#plunny

Urahara: Do you want me to be yours?

Ichigo: W-What?!

Urahara: Do you want me to be your second in command? Really, Kurosaki-san, are you daydreaming or something~

Ichigo: Ugh, shut up, Getaboshi! Anyways, haven't you been a taichō? Being second in command after that is kinda...

Urahara: Not that prideful.

Ichigo points at Urahara's haori. Urahara shrugs without a real response.

Ichigo: But you *have been* a taichō. Wouldn't it be humiliating to be under Mayuri's command for example?

Urahara: It would. ... Oh, Kurosaki-san, no surprise you were told to find someone more experienced. It's not the same as Japanese army. Every taichō owns a division under their command and everyone in it. Unless direct soutaichō's order, I wouldn't be obligated to obey to anyone but you.

Ichigo is positively red now.

Urahara: If anything, it would be disgraceful for Kurotsuchi to have a rival with lower rank than his.

Ichigo: Still...

Urahara: And if you want me so much to be loyal only to you-

Ichigo: Wha?!

Urahara: -meaning not allowing Hirako or Kurotsuchi to order me around, you can always to talk to soutaichō about it. Joking, of course.

Ichigo: It's an option.

Urahara: Excuse you?

Ichigo: It's Shun-jii who wants me as his successor so might as well give this much.

Urahara: Are you sure you want to start your captaincy with an abuse of power and a request for special treatment.

Ichigo: Don't care. So. Will you be my second in command then?

Some time between retrieving dragon bits everything comes to a screeching halt because he’s pregnant somehow and the news gets out as a trickle but erupts like a breaking damn afterwards.

Accusations are being thrown around everywhere by everyone. Ji Ling isn’t saying anything about who the other parent is, fan bases factions are forming based on who people think the parent is, shouting matches are threatening to break out in the middle of hallways, efficiency has gone out the window for day to day tasks.

Wu wangyan, just for the chaos it would cause, has thrown her own hat into the ring as a potential parent, saying she, her beloved Xiao mei, and Ji Ling can raise this child as a proper fox. Li Jie is horrified that people think he’d do something so disgraceful (his ideas) to his Longshen Daren but is also pleased that people are acknowledging his devotion to his god and lord

Wu Shiguan can only cover his face and try not to sigh too hard. There is no way he’s the other parent (is there?? Dragon magic bullshit causing weird things to happen????) but no one is listening to him, especially the faction that’s formed around the idea of him being the parent.

A full out brawl breaks out, only being stopped by Bai Ze’s purple lightning threatening to taze the shit out of anyone who keeps fighting, only to cause a riot when he claims to be the other parent saying that he “looks forwards to teaching his child everything he knows” and that he “hopes his child inherits his lightning”

Ji Ling doesn’t actually know who the other parent is because…. Uh, it’s actually made up from bits of all the spiritual energy everyone throws around him interacting with his ring in a weird way? And I’ll throw in ji can as the final catalyst because he decided the best way to prevent ji ling from being so lonely ji can consumed him was to force the polycule through baby?

Pre-Marriage

Kafka and Mina unexpectedly reunited one day in the middle of Mina’s career. It would have been a joyful reunion if it wasn’t for the fact that both smelt like Kaiju extract.

The two met as Kafka was cleaning up a Kaiju and Mina is tasked with looking out for the cleanup crew in case if the corpse had any hidden failsafe organs. There was one, the Kaiju had a function of releasing extract as a spray and had it loaded up before it was killed. It sprayed only on Kafka and Mina. Luckily there is a public shower area nearby, so the two were able to get cleaned up quickly. They used the time waiting for transportation to pick them up to catch up. Before leaving they exchanged numbers

Time goes on, the two meet when they can until it get to the point where people recognize Mina in public. As a figure for Kaiju extermination, there are mixed reactions people have for her. Especially a significant sponsor who thinks that Mina should be married already and offers one of his children as a candidate.

Mina complains about this to Kafka when they are hanging out at her house with food and drinks. Then a flash of inspiration strikes Kafka. He suggests that the two become legal partners. That way, if someone tries something like that to Mina again then she has an excuse to refuse them. Her coworker can know about the two’s arrangement as well for a good laugh. Plus if she ever finds someone she wants to actually date, then they can divorce. Also taxes.

Plan in motion early in the morning and with alcohol in their veins, the two draft a contract and legal certificate. That includes mundane things such as rent, groceries, cooking (Kafka cooks for 80% of the time and Mina cooks when she can if she wants to. The 20% is if they can’t stomach food that day), etc; to the more Kaiju related insurances polices, visitation rights, and what kind of ceremony do they want to do. When they wake up, they both have a killer migraine and a crude drawing of Bakko for some reason. (The drawing has a special place on the fridge)

Post-Marriage

For the two of them, it feels as though nothing much changes about their relationship besides living together now with Bakko the giant white tiger. The tiger gets spoilt by Kafka and Mina tried but fails to fix Bakko’s behavior whenever the tiger sees Kafka after work. That is, pouncing on Kafka and licking his face a lot.

Outsiders notices things differently however. They are domestic.

When Mina forgot to bring a lunch one day at work and was going to get something from the canteen, Kafka somehow arrives at her office with two matching lunchboxes. She brings him to the canteen and others just watch as the two eat lunch while talking about Kaiju, what does Mina want to eat for dinner, chores, walking Bakko, and grocery request to pick up on the way home?!

When Kafka is about to enjoy some pudding during work, Mina barges in wearing sunglasses and Kafka’s hoodie. She then grills him about hiding the pudding at home. He argues that she shouldn’t have an entire cup of pudding every day, She argues back he shouldn’t do that as well. The two compromise in a corner of the break room and are seen pouting while sharing Kafka’s cup of pudding. Kafka’s coworkers let the two be since they are used to Mina’s unannounced visits.

