Β The Inheritance of Ghosts
Summary: you are vesper's and bond's long lost daughter, who decides to join the MI6 to meet her father, and along the way you might fall from the quirky quartermaster ... so beware of the dangers... all in all how bad can it be?
Your mother told you about James Bond on her deathbed.
Not the legend, not the 007 who saved the world before breakfast, you'd known about him for years, had studied his files, memorized his missions, understood his patterns better than anyone at MI6 realized. No, she told you the truth: that he was your father, that she'd loved him, that she'd hidden you because loving James Bond meant losing everything, and she couldn't lose you, too.
"He would have tried," she'd whispered, her hand cold in yours. "If he'd known. He would have tried to be a father. And it would have destroyed him. Destroyed you both."
You were twenty-three. You'd spent your entire life as a ghost, a girl with your mother's last name and your father's eyes, brilliant and angry and so desperately alone that you'd learned to wear isolation like armor.
Vesper Lynd had hidden well. Changed her name, moved across Europe, raised you in safe houses and borrowed apartments, always one step ahead of anyone who might connect the dots. She'd taught you everything she knew, languages, tradecraft, how to read people, how to disappear. How to survive in a world that would use you if it knew who your father was.
She died in Prague on a Tuesday. You buried her on Thursday. By Saturday, you'd broken into MI6's servers and stolen every file that mentioned James Bond.
Q Branch caught you forty-seven minutes later.
"Impressive," the Quartermaster had said, appearing on your screen like a ghost himself. He couldn't have been more than thirty, all sharp cheekbones and sharper intelligence, wearing a cardigan that cost more than your entire wardrobe. "Most people don't make it past the first firewall."
You'd stared at him through your computer screen, weighing options. Run. Fight. Surrender.
"I need to know," you'd said instead. "I need to know who he is."
"I know who you are," Q replied quietly. And then: "Your mother was brilliant. I'm sorry for your loss."
That's when you knew he'd figured it out. Somehow, this boy genius with sad eyes had connected dots your mother had spent twenty-three years obscuring.
"Are you going to turn me in?" you'd asked.
"I'm going to offer you a job," Q said. "And then we're going to have a very long conversation about what you're really looking for."
That conversation happened in a coffee shop in Camden, away from MI6's cameras and listening devices. Q, whose real name he still hadn't shared, had sat across from you with tea he didn't drink and studied you like you were one of his puzzles.
"You have his eyes," he'd said finally. "Same color. Same way of looking at people like you're calculating exactly how to destroy them."
"You broke into MI6 to find information on him. You're exactly like him." Q had leaned forward. "Here's what I know: Vesper Lynd died last week. The same Vesper Lynd who was declared dead fifteen years ago after the Venice incident. The same Vesper Lynd who disappeared with classified information and was never found. Except she was found, by you, I assume, since you share her DNA markers."
Your coffee had gone cold in your hands. "You ran my DNA?"
"I run everyone's DNA. It's what I do." Q's expression softened slightly. "I also know that James Bond is your biological father, that Vesper hid the pregnancy, and that you've spent the last week trying to find him. He's in retirement. Has been for two years. And M would very much like him to stay there."
"I just want to meet him."
"No, you don't. You want him to acknowledge you exist. You want him to say he would have loved you if he'd known. You want a father." Q had met your eyes. "But James Bond doesn't know how to be a father. He barely knows how to be human. Are you sure this is what you want?"
You'd thought about your mother, about the way she'd loved him even as she died, about the empty space in your chest where a father should have been.
Q had sighed. "Then let's do this properly. MI6 is always looking for new agents. You're clearly talented; breaking our security isn't easy. Train, prove yourself, earn your double-o status legitimately. And when James comes back, because he will come back, he always does, I'll make sure you cross paths."
"Why are you helping me?"
Q had looked at you with something that might have been recognition. "Because I know what it's like to want acknowledgment from someone who doesn't know how to give it. And because your mother deserves better than her daughter ending up dead or worse, trying to force a meeting that will only end badly."
So you'd trained. Harder than anyone else, faster than anyone expected. You learned to fight like you were trying to prove something, because you were. Prove you were worthy. Prove you existed. Prove that James Bond's daughter could be just as good, just as deadly, just as broken.
The instructors called you cold. Ruthless. All harsh edges and sharp angles, no warmth, no vulnerability. You let them. It was easier than explaining that you'd learned early that loving people meant losing them, and you were done losing.
Q checked in regularly. Coffee every Tuesday, dinner when he could spare the time. He never pushed, never asked for more than you could give, just existed in your orbit with quiet understanding and the kind of friendship that felt like finding solid ground after years of drowning.
"You're getting good at this," he'd observed six months in, watching you dismantle his latest security protocol in under three minutes.
Q had smiled, small, genuine, the kind he rarely showed anyone else. "When you make double-o, we'll have to stop these meetings. It wouldn't be appropriate."
"Since when do you care about appropriate?"
