancer diagnosis and is suddenly acutely aware that he feels burdened and unfulfilled by the life he’s built for himself, and that time is running out to change things.
It’s when he sees Jesse Pinkman fall half naked out of a window that everything changes. He’s pretty, and young, and floundering without guidance or a support system. He desperately craves human connection and lacks the self-esteem to take his life in any particular direction without someone instructing him. He’s grieving his aunt, the only person he had looking out for him, who died of cancer. He already views Walter as an authority figure. He’s alone.
And with Jesse around, Walter doesn’t have to come to terms with anything about himself that might challenge his masculinity, because it isn’t an equal relationship. Because he’s still “the man” in this dynamic, the one with the power, the one calling the shots, the dominant one, the firm hand. Moreso than in his relationship with Skyler, who refuses to be bullied into the role he would assign her, that of the submissive, subservient little wife who looks to him for guidance and permission. As a criminal, Walt can express care for another man in the only way that traditional masculinity would deem acceptable; through violence. His love language is violence. Violence toward Jesse and violence on Jesse’s behalf. He runs over two men with a car for Jesse. He kills Jane and Mike, a romantic and paternal threat respectively, because they were going to take Jesse away from him. He tries on occasion to verbalize their relationship into something more traditionally familial, as if saying it might make it true, but it never quite fits the mold exactly. He reasserts, over and over again in what he later admits is a lie, that he is doing this for his family, that everything he does is an extension of his masculine role rather than deviant from it. He would kill and die for Jesse, he does kill and die for Jesse. In fact, in a story of self-actualization that still has Walt cling to his delusions of grandeur up until the very end (almost as though becoming Heisenberg wasn’t actually self-actualization so much as an escapist fantasy) his arc concludes with him actually self-actualizing by committing one last act of violence on Jesse’s behalf. In Ozymandias, he tells Jesse about Jane as a way of playing into Jesse’s worst fear that Walter never cared about him, that everything they did to and for each other meant nothing. Walter’s last act on Earth is a refutation of that; it’s an admission of care. His last act of self-actualization was a confession of love for another man.
“john lennon was in love with an immovably heterosexual paul mccartney” my brother in christ this is NOT true. paul mccartney has a high functioning anxiety disorder and acts according to what feels like the safest and most comfortable, straight-forward pathways for the heteronormative aspects of his life rather than what HE actually wanted and truly felt. in paul’s eyes, having an established girlfriend, family unit, and musical universe was essential to his functionality as a person and ultimately led to paul choosing superficial shows of public security over his love for john. in this essay in will-
Ria Ami's Swimsuit is Trans Girl Body Goals and She Will Watermelon You If You Disagree
Ria Ami's swimsuit is AWESOME SAUCE, and I need everyone to look at this right now.
Hot pink halter bikini, deep V, tropical flower print on the bottoms, actual flowers in her hair. She is standing on a rock over the sea and laughing and she looks like she has never once in her life had the thought "can I get away with keeping my shirt on."
I have never once in my life not done that calculation. I spent years being self-conscious about my body at the beach, just finding reasons to stay covered, watching other people in swimwear like it was nothing while I'm running numbers in my head. So, when I tell you Ria standing there laughing in that bikini hits different, I mean it.
And for a trans girl specifically this is everything. Because swimwear is one of those categories where dysphoria just lives. The exposure, the way it shows your body from every angle, whether you'll pass, whether people will clock you, whether your proportions are going to betray you the second you stop posing carefully — it's exhausting. A lot of trans girls don't go to the beach at all. And Ria is out there doing beach tennis.
That's the part that gets me actually. The costume story has her doing long distance swimming, beach flags, beach tennis — she's being athletic and physical and taking up space in a way that has nothing to do with how she looks. She wished to be naturally beautiful and then she went and lived in that body like it was always hers, because the wish made it, so it always was.
That's the fantasy. Not just the body. The timeline where you never had to fight for it.
The flowers in her hair and the tropical print are doing something too — she picked those because she likes them, not because she's trying to prove something. There's a difference between femininity as armor and femininity as just. what you wanted to wear today. Ria is so far past having to justify her choices that she just put flowers in her hair and went to the beach.
She's not hiding. She's celebrating. And if you know what it's like to spend years hiding, you know exactly how much that means.
When we talk about homoeroticism between Aragorn and Boromir, we usually focus on the death scene at the end of FOTR
But think of that part in Rivendell when Boromir found the shards of Narsil displayed and he was like whoa cool sword 🗡️ and just played around with it and would only stop when he realised the rightful owner was watching him then he went on full denial mode
Yeah
If straight then why is he adoring the phallic symbol belonging to a strong, powerful man he supposedly dislikes
A man he secretly acknowledges can best him
A man who can
Top him
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Okay but like. Jenny is trans-coded and I think it's a really fascinating part of her story.
She wasn't born like a human girl but desperately desires to be one. She hates her old name (xj-9). Gets excited when she's called "a daughter" etc etc. Her experience AS a robot girl is OBJECTIVELY different from a human girl's. Yet... that doesn't make her any less of a girl!
And I think with the reading of her story as Trans.. you know what episode (to me) becomes FAR MORE interesting?
Raggedy Android.
For those unaware (aside from this being listed as "one of the creepiest episodes in cartoon history" which. like. IT IS.) In this episode Jenny gets excluded from a hangout spot BECAUSE she's a robot.
Eventually this leads to her putting on her human exo suit. She LOOKS and is TREATED like a normal girl for once!
But there's a cost to this.
The exo suit begins to control her against her will. Forcing her to sit out of fights. Jenny isn't herself.
The suit tells her "this is how normal girls behave"
The episode, of course, ends with Jenny busting out of the suit and being herself!
To me this episode is really interesting in the context of the accidental trans-coding of Jenny because it's something Trans people DO have to face!
"If you don't act super feminine as a trans woman than you're not a real woman!" Some might say.
And if that's how you want to present as a trans-woman that's entirely valid!
But that should be YOUR CHOICE!
Trans-men should be allowed to be feminine, trans-women should be allowed to be masculine! Nonbinary people are allowed to be some other third thing.
Just because Jenny fights crime and is made of metal doesn't make her ANY less of a girl than anyone else and that's why I really love this episode!