#psycho weasel

Specifically he eats uncooked Ramen.

He breaks it apart and dips it in peanut butter. And sometimes jam if he's feeling crazy.

And he only specifically craves for this monstrosity at 3 AM. So picture this feral beast sitting on the counter with an open peanut butter jar in one hand and a broken Ramen packet in the other. Whole his eyes are doing that reflective thing cats eyes do.

Now that Chapter 7 has been posted, it’s time to do some headcannons! I got this idea from Rainbows, Kit and Slash who have done their own versions and of course, I have to share this with you guys! 😁

So in my AU, the weasels are naturally-born Toons who are born and bred in the Tooniverse, and they have real names. The ones they’re addressed as are nicknames, but don’t let that stop you from loving them 💗💚💙🧡❤

Credit for inspiration goes to @marinerainbow, @just-kit-ink and @slashingdisneypasta A.K.A. @wicked1will0sparkles. Please go check out their own wonderful content! ^^

Smartass 🔫💎🔫

Smartass’s real name is Lorenzo Davide Lander. I named him after the late David L. Lander. RIP Lander, you were a legend 💔

He and Stupid are half-brothers (two different mothers, but share one father), and Smarty is the big brother. After reading Rainbows’ HC post, I remembered that Stu is the only one Smarty didn’t bonk with the plunger and honestly, that makes sense! So they’re brothers and yes, it’s canon. Fight me 👊

Smartass’s criminal life started when he was a teen wiseguy. OK, if you’ve watched Goodfellas and Newsies, Smartass’s criminal career started early like Henry Hill’s. But while Henry started as an errand boy, Smartass started as a newsboy and not before long, he became one of the most well-respected and feared newsboys in all of New York since Spot Conlon. And the sad thing is he actually tried to make an honest living out of it. But given how badly mistreated he was because he’s a weasel and not to mention his family’s financial situation, you gotta do what it takes to survive.

One of his early crimes was smuggling alcohol in the newspapers, but also identity fraud to cover his tracks when he got older and left for L.A... That explains why he has so many names (Smartguy, Wiseguy, etc.) He also grew up in Brooklyn, and he often got into a lot of brawls which earned him a feared reputation even before he became a mob boss.

This is for shits and giggles, but Smartass doesn’t understand why people call him Cagney 🤣. I learned from @just-kit-ink that he was inspired by the great James Cagney (RIP King, you were one of the greatest legends of all time 💔), so imagine how hilarious it’d be if he doesn’t get why people call him that. Smarty, my guy, look 👏him 👏 up 👏!

Smartass’s favorite hobby is watching crime films. Goodfellas, Scarface, The Godfather, you name it. It’s one of the finer things he loves in life besides his fashion and collection of jewelry! He will even write his own analysis and review for any crime movie that strikes his fancy, listing their quirks, differences and similarities into great detail.  

Greasy 🔫💚🔫

Greasy has a very long name. His real name is Diego Valentin Alejandro Ramon Ignacio Salvador Rodriguez.

He is the silly pervert we all know and love, but there is a DAMN good reason why Smartass chose him as his right-hand man, and not just because they’re besties. While Smartass handles the operations, plans, business deals, and other tasks crime lords deal with, Greasy handles a majority of interrogations thanks to his talent in the art of intimidation and his intuitive, psychological ability to figure out who people are and predict what they will do based on their actions; body language, composure, and reactions to certain things if they are brought in for questioning. In other words, the man can read people. And he will know if you’re lying.

He is also skilled at combat. Smartass may have grown up in Brooklyn, but Greasy grew up in the toughest spot of Puerto Rico; “La Perla” in San Juan. He’ll fight with his fists if he needs to, but it’s his switchblade you should watch out for. Why? Greasy is a terrifying champion at La Verdadera Destreza, the Spanish tradition of fencing. He comes from a proud legacy of thieves and swordfighters, and he’s got enough skill to make Puss in Boots green with envy. You may think he’s bragging, but he ain’t playing. One wrong move and he’ll slice you to ribbons with his sword.

OK, this is cursed and may God forgive me 🙏, but Greasy and Jessica used to date. I see fanart of him drooling over her even though she is happily married (the hound 🙄) and then I saw this TikTok of them being exes. Not to mention, he focuses on her out of everyone. That’s about to change real damn quick I don’t know why she dated him, but I’m pretty sure their relationship didn’t last long. That being said, Greasy does have some experience. He just doesn’t get lucky often 🤣

He is a connoisseur of porn; magazines, PornHub, erotic novels, you name it. But when he’s not chasing after women or busy doing his job, he’s actually a talented chef. He is Marco Pierre White, Albert Roux, Guy Savoy and Joël Robuchon rolled into one. Smartass is decent, Stu does know how to cook (Greasy needs to learn how to share), and Wheezy and Psycho are B A N N E D from cooking after what happened after last time and the time before that😅, so Greasy is also in charge of the kitchen. And if you think Tom’s bad enough, even Wheezy knows better than to step into the kitchen when Greasy’s cooking. And yes, he and Smartass fight over culinary rights 😂.

