#prod suga

The first time you notice him, he’s asleep.

Not the light kind of sleep people fall into on train rides with their heads tipped back and their mouths slightly open. Not accidental. Not peaceful. This is a full collapse.

The man in the black hoodie is folded awkwardly into the corner seat of Line 2 like his body simply gave up halfway home. His arms are crossed tightly over his chest, headphones hanging around his neck, silver hair flattened against the subway window every time the train jerks.

You stare longer than you should, mostly because he looks familiar. Not celebrity familiar or“I’ve seen him online” familiar. Just familiar in the strange way repeated strangers become when your life narrows into routine.

11:43 p.m. Platform 4. Third car from the back.

Every night for nearly two weeks.

And always asleep.

The first night you notice him, you assume he’s drunk. The second night, overworked. By the fifth, you start checking for him before you even board. Tonight, though, something feels different.

The storm outside has turned Seoul silver and violent, rain hammering against the train windows hard enough to blur the city lights into streaks of neon watercolor. People are quieter than usual, shoulders damp from soaked jackets, phones glowing dimly in exhausted hands.

You almost miss your stop because you’re watching the man sleep.

Again.

His head knocks lightly against the glass when the train slows, yet he doesn’t wake up.

Jesus.

You glance around the car. Nobody else seems concerned. Typical. You hesitate before leaning over carefully.

“Excuse me?”

Nothing.

Closer this time.

“Hey.”

His eyes open immediately.

Sharp. Dark. Alert in a way that makes your stomach tighten. For one disorienting second, he looks terrified. Then annoyed.

“What,” he rasps.

You lean back instinctively. “Your stop.”

He blinks at you slowly before looking toward the station sign outside.

“Fuck.”

You try not to smile.

He scrubs a hand over his face and stands too quickly, clearly disoriented. Up close, he looks even more exhausted than you thought. Pale skin. Dark circles. A kind of bone-deep fatigue that expensive clothes and pretty features can’t hide. The train doors chime. He looks between you and the platform. Then sighs.

“Missed it anyway.”

The doors slide shut again.

You snort before you can stop yourself.

His eyes flick toward you.

“You think that’s funny?”

“A little.”

“Cool.”

His voice is dry enough to crack concrete.

You expect the conversation to end there. Usually people avoid eye contact after accidental train interactions. Instead, he sits back down next to you.

The train rattles forward through the tunnel as rain streaks the windows. He closes his eyes again.

“You should sleep at home,” you say before thinking better of it.

One eye opens.

“You should mind your business.”

“Fair.”

Silence settles between you.

Not uncomfortable silence.

Just tired silence.

The kind shared between people too exhausted to pretend they’re functioning.

The train enters its underground subway tunnel and the rain stops hitting the windows as loud, finally giving you a chance to clear your mind.

You look down at your phone again. Three unread emails from your supervisor. One message from your mother asking if you’re eating properly. Another from your coworker reminding you about tomorrow’s presentation. Your chest tightens instantly. You lock the screen.

Across from you, the stranger watches you carefully.

“You got that look too,” he mutters.

“What look?”

“Like if one more person asks something from you, you might bite them.”

You laugh softly despite yourself.

“That obvious?”

“Yeah.”

He says it without judgment.

The train lights flicker once overhead. Outside, thunder shakes somewhere above ground.

Then everything stops.

The subway lurches violently before grinding to a halt between stations.

A collective groan fills the car.

You close your eyes immediately.

Of course.

Of course this would happen tonight.

Static crackles overhead before an announcement filters through the speakers apologizing for delays due to flooding near the tracks. Estimated wait time unknown.

Around the car, people begin complaining under their breath. The man across from you tips his head back against the seat.

“Perfect.”

You check the time.

12:08 a.m.

You still have slides to finish before tomorrow morning.

You haven’t eaten dinner.

Your feet ache.

And now you’re trapped underground during a thunderstorm with a stranger who apparently uses public transportation as a mattress. Something hysterical bubbles in your chest.

You start laughing.

The man looks at you strangely.

“You okay?”

“No,” you admit.

That only makes you laugh harder.

Because what else are you supposed to do?

Your laughter quiets eventually into embarrassed coughing. He watches you for another moment before speaking.

“You work corporate?”

You blink. “How’d you know?”

“You have the eyes.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Dead inside. Expensive tote bag.”

You glare at him. “I’m not dead inside.”

He looks unconvinced.

“You?”

“Music.”

That surprises you.

“Musician?”

“Producer.”

Oh.

That explains the headphones.

And maybe the exhaustion.

You study him again more carefully now. There’s something about him that feels heavy. Not arrogant like some creative industry people you’ve met. Just… worn thin.

“You work late,” you say quietly.

“So do you.”

“Yeah.”

Another flicker overhead.

The emergency lights switch on dimly, bathing the subway car in muted amber. The storm must be worsening.

People begin making frustrated phone calls around you. The producer beside you pulls his hood farther over his face.

“You famous or something?” you ask suddenly.

He gives you a long look.

“Why?”

“You look like you don’t want people recognizing you.”

“That bad?”

“A little.”

His mouth twitches faintly.

“I’m not that famous.”

The answer itself feels evasive enough to confirm he absolutely is. But you let it go.

You don’t really care who he is.

Right now he’s just another exhausted person trapped underground, same as you.

“You got a name?” he asks after a while.

You tell him.

He nods once. “Yoongi.”

The name settles softly between you. Hours pass strangely after that. The train remains stalled while rain pounds somewhere above like the world is trying to cave inward. People slowly filter into silence. Some sleep. Some scroll endlessly through their phones. One elderly man snores loudly near the doors. And somehow, against all logic, you keep talking to Yoongi. Not about important things at first.

Bad convenience store coffee. The worst station exits during monsoon season. The weird smell near Hongdae after midnight.

Easy things.

But exhaustion makes people honest. Around 1:30 a.m., he asks, “You ever think about disappearing?”

The question catches you off guard.

You glance at him carefully.

His expression remains neutral, eyes fixed on the dark tunnel outside.

“Like permanently?” you ask quietly.

“No.” A pause. “Just… for a while.”

Your throat tightens unexpectedly.

“All the time.”

He nods like he expected that answer.

“I almost quit last month,” you admit before you can stop yourself.

“The job?”

“Everything.”

The words come out brittle. You stare hard at your hands.

“I spent years trying to get where I am, and now every morning I wake up nauseous before work.” You laugh weakly. “I used to think if I worked hard enough, eventually I’d feel successful instead of tired.”

Yoongi stays silent. Not the fake attentive silence people use while waiting for their turn to speak.

Real silence. Listening silence.

“I keep thinking maybe everyone else can handle life better than me,” you continue quietly. “Like maybe I’m just weaker.”

“No,” he says immediately.

Firm enough that you look up. His jaw tightens slightly.

“It’s not weakness.”

Something in his voice makes the words feel personal.

You study him carefully. “You sound like you know.”

He laughs once without humor.

“I haven’t slept properly in three months.”

“That’s not healthy.”

“No shit.”

You smile faintly. He continues staring ahead.

“People think creative jobs are romantic,” he says eventually. “But mostly it’s sitting in dark rooms until sunrise trying to make something good enough to justify ruining yourself over it.”

Your chest aches unexpectedly. Because you understand that.

Not music specifically, but the feeling of pouring everything you are into work until there’s barely enough left to remain human afterward.

“What kind of music?” you ask.

“Hiphop. Producing mostly.”

“You like it?”

The question lingers.

Then he shrugs.

“I used to.”

That hurts more than it should.