"Since I realized I'm developing what might generously be called feelings for my most promising project, and M would have my head if she knew." He'd said it casually, like he was discussing the weather, but his hands had been shaking slightly around his teacup.
You'd stared at him. "Q... "
"Don't. Please don't." He'd looked at you then, really looked, and you'd seen it, the want, the resignation, the understanding that this couldn't happen. "You're about to be an agent. I'm the Quartermaster. We both know the rules. I just⦠I wanted you to know. In case. In case something happens and I never get to tell you."
"Nothing's going to happen."
"Everyone says that. They're usually wrong."
You'd wanted to reach across the table, wanted to tell him that you felt it too, that ache of almost, that desperate yearning for someone who actually saw you, not as Bond's daughter or Vesper's ghost but as yourself. But Q was right. You were about to be 009, and he was Q, and MI6 had rules about relationships between Quartermasters and field agents for good reasons.
So you'd nodded, finished your tea, and let the moment pass. Let it become another thing you wanted but couldn't have.
You earned your double-o status in eighteen months, record time. M had looked at you across her desk with the expression of someone who knew more than she was saying and told you that you reminded her of someone.
"Someone good?" you'd asked.
"Someone dangerous." M had slid your credentials across the desk. "Try not to get yourself killed, 009. You're too valuable to lose."
Q had been there when you received your Walther PPK. Had stood in the corner of the weapons room with his tablet and his knowing eyes and watched you test the weight, the balance, the feel of it in your hands.
"It's lighter than I expected," you'd said.
"It's the same model as his." Q had said it quietly, like a confession. "Same modifications, same grip. I thought, I thought you might want that."
You'd looked at him, this man who knew you too well, who'd been helping you chase a ghost for eighteen months, and felt something crack in your chest.
"Thank you," you'd whispered.
"Don't thank me yet. He's coming back next week."
Your heart had stopped. "What?"
"New mission. Big enough that M is pulling him out of retirement. Big enough that she'll want backup." Q had held your eyes. "I may have suggested you for the assignment."
"I did. You wanted to meet him. Here's your chance." Q had moved closer, close enough that you could see the fear in his eyes. "But be careful. James Bond has a way of destroying the people who love him."
"I don't love him. I don't even know him."
"No. But you love the idea of him. And that might be worse."
James Bond walked into MI6 like he still owned the place.
You were in Q Branch when he arrived, ostensibly helping with weapons testing but really just waiting. You'd been waiting for eighteen months. What was another hour?
"That's him," Q murmured beside you, unnecessarily. You'd have known James Bond anywhere, the way he moved, the way he commanded attention without trying, the way he looked at Q like they shared secrets you'd never be privy to.
"007," Q said, his voice carefully neutral. "Lovely to have you back. Try not to break this equipment. I've only just finished repairing it from last time."
"I make no promises," Bond replied, and his voice, God, his voice was the same as yours, the same cadence, the same slight rasp.
You'd turned away, suddenly unable to breathe. This was a mistake. You weren't ready. You'd never be ready.
"And this is 009," Q continued, and you felt his hand at your back, gentle and grounding. "She'll be your backup on the Vienna operation."
You'd forced yourself to turn, to meet James Bond's eyes, your eyes, everyone said, though you'd never seen it until now.
"009," Bond said, studying you with the same calculating intensity you'd been told you had. "You're young."
"I'm qualified." Your voice came out sharper than intended. "Unless you have concerns about my ability to keep up."
Something flickered in Bond's expression, surprise, maybe, or recognition. "I'm sure you're very good at what you do. Q doesn't recommend amateurs."
"No, he doesn't," you'd agreed, and let the subject drop.
But Bond kept watching you, the way you'd watched him, and you wondered if some part of him recognized what he was seeing. A ghost. A mirror. A girl who'd inherited more than just his eyes.
Q had briefed you both on the mission, arms dealers, stolen nuclear material, the usual world-ending scenario that required James Bond to emerge from retirement. You'd listened, memorized, analyzed, but mostly you'd been aware of Bond's presence three feet away, this man who was your father and didn't know it.
"Questions?" Q had asked.
"Just one," Bond had said, still looking at you. "Why 009? No offense, but I usually work alone."
"Because M said so," you'd replied flatly. "And because apparently your track record of following orders is questionable enough that they want insurance."
Q had made a strangled sound that might have been a laugh.
Bond had smiled, sharp and dangerous. "I like her."
"Yes, well, try not to get her killed. I've put a lot of work into her." Q had handed you each a case. "Standard loadout. Comm devices, trackers, the usual. Try to bring them back this time, 007."
The mission briefing had ended, and Bond had left with a casual grace that made you want to scream. He hadn't known. Hadn't even suspected. You were just another agent, another backup, another person to keep alive until the job was done.
Q had found you later in the armory, methodically loading magazines with more force than necessary.
"That went well," he'd observed.
"He didn't even... " You'd stopped, throat tight. "I thought maybe he'd see it. Something. Anything."
"He sees what he expects to see. And he's not expecting a daughter he doesn't know exists." Q had sat beside you. "This is going to hurt. I tried to warn you."
