The Pesky Liberals
Wait… hold on. You’re telling me tens of thousands of left-wing “Remove the Regime” protesters descended on Washington, DC today—right up to the Lincoln Memorial—and somehow, magically, they managed to do it without: • Storming the Capitol, • Hunting down the Vice President, • Beating police officers with flagpoles, • Building a gallows on the front lawn, • Smearing feces on the walls, • Screaming about executing lawmakers, • Breaking windows, • Or trying to overturn an election? I’m confused. Deeply confused. Because I was taught—by a very loud, very angry segment of America—that any large left-wing gathering is automatically Antifa, Soros, Marxism, and a guaranteed Category 5 riot with bonus looting. Yet today? Nada. Nothing. Not even a tipped trash can. The worst thing that happened was a man handing out free granola bars with too much enthusiasm. Is it possible—now hear me out—that the “dangerous, unhinged radical left” might actually know how to organize a mass demonstration without attempting a coup? Is it possible that people advocating for democracy, rights, and the rule of law don’t feel the need to bludgeon cops, threaten elected officials, reenact Lord of the Flies, or cosplay as revolutionaries in tactical cosplay gear purchased from a Facebook ad? And meanwhile, the folks who once lectured the nation about “law and order,” “respecting police,” and “patriotism” still cannot gather without reenacting a discount version of the Fall of Rome—with fewer ethics and more merch sales. Today’s protest was the thing the right insists is impossible: mass dissent without violence. Jan 6 was the thing they insist never happened: a violent attempt to overthrow the government. Maybe the difference isn’t the location. Maybe it isn’t the number of people. Maybe it isn’t the temperature, the moon phase, or the price of gas. Maybe the difference is this: One side shows up with signs. The other shows up with zip ties and a noose. One side wants a future. The other wants revenge. One side chants for democracy. The other screams for blood. Funny how peaceful things stay when the people marching aren’t trying to install an authoritarian cult leader back into power by force. Almost like the “problem” has never been protests themselves… but who is doing the protesting, and what they’re willing to destroy—country, Constitution, and common sense—to get what they want.