Outside, thunder cracks violently overhead and the train lights flicker again. For a brief second the car plunges completely dark. Instinctively, your hand catches his wrist.

Warm.

Solid.

The lights return immediately afterward.

Neither of you move.

Your fingers remain loosely wrapped around his sleeve while your heartbeat trips over itself in embarrassment.

“Sorry,” you murmur quickly, pulling away.

“It’s fine.”

But his voice sounds quieter now. You settle back into your seat, heat crawling up your neck. The train remains motionless.

2:07 a.m.

You’re both too tired for self-consciousness anymore. Yoongi eventually falls asleep again beside you instead of across from you this time, shoulder barely brushing yours every time the train creaks.

You should move.

Instead you stay perfectly still.

There’s something strangely comforting about his presence. Maybe because he doesn’t ask anything from you. Doesn’t expect you to smile prettier or answer emails faster or become more ambitious or resilient or useful.

He’s just here. Breathing softly beside you. Human. At some point, your own eyes drift shut.

—

You wake to warmth.

And weight.

For one confused second, you don’t understand why your neck hurts until you realize your head is resting against someone’s shoulder.

Yoongi’s shoulder.

Mortification hits instantly.

You jerk upright.

“Oh my god-”

“It’s fine,” he mumbles sleepily.

His voice is rough from sleep.

Your face burns. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“You looked like you needed it.”

The simple sincerity of that answer silences you.

Outside the windows, you can see the sunlight pouring in from the tunnel entrance. The train still hasn’t moved.

Your phone battery sits at 11%.

Six missed calls from work. Your stomach drops immediately.

“Fuck.”

Yoongi glances over.

“Problem?”

“I have a presentation at eight-thirty.”

He checks his phone.

“It’s almost six.”

“Oh my god.”

Panic blooms sharp and immediate in your chest.

Your breathing turns shallow.

No no no-

You can already picture it: your supervisor’s expression, the disappointment, the humiliation, another conversation about commitment and reliability and expectations-

Suddenly the subway car feels too small.

Too warm.

You press a hand against your sternum.

Breathe.

But your lungs won’t cooperate.

“Hey.”

Yoongi’s voice cuts through the static in your head.

You look at him sharply.

“You’re panicking.”

“I’m not-”

“You are.”

Your vision blurs slightly.

Embarrassing.

God.

Not here.

Not in front of a stranger.

Yoongi shifts toward you carefully.

“Look at me.”

You do.

His expression remains calm despite the exhaustion written all over him.

“Breathe slower.”

“I can’t.”

“Yeah, you can.”

His voice stays low and steady.

“Match me.”

He inhales slowly.

Exhales.

Again.

You try to follow despite the tightness clawing through your chest.

Gradually, painfully, the panic eases enough for air to reach your lungs again.

You close your eyes briefly.

“Sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

You laugh shakily. “People usually get uncomfortable.”

“I’m too tired to get uncomfortable.”

That startles a laugh out of you. He smiles faintly at the sound. And suddenly the atmosphere shifts. Softer somehow.

 Outside, rain continues pouring endlessly against the city. Inside, dawn wraps the subway car in muted gray-blue light while exhausted strangers sleep around you.

Yoongi studies you quietly.

“You hate your job that much?”

You hesitate.

Then nod.

“I used to love it.”

“What changed?”

“I think…” You stare down at your hands. “I kept waiting for life to start after work.”

He goes very still beside you.

Like the sentence hit somewhere vulnerable.

“I kept telling myself once I got promoted, once I earned enough, once I proved myself…” Your laugh comes out hollow. “But every year I just got more tired.”

Yoongi looks away toward the rain-streaked windows.

“I get that.”

Something about him suddenly feels unbearably lonely.

You wonder when he last slept in a real bed. When someone last asked if he was okay and meant it. Whether he even remembers what rested happiness feels like.

The thought settles heavily in your chest.

“You know,” you say carefully, “you don’t have to ruin yourself to make good music.”

His smile this time is small and sad.

“That sounds fake.”

“Probably.”

“But nice.”

The train finally jerks forward around 6:40 a.m.

A quiet ripple of relief moves through the passengers. Yoongi exhales slowly beside you.

“We survived.”

“Barely.”

“You gonna skip work?”

You laugh incredulously. “In my dreams.”

“You should.”

“I can’t.”

“You can.”

Easy for him to say.

But something dangerous blooms briefly in your mind anyway: calling in sick, going home, sleeping for twelve hours, ignoring every expectation waiting for you above ground-

The fantasy hurts.

When the train finally reaches your station, neither of you move immediately.

The doors slide open. Cold rain-scented air rushes inside. You stand reluctantly.

“This is me.”

Yoongi nods once.

“Right.”

For some reason disappointment twists unexpectedly in your stomach.

You barely know him, yet the thought of walking back into real life feels worse now somehow.

“Thanks,” you say softly.

“For what?”

“Last night.”

He looks at you for a long moment.

Then quietly:

“Get some sleep.”

The doors begin chiming.

You step backward onto the platform. Yoongi remains seated inside the train, hood up, eyes exhausted. For one strange suspended second, you both simply look at each other.

Then the doors close.

And the train disappears into the tunnel.

—

You think that should’ve been the end of it.

Subway strangers are temporary things.

Brief intersections.

But three nights later, there he is again.

Same train.

Same car.

Asleep.

You stop short when you see him.

This time, though, there’s a takeaway coffee balanced precariously beside him.

You stare at it.

Then at him.

Then, before you can overthink it, you sit beside him and gently tap his shoulder.

His eyes open instantly again.

Sharp.

Alert.

Then softer when he recognizes you.

“You again.”

“You’re going to spill your coffee.”

He blinks down at the cup like he forgot it existed.

“Right.”

You try not to smile.

“You look terrible,” he tells you.

“Wow. Thanks.”

“You too.”

“That’s fair.”

Something warm flickers briefly in his expression.

You sit beside him while the train rattles forward through Seoul’s midnight glow. Neither of you mention the fact that this already feels familiar.

“You skip work?” he asks.

“No.”

“You should’ve.”

“I know.”

You glance sideways at him.

“You sleep?”

“Also no.”

“Hypocrite.”

“Yeah.” 

The corners of his mouth twitch. You notice then how beautiful he is when he’s relaxed enough to stop guarding himself.

Not polished beauty.

Not celebrity perfection.

Human beauty.

Tired eyes. Soft voice. The slight slump in his posture from carrying too much for too long.

You wonder suddenly what his music sounds like.

As if reading your mind, he asks, “You listen to rap?”

“Sometimes.”

“Damn. Brutal answer.”

You laugh.

“What about you? Do you listen to corporate presentations recreationally?”

“Only the really sexy ones.”

He snorts quietly.

Victory.

The train rocks gently beneath you. Outside, rain still falls.

Lighter tonight.

The city glows silver beyond the windows.

“Why do you always sleep on the train?” you ask eventually.

Yoongi stays quiet for a moment.

Then: “It’s the only place nobody needs anything from me.”

The honesty of that answer lands heavily between you.

You understand immediately.

On the subway, nobody cares who you are. Nobody expects productivity. Nobody asks for perfection.

You just exist.

“I think,” you admit softly, “this is the calmest part of my day too.”

He looks at you then.

Really looks at you.

And for the first time in months, you feel understood without having to explain yourself into exhaustion first. The realization is terrifying, yet comforting. 

The weeks after that become dangerous in quiet ways.

You start looking for him every night. Sometimes he’s already asleep when you board. Sometimes he’s awake, headphones on, staring blankly out the window. Sometimes he saves you a seat without acknowledging it directly.

You never exchange numbers. Never make official plans. But slowly, inevitably, the train becomes yours together. 

