#polafuka

Light swelled at the edge of her vision. For a moment, she thought it was a flashlight, but with some squinting, she realised it was the glow of a bedside lamp. Then she realised she hadn’t been buried in rubble, but under a blanket. Nor was she in a defunct Future Foundation base. She was in her bed.

And it wasn't a rescuer staring down at her. The wide grey eyes belonged to Touko Fukawa.

“I didn't mean to wake you,” said Polaris.

Touko shook her head. “I wouldn't want to be asleep while you were so distressed.”

“I'm fine now. You can go back to sleep, Touko.”

“Was it a nightmare or a night terror that you had?” asked Touko, remaining sitting up. 

“It was just an unpleasant dream. Nothing to worry about.”

“When I used to share a bed with Komaru, we would both often have nightmares. What we found helped most was talking to the other about what happened in them.”

Polaris frowned. More firmly, she said, “I said I'm fine, Touko.”

Years ago, Touko would have apologised for making Polaris raise her voice and dropped the topic. Now, a furrow dipped between Touko's eyebrows.

“Do you remember the promise we made when we started dating?” said Touko. “‘No secrets.’”

“This isn't a secret.” But Polaris sat up and sighed. “In my dream, I was back under the rubble when Future Foundation’s old offshore building collapsed. You know... during the last killing game.”

Neither Polaris nor Touko had taken part in that. Touko had been in Towa City with Komaru Naegi, fulfilling a mission that Polaris had entrusted them with. Meanwhile, Polaris had been heading the rescue operation for their friends who were in the killing game. It was when Polaris was inside the building that the explosives went off. Her ears had rung. The ceiling had rained down on her. She had laid in the building’s ruins, packed in like a corpse in a coffin. Even had a nice black suit on, at the time.

Touko fidgeted her hands. “I didn't know about it until after... I-It must have been a horrible experience for you. The darkness, the enclosed space... the uncertainty of when you'll be let out and b-by who... or if you will be left in there to starve and rot.”

Though Touko had not been under the rubble with Polaris, she spoke with a familiarity. She was one of the few that Polaris knew who was afraid of the dark whilst knowing its real horrors. Her monsters weren't imaginary, with scales and forked tongues. They didn't wield knives, or guns. For Touko, darkness was the inside of the closet her mothers locked her in for days at a time, or her bedroom when her father creaked the door open in the dead of night.

Monsters though they were, that didn't mean Touko’s parents weren’t cowards. The lot of them were pathetic weaklings who had used the darkness to prey on a child. Their own daughter.

“Did you think you were going to die in there?” asked Touko.

Polaris’s younger self would have scoffed and said, ‘Don't be stupid. I am unkillable.’ Now, she swallowed, aware that she was as human as the others. Her friends had taught her that, for better or worse.

“I was determined not to.” Polaris’s hands clenched into fists on her lap. “I had made a promise that I would collect you from Towa City.”

Perhaps that was what unsettled Polaris about the ordeal. The thought of dying without returning to Towa City like she told Touko she would. Had Polaris died back then, so many things would have been left undone. Left unsaid. 

‘Let's go home, Fukawa.’

‘I would like to partner with you, Touko.’

‘Call me Polaris from now on.’

Had Polaris died in the wreckage, instead of being with Touko in their apartment together, she would have been in a crypt in front of a stone monument. Her ashes would have included whatever men's suit she was cremated in, and the name on the grave would not be hers. Not anymore.

Polaris's hands shook slightly. Touko lay a palm across Polaris's white knuckles.

“Dreams are how our psyches try to process certain things,” said Touko. “I find the more you talk about your dreams, the more you can distance yourself from them. They’re no longer thoughts clouding your brain, but a conversation topic. That’s what Gekkogahara told me, anyway.”

“What did you say when Gekkogahara told you that?” asked Polaris, quirking her brow slightly. Touko hesitated.

“... I said this was rich coming from a silent bitch who’s so shy that she has to talk through a virtual rabbit avatar.”

A small scoff escaped Polaris’s pursed smile, which made Touko grin wider. Polaris’s heart gave a flutter and she looked down at their hands, Touko’s on top of hers.

“Did what I say help?” asked Touko.

“Yes. It did. Thank you.”

Touko let out a delighted squeal. The bed shook as she wiggled happily. “I-I’m glad, Polaris-sama!”

Polaris looked up. “What did I say when we started dating? We’re partners. Equals. There is no need to add -sama, Touko.”

“Ah, right! S-Sorry... Polaris.”

“Good,” said Polaris, feeling her smile return. “Now, we should try to go back to sleep. We have work tomorrow.”