#psychologic

I was empathetic as a teenager before 2019. I felt sad often and when people told me their stories, I was able to imagine them (visually) in my head, recreate the feeling, and so being able to feel what they might've felt and somewhat understand them.

Unfortunately, when I opened up to the wrong people about personal problems I had, I felt like I was bothering them and that I was overreacting with my feelings. I internalized not to cry, not to make such a big deal out of my problems and feelings. I started to surpress my feelings (instead of solving my problems, which I thought were unsolvable at the time).

I didn't know what consequences this "training" would have had to my ability to feel empathetic and understanding towards other people

I wanted to minimize my feelings about my own problems, but this applied to any feeling. I had no compassion for myself, I told myself to just get over it (basically what some men generally speaking are taught), invalidating my feelings.

And this taught me to act like this to any feeling, from other people as well. I would only be able to listen "logically" to other people, and feeling like "Ok you tell me this, and now what?"

Long story short since I'm tired, while I wasn't able to feel empathy anymore, luckily I was aware of how unhealthy this was and I knew I wanted to get back to where I was before, where I would listen to someone and feel something in my gut (which I didn't).

What I definitely noticed or remembered that I wasn't able to unfocus my eyes anymore. Like you know how people stare into nothing? I used to do this often as a teen but the past years I couldn't even if I nactively tried to do so. I can do that again also. I want to get to the point again where I drift off and my mind is empty and I don't register ANYTHING from my surrounding. I want to have that peace again.