You learn things accidentally.

He likes mint gum but never finishes the packs. He works best after midnight. He hates bright studio lights. He writes lyrics in his phone notes when he can’t sleep.

He learns things too.

You stop drinking coffee after 10 p.m. because it worsens your anxiety. You secretly wanted to study art before choosing business. You cry when overly stressed but only in private.

One night he falls asleep with his head against your shoulder. Neither of you comments on it. Another night you bring him convenience store food because he admits he forgot dinner again.

“You’re starting to mother me,” he mutters around a mouthful of triangle kimbap.

“You’d die without supervision.”

“Probably.”

He sounds completely serious.

The thought unsettles you more than it should.

Eventually, one rainy Thursday night, you ask to hear his music.

Yoongi goes strangely quiet.

“You don’t have to,” you add quickly.

“It’s not that.”

“Then what?”

He stares at his hands.

“I think if you hear it, you’ll know too much about me.”

Your chest tightens painfully.

Because maybe that’s already true. Still, after a long silence, he hands you one side of his headphones.

The song that fills your ears is raw.

Not polished.

Not commercial.

It sounds like insomnia feels.

Lonely piano layered beneath sharp percussion and lyrics spoken so quietly they almost disappear into the instrumental. You look at him slowly when it ends.

“It’s beautiful.”

Yoongi immediately looks away like praise physically hurts him.

“No one’s heard that one.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s honest.”

The confession settles between you like something fragile.

You want desperately to ask what happened to him. Who taught him exhaustion like this. Why he looks so unbearably sad whenever the train reaches his stop.

But some wounds reveal themselves slowly.

So instead you lean back beside him while rain traces silver patterns across the windows.

And for the first time in a long time, neither of you feels completely alone.

—

It happens in November.

You finally break.

Not dramatically.

No screaming breakdown or public collapse.

Just one Tuesday afternoon sitting in a conference room while your supervisor criticizes your presentation for the third consecutive hour.

Something inside you simply… empties.

You stare at the slideshow projected against the wall and realize with terrifying clarity:

If you keep living like this, you will disappear.

Not physically. Worse. You’ll become numb enough that nothing matters anymore. That night, you board the train shaking with exhaustion.

Yoongi notices immediately.

“What happened?”

You sit heavily beside him.

“I quit.”

His eyebrows lift.

“What?”

“I quit.”

The words feel unreal even now.

Your chest tightens.

“I walked out.”

Silence.

Then: “How do you feel?”

You open your mouth automatically to say you're scared.

Instead, unexpectedly:

“Relieved.”

Yoongi studies you carefully.

Then, slowly, he smiles. Not the tiny exhausted half-smiles you’ve gotten used to. A real one.

Soft. Proud. Beautiful enough to steal the air from your lungs.

“Good,” he says quietly.

Your throat suddenly aches.

“I don’t know what I’m doing now.”

“Nobody does.”

“You seem weirdly calm about this.”

He looks down at his hands.

“Because I think I’m about to do the same thing.”

You blink at him.

“The producing?”

“I haven’t made something I love in a long time.”

His voice turns quieter.

“I think I forgot who I was before all this.”

The admission cracks something open between you. The train hums softly beneath your feet while Seoul rushes past outside in blurred lights.

You look at him carefully.

This man you met by accident. This exhausted stranger who slowly became the safest part of your days.

“You know,” you murmur, “I used to think the train was depressing.”

Yoongi huffs softly. “It is.”

“No, I mean…” You smile faintly. “I think it was just lonely before.”

Something unreadable flickers across his face.

Then the train slows toward your station. Your stop.

You stand reluctantly.

But this time, before the doors open, Yoongi speaks.

“Wait.”

You turn back.

He looks strangely uncertain suddenly.

Vulnerable.

“Do you…” He exhales slowly. “Do you want to get coffee sometime when we’re both less miserable?”

Your heart stutters.

“You mean intentionally?”

“That bad of an offer?”

You laugh softly.

“No.”

The doors slide open.

Rain-scented air spills inside again, and suddenly you realize something terrifying:

You don’t want to leave him behind this time.

Not on the train. Not in passing. Not as another temporary almost-connection swallowed by routine.

So instead of stepping out immediately, you hold his gaze and say quietly:

“I think maybe the man I kept seeing asleep on the subway was exactly what I needed.”

Yoongi stares at you as something soft and astonished breaks across his exhausted face.

Outside, Seoul keeps moving.

Rain falls. Trains run. People hurry endlessly toward lives that wear them down.

But inside the dim subway car, beside the man who understands your exhaustion better than anyone ever has-

you finally feel awake.

you were sitting on the floor in the middle of your living room just about to pour the beautiful, perfect magenta glaze you prepared with your own pink-stained hands on top of your finally finished and dried canvas when suddenly a very loud thud from outside your main door startled you. the old, almost broken plastic container that was holding the glaze fell out of your hands and on top of your weeks of hard work spilling everywhere.

it took you approximately 40 seconds to process what had just happened and how your work was almost ruined with the glaze spreading unevenly and the container leaving a mark on your painting that would be extremely annoying to fix. it took you another 30 seconds to act on doing damage control to the havoc your jumpiness had just wreaked in your living room. thankfully the splatter had not reached your couch. after you had made sure that your work was out of danger you got up. at the moment, all you saw was red. you were ready to end whoever had made that horrible noise. you got up and went straight out of your apartment, ready to give the person a piece of your mind.

as you exited you saw a man bent down, trying to pick up a seemingly very heavy and huge cardboard box. it seemed like he was moving in the apartment right across from yours. so, the cardboard box was probably the source of that ungodly sound, you thought. you walked up to the man.

"excuse me?" you started, your snarky tone starting to surface already.

"don't you thi-" the man looked up and it was like your mouth shut itself automatically. all your rage died down and suddenly you didn't even know what the word 'anger' even meant. if you didn't believe in love at first sight earlier, you certainly had to believe it now because what you were feeling couldn't possibly have any other definition. the thumping of your heart was definitely louder than the thud that had startled you before.

the man looked like he was around your age or slightly older.

"yes?" he said in a raspy voice and even though your mouth opened to speak, it felt like your brain had forgotten the concept of language. you stood there in a trance, just admiring the beauty of this specimen as you thanked your roommate jimin for making you move in with him.

"you're cute" was the first thing that came out of your mouth after ages of just standing there and staring at him.

"i'm sorry, what?" he said, a bit taken aback by your blunt behaviour. his reaction seemed to put you out of whichever dreamy world your mind had run to and you suddenly became extremely aware of everything that had transpired.

"oh god, i'm sorry i meant-" you started but felt like there was no justification for what had just happened.

"i'm sorry, that was weird i shouldn't have said that. i mean you are cute yes but i must've sounded weird so i apologise. i don't usually act like this i promise i'm not weird. yeah, that's about it." you finished your mini-rant.

"okay?" he was definitely weirded out by you. nice.

"i am y/n by the way, i live right across from you." you said, the awkward tension in the air making you scratch the back of your neck.

"hello y/n, i am yoongi. if you don't mind i need to get back to work, i have a lot of unpacking to do." he clearly had no interest in having this conversation.

"you need any help? my roommate and i can come over." you still tried. normally you would never do this for someone who was being this cold for no reason but for some reason you felt the undeniable urge to get to know yoongi more.

"no, thank you." he said rather curtly. you watched as he picked up the box and went inside the apartment, kicking the door shut behind him.

you sighed.

it's okay maybe he was just creeped out by the way i reacted, i mean i would be too.

