When I was younger, I never thought I’d be able to have sex. Vaginismus felt like a barrier I could never cross. For those who don’t know, it’s an involuntary spasm of the vaginal muscles that makes penetration painful, if not impossible. I couldn’t even use tampons. The thought of being intimate with someone felt terrifying and hopeless.

But therapy helped. Slowly, I learned to navigate my body’s reactions. I could eventually use tampons, and with enough patience, I even had rare instances of penetration. But the real turning point came when I met my (now ex-) boyfriend.

Redefining Intimacy

We didn’t have penetrative sex for the first year and a half of our relationship. And surprisingly, that didn’t feel like a loss. What we had was deep, intimate, and profoundly connected. He never pressured me. Instead, he cherished every step of the journey, from the smallest progress to the moments of vulnerability where I admitted it was too much.

Eventually, we did try. His patience during foreplay was unmatched. He treated me like I was precious, fragile even, but not in a patronizing way. It was like he understood how much trust it took for me to let him in—physically and emotionally. His size didn’t make it easier (he was quite well-endowed), but the challenge became part of our shared experience.

The Struggle Became the Turn-On

What surprised me most was how arousing the struggle became—not in a masochistic way, but in the tension between discomfort and trust. He would whisper things like, “Just breathe, relax, I’m here with you. You’re doing so well, I’m so proud of you.” And in those moments, I felt more connected to him than I ever thought possible.

The pain wasn’t just a barrier anymore; it became part of our intimacy. The way he carefully pushed my limits, the way he encouraged me, comforted me—it all made me feel incredibly desired. And knowing how much tighter I felt for him because of my vaginismus only heightened the experience for both of us.

Sometimes, when I asked him to stop, he wouldn’t immediately. He knew my body, knew when I could handle just a little bit more. And honestly? That gentle persistence was intoxicating. The mix of control and care, of resistance and surrender, made our sex life incredibly intense and unique.

Beyond Penetration

But it wasn’t always about penetration. There were many times when just his fingers, or even his words, were enough. Even inserting a single finger could be challenging, but his patience never wavered. He celebrated every small victory with me, and that made all the difference.

Now That It’s Over…

But… our relationship ended. Not because of the vaginismus—sexually, we were perfect together—but for other personal reasons. And now, I find myself wondering if I’ll ever find that kind of connection again. The tederness, the endless patience, the excitement of pushing boundaries while feeling completely safe—it’s hard to imagine finding someone who understands all of that.

And then there’s the practical side. I need to keep up with my dilator exercises to maintain progress, but doing it alone feels… difficult. It’s hard to stay motivated a few times a week when there’s no one there to encourage me, to celebrate the little steps.

Source : https://www.wsj.com/style/ayo-edebiri-the-bear-after-the-hunt-writer-actor-93e04ca0

Janelle Monáe is an award winning singer, songwriter, rapper and actress. She has been honored with a Screen Actors Guild Award, an Emmy, an ASCAP Vanguard Award; as well as a Trailblazer of the Year Award(2018) from Billboard magazine.

Monáe released her demo album, The Audition in 2003 and was signed with Bad Boy Records. Since then she has released 4 albums (2010, 2013, 2018, & 2023).

In a 2011 interview Monáe said”

“I only dates androids (a reference an alter ego in many of her songs). I speak about androids because I think the android represents the new 'other'. You can compare it to being a lesbian or being a gay man or being a Black woman ... what I want is for people who feel oppressed or feel like the 'other' to connect with the music and to feel like, 'She represents who I am.”

As an actor, Monáe has appeared in several critically acclaimed films, including Moonlight (2016), Hidden Figures (2016, Glass Onion (2022), and the television series Homecoming (2020).

Monáe said she identifies with both bisexuality and pansexuality. On January 10, 2020, she tweeted the hashtag #IAmNonbinary, explaining:

“… it resonated with me, especially as someone who has pushed boundaries of gender since the beginning of my career. I feel my feminine energy, my masculine energy, and energy I can't even explain."

