I hate asking for support. But I might start my own Ko-fi.
Guys, I hate to be this person. This is utterly embarrassing and I want to sink into my carpet and become one with it and never come out again. I'm trying not to have a complete come apart as of writing this post. Some call me lazy. Others say I failed from day one and have no hope of surviving in society. But I'm considering a Ko-fi.
I've worked a few jobs. The pay was okay. But the last job I was at, I had to quit. I haven't had a job since. I've been struggling mentally. The reason why I had to quit was because my grandmother stopped taking her medication and the living situation with her got very unsafe for me very quickly.
So I had to tell my boss the day she was blowing up my phone with threatening calls and texts that I had to quit that very day. No two weeks notice. I loved that job and I loved my boss at that job. The sweetest boss I ever had and probably ever will have. It was embarrassing. Degrading. All this amounting for nothing as I tried to not cry in front of the kids. That job was a day school, serving kids from 1 to 4. Those kids were everything to me. But I had to go.
I've been looking for jobs ever since then, and have now only been here with my parents for half a year. It's embarrassing. I hate it. Being an autistic adult with severe anxiety sucks. I'm a hard worker. I've busted ass. I can work, and I've proven that in the past. I've been helping my mother for now with her web based work for a company she works for and she pays me a little bit or gets me things I need in exchange.
I know this is a long winded post and explanation. I'm sorry. I don't want to be a beggar. I really don't. I really want to support partycoffin with Welcome Home too but I don't even have the money for that, much less getting myself a coffee without paying for the consequences later, which is more money gone.
My bank has been charging me 8 dollars a month, and it's slowly eating away at my savings. I'm even going out on a limb and trying to do extra work for getting my family Christmas gifts this year because I'm that person. I've kept this behind the scenes under the rug for a while now. But having that anxiety of waking up one day to no money in my account and being put behind bars for inability to pay for a silly 8 dollar fee is only mounting. It's making me sick. I'm not okay.
As soon as I find a little thing that I did that was even remotely a little financially irresponsible, I put all the blame on me for everything that's happened to me. I don't even know what to do for a Ko-fi. The only talent I have is writing poetry on cue at a whim. I'm not that great at drawing. A podcast would just turn into me rambling about random things. I'm also not that tech savvy so I wouldn't even be able to have one anyway.
I get burnt out with trying to write fanfic on a03, so I can't even promise that as something people that chip in on my ko-fi get an early access preview to. If I were to draw things for people, it wouldn't even be worth 20 dollars. My drawings of people's hands still looks like a middle schooler just getting into the basics all the while my hands/wrists start to hurt and go numb as I draw. Sure, my drawing of Campbell fanart made it into the one of a kind art book sent to Donna Franceschild herself.
But that doesn't amount to anything being worthy to pay for. My animal drawings look like something out of your worst nightmares even Satan is afraid of. So unless you want your cat looking like he got ran over by a car and melted down in a machine used to make recycled plastic bottles, then I wouldn't pay for me to draw your furbaby.
What would you even commission from me? Commissioning for poems feels like a crime and has the feel of an AI scam. And it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth if it's not a fully fledged hard copy of poetry like Poe's or Frost's. Get what I mean?
Also, if you were to commission a character, it would not look like the character at all. I'll tell you that right now. Spiderman will look like Spidercrack because it will look like he is on crack in my drawings. But if you find the disturbing qualities of that charming and really just want a fucked up drawing of him looking like he's about to jump someone outside of a Waffle House, then that's fine. I'd even let you turn it into a pin if you have a personal pin maker or even a t shirt if you love it that gosh diddly darn much.
My digital art skills are even worse, so expect it to be extra fucked up looking. I can make pretty cool looking abstract wallpapers though if you want them for your website, phone, desktop, etc. You would need to tell me how big or small it needs to be down to the number though. I can do some crazy stuff in gimp. And yes I still use that eldrich application.
I've been using it plus this random, really good sketchbook app that has zero ads and it's literally what it says it is with zero AI features. I've had that app for who knows how long on my phone now. Mainly use that one to fuck around with, though. I could also make little animations on gimp too. I'm a bit rusty, though, so relearning how to is gonna take me a bit.
So if I ever get a Ko-fi, would you support my weird, kind of morbid but kind of endearing really bad art? Do people even draw badly on purpose for the comedy of it? Is that even a thing? If I posted some samples of what I deem terrible, would you really wanna support that for like 10 dollars or less?
Yes or No?
Yes I wanna support fugly looking art. I find it very funny.
What? No! Go beg somewhere else!
I love that but I sadly can't support due to my own financial situation.