"But you're still going."
"I have to." You'd looked at him. "I have to know if there's anything there. Anything that could have been."
Q had nodded, understanding in the way only he could. "Then I'll be watching. Every moment. And if anything goes wrong... "
"I'll come myself." He'd said it with such certainty that you'd almost believed him. "I know I'm not field-rated, but I'm not letting you face this alone."
You'd reached for his hand without thinking, squeezed it once. "Thank you. For everything."
"Don't thank me yet. You haven't met the real James Bond yet. The one who does the job no matter what it costs." Q's thumb had brushed over your knuckles, a touch so brief you might have imagined it. "Come back alive. Please."
"Trying isn't good enough. I need you to promise."
You'd looked at him, this man who'd become your best friend, your confidant, the only person who truly knew you, and promised something you weren't sure you could keep.
Vienna was cold in October. You met Bond at a hotel near the opera house, both of you playing roles, wealthy art collectors interested in the auction, both of you armed and dangerous underneath the expensive clothes.
"You clean up well," Bond had observed when he saw you in the cocktail dress Q had provided.
"So do you." It was true, Bond in a tuxedo was devastating in the way only legends could be. "Though I expected more of the 'aging spy past his prime' and less of the 'still dangerous.'"
He'd laughed, genuine and surprised. "How old do you think I am?"
"Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway."
"Now you're just flattering me."
"I'm assessing the situation. There's a difference."
The operation should have been simple: infiltrate the auction, identify the seller, track the shipment. But nothing involving James Bond was ever simple.
The seller had backup. Professional, well-armed, expecting trouble. Bond had moved like violence in motion, and you'd matched him step for step, the training taking over, muscle memory and instinct, and the desperate need to prove you belonged here.
You'd saved his life twice. He'd saved yours three times. By the end of the night, you were both bleeding, exhausted, and somehow victorious.
"Not bad," Bond had said, examining the cut on his arm. "For your first mission with me."
"I've had other missions."
"I meant... " He'd paused, studying you again with those calculating eyes. "You fight like you're angry at the world."
You'd thought about telling him then. Thought about saying you're my father, I'm your daughter, I've spent my whole life trying to be good enough for someone who didn't know I existed. But the words wouldn't come. Couldn't come.
"The usual reasons," you'd said instead. "The world's a terrible place. Someone should be angry about it."
Bond had nodded slowly. "You remind me of someone."
Your heart had stopped. "Who?"
But he'd just shaken his head. "Someone I knew a long time ago. Someone who didn't survive this life."
Vesper. He was thinking of Vesper, and he didn't even know he was looking at her daughter.
The mission had stretched over three weeks. Three weeks of working alongside James Bond, learning his patterns, matching his ruthlessness, trying desperately to find some connection beyond professional respect.
Q had checked in daily, his voice in your ear a lifeline to reality.
"How are you holding up?" he'd asked on day twelve.
"I don't know. He's⦠he's exactly what I expected and nothing like I imagined."
"Has he figured it out yet?"
"No. He just sees another agent. Another tool for the mission."
"That's not true. I've been watching the footage. He watches you like he's trying to solve a puzzle." Q had paused. "He cares. In his way. He just doesn't know why yet."
"Maybe he'll never know. Maybe this was a mistake."
"Maybe. But at least you'll have tried."
You'd wanted to tell Q that you missed him, that these three weeks away had clarified exactly how much space he'd come to occupy in your life, that coming back to London meant coming back to something you couldn't have.
But you'd just said, "See you soon, Q."
The mission had culminated in Venice, of course, it was Venice, where Vesper had died, where your father had lost the woman he loved, and never knew he'd lost a daughter too.
Bond had been quieter there, distracted by ghosts you could see but not name.
"You've been here before," you'd observed.
"A long time ago. Different life."
"Both." He'd looked at you then, really looked, and you'd seen the weight he carried. "This is where I lost someone. Someone important."
"Don't be. It was a long time ago. I've made peace with it."
But he hadn't. You could see it in every tense line of his body, every glance at the canals, every moment of hesitation. James Bond hadn't made peace with anything. He'd just gotten good at carrying the weight.
The final confrontation had been on a boat, because of course it was. You and Bond against six armed mercenaries, fighting in close quarters, every move calculated for maximum efficiency.
You'd taken a bullet to the shoulder. Had barely felt it in the moment, adrenaline and training and the desperate need to survive overriding everything else. But afterward, bleeding onto the deck while Bond disabled the bomb, you'd thought: This is how I die. And he'll never know who I was.
Bond had found you collapsed against the railing, had pressed his hands to your shoulder with surprising gentleness.
"Stay with me," he'd ordered.
"You're bleeding everywhere. That's not fine."
You'd looked at him through the haze of pain and blood loss and thought about telling him everything. Thought about using these possibly final moments to give him the truth.
"Training accident," you'd lied. "Took a knife to the ribs. This is nothing."
But Bond had kept pressure on your wound, had stayed with you even though the mission was complete, had called for extraction with an urgency in his voice you'd never heard before.