_________

"why are you suddenly baking? i thought you just wanted to work on your commission today?" jimin asked you as you cracked eggs into the mixing bowl.

"i just felt like it." you said trying to not sound like you would explode out of excitement at the thought yoongi tasting your famous vanilla cupcakes.

"you are lying, obviously. y/n why do you even try anymore? i've known you for 17 years now." jimin stated.

"okay fine, i saw yesterday that a guy just moved in the flat across from ours. i thought it would be nice to treat him with some cupcakes. you know, to make him feel welcomed and stuff." you said as you continue to whisk the batter, avoiding jimin's gaze. he was definitely smirking, you could feel mischief radiating from him.

"oh a guy i see." jimin said with a comical tone.

you ignored him and continued pouring the batter in the cupcake moulds, humming a random tune with a smile on your face.

you were positive that you could change yoongi's mind about you even after the lowkey embarrassing first impression you had left on him. you were so baffled by your own behaviour, still not processing how you could act like that. it somewhat frustrated you to think that a man whom you didn't even know could have that kind of an effect on you. you were really not someone who would develop such a big fat crush on a person based on just a 5-minute interaction, especially when the person wasn't even that nice to you.

but now that it had happened and you had accepted eventually that you felt something for yoongi that you hadn't in a long long time before, you were willing to put work into it and see where it took you. you wanted to at least give it a try because you were definitely not one to back down without even trying.

plus as sappy as it sounded even making you cringe in your own head, you had a feeling that yoongi was worth it. it was a very rare gut feeling that seldom came to you, so it would be nice to at least acknowledge it.

you heaved a sigh of content as you finally finished piping the vanilla icing on the last cupcake, sprinkling your rainbow sprinkles on top of all the cupcakes. you packed them in a cute pink box and smiled. you had done a good job on them. you really hoped that yoongi would like them and appreciate your gesture.

you knocked on jimin's door. "i'm coming in, if you were doing anything please cover yourself up", you shouted jokingly as you opened the door. you walked in with your hands covering your eyes.

"come on y/n, i may be an advocate of pleasure but you know i won't be doing it in broad daylight." jimin scoffed and you laughed, removing your hand from eyes.

"yeah yeah, i was playing with you." you said.

"what do you want?" jimin asked as he rolled his eyes at you in a playful manner.

"uh, i was going over to yoongi's house to give him the cupcakes. i was wondering if you wanted to tag along?" you asked with a nervous chuckle. you wanted jimin to come with you because of two reasons. one, you were nervous to go alone after your previous interaction with yoongi and two, you wanted it to seem like it's just his neighbours welcoming him because you did not want to come off too strong on him.

jimin gave you a look. "why do you want me to come? don't you want to spend time alone with your future husband?" he asked.

you scoffed, "jimin please, just come with me." you pleaded, completely ignoring his question and the fact that him calling yoongi your "future husband" made you feel lowkey giddy like a school girl.

jimin exhales a loud dramatic breath as he gets off his bed, "alright, lets go then." he says as he makes his way out of his room. just when you're about to follow his lead he stops and turns around, "but you are treating me to burgers tonight." and you laughing nodding your head, "yeah yeah i'll even get you a milkshake."

you stand behind jimin and let him take the lead as he knocks on yoongi's door. before leaving you told jimin everything about your first encounter with yoongi and how you were kind of into him so that jimin can be your wingman. you don't know why you feel so nervous. it's so unlike your usual confident self. okay yes you're in general a shy person, but when you have eyes on someone you know your game. this somehow feels different.

after knocking twice and a wait of 5 minutes yoongi finally opens the door. "yes?" he asks. you don't think he saw you yet.

"hello, i'm jimin. i live right there" jimin says in his usual cheery manner while pointing towards your apartment's door. yoongi nods at jimin, feeling a bit awkward. "were you busy?" jimin asks.

"uh, no not really. you can come in." yoongi says and jimin smiles as he moves a bit to the side so that you can come in yoongi's view. "great! we just wanted to give you a small welcome present. oh yes, i also brought my roommate along. i think you might already know her." jimin says mischievously. there you were, hid behind jimin's built, standing with a pink box in your hand.

"hi, yoongi" you greet him shyly with a smile on your face and a dreamy look in your eyes. if jimin knew it couldn't be real, he could swear he saw actual hearts in place of your eyes. "hello, y/n was it?" yoongi says and you nod. yoongi pushes the door completely open and steps aside so that you both can come in.

once you're all in the living room, you hand yoongi the box of cupcakes, "i made these for you. you know as a welcome-to-the-neighbourhood-gift. i hope you like them. nothing weird i promise." you speak too fast, nervously. you were too jittery around him, feeling like you didn't know what to do with yourself. yoongi chuckles lightly as he takes the box, "thank you, you didn't have to." a wide grin made its way onto your face as he took the box from your hands, his fingers slightly grazing yours in the process.

yoongi then proceeded to welcome you guys to his new abode with warm and strangely comforting hot chocolates which he claimed was his "special" secret recipe. as all three of you sat together drinking the delicious concoction and chatting you gradually got more comfortable and didn't feel as nervous around him as you were earlier. by the time you had finished your drinks it had started to feel as if you've known yoongi for years. you learned that yoongi was actually a very successful producer who had worked with some quite well-known musicians and surprisingly his studio was fairly close to the cafe you worked at. during the conversation yoongi managed to also slip in that he rapped a little here and there which made him all the more sexy to you. as you discovered the kind of person yoongi was more, you felt a sense of relief was over you considering that the person you were crushing on was not some asshole you would be majorly disappointed by.

after hanging around for a good amount of time jimin decided to put his wingman-ship into work and suddenly got up, "oh, looks like i'm needed at the dance studio. just got a text from hoseok, but y/n you can stay here and hang out with yoongi some more." he says as he stands up from his seat pretending to look at his phone as if he just received a text. he gives a look that says time to shine kiddo, get to work.

you stare at him pleading with your eyes for him to not leave you alone with yoongi because you're not ready yet but the way he completely ignores it tells you that he's not having it. before you can say anything yoongi beats you to it, "oh alright. be sure to send me the number of that plumber you were talking about. y/n do you wanna have stew for dinner? i had made some earlier today." he asks you casually as jimin makes an exit after he says his farewell. you nod quietly saying a "sure."

both you and yoongi are sat at the dining table eating the best stew you've ever had in your life. bonus point. yoongi is literally leaving no room for you to question your crush on him. from what you've learnt today, he's a kind, slightly awkward with expressing but an overall sensitive man who is in love with music, likes to cook and is excellent at it, is beautiful with his words when he talks about his passions and has a very philosophical look towards life in general. on top of that he is extremely handsome, takes care of himself and has amazing-looking hands. how can you stop yourself from falling for this man.

"so.." you started, "i wanted to apologise for what happened yesterday. i'm really not like how i must've come across then. it's embarrassing." you said while looking down at your bowl unable to keep your gaze at yoongi for too long. you then proceeded to explain to him why exactly you had approached him in the first place and everything that happened before it. he listened to everything intently and then laughed, "it's all good y/n don't worry about it. i'm not going to lie, i was a bit taken aback but that's because i am somewhat of a socially awkward being and i didn't know how to react. oh, and i apologise for ruining your work and i'm glad you were able to save it." he says.

"yeah, about what i said yesterday." you made sure your voice was stable and your stance confident as you internally built up the courage to say it, "even though i agree i came on too strong, i did mean what i said. i do find you cute." you chuckled nervously and continued speaking when he didn't say anything, "and hanging out with you today somewhat solidified my teensy tiny crush on you. i do understand that we literally just met and are more or less complete strangers but i just want to put it out there that i would like to see where this goes. that is, if you're up for it too. no pressure of course, if you're not then that's fine too. i would love if we remain as friends, i think that'll be nice. yeah." you end your rant trying to find any signing of discomfort on his face. you really can't read his expressions.