In April 2022, she came out publicly as non-binary:

"I'm nonbinary, so I just don't see myself as a woman, solely ... I feel like god is so much bigger than the 'he' or the 'she.' And if I am from God, I am everything."

I don't know who needs to hear this but DO NOT feel ashamed for believing you deserve more and you shouldn't settle for less than what you deserve!

In the world of photography, creativity knows no bounds. It’s a realm where imagination takes flight, and the possibilities are as vast as the universe itself.  Photography has come a long way since its inception. Gone are the days when adhering to traditional rules and norms was the only way to create compelling images. Today, photographers are free to break from these constraints, venturing…

Just wanted to also let you know how much I appreciate the WONDERFUL Casino story you and Wincestismyguiltypleasure have been cooking up. And I simply adore the addition of JDM (and his cigar) and all the lovely fun they're going to have together. (Especially when Jensen feels the need to remind everyone present just who Jared belongs to. Maybe even leave a permanent mark on him.) Take care and smexy dreams! 💜

(sorry darling that I couldn’t just answer, Tumblr issues, you know 💕)

And yes!!! I am so glad that @wincestismyguiltypleasure took my idea and ran with it; we’re both having a lot of fun and I love seeing Amber’s responses to the anons she’s gotten.

oh, and Mr. Morgan getting a little too bold with Jensen’s pet!!! Especially now, when Jensen’s busy overseeing the construction of his new casino. And Jared knows he’s not supposed to play when Jensen’s not there, but he also knows that Jensen made a deal that includes access to him, so he’s not sure if this is allowed or not.

He does know that he’s helpless when Mr. Morgan’s rough hands slip up under his shirt, when Mr. Morgan’s scruff scrapes along his jaw, when Mr. Morgan says “C’mon, kid, feel so good on my lap,” pulls him in to sit sideways with a hot erection poking at his thigh, and he wiggles just to see the man’s eyes darken.

And he loves choking on Mr. Morgan’s dick, long and thick and Mr. Morgan doesn’t hesitate to push him down and hold him until his vision starts to go dark, and the chuckle that rumbles out of Mr. Morgan vibrates in his bones. Even better when a heavy hand slams down on his ass and Jared knows there’s gonna be bruises, knows that Jensen has never let Mr. Morgan leave a mark before but he can’t make himself disobey the man.

“Gonna spank you bare,” Mr. Morgan says, and Jared pretends it’s the dick in his mouth that keeps him from voicing a protest when big hands push his jeans down around his knees. “What d’ya think, boy, Ackles gonna be pissed at me for teasing this little hole?”

A finger rubbing dry over him makes Jared whine, and this is too far for sure but Mr. Morgan stops, backs away from that line before Jared can really pull away and that’s okay right? It’s okay that Jared lets him go back to what he’d been doing, shoving Jared’s face down his dick with one hand and spanking him black and blue with the other, and Jared’s cock is hanging hard and dripping beneath him and he needs this, yeah, but he’s not entirely sure he wants it. Doesn’t have time to figure it out before he’s coming on the leather couch at the taste of Mr. Morgan’s release in his mouth.

Jared collapses on his side, curls his knees towards his chest and lies with his head still cushioned on Mr. Morgan’s thighs, the man’s softening dick warm and wet against his cheek, and Mr. Morgan’s saying something but Jared can’t hear it as he starts to sob.

Rough hand rubbing over his bruised ass, squeezing the already tender flesh and making Jared sob harder, and of course that’s when Jensen walks into the room and Jared cringes inside, can’t even think about what his master’s gonna do to him now.

Jensen crosses the room in two steps, doesn’t even touch Jared but grabs the lapels of Mr. Morgan’s jacket, pulls him up and slams him against the wall.

Mr. Morgan laughs. “Take it easy, Ackles. Access to your toy is part of the deal, remember?”

Jensen shakes Mr. Morgan, slams him a little harder into the wall. “The deal,” he growls, “was you could watch while I play with Jared. And use his mouth, with me present. Not free access, not marking him him up, and absolutely not pushing him into things he knows he shouldn’t be doing.”

“Kid coulda said no.”

