#proseoftheday

there is a famous saying,

a first love is something that lasts forever in your heart. it's something that marks you. ᅳ Elodie Yung

agree.

i can't beat your first love. do you see yourself,

how you told me every single thing about your first love calmly. but i know, deep inside your heart was beating so fast. your mind was full, you wanted to pour everything out to me. to the world. to the outer space.

how your body reacts differently every time your first love is in your sight. you're like having your own rhythm in your ears, different beats of heart. you go like the ocean conqueror, slaying wave after wave.

i can't beat your first love. you can't see these on your own but let me tell you,

how your eyes sparkle when you hear your first love is around you. the stars even get jealous, so damn lucky. cheesy, i know. but that's what you do.

how your smile risen up softly, gosh so pretty. later on, you'll always end up smiling brighter than the sun in the summertime. and i never wanna lose it again.

how your gaze changes, well depends. sometimes it twinkles, oh so much cheekiness. sometimes it feels like a hunter targeting a prey. sometime it eagers to attract others, to fall into your trap. but also, sometimes it changes to as sweet as honey drips.

i can't beat your first love. because you still love them. and you'll always love them. because that's why you breathe for life. for them. the music and dance, i will never beat them.

but i know one thing for sure, i love you and your first love. your first ambition. your first passion. i love you and your whole world.

and i know, you know, we know, tho i'm not your first love, you love me too.

ᅳ

once i called you the lost astronaut, the one i wished to come back safely. the one i secretly asked if he was okay daily. and now you're home. but, why do i feel you're not in sight of mine sometimes?

there were many times i wanted to hug you. there were many chances i wanted to give some pats on your back. i always want to assure you that:

you can be you you can do whatever you want you can smile, laugh, and joke around also you can cry, scream, or just stay in silence

i'm a human. and so are you. nothing can invalidate how you express your feeling, your both sadness and happiness, your joy and anger. you can run, but nothing can stop you to slow down your pace. you can fly, but nothing can drag you down. not me, not him, not her, not them, also... not you, your ownself.

you know you the best.

hey, no-longer-lost-astronaut remember that you're already at home. but, the space is still too vast to explore. and i always get my spacecraft ready. you know, you can always come in.

but, remember

she was sitting at the corner of the cafe. a glass of ice americano on the table accompanying her, still full and untouched. afternoon sunlight came in through the window beside her, giving such a warm vibe. everything seemed normal, it could be captured as an aesthetic for tumblr or pinterest post.

but not with her heart. nor her fingers.

they tapped on the table. one... two... three.... the longer it became faster as her patience dropped to the lowest. at last, she hit the table with her fist. it was the accumulation of frustration and anger inside her.

she closed her eyes till you could see the wrinkles on her forehead. her hand rubbed her face roughly. "Stupid." she looked outside the window, right through the street in front of this cafe. she could feel the isolation between her and the people out there.

her stare was getting blurry, her mind flew back to two years ago, at this very same spot.

he, with his white shirt and dark blue jeans, reached his hand out towards her while saying his name. the most interesting name she had ever known. his smile, she would never forget that friendly and warm smile that day. the smile that brought her into his arms. his voice, his laugh, his gaze. she would never get enough.

until a month ago....

she found out the she was not the only one he called 'my love'. she was just one of few fools who fell in love with him. all those tears that flooded down on her face, the shouts as she cursed him, those all were still fresh in her memory. the last sentence she heard from him before she walked away was

"I must have really lost my mind, I’m sorry...."

now, she just wanted to embrace the pain by coming to the most memorable place between them. with the bitterness of americano, she hoped it could wash her broken heart away. she walked out of the cafe. although her steps feel too heavy to make it through without him, she should never stop. to the new page of her life,

adios.

ᅳ