"You did good," he'd said while you waited. "Really good. Your mother would be proud."
You'd laughed, tasting blood. "You don't know anything about my mother."
"No. But I know she raised someone remarkable. That says something."
Q's voice had crackled in your ear then, frantic. "009, status report."
"I'm alive," you'd managed.
"You're shot. That's not alive, that's, stay conscious. Please stay conscious. Extraction is three minutes out."
"You're not fine. You're never fine. You're the most not-fine person I've ever... " He'd stopped, breathing hard. "Just hold on."
Bond had looked at you curiously. "He was always that worried about agents?"
"Only the ones he's put work into."
"Must be nice. Having someone care like that."
You'd met his eyes, your eyes, and said, "Yeah. It is."
Recovery took six weeks. Six weeks of physio and pain, and slowly learning to use your shoulder again. Q visited every other day, bringing tea and terrible jokes and the kind of steady presence that made breathing easier.
"You scared me," he'd admitted on week three, sitting beside your hospital bed. "When I heard you'd been shot, I, I couldn't breathe for a moment."
"You were shot. That's the opposite of fine."
"I know. I know we can't, that this can't... " He'd stopped, composing himself. "But you're my best friend. And I'm allowed to be terrified when my best friend gets shot."
Q had looked at you with such naked longing that your heart had ached. "What else could we be?"
Everything you'd wanted to say. We could be everything.
But you'd just squeezed his hand and let the moment pass. Another almost. Another door was closing before it could open.
Bond had visited too, in week five. Had sat in the visitor's chair with flowers that looked wrong in his hands and studied you like you were still a puzzle.
"You heal fast," he'd observed.
"Must be." He'd set the flowers on the side table. "I wanted to thank you. For Vienna. You saved my life."
"Still. You're a good agent. Better than good." He'd paused. "I asked M about you. Your file is surprisingly sparse."
Your heart had started racing. "Is it?"
"No family listed. No history before age eighteen. No records before you appeared in London." Bond had leaned forward. "It's the kind of file someone creates when they're hiding something."
"Maybe I just value my privacy."
"Maybe. Or maybe you're hiding something else." His eyes, your eyes, had held yours. "Who are you really, 009?"
This was it. The moment you'd been preparing for, dreading, needing. The chance to tell him everything.
But the words wouldn't come. Couldn't come. Because looking at James Bond, at this legendary spy who'd saved the world countless times, you realized something: he didn't want to know. Didn't want another complication, another person to care about, another ghost to carry.
"I'm just another agent," you'd said finally. "Nobody special."
"Then don't. But it's still the truth."
Bond had studied you for a long moment, then nodded. "If you ever want to talk about anything, I'm around."
"I thought you were retiring again."
"So did I. But apparently I'm not very good at it." He'd stood. "Take care of yourself, 009. The service needs good agents like you."
He'd left. Just like that. Had walked out of your hospital room and your life, and you'd been left with the crushing realization that you'd had your chance and hadn't taken it.
Q had found you crying an hour later, had held you without asking questions, and had let you break apart in his arms.
"He doesn't want to know," you'd sobbed. "He gave me the opening and I couldn't, I couldn't tell him because I knew he didn't really want to know."
"I'm sorry," Q had whispered. "I'm so sorry."
"I thought if he knew, if he just knew I existed, that it would, that he'd... " You'd stopped, unable to finish.
"That he'd love you," Q had finished quietly. "That he'd want to be your father."
"Stupid, right? Twenty-five years old and I'm still looking for daddy's approval."
"It's not stupid. It's human." Q had pulled back enough to look at you. "But maybe, maybe it's time to stop looking for love from someone who doesn't know how to give it."
Q's hand had come up to cup your face, thumb brushing away tears. "There's the love of people who already see you. Who already know you're remarkable." His eyes had held yours. "Who already love you for exactly who you are."
You'd known what he was offering. Could see it in every line of his face, every careful touch, every word he wasn't saying.
"We can't," you'd whispered.
"And you're Q, and I'm 009, and... "
"I know." But he hadn't moved away. "But I can still tell you the truth. I can still give you that, even if I can't give you anything else."
"I love you," he'd said simply. "I've loved you since that first coffee shop meeting when you looked at me like I was either going to save you or destroy you. I love how brilliant you are, how fierce, how you fight like the world owes you something. I love that you hide your heart behind walls I've spent eighteen months trying to climb. I love... " His voice had cracked. "I love you, and I can't have you, and I needed you to know anyway."
You'd kissed him then. Couldn't help it, couldn't stop it, couldn't do anything but close the distance and press your lips to his and feel him kiss you back like he'd been waiting his whole life for this moment.
It had lasted maybe ten seconds. Ten perfect, impossible seconds.
Then Q had pulled away, breathing hard, eyes bright with something that looked like grief.
"We can't," he'd said, echoing your words. "You know we can't."
"But God, I wish we could."
