i wanna say … yes and no. yes, because there’s definitely been times in her busy life where she’s brushed with serious romantic inclinations for another person.
but also no, because she’s never really allowed herself to fully chase after those notions.
like, here’s the thing. love is a real bag of shit. it is. it is! it feels good, looks good, but it’ll change you completely and you just gotta deal. sit in your little carseat with your fuckin. little idiot goldfish crackers and your stupid - ass baby cup for babies and let that bitch ride out. that’s exactly how it is. it completely takes over, you know, just busts up in here and you aren’t even prepared, deer in the headlights, pants down, tits out, you gotta fuckin deal.
but it’s not that easy! it never is. love is intrusive as fuck and often overpowers all rational thinking. when you’re in love, that person is always gonna be the only thing on your mind. you do stupid, impulsive things for them, maybe to protect them or save them or even just to hold the smallest bit of their attention, without really considering the consequences or what it’ll do to you in the aftermath. or you feel the need to tell them every little detail about you, all your secrets and your stories, and it physically pains you when you don’t. you just wanna give up everything you are to that one fucking person and they’re free to do with it whatever they want. kill you with it, even. at that point you’re probably wishing they just would.
and then there’s hawke. hawke, with all the pride in the world. with an absolute fortress built around herself. with nothing left to lose and yet everything left to lose. hawke has never experienced any of that. she’s never wanted to give up all her secrets to one other person, never sought to sacrifice her own happiness or reputation for anything smaller than the greater good. never wanted to turn herself completely inside out until there was nothing left to hide from them. she has way too much dignity; stubborn as shit, very secretive, very careful about who she lets into her personal life ( the real one, anyway. girl’s got a little black book thicker than the bible. )
if she were to ever fall in love, it’d just. man it’d just tear her apart. p much erase everything she is as a person and build a whole new woman out of what she feels for someone else. it’d be fucked up and she actually can’t even fathom ever being like that. that’s not to say she doesn’t know how to love, cuz she’s not cold - hearted, but she’s just … scared of it. either she’s afraid of the day it really, really happens, or she doesn’t think it ever will happen, not entirely, not fully. it’s not her biggest priority either way, but i think that if you could be someone hawke loves, someone she really, really loves and trusts, then it’s like … a whole victory on its own, and you better be prepared for her acting weird as shit when she finally realizes it too.
💦 WHEN DID THEY LOSE THEIR VIRGINITY?
relatively young. although she’d fooled around before ( age 13 or so ), she didn’t have penetrative sex until she was fifteen, and with a boy a few years older than her who made a real bad first impression. she’d only been with girls before that — you know, experimenting and whatnot, because she was ~ blossoming ~ and it was easier to go at it with anatomy she was already familiar with.
😢 HAVE THEY EVER BEEN CHEATED ON BY A PARTNER?
nope. i think it’s important to note that hawke is not only super noncommittal in the first place, but very, very careful when choosing a real partner. she’ll do all she can to avoid situations where there’s even a slight chance that her pride could be hurt, so it’s not very often that she engages in a real relationship. if she trusts the other person a lot and has spent a long time with them, then maybe she’ll go for it, but again, that’s super rare because she’s kinda plagued with this incessant need to neurotically foresee what small things could go wrong and how that could affect her or her reputation.
that being said, if unromanced throughout DA2, then she’s only been in one other relationship in her life when she was just a child, so it almost doesn’t really count ( although it really did to her at the time ). otherwise she’s had a plethora of fuckbuddies and one night stands, most of which were super regrettable coughcoughmeeran but no one to actually earn the title of her exclusive partner just yet. even so, i think you’d have to have a real death wish to cheat on her, even incidentally, and try to get away with it. hawke may fuck around but she doesn’t fuck around, you know? she might actually kill you. like, not in a funny ha ha way, i mean that chick will actually, literally hunt you down and kill you. it’s not only that you completely broke her trust, but it’s a personal loss on her, cuz she allowed herself to be fooled in the first place.
💔 WHAT WAS THEIR WORST BREAKUP?
i wouldn’t call it a break up per se, but when she was young — ten, eleven — she had a little elven girlfriend who went missing one day. it actually really fucked her up, and she never did talk about it with anyone, but it was just … a weird feeling. scary, of course, but the feeling of just standing by the seaside, looking at something that was there and now it’s not, it’s just. eerie, right? like watching a modern movie starring someone who’s now dead. you feel weird. everything feels weird. not real, for just a minute. that’s how it was for her at that age, and she’d never experienced anything like that before, and it just kinda … it drowned out the heartbreak, being as overwhelming as it was. overwhelming and numb all at once.
they met in one of the small villages hawke lived in temporarily while she and her family were still moving around. the relationship wasn’t anything too heavy, just the light shit that children do, yknow, holding hands, kissing playfully. sharing snacks. building hideouts. that shit. it was very innocent, but it was still a definite, confirmed relationship between the two of them; hawke had very seriously asked this little girl to date her.
being at such a tender age, it was really hard for hawke to rationalize what kind of bad things happened in little places like this. i mean, you understand the little dangers, like who not to talk to and where not to go, but you don’t really get the big picture. you don’t get why things happen the way they do or how they could ever happen to someone like you. you don’t get why people hurt other people. sure, it was embedded into her at a fairly young age that the world wasn’t a trusting place, but sometimes it was easy to forget that little fact when she’d met someone who made her feel like it wasn’t so bad afterall.