"i.." he begins but trails off as if he's unsure of what to say and is unsure of what to say. he then clears his throat and said "i am truly flattered y/n. please don't get me wrong, as i've gotten to know you more i've realised what a wonderful and beautiful person you are. inside and out. however, right i really can't say that i feel the same way. i don't really see myself getting in a relationship or working towards it honestly. however, i would like to take you up on the being friends offer for sure. i think you and jimin are very fun people to be around and i really wouldn't want it to be awkward since we're neighbours too." he finished and gave you a look that said he was feeling bad for rejecting you.

you couldn't help but feel disappointed. you were aware that it was just a crush and nothing serious but for some reason it still felt like you shouldn't give up on it. you sighed as you nodded. for the time being you'll take what you can get, even it was just having a platonic relationship with him.

"okay, i understand that and i respect your decision. thank you for letting me stay friends with you. i just want to say that i'll try my best to not make you uncomfortable in any way but at the same time, i kind of also don't wanna give up on my feelings. so i'm going to try and change your mind. the moment you feel like i'm overstepping my boundaries and want me to stop, i promise you i will." you said.

he remained quiet for a few moments, as if in deep thought. then he nodded and said, "i highly doubt that you can change my mind honestly. i am really not one for serious romantic relationships and i don't mean it in a hurtful way but i don't think we're compatible like that." he continued,

"but i guess i can't stop you from trying."

------------

over the course of a few months only, yoongi becomes extremely close to you and jimin. especially you. you hang out together, eat meals at each other's places after showing up with no prior information to the other, you show each other your works, him his music and you your art and you both take great interest in the other person, you often even visit his studio with his favourite, decaf iced americano from your cafe which according to him is "his sacred space and not everyone is allowed there". you both basically spend most of your time together.

however, everything remained platonic. from yoongi's side at least. not you though, definitely not you. initially even though you had said that you would try and change his mind, it hadn't held much weight to it because your feelings then were a 100% not as strong as they were now. during the last seven-eight months, your feelings for the man had grown stronger and it was all because of him, himself.

you won't lie, you confessed your feelings for him every chance you would get. sometimes in a joking manner when you would want him to be flustered in the middle of banter because you loved it when he had no smart comeback. and sometimes in all seriousness, when you couldn't help but feel that his kind gestures toward you were more than just friendly kind gestures. and it's really not like you were just after him for no reason. you had more self-respect than that.

but believe it or not, there was something. the way he cared for you, not through words of affection but through small acts of service; randomly tucking a strand of hair, that would be bothering you while you were painting but you would be too focused to do anything about it, behind your ear. or bringing you skittles whenever he made a trip to the grocery store because he knew how much you like that candy. or cooking your favourite food when you and jimin would go over for dinner (the times you actually didn't show up unannounced). or when he would randomly make you snacks while you were busy watching and crying over your romantic dramas. or making just you try his new favourite brand of whiskey whenever he got a bottle to add to his collection. he always asked you to make your cupcakes for those sessions, apparently they went really well with whiskey. clearly, it really didn't seem like someone would do them for just a friend.

and you would think that all of this was just in your head but jimin felt it too and you trust jimin. he wouldn't lie to you or give heed to your delusions if he wasn't sensing it as well. but still, every time you brought it up yoongi would reject you straight away, talking about how he cared for you but wasn't interested in you like that. it definitely always left you feeling down but you were not ready to give up just yet. your feelings for him were far too serious for you to back down now. if anything, you would say that you might actually be in love with him.

you sigh as you reach the door to yoongi's studio with one iced americano, one vanilla iced coffee and a paper bag containing two chicken sandwiches. you had come here during your lunch break because he had texted you beforehand to drop by. he opened the door for you greeting you with a "hey" and a quick pat on your head, something he had started doing to often supposedly out of "platonic" endearment. you entered the room and sat down on the couch, placing the food and drinks on the table in front of you while yoongi came and sat down beside you, leaving more space in between than was required.

you both conversed normally while you had your food, talking about how each of your day had been, what you both had been working on lately in terms of painting and music and how fun it had been the night before when you went to that bar where there's always amazing live music. once you were done eating your food, you just sat there in comfortable silence scrolling through instagram on your phone when yoongi suddenly cleared his throat as if he had something to say.

you looked up from your phone and realised that he had an almost nervous expression on his face. "you want to tell me something, yoons?" you asked out of curiosity and to give him a push since he was clearly struggling to say it. he took a deep breath and said, "yeah i wanted to talk to you about something." you nodded, indicating him to continue.

"so, haewon is coming to town for a short while for work and she's going to be staying at my place. she doesn't have anywhere else to stay and there's apparently a coworker who's been hitting on her in a very creepy way and he's coming along so she doesn't wanna stay at the hotel, it feels unsafe. it doesn't really mean anything. i just wanted to let you know." yoongi didn't know why he was explaning himself to you. i'm just trying to protect her feelings nothing else, he thought.

you nodded slowly as you processed the information he had just given you. you didn't understand either why he was telling you all this either. haewon was yoongi's ex. the only serious girlfriend he had ever had in his life. from whatever he told you during one of your whiskey-tasting sessions, they had a pretty nice and healthy relationship and only had to break up because haewon had to move overseas with her family after her dad got a transfer in his job. according to him, he was pretty distraught after she had left. they tried to make it work but long distance was too hard. eventually they gave up and worked on moving on instead. yoongi was in too deep apparently because he lost interest in serious relationships entirely after her. and now she was back, for a short time yes but you still felt uncomfortable.

you surely didn't enjoy thinking about how they were going to be living under the same roof for however long but what could you do. yoongi and you were just friends, nothing more. you had no say in this because it wasn't your place to have an opinion about it. it really sucked, you were upset to say the least and the fact that you couldn't even do anything about it made it all the more frustrating.

yet you chose to seem calm, "oh, that's nice. you must be excited." you said, trying to act like it didn't bother you. "y/n, you can express yourself even if you don't like the idea. i won't mind." yoongi said. he would never admit it, even to himself but somewhere deep down he wanted you to tell him that you hated the idea.

"i mean, it's really not place to tell you what to do yoongi. i like you yes but i would never want to impose it on you like that or make you uncomfortable. you've made it pretty clear that whatever we have is platonic and i respect that. i cannot have a problem with haewon staying at your place and so i don't have a problem with it." you said. why were you like this? why do you like torturing yourself by trying to be a good human being?

yoongi nodded. he hadn't expected you to make a scene or anything but he also hadn't expected to be so calm about it. he was slightly surprised by your answer but felt relieved too that he had finally talked to you about it.

"okay then, great. now, do you wanna listen to this beat i've been working on?" he said, wanting to change the topic without any further discussion on it.

"sure, let's hear it." you said.

------------

"hello, i'm haewon. it's great to finally meeting you, i've heard so much about you." the beautiful girl says in a cheerful tone. she literally looked like she stepped right out of a vogue cover page.