He'd left shortly after. Had to, before you both did something you couldn't take back. And you'd been alone again with your broken shoulder and your broken heart and the knowledge that you'd been right all along:
Everyone you loved left. It was just a matter of time.
M called you back to active duty three months later. Your shoulder had healed, your psych eval was cleared (lying to therapists was a skill you'd perfected), and there was a new mission. A final mission.
James Bond's last job before retirement. For real this time.
And M wanted you there as backup.
"Because he asked for you," M had replied. "Specifically. Said he wanted someone he could trust. Someone good."
Your heart had done something complicated. "He asked for me?"
"Don't let it go to your head, 009. You're still expendable if the mission requires it." But M's expression had softened slightly. "He respects you. That's not something James Bond gives lightly."
The mission was supposed to be simple: track down the last loose ends from the Vienna operation, eliminate the remaining threat, and close the file. You and Bond, one last time.
Q had been quiet during the briefing. Had handed you your equipment without his usual commentary, had avoided your eyes like looking at you hurt.
"Q," you'd said when Bond stepped out. "Are we, are we okay?"
"No," Q had replied honestly. "But we will be. Eventually. Maybe."
"I miss you too. Which is why we need to keep our distance. Because if we don't... " He'd stopped. "Just be careful. Come back."
"Not always. Not if the reports are accurate." Q had finally looked at you, and the fear in his eyes had been stark. "You take too many risks. You fight like you don't care if you live or die. And I need... " His voice had broken. "I need you to care."
"Then prove it. Come back alive."
The mission had been anything but simple.
The enemy had been expecting them. Had set a trap so elaborate, so perfectly tailored to catch James Bond, that you'd realized halfway through: this wasn't about weapons or nuclear material or any of the usual threats.
This was personal. Someone wanted Bond dead. Really, finally dead.
You'd fought alongside your father, and he was your father, even if he didn't know it, through ambush after ambush, setback after setback. Had watched him make the impossible choices, sacrifice the smaller goods for the greater, become the weapon everyone always said he was.
And you'd matched him. Step for step, shot for shot, had been everything he needed without asking.
"You're good at this," Bond had said during a brief respite, both of you bleeding and exhausted. "Too good. How old are you?"
"You fight like you've been doing this for decades."
"Good teacher." You'd reloaded your weapon, not looking at him.
Bond had gone very still. "What does that mean?"
This was it. Your last chance to tell him. To give him the truth before, before whatever came next.
"My mother," you'd said slowly. "She knew you. A long time ago."
You'd looked at him then. Really looked. "Vesper. Vesper Lynd."
The color had drained from Bond's face. "That's not possible. Vesper died. I watched her... "
"She survived. Barely. Changed her name, disappeared. Spent the next twenty-three years hiding." You'd stood, meeting his eyes, your eyes. "And raising your daughter."
The silence had been deafening.
"No," Bond had said finally. "No, that's, you're lying."
"I'm not. Q ran the DNA. I'm your daughter, James. I've always been your daughter."
Bond had staggered back like you'd shot him. "Why didn't she tell me?"
"Because she loved you. Because she knew you'd try to be a father, and it would destroy you. Because... " Your voice had cracked. "Because she thought she was protecting us both."
"Protecting, Christ." Bond had run his hands through his hair, looking more shaken than you'd ever seen him. "How long have you known?"
"That you're my father? Since my mother died two years ago. That I wanted to meet you? My whole life."
"And you didn't think to tell me?"
"I wanted you to see me first. To respect me as an agent, as a person, before you knew." You'd laughed bitterly. "I wanted you to choose me. Even once. Even without knowing."
"This is, I need time to process... "
"We don't have time." You'd checked your weapon. "They're coming. And we need to move."
The final confrontation had been brutal. Had required everything you'd learned, everything you'd become. And in the end, it had required a choice.
Someone had to stay behind. Someone had to hold off the enemy while the other escaped with the crucial intel, made sure the mission succeeded, and made sure the world stayed safe.
You'd both known who it had to be.
"No," Bond had said immediately. "Absolutely not. I'm not leaving you here."
"You have to. You're James Bond. The world needs you."
"I don't give a damn what the world needs. You're my... " He'd stopped, the word too new, too raw. "You're my daughter. I'm not losing you. Not now. Not when I just found out you exist."
"You'll survive losing me. You survived losing her."
"I didn't survive. I just learned to function through the pain." Bond had gripped your shoulders. "Please. Let me stay. Let me be the one who... "
"No." You'd stepped back, resolved. "I've spent my whole life trying to be worthy of you. Trying to be good enough, strong enough, brave enough. This is my chance to prove I'm your daughter in more than just DNA."
"You don't have to prove anything... "
"Yes, I do. To you. To myself. To... " You'd thought of Q, waiting in London, terrified you wouldn't come back. "To everyone."
Bond's hands had trembled as he released you. "I can't, I don't know how to... "
"You don't have to say anything. Just remember me. Remember that for once in your life, someone loved you enough to make the same choice she did." You'd handed him the intel. "Now go. That's an order."
