Feb 25, 2025
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Pace Game! (Panic Attack Vent)
I hate always having one foot in the Psychward. Everytime I'm doing bad, or others decide I'm doing bad, i always end up at the psychward. And its the psychward i HATE! It has such a bad reputation for a reason. How is that supposed to help? The only thing is does is keeping me confined to ease the minds of others because THEY'RE scared
What Its Like To Be Me (a poem i wrote in a psych ward in 2018. a bit later my egg cracked & i became a trans woman)
you ever see a pro boxer corner another boxer, and throw tight rotating punches against his head like he's a speedbag?
bupida bupida!
all at once his head is frozen, and rapidly vibrating, numb and violently tortured. I want to do that with every superstring particle, but with my teeth.
Well, no... i just said superstring particle because that's currently the most-accepted elementary particle.
But there CANNOT BE an elementary particle, because that would mean on that GLORIOUS moment when i stopped bottling the sensations I take in, I would eventually have to put that lid back on, which I can't, because there is an infinity of Hate inside me.
So i got home from the hospital yesterday.
Im so fucking exhausted.
Psychosis is no fucking joke.
I often get paranoid and think my food has been poisoned in one way or another when I'm in psychosis so I've lost a bit of weight but gained some new traumas.
I stopped eating and the hospital did my bloodwork every day. It's scary because my physical state got so bad they thought I would pass away from it. I didn't realise how bad it was. Schizophrenia ends life, but I'm going to fight with all I got to not let it win.
I got a feeding tube again and it was terrible. I didn't eat for quite a while because of my psychosis.
I'm out of it now but it still have quite a few symptoms. I quit my medications because I thought they were poisoned. And me quitting my meds didn't exactly help with the psychosis.
I also turned 23 when I was sectioned. I think this is my 6th birthday spent in the hospital.
Im sorry of this doesn't make much sense my brain is post psychosis fried
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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the hospital tried to dull my sparkle but theres nothing they can do about me now
And there's a bottle of pills, a fifth of vodka, a hospital visit, two weeks of inpatient while your whole family prays for you to get better
There's a doctor with blank eyes who never looks at you
He's always scribbling things on his clipboard
Everything you say, he documents, even when you're not talking to him
You don't smoke, but you still go out for smoke breaks with everyone else on the ward because there's nothing else to do but stare at the walls, and wait for the next group session to start
So you hang out in the courtyard, not smoking cigarettes but still befriending those who do
And there's a man
Maybe ten years older than you, with eyes like rough-cut pine and sunset
He notices you don't smoke, so he tries to stay downwind from you so he doesn't exhale in your face
He tells you "it's okay, bud"
"We'll get through this and be better when we leave this place than it was when we got here"
And he's telling you the truth
And you believe him