Greasy has many different hobbies, but his favorite is stargazing. On rare occasions, he’ll be on the rooftop or somewhere that’s nice and secluded and he’ll spend hours looking at the stars, he’ll even count them. He doesn’t want to be disturbed if he’s stargazing, and don’t ask why if you’re not close to him. That’s his personal private business.   

Wheezy 🔫🚬🔫

Wheezy’s real name is Cobalt Junius Foray. I named him after the wonderful June Foray.

Obviously, he’d be an armorer, the weapons specialist of the gang. From small firearms to long-range snipers and assault rifles, Wheezy knows all about the types and brands of guns. And he even knows how deadly and efficient guns are. Toon Patrol Headquarters possesses a private armory, and Wheezy has full authority over it. He takes great pride in looking after the armory.

You guys are gonna think I’m insane, but I imagine Wheezy to have some sort of medical profession as well as a crooked cop. You’re like, “Pfft, yeah right. Him? A medic? Girl, have you seen his chain-smoking ass? He smokes 17-250 packs of Marlboro religiously, hell he even wears his cigarettes!”. But hear me out; this is the most chaotic “law enforcement” operation in Toontown and due to their criminal history, hospitals are forbidden. And there’s never a day of peace without one of them breaking shit, getting a violent a sugar rush, and getting pepper-sprayed in the eyes cough Greasy cough even when they don’t have a case, so having Wheezy for a medic is probably one of the smartest ideas Smartass made while organizing the Patrol.

Wheezy has two accents. He was born and raised Cockney, but he also speaks with a Southern accent. I saw artwork of him as Clint Eastwood and a post of him dressing up as a cowboy for Halloween once, and if I ever hear him say “Howdy, sugar~” in my dreams, I will explode 😳. So that being said, Wheezy is a British cowboy weasel. But he’ll only speak with a Southern accent if he feels like it.

He is the second strongest member of the pack, next to Stupid. Wheezy may be a chain-smoking walking toothpick, but if you piss him off badly, he’ll give you a mean punch to the face you’ll never wake up from. Not only is he good at target practice, but he’s also good at fighting. Left-hooks, right-hooks, swift kicks, the list goes on. His only weakness is that he can’t run very well. You may be able to outrun him, but you’ll never outrun his fists. Or his bullets.

Wheezy does have a favorite hobby and no, it’s not smoking. He doesn’t share a lot about himself, but he loves to read. While Greasy watches the stars at night, Wheezy would be chilling in his room reading a good story. His personal preference is westerns, but he also likes to read poetry. And when he’s really deep in thought, he’ll share a few quotes that may come across as advice or he’s giving you death threats ⚰💀⚰.    

Psycho 🔪💣🔪

Psycho’s real name is Charles Paul Fleischer. I know Charles also voiced Greasy, but I didn’t wanna confuse you with their surnames😅 If you wanna stay alive, just call him Psycho

Rainbows mentioned that at the Roger Rabbit Car Toon Spin, Psycho has a gift in engineering, and I think that would be the perfect role for him in the gang other than being a guard dog! He may be a little kooky in the head, but he’s got keen skills in technology and/or electricity. Cutting the wires for sneak attacks or break-ins, hotwiring cars, putting Benny the Cab out of “commission”, etc.

He has an animalistic side of him; it’s part of his nature. For example, he sleeps like a puppy. No joke, he’ll make himself comfortable whether he’s in his bedroom or snuggling next to Stu if he has a nightmare and he will curl up like a puppy. Isn’t that cute 🥺? And before you ask, yes, he will give you the puppy eyes if he wants something like candy or killing people 🔪. He will also imitate other people’s conversations exactly like a parrot, and because he likes to creep them out, he will even repeat what they said in their own voices. And if he catches a bad vibe from someone or if he or his pack is threatened, he will growl then attack you.

Psycho does have a wardrobe full of other clothing, but he mostly prefers to wear his straitjacket. Some of his outfits include Halloween costumes, tuxedos and onesie pajamas. He feels more comfortable wearing a straitjacket than a T-shirt. It’s also because he doesn’t want anyone to look at his scars, and there are a lot of them. His eye swirls also change colors; they represent the Emotions from Inside Out and Inside Out 2 (yellow is neutral/happiness, blue is sadness, green is envy/disgust, red is anger, purple is fear, and pink is love).

While Stu is the strongest, Psycho is the fastest. This is one of his predatory instincts, when he’s catching “criminals” he’s catching prey. The game of cat-and-mouse gets his adrenaline going, and he’s fast enough to give Speedy Gonzales and Roadrunner a run for their money. The only way to prevent being caught is to either outrun him or come up with a clever strategy to escape while hiding.

Psycho’s favorite hobby is juggling. He didn’t want to work at a circus, but he really enjoys juggling and he’s really good with his hands. And he will juggle just about anything; razors, firesticks, cannonballs, anything. He once juggled lit-up bombs while riding a unicycle at Headquarters and the place went up in smoke. Since then, Psycho is permanently B A N N E D from juggling in the house.  

