Coven of chaos but a misfired spell turns them into cats. Thatâs it, thatâs the post.
(Whoâm I kidding of course thatâs not it)
(Semi coauthored by @second-drawer-on-the-left ! (We came up with most of these by ranting at each other like maniacs)
Alice, from the other room: Yeah?
Billy: I think I messed upâŚcan you come in here?
Alice: Ask Lilia, dude, I donât know.
Billy, voice getting rapidly higher: I THINK YOU NEED TO COME IN HERE!
*Alice comes into the room and just comes face to face with this*
(From top to bottom: Agatha, Lilia, and Jen. No, I have little to no explanation for why I chose these cats. They justâŚare.)
- Rio very helpfully turns herself into a cat (this one) and refuses to turn back. She (unlike the others) retains her human mind and is perfectly capable of shape shifting back whenever she pleases. She just refuses to.
Alice: *flops onto the couch with a groan and covers her eyes*
*a cat jumps up and starts happily kneading on her chest*
Alice, sighing and reaching out to scratch the ears: Hi, Jen.
Cat! Jen: *trills at her from the windowsill, where sheâs snuggling with Lilia in the sun*
- Alice repeatedly has to separate Agatha for getting into fights with the other cats. Different methods have been attempted to contain cat! Agatha have included:
⢠Shutting her in the basement (she escaped).
⢠Putting her in SeĂąor Scratchyâs playpen for a timeout (she escaped).
⢠Wrapping her in a blanket like a naughty burrito (she escaped).
⢠Locking her in the bathroom (she screamed so loudly that Sarah Proctor passed by the window and glared disapprovingly at Alice).
⢠Putting her in SeĂąor Scratchyâs playpen with Rio for a timeout (she escaped and bit Teenâs ankles just on principle, then went back to cuddling with Rio).
⢠Borrowing the panini press of shame from a neighbor whoâs a vet (seriously, google cat catcher nets if youâve never seen one, theyâre hilarious)
Obviously, none of the above have proved effective yet.
- Lilia keeps climbing to ridiculous high places and causing Teen ENDLESS amounts of stress. No amount of coaxing, pleading, or bribery will get her to come down until sheâs good and ready.
- Jen is just the BIGGEST attention whore and demands it CONSTANTLY from Alice. When Alice is sitting around, she drapes herself around her neck. If Alice is petting another cat, she butts her way in. If Alice is drinking coffee, she shoves her head in to steal a sip. If Alice is reading something, she lays across it.
Cat! Jen: *relaxed trill*
Cat! Jen: *blinks innocently*
Alice: I need my laptop to turn you back into a person.
Cat! Jen: *disinterested yawn*
Alice: Câmon, J, get off the keyboardâŚ
Cat! Jennifer: *stretches and lazily bats her with a paw*
Alice: *exasperated sigh*
(She gets Jen off the computer and Rio immediately steals her spot, prompting indignant meowing from Jen and more exasperated noises from Alice)
- Alice hears distressed meowing and walks into the room to see all four cats crying at a bug they canât reach. She takes a video and saves it for blackmail.
- Agatha figures out how to open doors and cabinets with her paws and immediately causes chaos.
Alice, repeatedly rereading Jenâs notes in hopes of finding a solution:
*muffled mewling from somewhere in the house*
Alice, wandering into the kitchen to see Rio on the table, Lilia looking disapprovingly on from the window, and Agatha sitting suspiciously in front of a kitchen cabinet: Who was just yelling at me?
Lilia: *continues to look disapproving*
Agatha: *swats at the suspiciously rattling drawer with her paw*
Agatha: *blinks innocently*
Alice: Agatha, I can and *will* scruff you, whereâs Jen?
- Alice moves Agatha and frees Jen (who started wailing pathetically from inside the drawer as soon as she heard Aliceâs voice and insists on being held for the next two hours in order to be pacified)
- Agatha escapes and gets into Herbâs rose bushes, prompting poor Teen to have to sprint across the street and make up a lie about being Agnesâs cat sitter to retrieve her (she hisses, shrieks, and tries to scratch them both the entire time).
- Alice tries to leave the cats with Teen to entertain them so she can go take a shower. All four sit outside the bathroom door and shriek until she gives up and lets them in (at which point they sit outside the shower door and shriek).
Alice, opening the shower door with an irritated look on her face: Do you actually *want* to come in here? I donât think you do!
Cat! Agatha: *gives her a disgusted look*
Alice, trying not to get soap in her eyes: Thatâs what I thought.
Cat! Rio: *waltzes right in and flops down in the water*
(She eventually gives up and just takes a bath so that the cats can sit on the side of the tub and paw at the bubbles)
- Lilia chases Agatha around for half an hour just to pin her down and groom her while she whines dramatically about it (Alice saves the video of that for blackmail too).
- Billy fucks up again and turns himself into a kitten, leaving poor, stressed Alice alone with all the cats.
Alice, walking into the room: Hey Teen, I think I found a spell that might work? If we-
Four cats and a kitten, staring at her:
Alice:âŚplease no. Please tell me thatâs not-
Cat! Agatha: *squashes the kitten with her paw and begins aggressively grooming him*
Alice: Nope, definitely is. I need a drink.
(Cue Alice trying to keep three of the five cats out of her glass of wine)
Kitten! Billy and Cat! Agatha
What Cat! Alice would look like (that cat has unlocked the secrets of the universe and would like you to lock them back up thank you very much)