"hey, i'm y/n. nice to meet you too." you said awkwardly smile at her. you were intimidated by her unquestionably. it wasn't because she was some rude woman who was too full of herself, but rather because she was perfect. she was kind, beautiful and apparently very intelligent. you were certainly all for successful women but you also lowkey wished that she was not a nice person. it was selfish of you yes, you acknowledged that but it is what it is.

you and jimin were currently at yoongi's apartment. he had called you over to meet haewon and to have dinner with them. you didn't want to go, but of course you were incapable of saying no to the man so here you were. however, you made sure to make yourself as invisible as it would be possible in a crowd of only four people. you were not really doing good with the fact that they were going to be sleeping in the same house tonight. before she had come, you were gaslighting yourself into thinking that it wasn't going to happen. but now that she was here, you had no "gaslighting oneself" to hide behind and the feeling was without a doubt not a nice one.

all four of you were sitting at the dining table, eating the pesto spaghetti (your favourite) and steak yoongi had cooked. you were sitting beside jimin, with yoongi right across from you and haewon beside him. when you looked at them, observed their mannerisms, you could tell that they used to be romantically involved. they seem so comfortable around each other, as if sitting and having dinner together is like second nature to them. it left a bitter taste in your mouth when you realised that surely, they do look really good together.

"yoongi, this pasta is delicious. ah, i love pesto so much. it's my favourite." haewon complimented and yoongi smiled nodding in acknowledgment. oh. so the pasta was made because it was her favourite, not yours. you knew you shouldn't have been feeling this jealous but you really couldn't help it. you were feeling petty enough to throw your glass of wine at her. ugh, if only you weren't a better person that that.

"oh nice, you both have something in common. y/n also really enjoys pesto haewon. it's her favourite too." jimin said and you glared at him. what was he trying to do?

"oh yes, i know. yoongi mentioned it while he was making it. same pinch y/n!" haewon exclaimed as she laughed. you looked at yoongi and a smile creeped up to your face. he was looking down, his face clearly red because of what haewon had said. so, he did in fact make it because of you. "so how long are you here for haewon?" jimin asked.

"oh, not too long. only three days." she said. three days felt long enough to you. any longer and you might lose it.

"oh, then we should definitely go out tomorrow. i know this club that recently opened up and obviously i know someone who can get us in the VIP section. do you guys wanna check it out?" jimin asked and haewon nods excitedly, "yes please, i get free from work at 6. i would love to go out before i leave day after tomorrow." she said. yoongi also said yes.

they then look at you, you didn't really want to go to be very honest. you wanted as less interaction with both yoongi and haewon as possible during these three days but the pressure from all three of them made you break, "okay yeah, let's go." you said, sighing when jimin and haewon cheered. you noticed the way she casually patted yoongi's arm, excited about going out tomorrow. these three days are definitely going to be long.

being the slow eater you were, you had been the last one to finish your food. so, you went inside the kitchen to keep your plate in the sink to find yoongi there cleaning up the messy counter. god knows how much you didn't want to be alone with him right now. you slowly walked towards the sink and kept your plate inside and turned around only to find yoongi standing behind you, strangely closer than he usually would.

"you have been unusually quiet tonight." he said, a statement and question both residing in his sentence. you shake your head, "i don't know what you're talking about, no i'm not." you look everywhere but in his eyes. "come on y/n, are you seriously trying to lie to me?" he asked. he knew why you had been acting that way but just because he knew didn't mean he liked it.

you sighed, "i'm just tired yoongi. it has been a long day." you said. he immediately noticed how you used his actual name instead of calling him "yoons" like you normally would. he didn't like that either. "look y/n-" he started but got cut off by haewon's voice, "yoons, do you know where my lens solution is kept?"

fuck, she called me yoons, yoongi thought as he continued to look at you. he noticed your expression turning sour momentarily but then returning back to normal.

"uh, it's getting pretty late and i feel sleepy too. thank you for the dinner yoongi it was amazing and it was really nice to meet you haewon. see you guys tomorrow." you quickly said as you slipped out from the little space yoongi had left for you to stand in and made your way out of the kitchen. "y/n wai-" you didn't wait for him to finish as you hurriedly usher jimin and yourself out the main door.

"is everything okay?" haewon asked, confused.

yoongi sighed, "yes don't worry. your lens solution is in the second drawer in the bathroom."

-------------

the next day goes by fairly faster than you expected or would want it to. evening arrived and it was finally time for you to start getting ready. after going through the whole of your closet you finally picked a baby pink dress with sheer net sleeves and a sweetheart neckline. it ended right at your mid-thigh and hugged your body perfectly. you paired it with your pink stelatoes and a mini silver purse. you did your make up, going with a fully pink eye look and a natural redish-pink tint for your lips.

you finished getting ready right on time as you opened your door to find jimin standing right there, seemingly about to knock on it. when he saw you his eyes widened, “my girl, you look hot. you’re definitely out to get yoongi tonight.” he said and then whistled. you blushed slightly and said, “thanks dude. you look pretty too.” as you patted his shoulder lightly. you both were having a casual conversation as you made your way out of your apartment, and towards yoongi’s.

jimin knocked on the door with you standing behind him and it reminded you of the first time you had come to visit his place with jimin. you smiled at the memory but were not given enough time to reminisce, your train of thoughts coming to an abrupt halt as haewon opened the door. you saw her and almost drooled at the sight. she looked amazing in her black pants paired with a fitted black crop top.

“hey guys! come in, yoongi’s just in his room.” she said in her usual cheery tone. you said your greetings as you made your way inside the apartment. “yoongi got a bit late at his studio, he just came back home like 30-40 minutes ago. he said he’ll get ready quickly.” she explained. you didn’t like how much of a domestic vibe they were giving. you just had to endure it tonight. things will go back to normal once haewon leaves tomorrow.

but what normal though? the same kind of normal that had been in existence since ever since you met yoongi. where you pined for him while he didn’t think of you as anything more than maybe a best friend. you couldn’t lie to yourself anymore, you were getting tired of it now. slowly but surely.

before you could fall any further into the mental pit of self pity you had created you heard yoongi’s door open and you turned around to find him standing there, looking more handsome than ever to an extent that you didn’t think was possible. he was wearing a greyish-black button down, tucked inside black pants, sleeves rolled. you were almost drooling at the sight and felt like he had put you in trance. so much so that you failed to notice how his attention was entirely on you and his condition more or less same as you too.

jimin, however, noticed and decided to ask yoongi, “doesn’t y/n look amazing today yoongi?” putting him out of whatever transfixion he was under.

he cleared his throat and looked around, visibly trying to gain his composure back. “you look very nice y/n. uh, i need to go get my phone from my room.” he said almost too quickly, looking around frantically as if to find something else he could put his focus on. his phone was certainly in his hand. he turned around and ran inside his room shutting the door behind him, almost hitting the wall beside his door on his way in.

you all just stood there, speechless from what had just occurred. yoongi’s reaction reminded you of yourself a little bit from the time you had first met him. he seemed so flustered to see you, it almost made you believe that he might be into you afterall. you tried not to but still couldn’t stop yourself from getting a bit excited and feeling a little giddy at the thought and that made you break into a smile. maybe things could turn in your favour soon if yoongi realises that he’s attracted to you in a romantic way.

the three of you waited for ten more minutes, making a small conversation and just when haewon was about to knock on the door yoongi came out of his room again. this time calmer and more composed than before. “sorry i had to use the washroom once before leaving. had a lot of water today.” he let out a nervous laugh. you and jimin gave each other a look at that which clearly said this man was in there taking care of something else.