Stupid 💪⚾💪

Stu’s real name is Frederick Newman (Lander). I named him after Fred Newman who voiced him. But don’t ever call him Frederick, he doesn’t like it

I’ve seen artwork of him playing baseball, and that is evidence he loves sports. Smartass encourages him to practice baseball for “work purposes”, but Stu can tell his big brother knows how much he loves baseball. So he can use his baseball bat for fun and for work, which is a win-win for them both! He also collects baseball cards, but if you give him a ticket for his birthday to go see his favorite games on live, he will be your best friend forever 😊

Stu is both dyslexic and he has ADHD. He legitimately struggles to read and concentrate, but Smartass and the others will NEVER bully him for that. He likes it when people read to him, though; Psycho is the one who reads to him the most, Wheezy actually likes to share his novels with him, and Greasy is FORBIDDEN from reading to him. Take a wild guess 🤣. And Smartass does read to him when he has the time, he really does.

After he and the others come back to life, revive his brother, and return to Toontown, Stu would enjoy Scooby-Doo. He loves cartoons and classic Disney movies, but Scooby-Doo is definitely one of his favorites! That’s his preference in terms of horror; he HATES human-themed gory or thriller horror movies, and he’ll cry if you make him watch one not to mention Smarty will kill you for making his baby brother cry💀☠💀 .

Stu was born a weasel, he identifies as a weasel, but according to me everyone, he’s just a baby 👶. He really can’t do anything wrong. He’s just a baby 🥺! OK, this just gave me a silly thought, but Psycho once asked him if Stu was a bagel the first time they met, and he tried to “eat” him. Smarty never forgave him for that 🤣.

Besides playing sports, Stu has another hobby. He loves to make art, mostly drawing and painting. And he will make art out of crayons, markers, clay, and even food! Wheezy tells him not to play with his food because it’s not good table manners, but Stu believes food art is part of enjoying a good meal 😋.

The Weasel Mafia

This is a theory I’ve had for years now, and I shared this with @lastofautumn. @weaselnerd, you’re gonna love this! So I’ll be honest, I don’t think the weasels knew that Doom was a Toon. In the movie, Toons face a lot of prejudice and discrimination, but weasels have it really damn rough. They’re often bullied, rejected, and even attacked or killed because society does not see them as anything or anyone other than what they are. And to add salt to their wounds, they don’t even earn enough money to properly support their families! See, that’s Smartass’s situation as a newsboy. The others’ childhoods were just as rough, which I’ll share in a future post.

Not to mention, most humans weren’t any better the few times the weasels encountered them. So I think they may have worked for Doom in promises of a better future and also out of revenge and complete resentment for those who have mistreated them. In their eyes, Doom was the ONLY person in existence who saw true potential in them, and they thought he’d respect them as equals. That’s probably another reason why they sided with him.

But because he covered his tracks so well, they didn’t even catch a hint of his odd, “quirky” behavior. Like how he fell for Eddie’s trick, or how he comically slipped on those fake eyeballs, or how he even flinched when the Dip came too close to him. 🛑 RED FLAGS! HE’S A TOON 🛑! And there’s no way he wasn’t gonna kill them once Toontown was gone 💔. I know that is heartbreaking and I don’t blame you guys for being upset, but remember, Doom only saw them as nothing more than his bumbling, useful lackeys. THAT’S how horrible he was 😡. Plus, if they knew Doom was gonna kill them, they wouldn’t have hesitated to take him down.

Smartass said he’s got “deformants”, so that implies he runs a much bigger operation other than the Toon Patrol, not to mention Slimy and Flasher were supposed to be in the movie Disney, you lazy bastards 😒. Due to his influence and power over Downtown Toontown, Smartass is one of the biggest and most dangerous crime bosses in all of Toontown given what he’s wanted for in his poster (he’s wanted in 13 states for Toonnapping, assault with a silly weapon, petty larceny, grand larceny, and really grand larceny. Add breaking-and-entering, property damage, treason, mass murders including unlawful Toon executions, attempted genocide and attempted murder).  

They’ll scoff and lie if you ask them, but Smartass and Greasy are besties maybe even friends with benefits 👀. Obviously Psycho and Stu are BFFS, and Wheezy is the tired, disgruntled dad of the group who’s done with their shit. This man needs a vacation 🤣😂🤣

If Wheezy is the grumpy dad, then Greasy is definitely the crazy mama of the gang. Speaking of which, there’s another reason why he is scary. If Smartass can use a plunger as a “de-laughing” device, Greasy is also armed with La Chancla. According to legend, its power level is over 9,000. In other words, you will get annihilated if you get struck by La Chancla. Pick your poison ☠.

Wherever they go, they go together. It’s really rare to see one or more of them going out on their own, even so most Toons clear the path. Stu can handle going out on his own too, just as long he tells his brother or the others where he’s going so they can find him if he’s gone for too long. Psycho CANNOT be trusted to go out by himself when he’s not involved in a mission; ask the owner of the ice cream parlor 😅.

I drew psycho for this one since I hadn’t draw him yet! I am very proud how he looks. ❤️

Day 26: Done! @basiabd