#preussenlied fics

Gray squinted as his eyes opened, the bright, fluorescent lights flooding his pupils painfully. Why the hell were the lights so bright? Where was he? And why was he feeling so relaxed? That was… rare.

His eyes finally adjusted after blinking for about a minute and he realized he was in a hospital room, hooked up to all sorts of machines. The door opened and in stepped a woman with long, indigo hair. She was checking a clipboard when she looked up and saw him staring at her.

“Oh! You’re awake,” she said, brown eyes brightening. She hurried over to the bed and began checking his heart rate and blood pressure. “My name’s Wendy Marvell. I’ll go and get your friends.” Before Gray could ask anything, she was gone.

When the door opened again, he saw Natsu. He looked exhausted; dark bags under his eyes, his pink hair was a scraggly mess, and his right arm was in a sling. He looked flat out awful, and Gray tried to tell him so, but his mouth was incredibly dry. He saw a cup of ice chips at his bedside and popped a few in his mouth.

“What the hell happened to you?” Gray tried, and his voice sounded weaker than he would have liked. Instead of an argument, Natsu shrugged.

“No sleep.”

“No sleep? Since when do you have a problem sleeping?” Natsu was silent, and when he reached the bed, he promptly slugged Gray in the jaw. Hard.

“What the fuck?” Gray shouted. He made to sit up more, but groaned loudly as pain shot through his side and fell back again. He raised a hand to rub at his jaw.

“That’s for being a fucking idiot,” Natsu said through clenched teeth. Gray stared at him with furrowed brows. He wracked his brain in hopes of remembering what happened on yesterday’s mission but, unfortunately, his mind was foggy and a headache was surfacing. Natsu seemed to relax after a moment, exhaustion catching up with him. He slouched in a chair next to the hospital bed with a heavy sigh. He propped his left elbow on the arm rest and held his head up with his hand. Gray decided to stop thinking about what may have happened on the mission, wanting to avoid any further strain on himself.

“Where’s Juvia?” The blunette surely had to be here. At least, that’s what he hoped.

“I made her get something to eat. She’s gonna kill me when she finds out she was gone when you woke up.” So she wasn’t eating much. Must mean he’s been here a while, which explained how tired Natsu looked. It was just like the two of them to worry too much, but he’d have been the same way if either of them were in his position.

“So,” Natsu began, and Gray looked over at him again, “tell me, what was it like to die?”

Gray’s eyes widened and his brows furrowed.

“What… what are you talking about?” This time Natsu looked confused. He sat up a little straighter.

“You mean you don’t remember?” Though, if he died like Natsu mentioned, would it really be something he’d remember? Even so, he sighed and rest his head back against the pillow, closing his eyes and trying his damndest to remember. Slowly, bits and pieces began fading into his consciousness until it all came together.

Three days ago

“Natsu!” Gray shouted as he watched his comrade drop his gun and grab his right arm with a pained outcry. Juvia came from behind him and took out the man ready to take another shot at the pink haired agent.

“I’m fine,” Natsu said through grit teeth. “Just go after the letters!”

Gray watched him for a moment, then glanced to the direction the group was heading.

“Yeah, sure. Just… don’t die on me,” he muttered, then hurried off with Juvia, who was tucking something into her pocket.

“Medical evac is on their way. If Natsu stays where he is and doesn’t get into anymore trouble, he’ll be fine,” Juvia said as they entered a rundown building. Gray scoffed as he looked around.

“Natsu staying out of trouble? Right.” He glanced over at Juvia and his features softened at the worried look on her face, no matter how hard she tried to mask it. “Hey, he’s gonna be fine. It was just a shot to the arm. It didn’t look too bad from what I saw.”

“Right,” she said with a single nod, and he could tell she relaxed a little. “But he’ll be following us. He’s not going to stop fighting until the mission’s over.”

“He’s already right outside the building, waiting for us to go in further before he follows,” Gray muttered. He would normally turn and yell at Natsu for not staying behind, but it would be futile and only succeed in causing a scene and giving away their position to any potential threat.

As they advanced further within the shoddy structure as quietly as they could, Gray saw Juvia looking around their surroundings, a furrow to her brow.

“This place looks like it’s about to collapse any moment.”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if it did. The wind isn’t being too kind to it right now, either, so we need to get the letters and get the hell out of here,” Gray said. Juvia nodded, tightening her grip on her gun.

