#probably lmao

I want that. I can have that. I can be that.

And from there, everything starts to fall into place. All of the self-loathing and repulsion finally starts to fall away. Alde's always had a bit of an odd relationship to his sexuality, in that he wanted to be present, but absolutely wanted no part in it-- sex and murder are far, far too entwined for a Bhaalspawn, and between Alde having had violent compulsions toward 2/3 of his romantic partners (and having enacted them on one of them!) and being horrifically dysphoric over both the Bhaalspawn AND the gender things, it was most comfortable just to Not involve himself in it at all beyond spectator and/or heckler.

And well, what's the point of being besties with an Archmage (and of all the tadfools Alde isn't sleeping with, Gale is absolutely his bestie and favorite) if you can't needle a True Polymorph assisted transition out of 'em-- so there's the dysphoria solved.

What effect that has on Alde's Bhaalspawn nature and/or conditional immortality I'm still not sure of-- Gale could totally vivisect the godhood out of Alde if Alde asked him to. Alde would certainly be happier if he didn't have to terribly outlive 2/3 of his spouses. The pseudo-immortality was more of a self-flagellating compromise on the part of very miserable little girl Alde-- Alde would play whatever part he had to play in his loved ones' happiness until they died, and then he'd get to go on to his sad, lonely journey of penance as a traveling paladin.

But if we're ALREADY getting our best buddy the archmage to throw around 9th level spells for fun & dysphoria reducing purposes...

Yeah. Alde would be so, so, SO much happier as a regular degular human. Are murder daddy and his lackeys going to still have a terrible fixation on Alde for as long as Alde lives? Yeah, probably. But giving Alde a normal human lifespan?

That's...

All Alde has ever wanted was to die before the people he loves. I mean, previously that was because he was certain that otherwise he was going to be forced to murder them himself, but--

There's a kind of poetry to it, that. Alde finally getting what he has always wanted-- and getting it as an old man, of natural causes and in bed, surrounded by the people who adored him and kept him alive (...or oversaw his resurrection) during his worst suicidal and homicidal tendencies, as well as a whole host of children and grandchildren besides.