"I'm your daughter. I can order you to save yourself."
Bond had looked at you with eyes too bright, with an expression that might have been pride or grief or both. Then he'd kissed your forehead, a brief, gentle touch that felt like a goodbye.
"Your mother would be so proud of you," he'd whispered.
He'd left. Had to, because you'd made him, because the mission required it, because James Bond knew how to make the hard choices even when they destroyed him.
You'd held off the enemy for seventeen minutes. Long enough for Bond to escape, for the intel to reach MI6, for the mission to succeed.
Long enough for Q to track your location and send backup.
You woke up in the hospital three days later.
Q was there, asleep in the chair beside your bed, his hand wrapped around yours. He looked terrible, unwashed, exhausted, like he'd been there the entire time.
His eyes had snapped open. "You're awake. Oh, thank God, you're awake." He'd lunged forward, hands on your face, checking you over like he couldn't quite believe you were real. "You absolute idiot. You reckless, self-sacrificing idiot. You promised you'd come back."
"You were clinically dead for four minutes. That doesn't count as coming back."
"You're here now," he'd agreed, and kissed you. Properly this time, no hesitation, no holding back. Just desperate relief and fear and love poured into the space between you.
When he'd pulled back, you'd seen tears on his face.
"I thought I'd lost you," he'd whispered. "When the reports came in, when I saw your vitals drop, I thought... "
"Don't apologize. Just don't do it again." His hands had tightened on yours. "I know you're an agent. I know the job requires sacrifice. But I can't, I can't watch you die. I can't lose you."
"Q, we can't, the rules... "
"Fuck the rules." He'd said it with such vehemence that you'd actually laughed, which had hurt your ribs. "I've spent two years watching you throw yourself at impossible missions, watching you try to earn love from a man who didn't know you existed, watching you treat your life like it's expendable. And I'm done. I'm done pretending I can be professional about this."
"M already knows." Q had sat back, wiping his eyes. "She's known for months. Apparently, I'm not as subtle as I thought."
"She said that if I let my personal feelings compromise my judgment, she'd have me removed from Q Branch so fast my head would spin. But she also said... " He'd smiled weakly. "She said that love makes us better at our jobs, not worse. That caring about the people in the field makes me fight harder to bring them home."
"She's more of a romantic than she lets on. Don't tell anyone." Q had taken your hand again. "I'm not asking you to quit. I'm not asking you to stop being 009. I'm just asking, I'm begging, please stop trying to die to prove you're worth loving. You're already worth it. You've always been worth it."
You'd wanted to believe him. God, you'd wanted to.
"What about Bond?" you'd asked. "He knows now. About me."
Q's expression had shifted to something complicated. "He's been here. Every day. Sitting in the waiting room because I wouldn't let him in. He's, he's a mess, actually. I've never seen James Bond look like that."
"Like someone who just realized what he lost. And what he almost lost again."
Your throat had tightened. "I don't want to see him."
"I know. But he's not going to give up. He's... " Q had hesitated. "He's your father. And I think he's finally figured out what that means."
But you hadn't been ready. Hadn't been ready to face James Bond, to see what expression would be on his face now that he knew the truth. Pity? Guilt? Obligation?
So you'd hidden in a hospital for two weeks, recovering from injuries that should have killed you, and avoided every attempt Bond made to visit.
Q had stayed close. Had rearranged his entire schedule to be there, had brought you books and crossword puzzles and terrible hospital coffee that somehow tasted better when he made it. Had held your hand through nightmares and panic attacks and the long, quiet moments when the pain was too much to speak through.
"Tell me about something normal," you'd asked one night when sleep wouldn't come. "Something that has nothing to do with MI6 or missions or any of this."
So Q had told you about his cats, three of them, all named after scientists. Had told you about the book he was reading, about the new programming language he was developing, about the coffee shop near his flat that made terrible tea but excellent scones.
"I want to see your flat," you'd said. "When I'm out of here. I want to see where you live."
"It's not very exciting. Lots of computers and cat hair."
Q had smiled, soft and genuine. "Then it's a date. A proper one. No hospitals, no missions, just us."
"Just us," you'd agreed, and for the first time in weeks, something that felt like hope had flickered in your chest.
M had discharged you from the hospital and immediately put you on medical leave. Three months minimum, with mandatory therapy sessions twice a week.
"You're exhibiting signs of severe PTSD," M had said bluntly. "Self-destructive behavior, reckless decision-making, emotional volatility. You're grounded until the therapist clears you."
"You died and came back. You're not fine. No one would be fine." M had softened slightly. "Take the time. Process what happened. Figure out who you are when you're not chasing ghosts."
"Is also on leave. Mandatory retirement, actually. He's done." M had studied you. "He wants to see you. Wants to talk. I told him it's your choice whether or not to allow it."
"Then don't. Not yet. Take your time." M had stood. "But eventually, you'll have to face him. He's your father. That doesn't go away just because it's complicated."