A shot rang out, a bullet burying itself in a nearby wooden pillar near the duo. Without hesitation, Juvia turned to the direction from which it came and fired a few rounds. Gray caught sight of movement through a collapsing archway that had been held up by said pillar. They truly did mean to tear this building apart as a way to get away.

The structures around them began to fall, and Gray made a beeline for the archway.

“Gray, what are you doing?!” Natsu shouted, making himself known.

“They’re right through there! If we don’t go in now, we’ll lose ‘em!”

“Gray, no!”

But the calls of his comrades went ignored as he reached the crumbling archway. As it fell, he only had one chance of sliding through on the ground at the risk of being crushed, but made it to the other side just in the nick of time. He heard Juvia call out for him again as he pulled himself off the ground, but continued onward in pursuit of the assailant that likely holds the letters containing information on the whereabouts of the agency’s target, Zash Caine.

Gray chased the man through the building, shooting when he thought he could incapacitate the man, but never quite hitting his target, much to his own frustration. Eventually, the man ran out of the building, and Gray followed. Finally, he got a clear shot and took the man down. He searched the man’s pockets and finally found a small stack of opened envelopes. Triumph coursed through his veins alongside the adrenaline, but he made the grave mistake of letting his guard down, which made him an easy target for another man to take a shot at him.

And his mark was not missed.

With a loud cry, Gray fell to the ground, hands clutching at his side where the bullet passed through him. His heartbeat pounded in his ears, and he only just registered the anguished scream of his name. Another shot rang through the air, and Gray braced himself for impact, but it never came. He wondered if it was Natsu or Juvia taking out the man who shot him.

“Gray! Gray!” The voice sounded so distant - so quiet. How far away were they? Who was calling for him?

Blue entered his vision, and despite how it was blurring, his mind filled in the spots and he saw Juvia, tears falling from her eyes and mouth moving as she supposedly called out for him.

Juvia.

She was so beautiful. So kind and loving and smart and so damn amazing at her job, and -

He loved her.

But he couldn’t tell her. He couldn’t breathe. He could hardly see.

He was losing her, and was helpless to do anything about it.

~~~~~~

“The look on your face tells me you remember something.” Gray blinked, dry eyes burning. He didn’t know what to say, so Natsu continued. “It’s a damn good think Juvia called medical evac when she did after I got shot. Had it been called when we saw you get hit… well, you would be long gone.”

“So, for three days, Juvia and I have been here, waiting for you to wake up. Erza was in for a while, but had to get back. I’ll have to contact her soon.” At his boss’s name being spoken, Gray flinched.

“Erza -”

“Oh, she’s pissed. You’re suspended indefinitely.” Gray sighed. Figured, he thought. Natsu shook his head. “What you did was perhaps the worst thing you could have done. Reinforcements were coming, Gray.”

“There may not have been time. I did what I had to do. It’s our job. Those letters contained critical information about where to find -”

“And what if they had killed you and you stayed dead? Or they captured you? Then we’d have been down an agent and the letters! We fucking watched you die, man! We were right there!”

Gray clenched his jaw. He registered the look on Juvia’s face as she watched him fall, broken and in disbelief, as though she were begging with her eyes for it to be a dream; a horrid nightmare that she would wake from in any second.

“We got the letters, and that’s all that matters.” Natsu slammed his fist against the arm of the chair.

“But dammit, Gray, at what cost?!”

Just then, the door to his room opened, and in stepped Juvia. Her hair was pulled into a high ponytail, and she looked even more worn out than Natsu. Still, she looked so beautiful and Gray found it hard to breathe once more. She was there.

“Juvia ate a yogurt. Is that good enou -” The blunette looked up and met Gray’s eyes. Her own widened, and quickly shimmered with tears.

Next thing Gray knew, he was being wrapped tightly in her arms, and he felt tears fall to his bare shoulder. He was quick to wrap his arms around her in return, but shortly after, Juvia pulled back, and swiftly slapped him across the cheek. Gray began to shout, but realized soon enough that he most certainly deserved the hit. Her brows, drawn in anger, softened as the tears came again and she grabbed him in yet another hug.

“Don’t you ever do something so horribly stupid like that again,” she muttered into his neck. “Juvia will kill you.”

Gray wanted to remark with something snarky in an attempt to lighten the mood, but he couldn’t find it in him to do so. He couldn’t even bring himself to speak. Instead, he held her close, as though she’d disappear if he let go.

~~~~~

What was it like to die?

It was awful.

The looks on their faces were so terrifyingly haunting, and it was finally hitting him that he’d have never gotten the chance to hold Juvia again. He’d never tell her how he felt, and there would be no future for them.