Jensen looks over at Jared, then, and Jared scrambles back, tries to shrink into the couch cushions. “I didn’t say no, Jensen, I’m sorry, I didn’t.”

There’s an unreadable look in Jensen’s eyes that makes Jared want to crawl to him, kneel at his feet and beg for a chance to do better, to fix this, but Jensen turns back to Mr. Morgan before he can.

“Wasn’t his place. You are the one who knew the deal, not Jared. And Mr. Morgan? Access is officially revoked.” He takes one hand off Mr. Morgan’s jacket to snap his fingers, and the ever-present security appears at his side to escort Mr. Morgan out of the penthouse.

Jared trembles when Jensen walks back to him, picks him up and that’s a little ridiculous with how tall Jared is but Jensen supports him easily, one arm around his back and the other under his ass and Jared can’t do anything but wrap his arms and legs around Jensen and bury his face in Jensen’s neck.

“Replace that,” Jensen tells someone, “burn it,” and he’s carrying Jared into the bedroom and closing the rest of the world out. He continues through to the bathroom with its luxury shower and jacuzzi tub, holds Jared as he runs a bath and adds the bubbles he’d sneered at as childish when Jared bought them. While the tub fills, he pulls Jared’s shirt off, kneels at his feet to remove his sneakers and pull his jeans fully off his legs and Jared whimpers softly.

Jensen strips, quick and efficient as always, and steps into the tub, pulls Jared in after him and sits in the bubbles, holding Jared in his lap. He runs a washcloth over Jared’s chest and shoulders, down his arms and over each finger before dipping underwater to wash the rest of him. When he’s done every inch of Jared’s body tingles from the thorough scrubbing. Jensen leans back in the tub, tugs Jared back to rest against his chest, and sighs.

“I’m sorry,” Jared says, and Jensen’s hand comes up to cover his mouth.

“Shut up.” There’s no heat in it. “I don’t blame you, pet. You... you know, you’ve never said no? To anything? Anyone, even, in all the time I’ve known you.”

Jared squirms around, soapy skin making it easy to turn and cuddle into Jensen’s arms. He slips one arm around Jensen’s waist and Jensen’s arms tighten around him.

“I’m not even sure you can say no,” Jensen finally says. “I mean, I think you’re happy here, with me, but...”

“I am,” Jared whispers. 

Jensen doesn’t seem to hear him. “But I see you with Morgan, and you’re not happy with the situation but you’re not exactly trying to get away, and... Look, we didn’t exactly start under the best circumstances, and I used to be just like that, didn’t care too much as long as I could say ‘well he didn’t say no,’ and I just... I don’t want it to be like that, with us.”

“It isn’t.”

“But how can I know when you never say no.” A giant sigh. “Maybe I should just... I dunno, let you go-”

“NO!” Jared is almost as surprised as Jensen looks at the shout that echoes in the marble-tiled room. He sits back down, embarrassed, one knee to either side of Jensen’s hips, leans in to press his forehead against his master’s. “I want to be with you.” He kisses Jensen’s lips, lingers against the soft mouth. “I like being with you.” Trailing over Jensen’s jaw, stubble prickling his lips. “I’ll fucking kill you if you try to get rid of me now.”

That startles a laugh out of Jensen, and Jared grins.

“I might be your pet, Mr. Ackles, but you know the thing about pets?”

Jensen shakes his head.

“They’re a lifetime commitment.”

“So, I’m stuck with you then?”

“Yup. And another thing: if a pet is misbehaving, it’s because their owner isn’t training them right.”

“Oh is it?”

“Uh-huh. You gotta give positive reinforcement, and correct bad behavior immediately. And lots of play time and cuddle time.”

Jensen laughs for real then, and the sound makes Jared fizz with warmth.

“Well, then, pet. You’ve had your cuddles, but you were pretty naughty there with Morgan.”

Oh, shit, Jared almost forgot that.

“And it was mostly his fault, but as you’ve just demonstrated: you are fully capable of saying no. So we’re gonna have to correct your bad behavior. His too.”