You'd moved into a temporary flat near Q's, close enough to walk, far enough for plausible deniability. Had spent the first week mostly sleeping, recovering, trying to remember how to exist in a world that wasn't actively trying to kill you.
Q had visited daily. Had brought groceries and cooked terrible meals that you'd eaten anyway because it was Q and he was trying. Had sat with you through nightmares, had held you when the panic attacks came, had been exactly what you needed without asking for anything in return.
"I'm not good at this," you'd said one evening, curled up on your sofa while Q made tea in your kitchen. "The normal people thing. I don't know how to do it."
"Neither do I," Q had called back. "But we can figure it out together."
"What if I can't? What if this is all I know how to be?"
Q had returned with two mugs, settling beside you. "Then we'll work with that. But I don't think that's true. I think you've been so focused on becoming what you thought you needed to be that you forgot to figure out who you actually are."
"I don't know. But I'd like to help you find out." He'd handed you the tea. "If you'll let me."
The therapy was brutal. Twice a week, sitting across from a woman who saw through every defense you'd ever built and refused to let you hide behind them.
"Tell me about your mother," she'd said in the third session.
"She was brilliant. And paranoid. And she loved me in the only way she knew how."
"By hiding me. By making me invisible. By teaching me that love meant sacrifice and safety meant isolation." You'd stared at your hands. "She taught me that being seen meant being vulnerable. And being vulnerable meant dying."
"I don't know what I believe anymore."
"What about your father?"
You'd flinched. "What about him?"
"You risked everything to meet him. To earn his respect. What did you hope would happen?"
"I hoped... " You'd stopped, throat tight. "I hoped he'd see me and want me. That he'd look at me and think 'yes, this is my daughter, and I'm proud of her.'"
"I don't know. He said he was proud. But I don't know if that was because I'm his daughter or because I was willing to die for him." You'd met the therapist's eyes. "I don't know if there's a difference."
"What do you want from him now?"
That was the question you couldn't answer.
Bond had tried to visit six times in the first month. You'd refused him every time, had hidden in your flat like a child avoiding consequences.
"You can't avoid him forever," Q had said gently after the sixth attempt.
"He's hurting. I can see it every time I see him at MI6. He looks... " Q had paused. "He looks like someone who lost something precious and doesn't know how to get it back."
"He never had me to begin with."
"But he could. If you'd let him try."
"What if I let him try and he fails? What if he tries to be a father and it's terrible and awkward and wrong?" You'd pulled your knees to your chest. "At least now I can pretend there's a possibility of something good. If I actually try and it doesn't work, then I'll know for sure that I'm not, that I'm not worth... "
"Don't." Q had moved closer, pulling you into his arms. "Don't finish that sentence. You are worth everything. His inability to show up for you doesn't change that."
"Then why does it feel like it does?"
"Because you're human. And humans want their parents to love them. It's biology." He'd pressed a kiss to your hair. "But you're more than your father's daughter. You're brilliant and fierce and brave and kind when you think no one's looking. You're the person who brings me coffee exactly how I like it, who listens to me ramble about code, who learned Russian just because I mentioned it was beautiful. You're, you're everything."
You'd kissed him then, properly, the way you'd been wanting to for weeks. And Q had kissed you back, no hesitation, no rules, just the two of you finally allowing yourselves this one thing.
"I love you," you'd whispered against his lips.
"I love you too. So much." Q had pulled back enough to see your face. "But you still need to talk to him. Not for his sake. For yours."
"Not today," you'd agreed, and let Q hold you while the world stayed safely outside.
The seventh time Bond tried to visit, you let him in.
He looked different without the context of missions and danger. Older, maybe, or just more human. He stood in your doorway like he wasn't sure he was allowed to be there, hands shoved in his pockets, expression carefully neutral.
"Thank you," he'd said. "For seeing me."
"Q said you've been trying."
"Q's been very patient with me. More patient than I deserve." Bond had hesitated. "May I come in?"
You'd stepped back, letting him enter your small flat. He'd looked around like he was cataloging details, and you'd realized he was nervous. James Bond, legendary spy, is nervous in his daughter's apartment.
You'd made tea with shaking hands, aware of Bond watching you from the living room. When you returned with two mugs, he'd accepted his with a small nod.
"I don't know how to do this," Bond had said finally. "I don't, I've never been a father. Never thought I would be. Never thought I could be."
"You didn't have to be. I managed fine without you."
"Did you?" He'd looked at you. "Because Q tells me you've been trying to die in increasingly creative ways for the past two years. That doesn't sound like 'managing fine.'"
"Q cares about you. So do I. I just.. I didn't know how to show it before. Didn't know I was allowed to."
You'd sat across from him, cradling your tea. "Why are you here, James?"
"Because you're my daughter. And I missed twenty-five years of your life because your mother thought, because she was probably right, that I'd fail at being a father. But I want to try anyway." He'd leaned forward. "I want to know you. Really know you. Not as an agent, not as backup, but as my daughter."
"I don't know if I can give you that."