“alright, let’s go. we’re already getting late.” jimin said hurrying all of you out of the main door but not before throwing a sneaky wink at you to which you shake your head, laughing silently.

all of you soon reached the club jimin had planned on taking you to. true to his words, it wasn’t that far from your apartments. merely a fifteen minute drive at most. the VIP section of the club was definitely much better than the general section that you had to pass through to get there. it was much less crowded, there were private booths where you could sit and have drinks, and a common dance floor where you could actually breath unlike the general dance floor where there was literally no space between the sweaty bodies of the people dancing.

you all find a nice secluded booth and sit down, the seating arrangement same as the night before at the dinner. “alright guys, i’ll go to the bar and get a tab open for our table, what would you guys like to drink?” jimin asked as he got up. yoongi went with his usual order of whiskey, haewon asked for a dirty margarita and you asked him to get the most bright and sugary but strong cocktail he could possibly find.

soon after, jimin came back with the drinks everyone had asked for. you curiously looked at the drink he had gotten you. it was a bright gradient of yellow to red residing in a straight tall glass, topped with a swirly straw and a tiny blue paper umbrella. "what's this?" you asked jimin, satisfied with the visuals of the cocktail so far. jimin was well-versed in your taste so you trusted your choice. "it's a tequila sunrise. try it." jimin said. you brought the straw to your mouth and took a sip. the drink was just what you wanted. sweet and tangy flavour of orange mixed with just a hint of tequila. it was refreshing. you smiled in content and nodded at jimin giving him a thumbs up, indicating that you approved of the drink.

meanwhile, yoongi sat there, observing the exchange between you and jimin. a question suddenly popped up in his brain, "i thought you were into hard liquors like whiskey?" he asked you, raising an eyebrow. jimin laughed and shook his head, "come on yoongi, look at y/n. do you think this walking rainbow would drink anything but drinks that look her entire personality?" he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. you looked down, not knowing what to say. you had been caught. not that it was a very big deal, but you were actually never a fan of hard liquor. it made your throat burn too much and you didn't enjoy the feeling.

but when you witnessed yoongi talk about his love for whiskey and his interest in the alcohol, you could not help but lie to him about how you liked it too. just so you could be a part of one of his joys in life. you loved how he got so excited whenever he used to buy a new bottle of a brand he had been wanting to try for a while. you loved his passion for it. you found it endearing that he didn't just drink it because it's alcohol but that he went as far as to research everything about it. and so, you learned to enjoy it too. not to be too dramatic about it, you didn't make a sacrifice or anything. you just developed a liking for it as time went by. just like you did with yoongi.

"i like it now. i used to not be a fan of it before though." you said just loud enough so that everyone at the table can hear you. jimin laughed unaware of the tension that had built up in the room, "y/n please, you gag at even the smell of whiskey." he said.

"if you didn't like it, you could've just told me, why did you force yourself to like it?" yoongi asked with just a tinge of harshness. he had been left a little stunned. he knew you had feelings for him, but he thought it was just a fun little crush. this was not pointing towards that. had he been too comfortable with you showering your love at him all the time to even notice?

to any third person this whole ordeal would not seem like a very big deal, but in case of yoongi, it had forced him to get in touch with some feelings he was definitely not ready for. this small realisation led his mind to wander off to all the things you do for him that a person would only do for someone they loved. he began to feel like the air was too stuffy. before you could reply to his question he got up, muttered a quick 'i need some fresh air' and left. you were just about to go check on him when haewon got up and went after him.

you slumped back in your seat with a sigh as you watched her leave. you were confused. why was yoongi suddenly acting like this? you had always been so vocal about how you felt for him, so why was this a surprise for him? lately you had been feeling too overwhelmed by your feelings. the fact that the person who you loved, didn't actually feel the same for had been starting to get to you and haewon coming and staying with yoongi had not helped the matters either, and now this. it was a lot.

jimin too had been left puzzled by what had just occurred, but he was aware enough to know one thing, "y/n why are you sitting here? go after him." he said. lately he really felt like everything he said was something very obvious but everyone around him was stupid. “haewon already went, i don’t want to intrude.” you were visibly upset.

“all this time you have been in his face with all your love and now that it’s finally hitting him too you’re going to back down? haewon has got nothing on you, her and yoongi are history and there’s nothing between them anymore and plus, she’s leaving tomorrow. i won’t repeat it thrice y/n, go!” he said.

jimin saying this much was enough for you to come back to your form. it was all or nothing, you had to try at least once more. you smiled and nodded. “okay, i’m going. i love you, you’re the best.” you gave him a hug, making him laugh as he patted your back. you quickly got up from your seat and sprinted out of the club, eyes searching for him.

it was dark outside so you couldn’t see properly but after looking around for a minute or two you finally spot a silhouette. you walk towards it, squinting your eyes to see better. as you get closer you realise that it is yoongi indeed, however, he’s not alone. haewon is with him, you had expected that. what you hadn’t expected was that you would find them standing there talking with their arms around each other.

your stance almost faltered and you were ready to turn around and leave but you stopped yourself. all or nothing y/n, all or nothing, you reminded yourself. you walked up to them, the sound of your steps making them aware of your presence. they turned to look at you and let go of each other quickly creating a gap between themselves.

“yoongi can i speak to you please?” you said, you didn’t know why but you already felt this overwhelmed. yoongi nods, avoiding eye contact with you. “i’m sorry haewon, but can you please give us a moment?” you asked her as politely as possible. she nodded and went inside the club.

“yeah?” yoongi asked.

you took a deep breath, “i’m sorry, yoongi. i told you i would not cross line if you didn’t want me to but i cannot help it anymore. it is not just a crush anymore. i have fallen in love with you. i thought i would be able to handle it and trust me i tried, i really tried to keep it to myself but i can't anymore. it is getting too much. i hated it when you told me that haewon was going to be staying with you. i hated that you two sat beside each other yesterday, looking better together than ever. i hated it when she came after you today and i hated the way you were holding her just now. even after all of this i don't know why but i still feel like i might have a chance. so i ask of you to tell me one last time, that you don't want me. i promise i'll not bother you after that."

your confession was too much for yoongi. everything was too much for him right now. he was drowning in waves of emotions. he felt suffocated. he felt like he had to scream on top of his lungs. but most of all he felt scared and his fear made him act so unlike himself, even he was surprised at his own reaction to your words.

"y/n how many times do i have to tell you? i don't love you like that. i always try to be respectful towards your feelings because i care for you a lot as a friend but you get so overbearing. it's too much. haewon is my friend, so what if she was staying at my house? i don't think you are in a place where you can question that. you say that you don't want to cross boundaries yet i always find you doing it. please get it in your head that i. don't. like. you. and leave it be already." he snapped. unfortunately the relief he had thought would finally wash over him after the release of his emotions never came. and what made the matter worse was the look on your face.

you looked so defeated and heartbroken, it made yoongi want to punch himself in the gut repeatedly. but then, you laughed. it wasn't your usual laugh of joy that held the power to instantly brighten anyone's day up. it was a laugh of pain and pity and yoongi hated the sound of it.

before he could even open his mouth to apologise and say that he didn't mean to be that rude with his words, you said, "thank you. i think i needed that reality check. i don't know why i had been torturing you and myself. i am very sorry for putting you in a tough spot all the time. i'll stop now, i promise. i'll try my best to move on. however, i would like for us to have some time apart. i don't think i can continue to be friends with you as i try to get past my feelings. i'll come back though, once i think i'm at a place where i can offer you nothing but a platonic friendship, i'll reach out to you. till then, please don't try to contact me."

yoongi still didn't know how he was feeling. he just knew that he regretted speaking to you like that. but he knew that at that moment the best option was to let you go and so he just nodded while looking down, not being able to bring himself to look up and see the broken expression on your face.

he didn't even look up when he heard your footsteps walking away. he didn't have it in him to watch you leave. yes, he wasn't sure of his feelings and he was scared, but he still thought of you as someone who was a huge part of his life. he didn't know how he was going to survive now that this part had gone missing. he really didn't know.

you walked inside the club, tears in your eyes. jimin and haewon were still sat at the booth, having a casual chat. you slowly walked up to them, the strength to do anything leaving your body rapidly. jimin noticed your arrival and looked up, his face instantly etching with concern. he got up rushing to your side, "y/n my love, are you okay?" he said taking your face in his hands, his thumb wiping away a tear that had fallen.