the slavers came late in the night and docked their boat right where the waves meet the sand, where the girls liked to stand on grey days and wiggles their toes. they didn’t make a sound. they'd been summoned on tips, knowing exactly where to go. raided. left. gone by sun - up.
no one knew that hawke had been so close to that girl, therefore no one had thought of explaining to her what had happened. she was just left alone with that fear, standing there by the water, looking at what once was but would never be anymore.
when she was younger, hawke’s father made the mistake of telling her horror stories of sirens and sea monsters, birthing that fear in her as she always took his word for gospel. she had already hated the water and would never go past the shore, feeling that as long as she was still on land, nothing could get her.
in her young mind, she rationalized that the sirens had taken her little girlfriend afterall. they’d made the mistake of thinking they were safe, invading upon that turf, and the sirens made her pay for it. it was a lot to swallow for a child.
needless to say she grew out of that mindset when she was older, but she never stopped hating the water, never stopped being afraid that she’d slip in and get pulled down. traveling was harder after that. she couldn’t help but wonder if they were sailing right over the remains of what once was, and it made her stomach churn each time. she got sea sick far more often. even the smell of the water evoked that old sentiment in her gut, that sadness, that fear — and that still holds true even to this day, although she’s mostly forgotten about its origin.
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@prodigalborn | send ✒︎ for random facts | always accepting
✒︎ — Séaghdha is fascinated by facial hair. He has so many questions. Can he touch it? Does it itch? If it itches, why grow it? Do you brush it? How do you get it to grow in certain directions? Why does it grow so fast? So on, so forth.
Solas flushed at the insinuation, moving the sheet to tie it at his hip, forming a sort of makeshift skirt with it. His ears twitched and flattened back, and well, if looks could kill...
The elf all but stormed over to Ludger, a hand on his chest to shove him with considerable force-- though perhaps, seeing as his musculature was on full display, it wasn’t so much a surprise.
“Fenhendis! Don’t you have any decency? You’re not supposed to just stick around when you catch someone naked. Get out and let me dress before we talk about whatever it is that you deemed worthy of barging in here for.”
He shoved him again, trying to prompt the human to leave, his other hand going to the door, attempting to close it on him at the same time.
“I mean, I never once actually said I was a templar. Nor was I asked, Your Worship.” He was playing innocent, hands moving as he spoke, his way of keeping sign fresh in his mind. The last thing he needed was to get rusty or forget. In any case, his true identity had been found out, called to attention. No, not a dedicated Templar looking to honour Andraste, but a clever rogue who had slipped in amongst metal-clad men and women.
“If you’re going to have me killed, might I suggest hanging? It would be a shame to separate a face like this from the body it’s meant to be with, don’t you think?”
Send me “✒︎” for a random, dumb, pointless fact about my muse.
✒︎ Solas can sleep through anything if he puts his mind to it. During his days as a rebel they were occasionally forced to sleep in trees. On at least one occasion his fellows have found him in the morning, on the ground, without any suggestion that the fall woke him.
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“I—Well, I-I mean, yes, I’ve met Her Imperial Majesty, but I-I wouldn’t say we’re close by any means.” That would have been an amazing honour, but it wasn’t the case. Emmaera had been one of a select few artists chosen by Empress Celene to paint a portrait of her to be displayed. They had spoken some, but not enough for Emmaera to consider them friends. It wasn’t as if she could write a letter asking to join the Empress for tea or anything like that. “Why do you ask?”
❛ --- well, it’s not raspberry preserves, if that’s what you’re getting at. ❜ still, A for effort: he wrings a little smile out of her, crooked and kittenish in its teasing nature.
although, as much as she loves the comedy of a little pain, seeing him care for himself so warily is bound to drive her insane. typical of a pretty boy, she thinks.
❛ here. ❜ reaching for her own handkerchief, she works the quick action of uncapping a small canister from her knapsack --- homemade foxite - infused elfroot salve, courtesy of malcolm’s field journal --- before dabbing the folded tip of the cloth into it, gently pulling down his hand to clear his face.
it’s cold, and it’ll sting --- but it’s better than what a little water can do.
❛ hm. thought you were supposed to be our big, bad INQUISITOR, ❜ hawke comments on the tilt of a smirk, pressing the cloth to a violet patch spreading under one side of his nose. ❛ don’t tell me you’re all talk? ❜
Josephine turned around as soon as she heard Ludger’s voice; the displeased scowl on her lips turning into a forced, strained smile. “Ah, Inquisitor. We were not expecting you to be back so soon.”
She stepped back to stand beside him, giving him an unobstructed view of a disgusted group of maids standing around a bubbling green liquid splattered on a section of floor and the wall beside it. ‘What an embarrassing thing for the Inquisitor to come back to.’ The thought was sour in her mind, reminding her that she had a lot of work to do to keep this from upsetting the ever-finicky nobility.
“I’m afraid a duke from Montfort decided to bring a previously unapproved gift for you, Inquisitor. A pet. Unfortunately, this pet was an angry wyvern that the duke insisted he had tamed. He was wrong, of course, and the creature decided to launch a rather pungent spit of poison at him to remind him otherwise,” the ambassador admitted, passing a quick sigh to express her annoyance at the situation. “This happened two hours ago, but we have to wait for Dagna to finish making some poison-safe equipment for the maids before they can properly clean the mess. I’m sorry you had to return to Skyhold while in such a state of disarray. I assure you, nothing like this will happen again, and I will make sure this does not present us badly to the nobility that are staying here.”