While working, it is uncommon to see Kafka call Mina while she is being transported to a certain location during a Kaiju attack. If one listens in, they can hear her debating with Kafka on the best place to shoot the Kaiju. It is always 50/50 on who wins the debate since more often than not it is cut off when Mina arrives at her destination.

However, Mina calling Kafka while he is on his way to a clean up location is more common. She gives him info what to look out for when taking care of the Kaiju corpse that she noticed in battle. He then asks if she noticed anything else unique about the Kaiju. If she wasn’t in the battle, the two gush about the fight and distinguishing characteristics about the Kaiju. The information that Kafka learns helps reduce the work related accidents compared to other clean up crew teams. He even scores employee of the month a few times.

In the dead of night if there are no Kaiju attacks, Kafka and Mina sometimes spend the nights holding each other or sleeping with Bakko when things are too much. If they remember the disaster of their hometown, if either of them had a horrible day where someone they know died during a Kaiju attack, or even nightmares.

There are times when the two get into an argument about Kafka not being in the Defense Force yet/applying for another job in the Defense Force that doesn’t require him being in the front lines frequently. They both don’t talk about Kafka not applying for the Defense Force as they both hold onto that dream.

Canon

((My knowledge isn’t that great. I’m only watching the anime so far and they are concluding the fungus Kaiju. So take these what ifs instead))

When Mina arrived home after Kafka gains the ability to turn into a Kaiju, she and Bakko are greeted with the sight of Kafka cooking while using a tail as well. Instincts kick in and Mina has Kafka pinned on the ground with her weapon. Kafka tries to calm her down but it just stresses her out and stresses him out more in turn. The stress builds until Kafka ends up with a tail, sharp mouth, and an arm transformed before Ichikawa calls to remind Kafka to be careful not to transform in public. Mina then looks at Kafka horrified for him and thinks of what to do when Kafka interrupts Mina. He tells her not to worry, this might be a good thing in achieving his dream.

In the end, Mina decides to keep quiet about Karla’s partial transformations and for the Defense Force to pay special attention to the recruits of this batch. She doesn’t realize that Kafka can transform into Kaiju No. 8

As Kafka works as a cadet the Defense Force staff treats him differently. Before, he is somewhat known to the staff members as Mina’s “household-husband” and is treated as a giant teddy bear sometimes, but now as a cadet, he witnesses how strict these people are. It is exciting for him, he wonders if this was how Mina was treated while rising the ranks.

The word “King” comes from a contraction of the Old English word cyning meaning “king or ruler” - the source for all this is HERE if you’re interested, but I’ll be hitting the high points - so far, this isn’t a surprise. But here’s where it gets interesting because cyning doesn’t actually have clear origins. But the best guess currently is that it  is at least related to cynn - another Old English word meaning “family or race” that, as you might’ve guessed, led to the modern word kin.

Now, assuming they’re related this means one of two things might be true - that “king” was either "a leader of the people" or "of noble birth.”

The second of those, we’re going to discard. One, because there was no King in the area prior to Somnus founding Lucis and so it would have been... difficult for Ardyn and Somnus to be of noble birth. The first one though... a king as a leader of the people... could that be?

There’s a lot of Ancient Roman vibes in what little we see of Ardyn and Somnus’ era, but enough that it feels reasonable to build from that. While not of noble birth as we think of it (though likely privileged) Ardyn was the older brother. Whatever their family did have, he was set to inherit and Somnus likely would have struck out on his own.

To be more clear here: Ardyn was the next leader of House Caelum. He was born to lead the family, and Somnus was to go out and establish, not only his own lineage, but a kingdom. This would not conflict with Ardyn, however, because Ardyn was also set to marry Aera Mirus Fleuret of Tenebrae which  would have gone one of two ways: either the Fleurets were established as matriarchal even then, making him the Prince Consort to her Queen - or whatever equivalent terms they had in Tenebrae for “male married to the female ruler” - Or. Or he would have been King, which... well, I do have theories that suggest he could have been back then. If he was King of Tenebrae, though, that would certainly put him more as Somnus’ peer than necessarily competition.

Regardless, Ardyn remains the father of a very important lineage, and not just because they are the rulers of Tenebrae. Remember, there were two tasks given by the gods: 1) create a new nation 2) cleanse the world of Starscourge.

Establishing a nation seemed to go smoothly enough for Somnus to have succeeded - how much moreso without strained relations with Tenebrae at the start? But curing a WORLD of Starscourge? Two people even in a lifetime cannot possibly manage.

But if two people of exceptional magic, capable of passing it down through blood, had children.... say they had two. And their two children had two children. Etc etc. You’d have had over a thousand in the eighth generation, assuming no one had more than two at a time. And that’s not accumulative - the eighth generation alone would have over a thousand people capable of healing Starscourge, a solid 500 and some change in their parents in addition. Things weren’t dire until Noctis’ time as the one hundred and fourteenth.

They could have done it. Not without cost, no, but together, Ardyn and Aera’s family could have healed the world.

To make brief acknowledgment of the attempted Biblical themes in FFXV, I think it would be closer to the truth to say that he wasn’t meant to be Eos’ Jesus: he was meant to be Abraham, the father of a nation, the father of a race of healers whose descendant(s) would save mankind.

Ultimately the point is this: Ardyn Lucis Caelum was NOT the King of Lucis. He was never intended to be except possibly by misinformed Astrals. He WAS “King” as in the head of House Caelum, his right as firstborn. He was also “king” as a leader of people, his family first and foremost but likely a whole school of mages if things had gone on this more favorable route.

Ardyn was supposed to be a king, Aera had that right. But not of the nation of Lucis.

Unfortunately, no one told Somnus that, so we’re unlikely to ever see it play out.