#psyblog

Trauma does damage to your brain. It creates connections and patterns that will stay in your brain and make you function in a certain way. For example something that triggers you, you come in contact with a trigger and you immediately have a reaction.

For example, I'm triggered by loud noises, like when you slam the door, and I have a reaction: trouble in breathing correctly, random shivers, accellerate heartbeat etc.

This up here is a simple example, something I can relatively live with. Think about what a complex trauma does, like being abused or developing depression, a personality disorder after a toxic relationship, whatever... You cannot remove the damage by cutting those neural connection, you cannot un-learn the response, you cannot cancel the trauma, you cannot "go back to what it was" before the trauma. It stays there (yes, even with amnesia, just because you can reach it it doesn't mean it's not there).

And it's ok to be scared, angry or sad about it, you may think that you have lost the real You. Completely valid. You're going to mourn a status that you cannot have back.

BUT

I'm not here to make you feel worse, so let me tell you about a thing called "brain plasticity". this term is commonly used in neuroscience to indicate the brain's ability to create/repair/substitute neural connection/paths, when a damage occours. In therapy "brain plasticity" translate into the ability you can build (yes, this is something you build) of overcoming your trauma mechanism by creating a new structure, with another mechanism, that will allow you to regulate your reacrion to the trigger/trauma.

If you suffered some sort of abuse or trauma revenge thoughts are normal.

They're expected.

Revenge thoughts can be unpleasant...or even satisfying! This kind of thought tho can put yourself in a bad mood. What are you supposed to do about it?

Practice some self compassion: allow yourself to feel everything you're already feeling and explain to yourself that it's ok to be angry, you were hurt. Maybe your pain wasn't even anknowledged properly by your loved ones and a part of you is not done yet. It's ok.

You're not a bad person because you fantasize about revenge. Tell this to yourself, it's important.

Now take a deep breath, take your time to listen to yourself. Whenever you're ready shift your focus on something else, it can be whatever activity you want: blast some music, jump around, annoy your cat, brush your hair, take a shower and sing, tidy your room (Alma: "I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT." Gigi: "unless I'll make you") Play some Legend of Zelda and smash some pottery! ...whatever you like!