"Because I spent my whole life building this image of you. The great James Bond, the legendary spy, the father I never had. And meeting you, knowing you, it's broken that image. You're just a man. Flawed and complicated and human. And I don't know how to reconcile the myth with the reality."
Bond had smiled sadly. "I know that feeling. I've been reconciling the myth of fatherhood with the reality that I have a daughter I didn't know existed and almost lost before I could know her."
"What do you want from me?"
"Nothing. Everything. I don't know." He'd run his hands through his hair. "I want time. Time to get to know you. Time to prove that I can be, that I can try to be, a father. Even if I'm terrible at it."
"What if you are? Terrible at it?"
"Then at least we'll both know we tried. At least you won't spend the rest of your life wondering what might have been." Bond had met your eyes. "I don't want you to wonder anymore. I don't want you to chase ghosts. I want you to have what you deserve: a father who shows up. Even if he's late. Even if he's bad at it."
You'd felt tears prick at your eyes. "I don't know how to trust that you'll stay."
"Then I'll prove it. However long it takes. I'll prove that I'm not going anywhere." He'd set down his tea, hands flexing like he wanted to reach for you but wasn't sure he was allowed. "I know I can't be the father you needed when you were growing up. But I can try to be the father you need now. If you'll let me."
You'd thought about it. Thought about your mother, about the years of hiding, about the desperate need for acknowledgment that had driven you to MI6 in the first place. Thought about Q, about the love that was waiting for you if you could just let yourself have it. Thought about the person you might become if you stopped chasing ghosts and started living for yourself.
"Okay," you'd said finally. "Okay. We can try."
"Yeah. But slowly. I need time too. Time to figure out who I am when I'm not trying to be your daughter or my mother's legacy or MI6's weapon. Time to just be."
Bond had nodded. "I can do it slowly. I'm retired now. I have nothing but time."
"What will you do? With all that time?"
"I don't know. Maybe I'll finally learn to cook something that isn't from a tin. Maybe I'll travel for fun instead of work. Maybe... " He'd looked at you. "Maybe I'll be around. If you'd like. For dinners, or coffee, or whatever you want."
"Good. That's⦠that's good."
The silence that followed was awkward but not uncomfortable. You'd both sipped your tea, stealing glances at each other, two people trying to figure out how to be family.
"Q told me you love him," Bond had said suddenly.
You'd choked on your tea. "He what?"
"He didn't mean to. It slipped out when he was yelling at me about putting you in danger. He said... " Bond had smiled slightly. "He said, 'I love her, you idiot, and you keep making her want to die to prove she's worth loving.'"
"He's good for you. Better than I would have been at your age."
"You're not, you're not angry? About us?"
"Why would I be angry? You're twenty-five. You're allowed to love whoever you want." Bond had paused. "Though I would appreciate it if you didn't break his heart. He's one of the few people at MI6 I actually respect."
"I won't. I⦠I love him. Really love him."
"I can tell. You look at him the way your mother looked at me. The way I looked at her." Bond's expression had gone distant. "She really did it, didn't she? Survived. Raised you. Built a whole life I knew nothing about."
"She loved you. Even at the end, she loved you."
"I loved her too. Still do, in a way. You... " His voice had cracked slightly. "You look like her. Same eyes, same way of holding yourself, like you're ready to fight or flee at any moment. But you have my... "
"I was going to say courage. But yes, stubbornness too." Bond had smiled, small and genuine. "She would have been so proud of you. Of the woman you've become."
"I wish she could have met you. The real you, not the legend. I think, I think she would have wanted that."
"Maybe. Or maybe she knew exactly who I was and loved me anyway." He'd stood, setting down his empty mug. "I should go. Let you rest. But could I come back? Next week, maybe? We could have dinner. Somewhere neutral. No pressure."
Bond had moved toward the door, then paused. "One more thing. The mission, the choice you made to stay behind. I need you to know I didn't want you to do that. I would have traded places with you in a heartbeat."
"But I also need you to know that I'm grateful. Not for the sacrifice, but for the fact that you survived it. That you're here. That I get a chance to know you." He'd looked at you with those eyes you shared. "Don't ever do that again. Don't ever make me choose between you and the mission. Because I'll choose you. Every time. And that makes me a terrible spy, but maybe, maybe a decent father."
You'd felt something loosen in your chest. "Okay."
"Okay. I won't make you choose. And you won't make me prove I'm worth saving. Deal?"
"Deal." Bond had opened the door, then turned back. "I meant what I said. I'm proud of you. Not because of what you can do or how useful you are. Just because you're you. Because you're my daughter. And that's enough."
After he'd left, you'd stood in your empty flat and cried. Not from sadness or anger or grief, but from the overwhelming relief of finally, finally, being seen.
Q had found you like that an hour later, still standing in the same spot, tears drying on your face.
"I saw Bond leaving," he'd said carefully. "How did it go?"
"He wants to try. To be a father."
"And how do you feel about that?"
You'd thought about it. "Terrified. Hopeful. Confused. All of it at once."
"That sounds about right." Q had pulled you into a hug as you drifted off on the couch.
