#pregnancy stuff

The B U M P

CW: minors involved (Ben is 15), I don't even know how to tag this, it's not classic cannibalism, but come on now, attempted forced cannibalism

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"What is it?" 

The thawing frost on the Tupperware box brought a pleasant cool onto his hands, a relief in these hot summer months. She promised her gift to be oh so special, making his heart flutter with excitement. He hoped for cake. Not to question Shepard's baking abilities, but Ben missed sweet treats that were a bit more daring than apple slices with peanut butter or oat flake crumble or-

"My placenta."

Shepard, making tea for their guests in the camper's kitchen nook, let a spoon clatter into the sink. 

"Oh, is that like paella?"

"Close enough," she laughed, a warmth colored her cheeks she didn't have during their first meeting, "that's the other half of my babies. My afterbirth, like - I don't know if your dad already had the talk with you - it was a part of me, of them. And I want you to have it. It would mean a lot to me if you accept it."

Sallow despite the burning sun, her request left him quite speechless: "Wow, okay."

"We can plant a tree on it if you like," Shepard cued in and stumbled onto the grass.

"Oh no, it's just for him. As a gift for helping us."

"I-I can't really hang this on a wall, right?" Ben chuckled, blinking up to his dad, who eyed the container like a live grenade.

Trapped in an unwavering stare and her hands weighing tons on his shoulders, she still spoke matter-of-factly: "You eat it, silly."

"Uhm... I... I don't know what to say."

"Say thank you." Her smile grew impossibly wide.

"Thank you, Miss."

"So well-behaved," a slender finger booped his nose, "but please call me Birdie."

Behind them, nearly in sync, the babies started their ear-deafening screeching. They couldn't be more than two months old by now, yet Shepard witnessed how a way too tired man tried pushing one infant into Lukas' arms - a luxury he never dared to demand. 

He nodded towards him until Birdie finally jumped up with a sigh and excused herself: "My husband needs my help, but we'll talk soon."

Maybe it had been a mistake to allow the newly extended family this little camping trip on his property, but alas, a few days together and they would be whisked away to where they came from. Shepard's gaze fell on Ben now; close to tears, his shaky fingers held the box like his life depended on it.

Before he got too emotional, his father pulled him into the camper. Of all dangers he had assessed for his boys, this hadn't been on his radar.

"Ben, sweetheart, I know it's very touching of her to offer you-"

"So gross. I don't want to eat that. No!" his boy whined as he swallowed a gag, "Please, Dad, please!"

With two fingers, Shepard fished the box from his hands and dropped it into the sink.

"We'll stick it in the freezer and bury it in the woods somewhere," Shepard muttered and wiped new tears off the boy's cheeks, "If she asks, heaven forbid, tell her what makes you comfortable. Honestly, it's not like Claire didn't consider the toxin-laced steak, but-"

"You want me to lie, Dad?"

The question made him waver for a second. Though he understood Ben's hesitation, maybe it was time for him to learn a different kind of lesson. 

"You'd rather eat that?"

"Heck no."

"That's what I thought."

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Ah pregnancy. Honestly get pregnant away from that town.

Imre:

He would be happy. This what’ve been expected. He would smile faintly and lean down to kiss your belly.

Nia:

Ugh. What a bother. This shit for nine months. Well I know it could happen. Mc, since this is your fault you’re talking me shopping for tasteful maternal clothes.

Lorcan:

Hey there, friend. It’s really sweet of you to check in. I know I’m not active here, like, at all these days, and that’s largely because I haven’t felt particularly fannish about anything in a long, long time. That part of my brain is slowly coming back online — I started up a Flight Rising account because...I dunno, yay for pretty dragons? I also enjoyed the new Netflix Witcher TV show a hell of a lot more than I expected I would, so now I’m downloading the Witcher 3 and checking out the first of the short story collections. It’s the first time I’ve even vaguely felt ‘Oooh Hey Neat A Thing For Me To Gleefully Obsess About!!!’ in forever, so we’ll see if that goes anywhere.

Other than that, though, I’m...maintaining, I guess. Work has been nightmarish and triggering and I’m actively looking for a new job, because I’m so beyond burned-out that it’s completely ridiculous and every once in a while I just completely lose my shit because someone brings in their two-week-old baby or whatever, and...honestly, neither I nor my patients nor the hospital deserve that. And although I understand the impulse to want to say or do something helpful, there...isn’t really anything anyone can do? Grief is weird and messy and complicated, and often quite ugly. I know full well that I’ve become The Bummer Friend. It’s kinda lonely and kinda sucks, and I also know there’s no real point in trying to force myself to be anything other than what I am right now, which is a person grieving both the loss of a child and also the loss of the future that child represented. That shit takes time, so. I’m trying to be kind to myself.

But I do appreciate you checking in to see how I’m doing, I really do. And while there’s nothing specific anyone can do for me personally, I hope folks will consider donating to places like Planned Parenthood or NARAL or other organizations working to protect people’s reproductive rights. I’m extremely fortunate to have been living in Oregon when this all went down, and that my insurance both covered my hospital bills and allowed me to chose a hospital without any religious affiliations. A lot of people aren’t so fortunate. They need all the help and compassion they can get, so for those who want to do something concrete, that’s my suggestion.