"please take me home, jimin."

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it had been a month since the night you had gone to the club. you were getting better at dealing with everything day by day. the initial one week you were completely distraught. you didn't eat, couldn't sleep and most of all, you couldn't find any inspiration to paint. you just laid in bed all day, rotting away in sadness. jimin tried to give you space to grieve at first. but then when he saw how much it had affected your mental and physical well-being, he decided that it was time for him to step in.

he started his three-step plan. first step was to get you out of bed. he started forcing you to hang out with him. he made you sit in the living room and binge dramas with him. he had to stray away from your usual favourite romantic dramas though because as soon as he played the first episode of strong girl do bong soon, thinking that your comfort show would make you feel better you started bawling your eyes out.

even so, after successfully getting you out of bed, he knew it was time for him to get you to start eating. he stocked up the entire pantry with all your favourite snacks. little by little he made you eat. he gave you words of motivation. telling you how he was here for you.

eventually, you started having your meals again. the next and the final step was to help you get inspiration back. that step however was still an ongoing process. even though you had been working on getting your life back on track and moving on from your unrequited love, emotional and mental healing was still a long process that could only be achieved through patience and baby steps.

no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't get over your feelings for yoongi. you had definitely gotten better in dealing with them but letting go of them completely seemed almost impossible. you found out from jimin that haewon and yoongi were only hugging each other that day because yoongi had had a panic attack and she was trying to calm him down. you felt guilty that you hadn't known about it but you couldn't do anything about it now. you know you told him that you would only go to him after you had moved on but not seeing him or talking to him was the hardest thing you ever had to do in your life. it felt like the essence of life was being taken away from you.

there were countless number of times you stopped yourself from texting him and even more times where you saw him from afar entering or exiting his apartment but turned the other way before he could notice you. you often also tortured yourself by wondering if he was regretting that night. did he miss you as much as you missed him? did he mean it when he said he didn't love you?

did he really mean it?

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yoongi hated himself.

the past one month had felt like pure torture to him. he felt as in the universe had become set in making him feel pure agony. except it was the universe, it was himself.

he was the reason for his own doom. him and his fears were the reason why you weren't in his life anymore. he missed you like crazy. he couldn't believe that it took you leaving his life for to realise what an idiot he had been. the night you told him you would "move on" made him want to kick himself.

after you left that night, yoongi went home thinking that it was for the best. he expected himself to feel lighter now that you weren't constantly there, reminding him of how much you liked him. he expected that he would miss you as a friend of course, but he didn't expect himself to go crazy constantly thinking about you.

everything around him reminded him of you. he couldn't cook food without thinking of all the times he cooked for you, watching you eat in pure delight always made him feel the highest form of delight. he couldn't work on his music without your face coming to his mind reminding him of how you always showed interest in his work. he missed how you always just sat on his studio's couch, giving him his space to work but also stealing glances when you thought he wasn't looking. most of all he couldn't even drink alcohol to make himself forget because even his bottle of whiskey brought you to his mind instantly. he missed showing his newly collected bottles to you. he missed pairing his whiskey with your vanilla cupcakes. he just simply missed you.

it took him two weeks after the night at the club to realise that he was a stupid asshole who was definitely in love with you. he realised it when it got difficult for him to even breathe without you. he regretted all the times he had rejected your feelings.

but by then, he felt like it was too late. he had been a jerk to you that night. he could not erase from his mind, the look on your face when he rejected you in such a harsh manner. he felt like the worst human being on planet earth for hurting you like that, you didn't deserve to be treated that way. if he could, he would give anything to go back in time and redo everything.

he wreathed in his regret and sadness everyday. until one day, he ran into jimin at the entrance of the apartment building.

"hey" he said nervously.

"hello yoongi" jimin replied curtly. yoongi felt like this was his chance, maybe he could somewhat fix things. "jimin, i know you probably want to kill me and rightfully so. i am a complete dickhead and i deserve every bit of anger you have at me. but can we please talk? i really need to tell you something." yoongi said as he looked at him with pleading eyes.

jimin exhaled loudly, "what do you want, yoongi?" he asked.

"jimin, i love her." yoongi admitted and watched as jimin's eyes widened with surprise. he continued, "i genuinely love her and i feel like an idiot that it took her leaving for me to realise my true feelings. i think i always knew somewhere that what i feel for y/n is way more than just friends and it scared me. i didn't want her to leave like haewon did but what i didn't realise that i was gonna lose her either way. i guess i thought that by staying friends we would be in each other's lives for a long time and even if one of us leaves, it wouldn't hurt as bad." he sighed and said, "but oh boy, was i wrong. when she left, i didn't know what to do with myself. everything around me made me think of her. i missed her like crazy and it made me realise how in love i am with her. i've only known her for less than a year now but i can't imagine living a life without her. and i want to tell her all this but i feel like its too late now. i don't know what to do." he finished. he was almost crying by the time he stopped speaking.

"you really mean that?" he hadn't heard your voice in quite a while now and it came to him like a warm hug on a cold rainy day.

he turned around to see that you were standing there, right inside the entrance of the building. the reason jimin was at the entrance of the building was because he was waiting there for you. he had come to pick you up after dance studio because you and him were supposed to check out this new cafe that had just opened up in your neighbourhood.

"uh, i guess i'll leave you two to talk. y/n, i'm waiting upstairs. call me if you need anything." jimin said and patted your shoulder lightly as he made his way inside the building, leaving you alone with yoongi.

"so you really meant what you said?" you asked again after jimin had left. yoongi just looked at you for a few moments, taking in your beauty and the fact that you were actually there right in front of him.

he eventually nodded, "yes, i really do y/n. i love you." he said.

"why now, yoongi? why not when i repeatedly told you i liked you? why now, after you yourself had told me you didn't want me? why now when i'm finally trying to move on? don't you think that's very cruel of you?" you asked him. you didn't know how to feel about this.

"i know, i am so sorry y/n. i am so sorry about everything. i am the biggest jerk ever. i know i don't even deserve your forgiveness. but still, you didn't give up on me until i made you and i regret it so much. so, i won't give up on you either. i will work for your forgiveness. and if you decide one day that you don't want anything to do with me, i'll accept that too. just please let me at least try to win you back." yoongi was almost begging for forgiveness at this point.

you stood there deep in thought for a few moments, "you really do love me?" you asked.

"yes i love you. i am utterly and hopelessly in love with you." yoongi said desperately.

"then prove it." you said walking up to him. you closed the gap between him. yoongi immediately took the cue and wrapped one arm around your waist while the other hand cupped your face as he crashed his lips onto yours. the kiss started off slow but as he deepened it, you could feel his love and passion. he was kissing you like it was the last time he could do it. like he was hanging on to you for his life. it was the best kiss you had ever had in your life.

when there was no longer any space to breathe you broke the kiss, pulling away from him slightly. both of you were panting heavily. he still held you close to him, as if you would vanish the moment he lets go of you.

"yoongi, i hope you know that it's going take me some time to come around again. you've caused me too much pain for me to just forget all about it just like that." you said and yoongi nodded, "i'm more than willing to work things out y/n. i'm willing to wait for you. i love you more than anything and i'm ready to take it slow." he said.

your face broke into a bright smile and you nodded as you said, "i love you too, yoons."

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